#bc a glade is an opening that was naturally there not formed by people

[ruthlesslistener]

Some butterfly headcanons

(Which are relevant to both Lurien and Marissa, considering my headcanon that Lurien is a jewelmark butterfly. Crossposted from Discord)

-Many of the butterflies that lived in Hallownest were immigrants, and often did not establish families, simply because they often require warmer, dryer climes than what they could tolerate. They're generally more surface insects and were far more common in Dirtmouth, where they could still feel the touch of the open wind

-Multiple species court through intricate flight displays, which shaped their culture; it's very common to associate butterflies with song, dance, and theatrics because it's very common among them. This also served to deter them from Hallownest; though the kingdom is rather fond of arts and appreciative of it, it's often a lot...sadder than what the butterflies preferred

-Many have a superfluous association with Grimm, and a few legends hinting to the Heart in their shared history, because he's quite fond of their talents. It's rumored among higher beings that it was him who spawned their race, because of their theatrics and similarities in form to Radiance's moths, but many others think that they're far too cheery/focused on beauty to fit him, as he is more focused on fear and death than he is necessarily beauty. He thinks these legends are rather amusing and refuses to confirm or deny them

-Beauty and/or visually stunning markings is essential to their culture, and they often 'speak' with their wings as much as they gesture with their hands, as an almost sign language of sorts. Certain species of butterflies have more 'rank' than others due to the beauty of their markings, with rarer colours and high-contrast marks scoring at the top of the ladder (based off that one moth in the spirit glades who says her wing markings are of a higher caste or something)

-Despite their tendency to have a bombastic nature, they are often more frail of health than many bugs, and are prone to disease and injury; this is because they generally prefer temperate surface climates, and thus cannot thrive well in kingdoms not built in the open air (which are most bug cities). Spellcasting and ranged weaponry is common for those few who take warrior positions, and they are fast, clever, and aggressive opponents to compensate. They are, however, prone to falling ill and dying quickly, which means that they fell hard when the Infection hit

-This is partially because of their aforementioned vulnerability/artistic, ambitious nature, and also partially bc they reminded Radiance of her moths and allowed her to take out her spite and betrayal without directly harming her children (who I believe were almost completely wiped out by the time she came back)

-The few that did stay in Hallownest, however, quickly established some stereotypes about their kind. Though they weren’t always negative, the myths of bugs with amazing performance talents and beautiful wings spread far, which means that they were often expected to be extroverted, flashy, good at singing, dramatic, etc etc, because that was just what one saw of their behavior when running into them once or twice. You can see how this can have some upsides and downsides, even if the response is generally positive

-These stereotypes partially helped Marissa and somewhat hindered Lurien. While it allowed Marissa to obtain work as a singer, because it was assumed she was raised in performance arts, it eventually ended up with people expecting her to be cheerful and positive and willing to interact 24/7 even though she’s always been more of a quiet sort, preferring small crowds of people to talk to rather than many fans at a time. Though she never wished to quit her job, she quickly grew tired of people asking if she was okay because she looked ‘melancholy’, and was oftentimes quite burnt out post-performance

-And that’s also not even accounting for constantly having to deal with people staring at her and wanting to touch her wings and know what her markings meant. Explaining that there wasn’t one uniform butterfly species, that colour and markings vary between species, that different markings correspond with rank and often serve as indicators for different regions of said species, etc gets very exhausting very quickly, especially when you have to say it over and over and over again

-Lurien, likewise, h a t e d it. He never liked attention to begin with (which he got often, with three eyes), and he prioritizes his mental capabilities over his physical form, so he’s like the exact opposite of all of those stereotypes, and works to keep his species hidden. He never let his wings dry properly after he pupated because he didn’t see any use for them-he has no desire to fly, which is difficult with the kind of wings he has and the city weather anyways-and he was the only one of his species left in Hallownest after his parents died, so showing his markings was a moot point anyways

