#bc tee showed up and tee’s praise means a lot <3

[rockthingsbymeg]

NSFW Alphabet - Slash

Pairing: Slash / Saul Hudson x reader

Info: Smutty themes; mentions of sex toys, BDSM, power dynamics

A/N: Apparently, I’m back babes. Enjoy this alphabet for poodle <3

Aftercare(what they're like after sex)

Slash will help Y/N clean up all the body fluids that might be on her skin and, if he can, he'll lay down and cuddle, running his fingers over her head and back and occasionally will let her spoon him

Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and their partners)

His favorite parts of himself are his hands, and it's pretty obvious because without them he wouldn't be able to do the thing he loves the most in the world but also because he can feel Y/N's body melt under his hands, both in a sexual way and not.

On Y/N, he really loves her whole body, but he has a special thing for her ass and thighs. He loves to rest his head on them (though resting his head on her ass can be hard because Y/N doesn't like to lay face down) and absolutely adores to run his hands over them. He also loves her lips.

Cum (anything to do with cum...basically I'm a disgusting person)

Slash has a breeding kink that will come up every once in a while. That being said, he loves to fill Y/N up whenever she lets him. He tends to cum more than most people Y/N's been with, and she absolutely loves that.

His other favorite place to cum is her face, followed closely by her breasts and then ass. There's something about seeing her covered in his cum that riles him up.

Dirty secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Slash catches himself a lot of times thinking about what it would be like to have Y/N be the dominant one in the bedroom. He's had his fair share of experience with porn, and he can't help but wonder what it would feel like to see his girl dressed up in one of those latex sets just doing whatever she feels like doing to him

He'd never ask her though because he thinks she wouldn't like it (he's wrong)

Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

This goes without saying

Favorite Position (This goes without saying.)

Slash absolutely loves to have Y/N on top. She looks ethereal on top of him, and he can't get enough. He also loves doggy style or to be with her back to his chest, both on their knees. And he totally loves to bend her over something and fuck her

Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Slash doesn't get too serious. It kills the relaxed vibe he likes to have during sex. He won't necessarily crack jokes, but he likes to keep the mood light, even if the sex is being more intense than usual.

Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

I think we've all seen enough pictures to conclude that: he doesn't groom at all, and the carpet definitely matches the drapes

Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

He keeps it light but he somehow manages to be intimate. He keeps looking into Y/N's eyes as long as he can, and he presses multiple kisses on her lips, cheek, neck, wherever he can reach.

He's not romantic very often, sex is not about that to him, but there are times when he'll be romantic and, on those occasions, he makes Y/N's high and his own completely other-worldly and long.

Though she definitely loves the usual vibe they have during sex, the moments when he is romantic are amazing, and she can't get enough of them

Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Slash will definitely prefer to satisfy himself with Y/N, but he is completely not against masturbating. It's something weirdly natural in their relationship, and it tends to lead to some steamy sex on multiple occasions.

During tours, it's when it happens more often, because she can't go with him most of the time, and he entertains himself looking at all the polaroids they've taken.

Most of them are explicit and fully private, but there are times when he gets hard just staring at a cute picture of Y/N because he misses her a lot

Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He's got his fair share of kinks, and he's not shy about most of them. Breathplay, some BDSM things (handcuffs, gags, collars, leashes), spanking, exhibitionism, voyeurism, breeding kink (more of a creampie kink), edging kink, marking kink (never anything too heavy because he doesn't like to break the light atmosphere of the whole thing like I've said before)

Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere. Literally, place doesn't matter that much to him, but some of his favorite times happened either in the backseat of a car (even the limo when the entire band was absolutely plastered, and both he and Y/N couldn't wait any longer) and backstage after shows, so maybe those places hold a place in his heart

Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Y/N in general. Anything she wears, does, or says can get him going.

He gets hard way too fast though if: Y/N wears one of his tees without anything underneath or with some black, silk lingerie. When she decides to steal his hat. When she's with a guitar. When she's playing with one of his snakes and is not wearing that many clothes.

NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

There aren't that many things Slash wouldn't do. He wouldn't be into pegging or shit like that, because it's too out of his comfort zone, but aside from that, he's okay with anything.

Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Slash is very skilled with his mouth, to put it lightly. He was born to do two things in this world: play guitar and eat pussy.

It goes without saying that he's absolutely great with his fingers and also his dick, but there's something about the away he eats Y/N out. He melts into her, eyes closed and face soft like he's at home, while he keeps delving his tongue into her, humming at the taste. He'll wrap his lips around her clit, those plump, perfect lips, and suck the nub into his mouth then flatten his tongue against it. And he'll go on for hours on end

He doesn't have a preference, however, in giving or receiving. Y/N is extremely talented in giving oral as well, and he turns into putty in her hands every time she does it.

Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slash makes a balance between fast and somewhat sensual. He's not rough most of the times, though he definitely isn't nice and sweet

Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Slash is always, and I mean, always, up for a quickie. He will initiate them more often than Y/N simply bc he can't take his hands off her, but he will never choose then over proper sex

Quickies are good for when they're in public, in a rush, and stuff like that. Proper sex is what gets them off better, what gives them the best orgasm, so that's what he prefers

Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Slash is all here to try new things. Anything Y/N suggests is a yes. Don't knock it til you try it is his motto. He loves to spice things up any way he can, from the most simple details like teasing her to getting new sex toys, trying new positions, things he heard make girls cum hard as fuck, anything at all

Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

Slash is a literal animal. It's like he's never ever tired of it. He can always go for another round, no matter how long or short it turns out to be

Usually, he does take a bit to cum, but Y/N knows what buttons to push to have that boy cumming in a matter of short minutes

Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Of course, he owns toys. He prefers to use them on Y/N, but he will never say no to them being used on themselves. He's quite fond of handcuffs and ropes, but he also likes harnesses, leashes, collars, whips and he will not say no if Y/N shows up with a cock ring

Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Oh boy... Slash is honestly the biggest tease on the planet, there's no other way to put it, but, in compensation, he doesn't tease for too long. He just teases as hard as he can

He can go as far as actually touching himself in a public place just to watch Y/N squirm and beg him to go home, to the car, any place away from the crowd. Sometimes not even that...

Y/N does tease him back, but he always wins the "game"

Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Slash is not exactly the most vocal person, but by no means he's quiet. At first, he'll mostly grunt and groan, an occasional deep sigh leaving him. The more pleasure he starts to feel the louder those sounds get and if he's been going at it for a while and if he's feeling particularly good, he'll start to moan, low and soft and occasionally moan loud when he cums

Another reason why he's never quiet it's because he likes to praise Y/N, to tell her he loved her or to dirty talk

Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

I think that on occasions when Slash gets drunk, but I mean really fucking drunk, he'll go into sub space. He'll cling to his girl, moan softly in her ear and beg for something, even cry out if he's really that far gone

Also, despite being shy of being submissive while sober, Slash doesn't have that many troubles begging for what he wants

X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants)

Slash is not exactly massive, but it's not like he needs it. He's big, but he's got more width than length, and he knows exactly how to use what he has.

Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Slash wakes up hard, spends the day hard, and goes to sleep hard. That's just who he is. He's not pushy, he won't be nagging his girl for it 24/7, but he will definitely take any chance he has of getting off

Y/N can do the most innocent thing in the world, and he will be hard for her. A smile, a look, certain clothes, and words... Anything can turn him on and he's not exactly ashamed of it

ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

It depends on how long he's been going at it, where he is, and if he was tired before. If he's been going at it for a long time, he'll fall asleep rather quickly. If he's at home or was already really tired before, he will also almost instantly fall asleep. Other than that, Slash is not one to fall asleep after sex

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Thank you so much for reading. Likes, reblogs, comments and any kind of way you show me you liked this are endlessly appreciated💛

Requests are closed.

