#ask artykyn

[artykyn]

hiiiii sorry to bother you again but uh... homemade vegan dark chocolate?? Would you mind ruining me on that please?

HA okay recipe time

*Disclaimer: I've done this so much that I might have skipped over random stuff, or said something that makes sense to ME but to no one else. Feel free to reach out for clarification on anything.

Super long post!

Ingredients

Cacao butter, cocoa/cacao powder, sweetener of choice, little pinch of salt, little bit of vanilla, little bit of instant coffee

Cacao butter -- note that people use this as both a food ingredient and a beauty ingredient and you want the stuff that's food-grade and safe to eat.

Cocoa/cacao powder- "cacao" means it's raw and "cocoa" means it's processed, if you were curious. Pick whichever you like, but the source you choose affects the flavor of your chocolate. Cacao tends to be slightly more bitter and cocoa tends to be slightly sweeter. If you have a local chocolate shop in town, I highly recommend buying your powder from them! A store that specializes in chocolate products tends to have great cocoa/cacao powder.

Try different kinds of products and learn what you like! I often use Dutch-processed cocoa powder.

Sweetener- Lots of options.

Brown sugar, white sugar, whatever you pick. It all affects the flavor and you can experiment and discover what you like! I will say that powdered sugar usually makes my chocolate come out smoother than granulated sugar. Some brands of powdered sugar are processed with bone char though so take care to check for vegan brands.

Honey is also a great option that makes chocolate even smoother than with sugar, but I'm sure agave would be a good substitute for vegans. I haven't used agave personally since it can cause health problems so I usually go for powdered sugar for my vegan chocolates.

Vanilla- I usually use a dribble of vanilla extract. I want to try vanilla sugar sometime though 🤔

Instant coffee/espresso powder- Coffee naturally intensifies the chocolate flavor! 😃 Try putting a teaspoon of it in the batter next time you make brownies or chocolate cake.

Special: Add in whatever else you want for flavor. Mint extract. Cinnamon. Anything. This is YOUR CUSTOM HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE!

Instructions

Tools: stove, table/work area, a saucepan and a glass or metal bowl (for a makeshift double boiler), digital thermometer, rubber spatula/spoon (DO NOT use metal or wood), measuring utensils of choice depending on how much you're making, tea towel, whatever you'll be pouring your chocolate in or on

A good ratio to start with is 1 part cacao butter : 1 part cacao/cocoa powder : 1/4 part sweetener. The more experience you get and the more you taste-test and figure out your preferred bitterness/sweetness/flavor, you will form your own ratios. Salt and coffee are a couple pinches, measure with your heart depending on how big your batch is. About a teaspoon of vanilla extract is appropriate but you will learn to measure that with your heart as well.

Raw cacao butter is usually sold in big chunks. I like to put those chunks in a bag and get a hammer to SMASH them into smaller chunks, for better measuring and melting.

Note that chocolate is SUPER FINICKY about moisture! It does NOT LIKE WATER. Make sure that your tools are all clean and completely dry. Wash your hands before working with food, of course, and then make sure your hands are VERY DRY.

BEGIN

Put your cacao butter, sweetener, salt, vanilla, and coffee in your bowl. Put a little bit of water in your saucepan, maybe an inch deep, and put it on a low simmer. Put the bowl over the saucepan like a double boiler (don't let bottom of bowl touch the water).

If you're using any extra ingredients for flavor, add them in at this step, too. Whatever you do, do NOT add liquid ingredients (like mint extract) after the cacao butter is already melted. This beginning part is the only time you can add liquid ingredients. But you could add solid ingredients, like spices, later on.

Monitor your chocolate. If you're not noticing any melting of your cacao butter, start ticking up the heat a bit at a time until you start to notice some slow, gradual melting of your cacao butter. Do not start high and then turn it down, you don't want it to melt too fast.

Stir regularly to avoid getting any "hot spots" and trying to get the cacao butter to melt evenly.

Once all your cacao butter chunks are melted and the mixture looks smooth, check your temperature. Your goal: between 120 and 130F (50 to 55C). Keep stirring until you get there, might take a little bit. Might need to tick up your stove temp slightly.

Wipe your thermometer immediately after each time you check the temp because otherwise the chocolate will solidify on it.