-This is yet another reason why he covers himself so thoroughly, because he views the only important aspect of his physical form to be his mind. His body is nothing to be proud of or pay any attention to in his mind, so the fact that he has such eye catching markings is...deeply irritating to him, to say the least. Even if he’s around bugs who don’t care about stereotypes and ask about his singing voice, he’s aware that his markings are distracting and draw the eye anyways, so he often strives to keep them hidden to allow himself to blend into the scenery and only be noticed when he wishes for it, which is practically never

-Nor does it aid him in getting him a boyfriend. Apart from the fact that he’s got some...extra features, like the third eye and a faint glow on the iridescent parts of his markings whenever he uses soul magic, he doesn’t qualify within Hallownest’s beauty standards, which often verge to ‘as round and egg shaped as possible, stalwart and strong and large.’ Dude’s scrawny and small even without the extra weird magic-altered parts, he just happened to be born a rarity with some really eye-catching pretty sparklybits. It’s really an irritation more than anything to him

-He is also very very tired of those who see him unmasked asking him if he ever thought to go out with Marissa. They’re all done in good faith, yes, but he’s not quick about crushing, he’s gay, and he is also not interested in courting someone just because they happen to look somewhat similar. He’s never even been to one of Marissa’s direct performances. Why do people keep asking him this

-Marissa, likewise, has no idea why people keep trying to get her to preform for the famous Watcher of the City of Tears. She tried flirting with him once at a party on the grounds of the White Palace that he (unfortunately) got roped into, and he just mumbled something noncommittal and disappeared. She has no idea what his deal is and has no idea he’s another butterfly. What the fuck

[rayomz]

 raymond headcanons.. they aren't entirely fleshed out and they're like "what if it was like this? that makes sense". so sorry if things dont quite make sense or isn't that thought out.. also there may be errors here and there but this isn't supposed to be a polished document its just a rough collection of headcanons i haven't done much with other than like... thinking of them lol

some of this stuff i've posted before but i'm going to reshare again

polokus in origins is described as "an artist and unabashed hedonist" and i see him as just that. immature. he loves all his creations, of course, but he's not exactly responsible. he sees the nymphs more as friends than his daughters. he's more concerned with people liking him than doing the right thing. when he has his first bad dream, he cowers and doesn't want to do anything about it, or he's too scared? this leads to betilla having to do everything herself, she gets help from the other nymphs and creates rayman

the masks of polokus represent his different formes, or perhaps different eras. polokus is a shapeshifter and can be whatever he wants to of course, but he has a "default" he likes to stick with. when he finally changes his "default", a mask is made of the previous forme. for example, polokus from rayman 2 and polokus from the ubiart games are him in different "eras" if that makes sense. their cultural and historic significance could be expanded upon definitely i think but i havent thought too much more into that lmao. the wiki on rpc says that the four kings look like the masks but that sounds more speculative and feels like a stretch. i don’t buy that at all, i don’t see the resemblance

polokus loves all forms of art, and as a result, a lot of the glade's "religion" boils down to being creative and creating, and a lot of magic in general require some form of art, such as dancing for certain spells (the way teensies open portals in r2 or w/e). the people of the glade create art, sing, dance, to keep polokus inspired, amused, and happy so he doesn't have any more bad dreams. i thought about the nymphs all having a corresponding art form, with, obviously, holly being music and edith being culinary, but im not sure what annetta or helena would be. helena maybe textiles... annetta im not sure what i would do with her since she's the most... withdrawn nymph

polokus’ feelings on rayman’s existence are complicated since he is the only creature not created by him. he doesn’t know what he’s capable of, but he’s done a lot already in terms of stopping nightmares and foreign threats such as the pirates. he’s impressed, intrigued... a bit intimidated maybe..... he respects rayman and does love him (polokus has to love every creature after all)

im not sure if the muse of the poets is considered to be actual canon since it appears she was only mentioned in a license guide and not in any other official media. but she's a popular character and i like her too so she gets mentioned. she and polokus fall in love and she has their children, the teensies. she is disgusted by them and runs away, leaving them and polokus forever. she is disgusted by herself, too. if her children are ugly, she must be ugly as well. she becomes obsessed with making herself beautiful, and having beautiful children. she eventually becomes begoniax, which you know how that turns out...