Taglist: @curly-hudson​; @agroupiewhore

[lgchunji]

✧ .・゜゜hello, lgc admods!

     chwe hunji and jin eunji’s leaf wants to say: “hey admods! i know this may look a little sudden and a little weird but by the time you see this, i’ve been going around asking all the members what they want to say to you guys to show their appreciation! i know admin e probably already told you, but i used to do theater for about two years and i volunteered my time. i probably worked fifteen-thirty hours a week at a theater and i did not get paid and barely was thanked but i always put in effort. i gave them one hundred percent of myself and, if i was lucky, i would get a five dollar starbucks gift card in return. i was so exhausted and even stopped writing because i could not handle how much of myself i was losing every day. i gave a hundred percent of myself away and got five percent back. now, though, with legacy, everything has been flipped! you guys put a hundred ten percent of yourselves into this amazingly fun and honestly complicated place and i feel like i never get to give back. i know the joy of it all is in watching people write together but for me, just having fun was not enough, i wanted to compile something together for you guys! you do so much for us so i thought it was time i give just a sliver of myself back to you. so! under the cut is a lot of people’s messages that i’ve gathered. a lot of members were unable to send in something in time so i do apologize that not everyone is here, but i added a space in the bottom for anyone and everyone who wants to add something at a later date, so admins and members, be sure to check that often! in the meantime, though, you guys are so amazing and this place already means so much to me, i really hope legacy can continue to grow and flourish beyond your guys’ dreams because you really deserve it! p.s. the below notes are not in any particular order of length or alphabetized, they’re just random C:”