When your temperature is in range, take it off the stove. Wrap the bowl in the tea towel and place on table. Gradually stir in your cocoa/cacao powder.

This is the point when I'll start taste testing. Is it chocolatey enough? More powder, maybe a little more salt. Is it sweet enough? More sweetener. Is it too bitter? I might add more cacao butter and put it back on the stove.

Your goal at THIS point is now to let it cool to about 82-84F (28-29C). Sometimes I have a bigger bowl of cold water that I will dip my chocolate bowl into, to chill the bottom, like an inverse double-boiler (double-chiller?). Or you can just be patient. Just be sure to keep stirring it. Doesn't have to be perpetual, tbh. Make some tea for yourself, give it a stir every couple minutes, but be very careful that you don't take too long between stirring that the chocolate at the edges of the bowl starts to solidify.

Once you've hit your cooling temp, put it BACK ON THE BOILER! Yup. Now you heat it up again! Not too long this time. Just to about 90F (32C) and then take it off again.

The final step, easy mode: let the chocolate cool a little in the bowl. You don't want it to be super runny, but you do still want it to be pourable. Lay out a big sheet of parchment paper on your table and slowly pour the chocolate all over it. Now you've got a big chocolate puddle on your table. It'll cool and harden and then you can break it apart into pieces. I usually make my chocolate in the evening so it takes all night to get fully set.

The final step, fancy/hard mode: have some molds to pour your chocolate into. Depending on how careful you're being/how long that takes, you might need to put your bowl back on the saucepan a couple of times to try maintaining the chocolate in the upper 80sF (low 30sC) while you're still working with it. Transferring a little chocolate at a time into a smaller container so it's easier to pour into the even smaller molds might be a good tactic, but whatever you choose for your intermediate container, pre-warm it. Let it all cool and harden for a few hours, ideally overnight.

Pouring tricks: if at any point you think you screwed something up and the chocolate seems a little chunky, run it through a strainer.

Storage: DO NOT put chocolate in the fridge. Cacao butter tends to absorb the scents and smells around it, which will come out as part of the flavor. You got onions in your fridge? Now you have onion-flavored chocolate. Just keep it in a bag or nice little container on your counter.

Congrats! You made some homemade chocolate!

[arsonforcharlie]

Hi this might be weird but I stumbled upon your icon while reading the notes of a post and I was compelled to tell you that gotDAMM you have *RAD* hair

it’s not weird at all- thanks! i have fun with it

[writing-ideas-inc]

hey there, i want to incorporate different cultures, children of immigrants, languages, etc, in my story. Maybe have their friends interact with their families and sort of get the culture's experience, any ideas or tips to avoid clichés or any sort of offence?

Hi!Writing-with-color is a great blog on tumblr that has a lot in their archives. You should check them out. Here's posts on being bilingual if that helps: https://writing-central.tumblr.com/post/161267967628/tips-for-writing-bilingual-charactershttps://writing-central.tumblr.com/post/160511748308/artykyn-prideling-gunvolt-im-going-to-haveMy advice: • Do your research. A lot of it. • Ask people of different cultures and backgrounds to beta your work or simply ask them questions • Be sensitive to controversial topics• Be willing to rewrite if someone (with good authority) says your work is inaccurate or offensive • Post your work somewhere and say you encourage concrit

[artykyn]

do you have a specific show u watch while eating?

If I'm alone then I usually don't watch anything while I'm eating 😅 I just. Eat. Then clean up and move on to something else.

My partner likes to watch stuff while eating tho and so if we're hanging out then maybe 70% of the time it's Bob's Burgers, the other 30% it's whatever show we're currently watching through. Right now we're going through Community.

[artykyn]

if you could have an unlimited zoo tycoon garden irl what would you do with it? and also bishop briggs has some great dramatic angry break up music

I never played zoo tycoon but I assume this means that like. I can have as much land as I want and money isn't an issue. In which case I would probably build enormous greenhouses that would allow me to grow tea and cacao and coffee and wheat and fruits and veggies from all different climates. Plus areas for chickens and goats. And then I'd have a café/restaurant. We'd only sell food that was grown in my greenhouses. Also I'd build tree houses in a lot of trees and set up some sort of pulley system to send up food and drinks. One of the greenhouses can be a bunch of tree houses that homeless people can stay in and they're welcome to eat from the gardens. If they want a job I can offer gardening, harvest, cleaning, cooking, tending to livestock, greenhouse maintenance, or whatever they wanna do.