betilla: polokus' pride and joy, she loves him as a father, but is disappointed with his lack of responsibility. when she was younger she was very mischevious and much like him. she learned magic just to be able to pull pranks perform elaborate pull magic tricks. eventually when the first bad dream happened, it was a wake up call. she tried to get him to do something about jano but he wouldn't respond to her. she took matters into her own hands since she was the most magically capable of anyone she knew. with the help of the other nymphs, they created rayman. she's been the "responsible" one ever since. if you catch her in a good mood she might be a bit playful but her days of frivolity are long gone. likes to knit and crochet when she has the time (which is rarely), and spend time with her sisters.

other nymphs: i dont have quite as many headcanons about them, but they are rayman's aunts obviously. edith is rayman's favourite aunt since she's a good cook, followed by holly, who has taught him everything he knows about music. helena is very enthusiastic and a bit overbearing. annetta is the aunt that never shows up to anything

the nymphs all have an element tied to them. betilla and fee de la mort obviously being life and death. holly is air, edith is fire, anetta is water, and helena is earth. seems pretty obvious this part but i've rarely seen ppl attribute helena with earth despite the fact she lives on a mountain...? (stone men, stone dogs, golly g....)

ly is interested in the magical workings of the world and is especially fascinated with lums and their power. betilla sees her potential as a magic user and has accepted her as her pupil. another reason betilla has taken a liking to ly is that she reminds her of her own youth, since ly is fairly playful as well, using magic for tricks. ly is initially just interested in rayman because of the fact he's a being entirely made out of lums, but it eventually turns into a genuine, and close, friendship.

a lot of fairies and some teensies can make "weak" silver lums to give to rayman, but they might not do much, or the effects are temporary. only ly and the nymphs are able to give rayman powers with "stronger" silver lums.

polokus does not dream of every individual in the glade. he dreamt of the first peoples of each species, then they procreate by themselves. most places in the glade are natural, similar to earth, but polokus' dreams may affect them (the icy parts of gourmand land is an obvious example. giant fruit? that's silly)

teensies: naturally hairless and there is little dimorphism between the sexes. their fashion is inspired by the fairies', and have adopted to wear wigs, false eyelashes, fake facial hair, etc. all teensies have the ability to perform magic but they have to actively for it to be useful. teensies with an interest in magic will attend a magic school. the best of the best of teensie magic users can become a minimus, and, of course, the best out of THEM become the grand minimus. there are many teensie races, and each may vary in size, colour (turquoise like in the ubiarts, more grey like in 2 and 3. usually just varying shades of blue), markings, nose length and shape. some races may be more adept at certain magic styles than others.

mr dark: i have some ideas but nothing concrete. might not even go with this story as my definitive headcanon. fairy. he was always critical of polokus, and after the first bad dream, that made him hate the god even more. he was the one who wanted to stop jano, and maybe become someone powerful enough to be seen as the glade's new "god" or whatever. betilla has proven herself to be the better magic user after the creation of rayman. polokus' main thing was that he was the creator, he was able to create life, and now betilla's able to create life. she may as well be polokus! she's a threat! when he steals the protoon/heart of the world and eventually kidnaps betilla, he uses her power to create dark rayman/raymesis. raymesis is *not* was not created by dark by himself, and he would not have been able to pull off this feat without betilla's knowledge of creating "thingamajigs". rayman and raymesis are the only two thingamajigs known in existence, both created by betilla. not saying it's impossible that others could exist, but they would have to be dreamt into existence by polokus.

dark's obsession with being the most powerful person in the world and becoming a god is why he stole the heart of the world, of course. ales mansay would take inspiration from this event. his views are similar to dark's, that's why he worships him. polokus is a terrible god, he lets people suffer. rayman is a terrible hero, all he does is sleep. ales knows he wouldn't be able to reach the heart of the world and instead tries to build his “own” using lums (maybe not exactly but something comparable... the heart of the world is made up of lums after all). i know that's like, duh, canon information, but it was never stated *WHY* he looks up to mr dark. so now you know why. its bc they both hate polokus

[sfw-rfa-imagines]

Mystic Messenger Pokemon AU!