     han insoo’s al wants to say: “thank you for your kindness and dedication. you guys are troopers. i’m not very vocal about things publicly out of shyness but also bad experiences. i hope you guys know i appreciate to be here and that you guys have kept this up for so long despite the setbacks. it’s been a while since i felt comfy in a directory. much hugs and kithes!! thank you for being so open and welcoming!”      kang yonghwa and choi daehyung’s muffin wants to say- "thank you so much for all of the hard work! legacy is not an easy rp to run with all these career branches and events going on. i appreciate all of the mods for making this rp extra special by celebrating birthdays, holidays and other occasions. I love you all muahhhhhh~"      liu jiao and ok miyoung’s faye wants to say- “i disappeared from the rp scene for awhile and was kind of lost when it came to fitting back into everything. but joining legacy helped me along and i am so glad i decided to put my muse here. thank you to all the mods and for all of their hard word. i felt so welcomed by not only them, but the other members of the directory as well. so thank you for the lovely community you’ve brought together here. i am happy to say that legacy holds a special place in my heart.”      yoon shinha and pongsak, tee's simone wants to say: “when i first joined legacy it was because i had some friends here and i had read about it a lot on twitter. i was nervous and scared, which is how i usually feel when joining a new place. working on my own points page from scratch was a first but i was proud of myself and i felt accomplished when i finished it. i joined as a connection and it gave me a boost when it came to plotting. everyone was so nice and welcoming and i honestly love that when joining a new directory. the events were many and i was both excited and scared at how many there were. even if i couldn't understand something i knew i could ask an admin or mod and would get a quick reply. i love how kind and supportive the staff is. i've been here for a few months now and i always recommend it to others. i know that no matter what, i can go to a staff member with a question and i don't need to feel stupid for asking something bc the staff are so helpful and understanding. the thought that goes into this roleplay and the events are amazing and i am honestly so amazed every time a new event gets posted. they give sufficient time frames for events and i know they try to make it as fair as possible. i honestly love it here and i love the hard work and the time that is put into legacy.”      park taekyung and heo jane’s bobbi wants to say: “thank you for taking the time to create this awesome community! the time and effort you put into this rp is what makes it such a fun place and i hope that this post brings you just as much joy as you bring us! <3"      mayura nana’s cc wants to say: “i’ve been on and off in the group, seeing the first time it opened and how hard working the admins were to coming back and seeing the amount of growth in just a few months. i truly appreciate all that you guys have done for your members, the patience and love you put into every little thing you do so everyone can develop and enjoy themselves. you guys make this rp fun and safe and i’m forever grateful to have found a true home for my muse. keep up the good work and i can’t wait to continue being here and witnessing even more love and growth from the team ❤️”       park seojin, im hana and kang seyoon’s sara wants to say: “hello lovely team. it's been a great ride thus far and i'm so happy to have been here from the beginning to see the community grow. you've built a really nice and wholesome place here and it's been one of the best roleplays i've been in so far. it's hard running things but always remember that people love and respect you and so many of us are rooting for good things every day. you're human too and if you make a mistake, never beat yourself up over it. you keep things so much fun. truly nothing more i could ask of from a team. i’ve sent other messages in the past but there's really no limit to the praises and support i can offer to you guys. keep up the good work!! ♡♡”      wu aaron and kim alex’s em (aka the awkward cookie) wants to say - "to the amazing admins of this rp, i haven't been here nearly as long as others but i really enjoy having my muses here! i love lgc so much and you're all amazing admins who work very hard to keep this place running with amazing events! keep up the great work and i can't wait to see what else you all have planned! (please torture alex as much as you can. xD) i don't think i've really talked to the admins here much but still, i love you all and everything you do! <3 please don't let any negative comments or reviews get to ya'll and just know you're all doing great!"       choi jongsuk, son jieun, and kim jinah‘s jen wants to say -  "@ the mod team from your resident meme! you guys know how much i love lgc. i'm not shy annoying y'all with compliments and praise. every sunday is a highlight because there is always something exciting being posted- be it just a date lottery update or new events; you never fail to surprise and spoil us all with fun and creative ideas! also the way you manage to keep things as fair as possible for everyone and still manage to not make anyone feel left out or left behind. the quick replies to any kind of questions are just so nice to see and it makes me personally not scared ever to ask anything at all no matter how stupid the question may be! i probably annoy y'all with how often i said this already but i love this rp. i love the graphics, the concept and the execution of it all. thank you for creating this amazing space for all of us to write and hopefully to many more years! true to my name i shall exit on a meme~"      hwang subin and han allie’s nic wants to say - “hello admins!!! it's me, a nic. i know that i've said a lot of this in the past but to sum it all up, i love you guys!! thanks for giving me a place to feel a bit more comfortable when i don't feel that way in rp a lot lately. i love that you guys are always gracious and accepting of criticisms, questions, and critiques and i hope you continue to always be that way because i think it's important for rps to listen to their members. i also want you to know that you don't have to stand for rudely stated words just because you do that, either!! i appreciate the time you take to answer my questions, whether it be through the manager blog or through discord and for all the opportunities you've given my muses ( even if ONE of them might not be so grateful. i'm lookin at u subin ) so yeah ;u; i hope u all are having a lovely day, pls take care!!!”      tsai sunisa, park sarang, and jung jihye’s the ghost rper wants to say - “number one, thank you for making legacy an rp! i'm having a lot of fun with all of muses! especially since it's given me a chance to bring muses i've played before alive in another rp. two, they're [the admins] awesome for all of the stuff they've managed to do for the group and how many options you have to be apart of the industry and do more background related stuff! third, just stay awesome and remember to put yourself before rp! since without ya'll we wouldn't be here!”      min soyoun and kim jinseo‘s clara wants to say - "hi mods! thank you for making lgc a fun and safe haven for us. i appreciate the love, thought, and effort you all put in every single mission/event that happens in the roleplay. you guys are doing amazing!"      