And thanks I'll check out Bishop Briggs!!

[artykyn]

what is the last sticker you used?

I have a friend who used to do Twitch streaming, and his merch included stickers of his personalized emojis, and he had this one that was so adorable and I NEEDED it

lookit him he's so cute

This sticker resides on my cabinet door, and right behind it is my shelf of mugs and tea pots!

[artykyn]

mochi, cuddles & roses for the soft asks thing

mochi - favorite studio ghibli film?

Gonna be honest I haven't seen a lot of them but Spirited Away is a good comfort movie for me!

cuddles - do you have any pets?

Yeah I've got a betta fish named Pretty Boi and there are also some amano shrimp in his tank!

roses - what flower do you find most beautiful?

I'm a huge fan of lilies in general, stargazer lilies are top tier. I also really like water lilies except technically those aren't "true lilies". And someday I'd love to have a big patch of Fire Spinner ice plant!

My icon is a passiflora (passion fruit flower) and those are pretty neat too!!!

Sorry I can't narrow down to just one "most beautiful" flower 😅

[artykyn]

What was the last flavour of ice cream you ate?

Last night I had a Magnum classic bar (vanilla ice cream, chocolate shell)!

[artykyn]

What colour are your sunglasses?

I have two pairs of sunglasses!

One sturdy pair I use for hiking, biking, yard work, etc (red)

One more "fashionable" pair for casual use (black frames, blue/purple lenses)

[artykyn]

I’m not deaf, but I am hard of hearing and didn’t grow up with cats, so the first time I felt a cat purr I asked my friend whether her cat was sick, haha. I could hear a noise, but it didn’t sound anything like I expected a purr to sound like and the vibration felt really weird to me! Even though I knew cats purred, I had imagined it much... slower? It’s very high frequency for a relaxed noise, I thought. Anyway, that’s my experience :D

This is adorable thank you so much

[artykyn]

Lab, Elevator, McDonald's Training: Alex Kingston, Mr Darcy, Al Pitrelli :D

You folks can really come up with wild combinations eh OKAY LET’S SEE

Alex Kingston is a hard worker and gives me super chill vibes so I’m saddling her up with Lab Partner. We gonna get the best grades. 

Honestly struggling with the other two because Darcy is a Rich Dude who never worked a day in his life, so the McDonald’s training would be garbage- but I do want Al for the elevator. He’s likely to have a guitar on him and we can pass the time with music. Even without a guitar, I’m sure a dude like that has wild stories.

So I guess I have to put Darcy in McDonald’s. But I could twist it and be like “Elizabeth was sick of his rich person attitude and forced him to get a job so he would learn to empathize and be polite to other social classes” because that does kinda sound at least a little in-character. So idk he might be an okay trainer because he’s honestly trying to be a better person overall.

THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!!

[artykyn]

Hi! I hope you’re doing alright <3 I’m thinking of you. I don’t know your music taste, but the ESC video of Verka Serduchka’s Dancing Lasha Tumbai always cheers me up :) it’s on YouTube! Have a good day ^-^

that was fucking amazing thank you for that XD

[artykyn]

Hey! It's thoughts time: thoughts on spices (maybe your favs and ones you dislike), thoughts on future manned space missions to other planets, thoughts on hummus, thoughts on clean energy, thoughts on trees, thoughts on the 2000 comedy film titled 'Meet the Parents', thoughts on tourism. These are kinda weird ones that are highly interpretable so feel free to just answer in whatever way is most interesting to you :)

OH DAMN BRUH you really coming to me for The Opinions ™

AITE LET’S GO

SPICES

Cardamom is vastly underrated. Next time you bake something sweet, like cookies, banana bread, or muffins, throw in some cardamom. It’ll make your baked goods GODLY.

When mixing the dry ingredients for cookie dough (flour, baking soda, etc) I like to dump in cardamom until it smells like spicy masala chai. I get a lot of compliments on my cookies, just saying, you should try it.

