#bc he felt so played with and hurt and I was like WYM I LITERALLY TOLD YOU ALLL OF THIS PRIOR TO MEETING YOU. WHAT THE FUCK.

[bruhnushka]

what happened w the guy

so basically,,, *this is really Long btw

lets call the guy Sean. 

so i followed Sean on insta a couple months ago bc I thought he was funny and he lived in the same area I did. He was kinda famous (had 33k followers so I mean) and I kind of assumed wed never interact past his posts. Then one day he goes on live. I’m super bored so I click on it. He tells everyone there to ask questions that they find interesting. All the comments were “how big is your dick” and “what color are your eyes really” type beat. I thought that was the vibe so I put in a question I knew he wouldn't answer. I commented “Do you think the US was justified in Hiroshima?” It took a few seconds but he saw my question and his eyes did this thing were they like widened and like creased??? but anyways I remember that look bc that kinda started everything. He started going into full depth about the USA and our excessive need for sticking our noses where they don't belong and how much resources and money we waste on foreign aid and we were having a discussion and he was ONLY looking for my comment. there was a girl named Leah who kept asking him to say her name by spamming the comments section and he literally said “Leah. there. im blocking you now.” and deadass blocked her. this whole live chat thing happened for the next few days until around the fourth time. After he finished his live on the discussion of our gun laws he followed me. I was so excited and happy and at this point I hidden FALLEN for him, but I had somewhat of a tiny crush. Seeing his dumbass posts made me smile and go all butterfly-y in my stomach. Anything with his name in it (which was a common white boy name) also made me smile and go all butterfly-y in my stomach. Exactly 2 days after he followed me I was watching his story where he posted one of his dumbass tik toks he made when he was high. I started laughing so hard so I slid up, forgetting it was him, and called him stupid. By the time I realized I slid up on HIS story it was too late and he'd already seen it. He started replying and although it was awkward at the beginning it started to became more bearable, until we exchanged numbers and would text for nights. It had been about 2-3 weeks after I first commented at this point. Sean had been texting me like nonstop and would tell me that he loved talking to me and he wanted to meet. I hadn't really discussed anything relationship wise with him but I could feel myself getting whipped. Around the 5th week of talking we met up at a movie theatre, took some edis, and got smacked. It was so fun and we talked forever about everything and I ended up sleeping in his car. He drove me home the next day and he told me that we should hang out again, but didn't kiss me or anything. And we did, like every single week. He’d come to my rooftop and smoke with me and we’d just talk and laugh and sleep. By then it had been about 2 months and I was gone. I was literally completely head over heels fallen for him. There reached a point when he was in Vegas so I couldn’t talk to him so I missed him. I went on his main insta, that had no posts. I got bored so I looked into his tagged, and scrolled around. Then I found two things. number one was a prom post, but a collection of photos w him and a girl who's head was on his shoulder. the second post was all the way at the bottom, and was a one month anniversary photo of him and the same girl from Aug of 2018. My heart literally dropped and I immediately called my friends and told them. I assumed the worst, that he was in a relationship and was just playing with me. I wanted so desperately to believe that he was the most perfect person for me- smart and intelligent about all these topics that interest me, funny with the same damn sense of crackhead humor as me, and he was so hot. And the fact that he WANTED to hang out with me, and showed interest in me, I really let myself fall. I didn't talk to him for a few weeks, and by the time he finally texted me it was about 4 months since I first commented. Looking back at it, everything happened so fast. He texted me asking if I was ok. When I didn't respond, he drove to my house with food and weed and I sent him out. He left me a voicemail and a paragraph hoping that I was ok and if he could do anything. That really hurt me because I realized that he didn't know what he did wrong. After he left the voicemail, I decided I would tell him how I feel about him. It took me days but I eventually wrote a massive paragraph explaining everything I felt from the moment I met him until now, and why I didn't want to talk to him, and why I felt the way I did. I sent it, he read it, and gave a paragraph in return. to summarize, he basically said “I never meant to lead you on, I loved you but as a friend, I would never date you, I wish we could still be friends because you are an amazing person.” I told him we could, but I needed a break from him. He asked if we could meet for one last time before the break and I was so fucking vulnerable and desperate to spend time with him I said yes. He picked me up and we went to Lake Elizabeth and thats where I asked him, like an idiot, why he wouldn't date me. He told me, and I quote, “I don't really... fuck with your type of girls.” obviously I was confused, so I asked him wym. he kinda said “you know...” and motioned towards my body. He basically said he didn't date fat girls. He saw my face when he said that and he knew he made a mistake but it was too late, I literally just got up and left. I called my friend and asked her to send me an uber and it was just a mess, I was crying and about to scream and Sean was like finally getting up to chase after me after sitting there for like fifteen minutes but by then I left. I went home. About 2 days ago, 3 days after that happened, I was shamelessly stalking his page using another one of my accounts. He posts a black screen with a broken heart emoji, and then the next one was a paragraph ass post about why they broke up. I didn't want to read it but I skimmed it and i think it was something about how they were “too different.” anyways almost three hours after reading the post he hits me with a “wyd” and some random ass worm emoji we use ironically. I haven't responded still and don't plan to, although theres a part of me literally begging to talk to him again bc I know he wants to either date me or just play with me again and that part of me isn't even mad at that

so yea. that on top of so much other tings w my personal life and friends has literally made me so numb rn. like I wanna cry,,, but I can't