kwon sihyun‘s shinobi wants to say - “thank you for making me feel welcome!”      park iseul and ahn dohyun’s nine wants to say - “thank you so much for all your hard work! over the months i've been at lgc i've always felt like the admods have kept every single muse in mind when creating events and moulding the rp to fit the members. i've never felt as in love with an rp as i do now. keep up the good work, i can't wait to see the rp grow more and more!”      choi max and im nari‘s jada wants to say - “hi there mods !!! i didn't want this whole appreciation to go by without saying some words of my own, so here i go ! when i joined legacy a few months back i was hesitant to even join, doubting that i'd want to stay to make it even past the next activity check. it was an act of pure impulse, but perhaps the best thing i could've done ! alongside the many great friends i've made along the way, if it was not for all the hard work you do, the roleplay would not be nearly as lively of a universe as we've all made it to be ! i always compliment legacy for the dedication you all clearly have to making it enjoyable - from events going on all the time, to in-character posts that liven the spectrum of our creativity, to your speedy responses and patience whenever we have trouble ! i think me and the rest of the members can agree that what you do makes us enjoy the roleplay even more, and we always will be appreciative of that !! i think you guys run the roleplay SO smoothly at times that we forget the hard work you put in and the bumps you might encounter along the way, but it's times like this that make me realize how much more we should thank you. because of the team behind it all, i've once again found my place in a roleplay that's made me feel at home, and always ready to write and have fun !! i'm extremely grateful for the passion you've shown us and i hope that i too can do my best to make sure your hard work pays off and give thanks ! i'm looking forward to writing with all of you and giving a voice to our muses for as long as i'm able to type, haha ! <33 “      ahn yeoreum’s kay wants to say - "my first experience with krp wasn't exactly the best. i didn't land myself in the most welcoming environment and was planning to never join another krp. but i took a chance in lgc and didn’t regret it. since day one, everyone has been so welcoming and i loved playing yeoreum here. the admods have worked so hard to make this such a nice environment to rp in and i love how well thought-out all the events and activities are. thank you so much, admods !! we are super lucky to have such a talented and hard-working team. <3″      ji haneul’s maddy wants to say - “to legacy admods uwu, thank you for your endless hard work! seeing how the community has grown over the last few months, as well as the tons of opportunities for character development has made my time here absolutely amazing. i just want to say how much i love the rp, and how inspiring it can be in churning my writing muses. keep up the good work, and i hope you guys would also be able to have as much fun as the work you've put in in maintaining the rp! take care, stay safe, and stay awesome >:D *flings plushies in your directions* ♡"      lee seungjae’s fifi wants to say - "hello admods!!! i just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for lgc! i haven't been here long but everything about it is great and i can tell you've put in so much work to make it the great place that it is!"      kang dana‘s jay wants to say - “thank you so much for working so hard on this roleplay and allowing all of our characters to develop however we like! i have never enjoyed a rp as much as this one <3"      hwang jaerim and im hyunjin’s jia wants to say - "hello admod team, yall know im always here to bother u all with my weirdness and you guys are all great to talk to. i've been lucky enough to have been here since day 1 and to see this place flourish and see all the efforts you put into the rp, makes me glad to be here. thank you!!"      oh max and park viggo’s lyn wants to say -  "as one of those muns that has been in legacy from the very beginning, i've witnessed this rp grow and i can’t help but to feel extremely proud and happy for the admod team who works tirelessly to make sure that the progress isn’t only with the rp but genuinely with the muses within it. the admins take it into their own hands to celebrate the achievements that muses have obtained and put them on the spotlight, personally i've experienced screaming and getting emotionally overwhelmed with some of the mods at how happy and ecstatic i felt with some of the results for my muses. with that said i want to make it clear that my muses don’t always get what they want, when it happens, i do share some down time with said mods as well- not to complain but to just talk. the same happens vice versa, when the mods' muses don’t get a spot in future dreams or didn’t get the center of a group, or when they land a cf spot or has made progress by moving on a different path, i'm able to witness their reactions as muns as well- which quite frankly is humbling considering that it reminds me that their muns too and not just mods. essentially what i'm trying to say is that based on my experience and mine alone although i have no doubt i'm not the only one who feels this, clearly this post proves it, that the admod team is not just there to provide us with countless numbers of events or answer our endless amount of questions and woes with admirable patience or guide us in the right direction when we misplace a point or two in our submits, but rather to present us muns with a safe and progressive platform to comfortably establish and allow our muses to flourish in a highly entertaining environment. so thank you legacy team for your heartwarming and admirable work, i know this hasn’t been easy for you guys but hang in there, a lot of us got your backs ♡"