I’m so glad you guys seem interested in the Pokemon crossover! I’ve been sitting on it since last July and it’ll be nice to write it all down! Since the MC is a self insert, they're the only one without a team ^^

I’ll put it under the cut because it got to be a little long @.@

Saeyoung:

Seven is still a hacker in this AU. He has a special affinity for fire types for some reason, and Chimchar was both a gift from V and his starter. Instead of his father being Prime Minister, he was the champion. His mother used her Ghost and Psychic types to hide him and Saeran away, and his backstory parallels his regular one, with V getting him out and into the agency where he works. However, in this AU he works with Looker and Vanderwood, which makes for some interesting missions.

Along with his main team, he also has a rotom that lives in his cellphone and isn't normally used for battle. He's not above pulling out his secret 7th party member when needed. It may be “cheating” but he doesn’t really care.

Despite Emboar being his strongest Pokemon, he is rarely used bc he prefers to trick his way out of situations, and leave less of a trail back to himself. This is something Chimchar and Gliscor are pros at. All his pokemon are high energy like him except for emboar actually, he prefers to laze about and nap whenever possible.

Yoosung:

Both Shinx and Electrike have been with him since he was really really little! It’s part of the reason why he acts like such a puppy, haha. Electrike was a gift from Rika. He was a puppy from Rikas Maniktrike and, just like Yoosung, adores her. Duckett was also the offspring of Rikas Swanna, and Yoosung had to deliver her himself bc Rika was gone. When she got back, she was impressed and Rika let him keep her. 

That's when Yoosung decided to go to school to become a Nurse Joy! (bc he wants to be a vet in mm i thought it fit). Audino acts like a mom to Yoosung and keeps him on track. Bosley’s most used move is fake tears bc yoosung cries so often. Dewgong he actually caught on a whim. He’s very sweet, good natured, and surprisingly lazy.

Instead of LOLOL, Yoosung loves going to the game corner and gets caught up playing games there for hours.  

Zen:

Zens a contest coordinator and participates in pokemon musicals as well as regular musicals, like My Fair Ledian. Feebas was his starter bc his parents are horrible people and thought "an ugly boy should have an ugly pokemon!" 

Well he showed them!! He gave her all the love in the world and didn't even know she could evolve, but as soon as she did, he ran away with her to do musicals. Soon after, Absol was drawn to him bc Zen has the ability to see into the future (he keeps his ESP from the game, but it’s even more pronounced in this AU). Also his ninetails is shiny. He is basically a mini Zen. They share a spiritual connection, haha. Scizor likes to dance and Glade is a perfect gentlemen. 

All his Pokemon minus Alteria (whos acts nuts bc i thought it'd be funny) are amazingly well behaved but get a little too ruthless in battle (Since Zen was in a street gang when he was a kid in the actual game, I’m gonna say he was in team rocket for a while and his pokemon picked it up from there)

Jaehee:

Mienfoo was her starter pokemon whom she loves dearly. They're both very detail oriented and Mienfoo is very patient as well, as the two of them understand each other very well. Onix she has just because I just love the idea of Jaehee having an onix. Like, people see she has her Cinccino sitting in her shoulder and challenge her for easy cash. Then she just sighs, and has onix crush them bc she is a very busy women with many errands to run, thank you very much. 

Cinccino she has bc she gets stressed if there are messes. Cinccino was actually a gift from Jumin bc he's not as cold as he seems and feels guilty when his pokemon shed all over her house when he leaves them with her~~ Cinccino is very thoughtful and makes sure Jaehees work station and house is clean so she doesn't have to stress out about it. She caught alolan ninetails thinking it was a shiny (like Zens) and she was excited bc Zens her hero (its rly cute, she's still his biggest fan). When she found out it wasn't she was a little disappointed but kicked herself in the butt and took responsibility, and now ninetails is her most doting pokemon. She also is a big fan of Zen’s ninetails lol. 

Sawk she received as a sparring partner for her martial arts (Jaehee can and will murder you). He's very driven and stoic but also very mom like  (funny enough) and has told Jumin off more then once (not that Jumin understands or cares tho). She very recently obtained stufful bc she's been feeling lonely and she heard they were popular with single women. Her only regret is the increase in her weekly food budget.

Jumin:

So Empoleon was his starter pokemon and, like him, is very formal. His name is Sir Rupert Esquire, or just Sir Rupert. The two aren't very touchy feely but that's only bc Jumin has a steel wall up around him and whenever hes feeling extremely vulnerable he tends to stand extremely close to him, and Empoleon gets it.

Serperior is named Ribbons and he caught her when she was a Snivy on a business trip. He's very fond of her and likes to watch her lounge around in his penthouse. Scolipede just seemed right somehow? Idk, it just fit. Staraptor is another of his childhood pokemon. Sometimes Staraptor gets a little ruffled tho bc Jumin doesn't like letting him roam to far. Jumin is a clingy baby, at least with his pokemon bc he feels like no one else was ever there for him fully besides V and Rika, and with Rika’s "death" V has been distant. Jumin’s a mess man, he just doesn't want to admit it. 

V gives him Lilligant as a gift to make him feel better about V being gone so often. Jumin kinda projects onto her alot and tries his hardest to make sure she's safe and well cared for since he cant to the same for V. Lilligant loves him so much it's not even funny though. Jaehee can tell how he's feeling based on whether or not she can smell aroma therapy on him, as Lilligant tend to spam it to try and help when he's upset. 

The pokemon Jumin most dotes on is Elizabeth the 3rd (Persian) tho bc just like with Lilligant, he projects Rika onto her. Elizabeth was a gift from Rika afterall. Jumin feels the most connected with Elizabeth as well because she doesn't respect his boundaries like the rest of his team. She likes to coddle and groom him and all in all is a sweet, spoiled girl who loves her dad very much. Jumin's the son of his regions pokemon mart branch owner, making him super freaking rich.

V:

Okay, so I made V's team really cutise looking but I swear it has good reasoning. Okay, so his starter pokemon was Primarina and they are very close. He takes amazing care of her and she sings to him and gets him to open up a bit when he’s closing everyone out. She is very fond of Zen and mother’s him often bc motherly pokemon are #the best. Also V becomes a musician in one of his endings so I thought it was fitting. 

Solrock helps him with lighting for indoor photos and also on bad days for his depression, it likes to light up his room. Espeon is not only an empath who helps him through emotional stuff, but after he goes blind she helps him around and makes sure he doesnt hurt himself by tripping over things by letting him grab onto her tail. Vivallion he caught in a different pokemon (it’s a sun form but you know the team builder only has the generic art so shrug). V just thought he was pretty and photogenic. Chimecho was his mother's pokemon and after she died he took good care of her. And as for Maractus? V likes cacti and I just couldn't see him w a Cacturne.

Saeran:

Saeran built up his team to counter anything that could be thrown at him. Lucario, as a Riolu, was both his starter and a gift from Rika when she recruited him into Mint Eye. He is her most trusted admin, and can usually take out a threat before it has time to get serious. He’s intense in battle, but is also very doting on his pokemon and can’t stand it when they’re hurt. He also dotes on Rika’s pokemon when they let him. 