MANNED SPACE MISSIONS TO OTHER PLANETS

I fucking love reading about the theoretical possibility of a colony on Venus. The surface of the planet is horribly hostile, sure, but the upper atmosphere? Actually tolerable. Which means FLOATING BLIMP CITY, YO.

HUMMUS

Num num nummy. put cardamom in it

CLEAN ENERGY

It’s genuinely frustrating that clean energy technology is already a reality and ready to go but so many corporations lobby against it. “Boo hoo but you’ll be destroying so many jobs :(” shut up Bradley if clean energy is in demand then the job openings shift to clean energy companies. It’s like conservation of mass.

TREES

Good shit good shit good shit.

Forests give off the most peaceful vibes ever.

I have a particular soft spot for weeping willows, and especially if they are on the shore of a river.

MEET THE PARENTS

Uhhhhhh I haven’t seen it  😬

TOURISM

I mean in general it’s great. People have the opportunity to learn about and experience new things, and it brings in revenue to the area they are visiting. 

But people have GOT to learn to do their research and make sure that their “exotic and adventurous” experience isn’t actually exploiting endangered wildlife or even locals. This includes where you go, what you eat, and what souvenirs you choose to buy.

OKAY THAT WAS FUN, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!!! GO PUT CARDAMOM IN SOMETHING.

[artykyn]

lab, elevator, McDonalds training: Keira Knightly Ebeneezer Scrooge Hozier Just if you want to, no pressure:D

Oh geeze that’s a real interesting set isn’t it hmmmm....

I want Hozier for my lab partner because he seems like such a chill person and he’d probably make interesting, creative commentary about the lab experiments we’re doing. He’d make every chemical reaction sound poetic and beautiful. And we could become besties.

I assume you mean the asshole version of Scrooge in which case that’s definitely no on McDonald’s training, which leaves him for the elevator. Now, since he’s got some nasty opinions that would certainly incite horribly stressful debates, you’d think being stuck with him for 10 hours would be insufferable, but consider: he’s antisocial and likes it quiet. Worst case scenario is we have 10 silent hours with an occasional mumble about how much work he could be getting done. We’ll mostly ignore each other.

Process of elimination leaves Kiera for McDonald’s training but that actually works out pretty well because she seems like a diligent worker who would be very thorough and make sure I learn everything I need. But also she strikes me as a patient person because she’s been through extreme stress and mental issues so she’d be a calm and understanding trainer.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!!

[artykyn]

You: hey! Turfgrass is bullshit! This class is bullshit! Everything about this is terrible! // Your teacher: yea, u right

ADHJL;FSKLJSDF BASICALLY YEAH

No but for more context because I actually think it’s hilarious:

In this class, the teacher posted a writing prompt to the online portal every week.

The very first question of the semester was “What is your current knowledge of turfgrass/Current opinions of turfgrass/etc” that kind of vibe.

And I wrote something that can basically be summed up as “I think lawns are bullshit wastes of water and space and should be converted to food gardens” and I guess he respected I had the guts to shout that into the open that he gave me extra credit.

BUT FAST FORWARD

The very LAST prompt of the semester was “Research a First in Turfgrass History.” As in, research the world’s first lawnmower, or research the world’s first sprinkler system, that shit. 

AND FOR SOME BIZARRO REASON I was on a really huge bocce ball obsession at the time. Which is a lawn bowling game, for those who don’t know. So I was like. Boy I really hope bocce ball is the “first lawn game” because I really want an excuse just to ramble about bocce ball for school credit.

So while trying to google to find a definite answer that would tell me what the “first lawn game” was, I learned the following: lawn bowling is the entire fucking reason we have home lawns in the first place. I shit you not. Basically, it used to be played at parks and then it became a mark of wealth and status if you could be like “Behold, I have a lawn at my house, so I can host parties to play lawn bowling at my actual house!!!” and that’s part of why nice lawns were associated with the upper class.

So I wrote this essay about the history of lawn bowling, and then my conclusion was like “Lawn bowling is the reason we have lawns at home. It’s so that people can play bocce ball at their house. But do you ever see anyone play bocce ball at home anymore?? No. How many people even know what it is these days?? It’s not exactly a popular sport. Therefore home lawns are bullshit wastes of water and space and should be converted to food gardens.”