these are the folks who wanted to add something after this post was first published:

no one at the moment! if you want to say something to our lovely admins please either message them through the lgckrp askbox or, if you’re more shy, send me an IM or send it to lgchunji’s askbox with your message in quotations, which blogs you run, and your name/alias!

[saltine-kakyoin]

tagged by: @fullmetal-the-last-alchemist!! ruth you madman! thank u sm luv!!!!! <3 <3

nickname: sriracha! and. when my theater bebs wanna bully me... srirachachu...

sign: have i not cried in my tags enough for it to be immediately obvious? ;o; cancer babey!!!! c:

height: 5′1... 5′1 1/2 if i’m feeling particularly brave... it haunts me that koichi is like. the same height if not just slightly taller than me.. araki would draw me like a fucking PEBBLE on the ground :””-(

last thing i googled: toad bring me to life!! we have a bluetooth speaker in our bathroom + i scared the ever-living DAYLIGHTS outta @za-chariot with it!

song stuck in my head: straight no chaser’s “what’d i say/ hit the road jack/ mas que nada” but seriously only the part where the bass soloist is like “oh woman oh woman don’t treat me so mean you’re the meanest old woman that i ever seen” on repeat all day every day

following: oh god.. i have no idea how to tell from a sideblog.. on main i follow 398 blogs?

followers: the crackly boy has 96 (wHICH!! ???? 1. where did you guys COME FROM? and 2. why do you all STICK AROUND? it’s seriously mindblowing to see that kind of number for this lawless blog, but! i appreciate you guys for staying here even if i reblog an entire day’s worth of likes in 1 hour...you guys are a1 ; o ;)

amount of sleep i get: bro let’s not even Discuss this, my sleep schedule is so wild right now because i truly cannot regulate my own foolish body.. normally it’s 6 or 7 hours? but lately i’ve been pulling 4 or 5 hours because my mind is off the shits rn skhghd

lucky number: ohh man I really have no idea bro.. i sat and thought about this one for a good moment but like i don’t even know man. ahh. maybe 7 bc my life got flipped upside down for the better when i got into 7th grade? idk man..

dream job: this is such a difficult question, too! sometimes i just want to be a stagehand/ dresser for a broadway show, sometimes i wanna be a choir professor, and sometimes? i just want to make a living off of my nonexistent asmr channel. occasionally i entertain the concept of being one of those travel vloggers, but idk. the world is so wide and vast, and that makes it really hard for me to ever just settle on one thing (which is probably why it took me forever to decide my major for uni? but that’s a discussion for another day)

wearing: groovy joggers + this giant tee shirt that i got from a latin convention/competition i went to my sophomore year of hs. it has quintus from the clc textbook reclining w a glass of wine + he’s like, paint me like one of your french girls uwu. However, the shirt always concerns me when I wear it bc it says “Caecilius; me pinge sicut francam feminam” but like. CAECILIUS IS HIS DAD D: he should be addressing celer, who was THE painter in the first clc textbook! (also everyone at my table in latin hardcore shipped quintus + celer so there’s that as well ahh. i remember the first time i wore this tee to school, the latin gang was like “HOLD THE FUCK UP WHAT???”)

i found the exact pose he’s in on my shirt fellas.. we must always praise filius in triclinio bibit..and truly, the rest of that textbook as well. it was a soap opera in textbook form, but the magistre gave up on my class (#pilotprogram gang :’| ) before we reached the third book so like. I will Never Know what the hell happened to quintus caecilius iucundus :(

favorite song: this changes constantly so i’ll just give y’all the current fave. this feels Mad Weird to type, but! the song i keep coming back to rn is an arrangement of Bottom of the River by Delta Rae that i sang at fsu’s choir camp last year! I’ve listened to a lot of different arrangements for this song, but i always come back to this one bc a) nostalgia and b) it just Fucking Slaps. i would love to revisit this arrangement and do it the justice it deserves :( the stomps in the beginning could have been better, and we slowed down in quite a few spots, which threw the solo + beatboxing off. which, ah!! the soloists for this song were amazing, and the beatboxing (which we’d only practiced w maybe once before the actual performance?) added a lot of movement to the overall sound too; it sucks that the choir fudged it. I’d love to hear this arrangement performed w a bit more polish!!

random fact: during that performance of Bottom of the River, i got so into the HUH SHHH chain motion that i like. pulled or cramped my entire arm? but i was High off of adrenaline from a solo i’d performed earlier in the small ensembles concert + the atmosphere of bottom of the river in particular that I didn’t realize I’d messed up my arm until after the performance! it was fine by the end of the night, but! i think this is a fun example of how mindless i can be when lost in the sauce of performing :D

aesthetics: papers all over the place, bleary eyes, i wouldn’t ask you + softly by clairo playing at the same exact time

tagging: @plaguelikeits1347 @uh-mozzaza @starsplatinum @tjsyas @tsuyukamis @wwweather and @1-or-a-0! additionally, there are a lot of wonderful people that i interact w on here whose urls escape me rn </3 mutual or not, if i’ve pulled a blank on you but you’d still like to do it, seriously please feel free to! you guys rock <3

[hersmilingeyes]

I'm upset but

When I recap my day, there’s nothing to be upset about bc it was a fucking nice day

Except here I am

I woke up at my friend’s house at like 7am and drove my other friend home

We both left w our La Croixs, which doesn’t look right plural but there was more than one La Croix and they were peach pear

Ok, I gotta say it, peach pear is fucking 2/3 of a Joanna Newsom song so just add plum already bc that’s obvi what’s missing and then you can play the song fer that really specific commercial fer the really specific drink yer marketing and maybe that will satisfy me

But there’s more

I go home and sleep some more

Bc I can

Even better

Then I make myself a fabulous breakfast and COFFEE IN A FRENCH PRESS.

I sweeten it w HONEY

I take a quick shower and have just enough time to throw on a tee shirt and underpants

Then, my lover comes over fer coffee in bed and she looks so good since she was at the farm

She’s brighter and bronzer and just determined as ever

She’s wearing a muscle shirt and a tiny vest and I’m like melting bc she’s such a Fucking babe

She tells me about her world, she shares it w me, and I’m just in awe about all the things she can do // is doing

After about an hr of talking, she asks me if we are gonna cuddle or what and I fucking stumble w my words bc yes and of course and holy shit

I learn she is no longer stripping rn and I honestly wrote about it later on bc I had to process my happiness w her

I needed to write about how she listens to ramps and finds comfort in moss under her feet,

how she belongs no where to no one but she is connected to everything

She’s rooted and reaching

She is the water she seeks to grow

And we kiss and we make a date to go to Planned Parenthood together bc we’re responsible and I massage weird parts of her body that might be sore from being on the farm

But she says she’s still sore from stripping actually and the farm was real chill this time around

I try to keep up with her worlds but I decide to focus on the moment, on her teres muscles which I’ve been finding are really tight on most folx which is why I decided to work on hers

I really want to totally touch her boobs but decide now is not the time bc I have to work soon and that’s not cool fer either of us

I just lay on her chest and listen to her

It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say, I just wanted to listen

I missed her, she was sad when I last saw her, and so I was sad, too, in that way that one cannot help but feel the sadness of someone dear to them.

I carried it, too.

I feel hopeful fer what’s to come, fer her and me, and I drop her off before I go to work

I write about her at work, then i write an outline fer the blog I’m working on fer work

The New Moon just happened, so I frame it from that.

I also draw inspiration from how i left work at a toxic job, and now my lover has, too.

We’ve reclaimed ourself in our own ways.

I almost finish the Time magazine from the future (now a few days old)

I learn about Margaret Atwood and A Handmaids Tale, and I decide I need to read it before I see the show.

I do half a cross word; I’ve been mighty productive this shift but I’m eager to get off.

I have a vm from a work manager, so I call back bc I love my job and I feel v protective over it

I can’t help but get paranoid whenever work people call, I always think I’m in trouble

There are rarely bad things and mainly good things, and t'day was no different

My manager thinks I’m a strong worker and she’s taken to me

I call her my Morpheus bc she kinda is.

We get all of our biz outta the way in the first 10min but I’ve managed to meet somebody who talks as much as I do, if not more.

I try not to get annoyed w myself

But I can’t help but get annoyed just bc it’s my wind down time and I wanna wind down w my friends

Except she’s praising me really highly and telling me stories and I know that this isn’t all fer me, it’s fer her, too.

So I listen on.

And I’m sitting outside of my friend’s house and then I’m walking and I’m trying to politely wrap up but I don’t know how bc she’s clearly trying to convey something to me and I’m like that child that’s too antsy to sit and listen

She’s telling me real shit about myself and I’m in it, you know?

She tells me all this shit I need to hear bc I certainly don’t tell myself often enough

Like how I minimize the work I do and the impact it has on people

Or how I tend to downplay my talents

Or even just rule myself out of nice things

And I can’t tell if I’m doing it that very moment by staying on the phone or not so I’m annoyed by the juxtaposition of it all bc yes, I do these things but it’s not like I mean to or I’m not trying to quit

All the sudden, I’m feeling all the efforts I put in as far as building myself and someone I look up to is telling me I’m shining, I’m Fucking shining

And it’s too much, it’s overwhelming

My eyes start welling up on my friend’s porch after sitting outside fer an hr bc my manager is randomly telling me I’m doing a good job yet all i wanna do is be w my friend’s and not think about any work

I just came out of work where I did two jobs worth and processed my life on top of it plus half a crossword

All I wanted to do was wind down w my friends

That’s all I wanted

But I always get so much more and sometimes I don’t even know what to do w it all bc I don’t always know how to contain them, let alone coexist w them

And I missed everything

I missed everything bc a voice on a phone was telling me what I needed to hear to feel like all the work I’m doing is worth it

But it is, bc I know

I don’t always know why my clients come back but they do and I honor them each time I see them

I don’t always know what I do good but it works out

And Morpheus was trying to tell me what it is that makes me special and I just wanted wine and to kiss my lover and to hug my friends

And I was frustrated bc I know I’m special but I don’t always know why or how, I didn’t know why we were talking about me so much

She was trying to convey something and I am v clearly struggling w it or not ready

I’m not meaning to sell myself short or anything I just can’t wrap my head around why I wasn’t able to do the thing I planned on doing tonight

Why tnight, yknow, to tell me all this about me?

Why was it so important to tell me all this?

I’m upset bc there is no reason to be upset besides being derailed and sitting outside fer an hour.

I’m upset bc my success is like a fucking secret life I don’t know how to share v well.

My family doesn’t hear this, and they're the ones who need to; it’s just not the same from me

I don’t get a lot of grown ups praising me like Morpheus was and it’s no wonder I both want to listen and to shake them off

It’s not v often I get a grownup who understands the work I do, we do, and praises me fer it

I am so used to working anonymously and letting my work speak of my earnest efforts

I’m upset bc I work so hard and barely know how to feel proud of myself fer it without first taking myself down a notch about the things I could do // could do better.

Which is everything, but that’s everybody and that’s also v subjective

I am upset bc I wanted to New Moon w my friends but I was on a work related phone call fer an hr instead and I already work a lot

My time is precious and my friends are precious and whether or not it mattered to them, it mattered to me.

And I was upset bc no amount of working proves anything but yer too Fucking busy to spend time doing other things that matter to you

Like spending time w yer loved ones

I’m upset bc my dad worked all the time and I told myself I’d be more present bc that’s just as important if not more

I’m upset bc I don’t feel like I’m fulfilling that promise even though I had a great day overall but it didn’t end like I planned and I was just tired of waiting

Bc sometimes I feel like I’m always waiting fer my turn to do what I want and then my turn never comes

And it doesn’t feel fair bc what I want feels so simple

But it never really is

I just wanted to share time w my friends bc it was wind down time and I was done working.

And I’m really upset about it bc it’s like I’m never done working sometimes

Then I get so crabby I need to be alone bc that’s not how I want to spend time w folx I love

Even when they are sweet n call me to check in n shit like

I need to take a fucking trip