Porygon is meant to directly counter Seven’s Rotom, and Vileplume is fitted with multiple different powder moves for any situation. In this AU, Saeran’s mental breakdown in the secret ending is directly pareled by his attempt to use mega evolution with Lucario, who isn’t at a high enough level to keep himself under control while using it. Incineroar was another gift from Rika, and she likes to walk around outside her ball too keep an eye on her trainer. Everyone of his pokemon has cutesy nicknames that he only uses outside of battle.

Rika:

This is Rikas team. In this AU, she runs the Villain team, Mint Eye, like in the actual game. She had a Maneiktrike on her team till it died, which actually is what started her on her quest to catch the lake trio, which is Mint Eyes goal in this AU. She, like in the game, wants to get rid of all sadness in the world by getting rid of bad emotions and memories, as well as taking away will power that you could use to hurt other people. 

And until she can use the lake trio for that, she's using her trusty hypno and musharna to do it in their place. They’re a deadly duo. Swanna is pretty but also brutal so I thought it fit her well enough, plus it gave me a good reason to give Yoosung a duckett, haha. I gave her volcarona because it fit well, and also my own personal love for Volcarona. 

Sunflora is a pokemon that looks soft, but Rika’s has Leech Seed, Toxic, Worry Seed, and Attract. Rikas favorite is worry seed since she finds it easier to manipulate people after inducing an insomnia based paranoia. It helps with conversion. Alolan persian is her spoiled baby boy whom she loves. Imagine Garfield, but also with the alignment of John Arbuckle.

[garden-ghoul]

two blogs part 4

“for best effect listen to the themes of the rohirrim while reading this. the rockin violin solos are all too short, eheu. I wonder what instruments the Rohirrim actually play, how amazing would it be if the soundtrack were entirely made of instruments specific to the people of whatever location they’re in?”

let’s take a soothing sleepy trip to scenic

HELM’S DEEP

... since I only ever listened to audiobooks of this I didn’t realize that it was the deep of Helm. Who’s Helm? I hope that Tolkien in his pseudo-Hugo-esque fashion will have some characters discuss the history and naming of Helm’s Deep. As our heroes ride northwest along the foot of the White Mountains, Gandalf asks Legolas what he can see at Isengard. The answer: something is veiling his sight with shadow. Also I’m kind of sad that we don’t get any elves with glasses because perfect sight is a racial trait... no wait what if a lot of elves need reading glasses because they’re farsighted. LEGOLAS WITH READING GLASSES. Galadriel needs them too but she doesn’t notice because she’s never tried to read anything since she’s a jock.

As the second day of their riding drew on, the heaviness in the air increased. In the afternoon the dark clouds began to overtake them: a sombre canopy with great billowing edges flecked with dazzling light. The sun went down, blood-red in a smoking haze.

I’m kind of weirdly gratified that Tolkien recognizes the atmospheric conditions that result in a red sunset. You can’t just go around declaring bloody sunsets willy-nilly! The sun looks red when scattered through particulates! I’m trying to remember right now which sizes of particulates, which I should know bc I had a job in quantum materials last summer, but I’m really in more of a mythic mindset at the moment. Oh well. The king’s party meets the party defending Rohan from the soldiers and hill-men of Isengard. They’re going to withdraw to Helm’s Deep... I don’t know exactly what Saruman wants? Is he just trying to wipe the Rohirrim out, or is he looking for some kind of resource they have?

Aha! It turns out Tolkien is going to go full Hugo and not even bother putting his exposition in dialogue form. Helm’s Deep is behind a coomb (a coomb!!) that lets into a gorge in the “crow-haunted cliffs” (yess). Gorge implies a river, right? And there’s also a fort there. I feel like a crow-haunted gorge is the perfect place for a fort. It’s named after HELM THE HAMMERHAND (YES!) and it’s also known as the Hornburg because canyon acoustic make warhorns echo imposingly (hell yes). And now as the king’s party (minus Gandalf, who has some kind of errand to run--maybe he’s going to bring Lorien elves to help out?) rides toward the Deep, they hear “the rumor of war behind them.” This is good dictionnnn I love “the rumor of war.” I love the concept of “rumor” as an indistinct sound that conveys imprecisely that war is coming, in the same way that a game of telephone conveys imprecisely the phrase “at dawn on the third day, look to the east.” I’m being weird. whatever. So much time has been spent in this chapter before they even get to Helm’s Deep (or maybe I’m blogging too much) BUT here we have another thing, which is that the rumor of war is mostly... singing. They know the orcs by their singing (hi Orcsong!) “They saw torches countless points of fiery light upon the black fields behind, scattered like red flowers.” What a pretty image. Just so y’all know, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna write orc fanfictions.

Gimli at least is pleased to come to Helm’s Dike.

'This is more to my liking,' said the dwarf, stamping on the stones. 'Ever my heart rises as we draw near the mountains. There is good rock here. This country has tough bones. I felt them in my feet as we came up from the dike. Give me a year and a hundred of my kin and I would make this a place that armies would break upon like water.'

'I do not doubt it,' said Legolas. 'But you are a dwarf, and dwarves are strange folk. I do not like this place, and I shall like it no more by the light of day. But you comfort me, Gimli, and I am glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and your hard axe. I wish there were more of your kin among us.’

That’s gay. ::) Also Gimli feeling out the material properties of the stone by stomping on it. He is also both sleepy and restless, a feeling I can relate to constantly. Then the orcs show up; there’s a neat bit of cinematography with a flash of lightning and the word “boiling.” You’ll have to imagine it. Aragorn and Eomer are standing next to each other yelling about their swords. I like this bit:

A shout went up from wall and tower: 'Andúril! Andúril goes to war. The Blade that was Broken shines again!'

because it’s really ambiguous whether it’s like, just Aragorn shouting this. Or he went around talking up his sword and now everyone’s really excited about it? Aragorn shut up about your sword for five minutes. Your worth is not determined by the pedigree of your blade. Anyway there’s a lot of fighting. Everyone is exhausted. Gimli is missing. Legolas is pretending he’s not worried; no, he just really wants to tell Gimli that he has now killed thirty-nine people. They’re having a creepy contest. Aren’t both their peoples supposed to be generally peaceable?? What is wrong with them? Theoden frets, feeling imprisoned and unhopeful about his men’s chances. No, he will ride out. And Aragorn son of Arathorn will ride with him!

At dawn Aragorn stands on the wall, while the Uruk-hai politely inform him, several times, that they are the fighting Uruk-hai and they have a lot of guys to kill him with. Hey, did you know they are the fighting Uruk-hai? Also all their dialogue seems to be attributed to multiple people at once, so one can only imagine them chorusing “We are the fighting Uruk-hai!” like schoolchildren.

Aragorn jumps down just as they blow up the part of the wall he was standing on, and goes to find Theoden so they can Ride Forth. As they do they realize a forest has appeared in the coomb. The enemy forces outside are so not prepared to face cavalry, they are so scared. AND Gandalf is back! AND! He brought Erkenbrand, a Rohir who they were making a really big deal of earlier but I didn’t bother to blog about it because he didn’t seem important.

All right that was way too much blogging for a chapter with so little content. Let’s get on our way on

THE ROAD TO ISENGARD

It turns out that “at dawn on the third day, look to the east” WAS the result of a hilarious game of telephone:

'Unlooked-for?' said Gandalf. 'I said that I would return and meet you here.'

'But you did not name the hour, nor foretell the manner of your coming.’

Lmao.

Oh, I also missed the fact that during the chapter break (while my brain was in the bathroom at the movie theater of life) the Rohirrim won the battle. Gandalf wants to take everyone to Isengard to beat up Saruman and call him mean names, which I wholly support. I also like that he devotes a good amount of text to the cleanup and burial after the battle. Legolas and Gimli banter some more about how much [trees/caves] make them uncomfortable and how they would love to live forever in [caves/trees]. Did Tolkien actually just have them become friends to be a Comic Cultural Understanding Duo. Gimli goes on for a good while about how beautiful the cave system of Helm’s Deep is. He is sooooo into these caves, it’s really endearing. The caves are full of gorgeous natural rock formations (sorry this is a big pull quote coming up, but it’s good and beautiful and gay so pls read it)--

'No, you do not understand,' said Gimli. 'No dwarf could be unmoved by such loveliness. None of Durin's race would mine those caves for stones or ore, not if diamonds and gold could be got there. Do you cut down groves of blossoming trees in the spring-time for firewood? We would tend these glades of flowering stone, not quarry them. With cautious skill, tap by tap - a small chip of rock and no more, perhaps, in a whole anxious day - so we could work, and as the years went by, we should open up new ways, and display far chambers that are still dark, glimpsed only as a void beyond fissures in the rock. And lights, Legolas! We should make lights, such lamps as once shone in Khazad-dûm; and when we wished we would drive away the night that has lain there since the hills were made; and when we desired rest, we would let the night return.'

'You move me, Gimli,' said Legolas. 'I have never heard you speak like this before. Almost you make me regret that I have not seen these caves. Come! Let us make this bargain-if we both return safe out of the perils that await us, we will journey for a while together. You shall visit Fangorn with me, and then I will come with you to see Helm's Deep.'

There’s some more stuff I count of little consequence, some ents, some bodies, a river that isn’t. They camp out for the night and a great blackness passes by them. This was actually a bunch of ents, I’m not sure how they failed to notice. Even on the blackest night, wouldn’t you be able to tell if trees were walking past you? Also the river suddenly comes back. Strange times, strange times. They get up and keep riding.

Suddenly a tall pillar loomed up before them. It was black; and set upon it was a great stone, carved and painted in the likeness of a long White Hand. Its finger pointed north. Not far now they knew that the gates of Isengard must stand.

This is such a good image.

The plain, too, was bored and delved. Shafts were driven deep into the ground; their upper ends were covered by low mounds and domes of stone, so that in the moonlight the Ring of Isengard looked like a graveyard of unquiet dead--for the ground trembled.

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IMAGE. Also you can tell Saruman is evil because he outlawed plants. Look, even evil people still need green stuff to live. I was thinking earlier today about the trauma of being forced to live in cities where (in addition to all the other reasons it is bad) there are not many green things. Tolkien uses “hating plants” as a signifier of evil and inhumanity, and like, I guess. But if you’re going to posit all these thinking peoples... actually you know humans have a need for green stuffs because of where they were made. Maybe orcs really do not like green stuffs, and it makes them uneasy, because they were made specifically for the purpose of destroying nice things. So their psyches were made to match. IDK what Saruman’s problem is. Tell me about maia psychology, Johnald.

...and within the circle of Isengard’s walls, a sea of boiling water, filled with flotsam and jetsam. Oh shoot that would have been a great transition, I think that’s the title of the next chapter. No matter, the point is it’s very confusing to Theoden and his men to look on the stronghold of Saruman utterly shattered, and see no-one who could have done it... except two very small people sitting on a ruined wall, picnicking and smoking.

'Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!' he said. 'We are the doorwardens. Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas! is overcome with weariness' - here he gave the other a dig with his foot - 'is Peregrin, son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home.’

This cheeky lad. Bless you Meriadoc. Theoden introduces himself, and Merry for some reason starts infodumping about the history of pipeweed in the Shire. But now is not the time, says Gandalf!! We need to go see Treebeard >::(

'Farewell, my hobbits!’ said Théoden. ‘May we meet again in my house! There you shall sit beside me and tell me all that your hearts desire: the deeds of your grandsires, as far as you can reckon them; and we will speak also of Tobold the Old and his herb-lore. Farewell!'

The hobbits bowed low. 'So that is the King of Rohan!' said Pippin in an undertone. 'A fine old fellow. Very polite.'