And he gave me extra credit again.

[artykyn]

For the asks: 1 (and if you answer wrong you're dead to me), 3, 18, 32, 55, 87 :D

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I’m already dead to you for several reasons, why should I fear another death

More cereal. Cronch cronch.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Shopping receipts, most of the time. I’ve also used old to-do lists and used notecards. With notes I still need.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Oh that’s a tough one, uuhh...

Passed out in a museum once.

Microwaved a bowl of cereal.

Somersaulted off a rock right into a lake, accidentally. Dad’s pissed about this one because he had a camera in his hand but was thrown so off-guard that he forgot to take a picture.

Was at the mall with some friends who wanted to shop at Sephora and while they browsed, I just looked for all the makeup samples that had glitter and slathered them on my face and arms. I was a rainbow glitter prince. Random strangers had mixed reactions to my presence the rest of the day.

Kidnapped a friend on Halloween once.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Oof I don’t really stay up that late... 

Uuuuuhhhhh I participated in Relay for Life a couple times, which is a cancer fundraiser where the gimmick is “Cancer doesn’t sleep, so for one night, neither will we”. 

We liked to do this fundraiser as a class (+friends) because our professor’s wife had cancer. So we’d put together a team and invite him to be part of it. It often got him emotional.

He was so proud of us that he took us out for breakfast at IHOP at early-as-fuck-o’clock. Somebody laid down on the booth “to rest a minute” and started snoring. A couple people nearly face-planted in their pancakes. A few people zoned out hard and we all had to repeat everything we said a dozen times. I said “Thanks, Dad” when our professor paid the bill.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Okay this was mean, but. Fuck them.

The second time I was at Relay for Life, the hosts had this crew of folks with dart guns who would go around shooting folks who were “being lazy.” Like if you were just sitting around “doing nothing,” you’d get shot with a dart, and go to “jail” and to get out of “jail” you had to either (1) do some jumping jacks or (2) donate to the cancer fundraiser.

Except the whole point of the RELAY for Life is that at least one person on your team has to be on the track/course at any time. Other people can rest and then swap out. You know, like a RELAY. So these dart gun folks were BULLSHIT. You can’t force everybody to be active all night long, that’s not what they agreed to when they signed up!! Some folks need rest!!!

Anyway. I had been having some back pain issues lately, so I kept my back brace in my backpack. I was lying down and reading when I got shot with a dart. They were like “Haha :) you got shot! You’re not being active! Time to come with us to jail! :)”

And I was like “.....okay, fine, you got me I guess.”

My back was perfectly fine at the time. But. I made a show of reaching for my backpack, slowly getting on my brace as if I was in bad pain, and asking for one of them to help me stand up. Oh, their faces. 

They slowly escorted me to “jail” and were like “uh... so... you can donate $5 to the cancer fundraiser or do... jumping jacks to.. leave...”

But, you know, my back was in *agony* right? So, can’t do jumping jacks. And I didn’t have any cash on me. So the third option is to get a team member to “bail you out” by donating the $5. But I had left my phone over by my backpack. So I just hung out in their “jail”. The whole time they were standing around “guarding” me, swaying uncomfortably. Eventually someone came by looking for me and “bailed me out.”

They didn’t shoot anybody else the rest of the night. The “jail” mysteriously disappeared. And people were able to take breaks more peacefully.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

YOU’RE REALLY MAKING ME BURN MY BRAIN THIS MORNING

Whale Rider: A young Maori girl fights against her grandfather’s traditional beliefs, to prove that she is worthy as his successor as Chief. This one made my own Grandpa seriously question the traditions and gender roles in his own religion, so I’d say it’s a good movie for opening folks’ minds.

Queen: Young, sheltered Indian bride is dumped on the eve of her wedding. Already has all the travel plans for the honeymoon anyway, so decides to go traveling to get her mind off it, and meets interesting people and has wild and new experiences as she breaks free of her strict cultural rules. A very wholesome movie about gaining independence and finding happiness with yourself.

Loving: A dramatized documentary based on Mr. and Mrs. Loving and their struggles as an interracial couple, up until the supreme court case Loving v. Virginia which shot down all anti-interracial marriage laws in the United States.

Uuhh.. that’s all I got right now.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK