#because i'm tired and i hate i must to use english instead of my native language

[fridgrave]

Ok so, I know you're not the biggest fan of Ethan, and from what I can tell it's mainly stemmed from Rogue Nation and Fallout (mainly fallout, but if I'm wrong forgive me, I'd love to read more about your opinions they're really interesting).

What was first thing that made you dislike him, and do you have any thoughts on what Tom and McQ could (but won't) do to redeem Ethan in your eyes? What they could do to redeem anything that they've messed up in the movies they made?

(No problem f you don't care just thought it would be a good discussion)

wow that's a real question here 😳

and before I'll tell more about my dislike to ethan i must notice, what when i just came in this fandom two years and one month ago i loved ethan. i was a benthan stan, i made content with them (fics and art), and it was fun!

i was a 18 years old liberal girl with no idea how world is really working, i was much healthier mentally than now and my life was much easier. i had no need in everything — and i had no need to change my mind in such questions as "why countries can't be just friends so people like me would never die in different conflicts and wars". i can't say is that ignorance a bad or normal thing, it's up to you to decide, but I'm thinking all the people don't mind such things before it's touching them. we have too much other problems to think that globally while everything else is okay, but when it's bad you want to know why.

but I'm going too fast. even if my life was okay in 2020 i always had this... unifying theme in my art and other mind activities. it's inner potential. i always thought and still think what i'm nothing. i don't bring anything new or good in this world, so every character who became my blorbo got from me this inner conflict about this "changing the world" stuff — and yet me myself is not in my villain arc, all my blorbos are intended in good deeds as well (i like to think what i'm a good person, you know,,,). benji, whom i kinn A LOT, had this potential. he really is a guy who just wants everyone to be okay, he cares and tries his best, but he's not perfect as ethan and has some common sense. when i came in m:i fandom i knew what most of franchise audience sees benji as a comic relief while he's not worse than ethan, even more interesting sometimes — and much closer to a viewer because he makes mistakes. actually, benji is a viewer in some way, he helps to make movies more real and touching

i was... offended by it. i wanted benji to be in focus as he deserved, so i started to think: what did go wrong? my first thought was his conflict with solomon, what could be the best part of fallout and a great boost for this boring monotonous garbage, but in fact we had one dialog line between them and one unrealistic (but still stressful, not gonna lie) fight in the end. i wanted more. more tense between them, more of benji's trauma. i didn't ship them yet but i felt what this bond between them is more real and catching than between lane and ethan. why? because now i see what mc and cruise had no idea how to write a real fighter with a system. they make solomon a casual terrorist, what is a disappointment, because all his conflict with ethan now sucks as well. mccruises tried to make one type of an antagonist, but if you understand at least something in world-system theory (as real system fighter SHOULD understand) you would see what lane's deeds in rn do literally nothing to bring any changes. you could see more my thoughts about it in my recent fic "on the sleeve".

so, i started to think about benji and solomon and their conflict more, putting ethan on a background. i still liked him, but started to see that lanedunn dynamic what turned into other my fic i never finished (insp by the inheritance with simon)

and then, at summer of 2021 me and my bestie grisha came up with idea what trembled me a lot: after solomon the best antagonist for ethan would be benji. it started from benji's love to ethan, what benji was tired of government and how they treated everyone — and especially ethan. but, thinking about this consent we realized why this works and doesn't work in the same time

this was the moment when i saw the most huge ethan's problem. he never changes.

me and grisha understood what benji's side is logically right. what agencies like cia make things much worse than people they fight with, and while ethan is on their side he's wrong (i met grisha thanks to the show "person of interest what has that m:i vibes but much much cooler and it talks on such themes as government crimes, check this out!). so we had a problem: or on our story benji looses what is a bad end, or ethan dies or something — but never changes his side because he can't to this. i talked about how he never changes and i'm too tired to write it again on english, а на русском вы читать не будете.

that was solomon's time. we started our syndicate au, but with shipping benji and lane we needed to work on syndicate as an entity. we took the idea what mccruises wanted to put in it and made it real, so a bunch of terrorists became a solid organization what has a goal to bring a real revolution in this world

i started my way as a communist. my life was getting worse as well and i saw how capitalism is dangerous for the most of the people. i was thinking about it, but after 24 of february it became clear as a day for me

how is this connected to ethan? well, it's harder to say how it's not

tom cruise is a billionaire producer, and every single idea in mission impossible comes through his point of view: point of view of a white rich american man. he's connect with usa government just like his character ethan, but while hunt runs over the globe and fights with bad guys tom cruise uses his money and influence to make such movies like m:i and top gun which whole idea is simple: usa always wins. usa are good guys. usa sending their agents into other countries without any permission because usa knows what's right and what's wrong, like it was in iran, vientam, syria and other countries. usa has the best airborne, the best army and technology. i can tell this for a long time, but it's not necessary — all of you saw this in hundreds of movies. all i said is not a secret

and ethan is an embodiment of this capitalistic system. perfect american man who never lose. ethan always knows best, whatever his friends say, he can find a way in every situation, can beat a guy who's smarter than him with no reason and explanation, can return to life even after deadly experience

and since i realized this i hate ethan. he's not even a character — he's a system itself. the system i'm against of. i have no respect for him, because he has no value as just a character. he is a mary (marty?) sue made for one reason: make you believe what usa is good and cool one. for 6 films cruise didn't gave ethan nothing more than some epic scenes. no personality, no growth. and if tom cruise doesn't see ethan as a character — why should i?

[9tzuyu]

the art of delicate hands – pt. i

[ wandanat. ]

College AU.

Multiple part series ;

↳ snippets of their relationship and how I perceive them.

sumary:

wanda doesn't like to talk very much, only to her brother (and sometimes her lovely redheaded girlfriend).

notes:

if anyone international is reading this, ASL is shortened for american sign language (language of the hands).

+

this is a revised and edited version from when i wrote it on ao3 in 2018.

The only person that knew was Pietro. It was her little secret, and she could only hope that no one now would find out. She knew she shouldn't be ashamed, it was nothing to be ashamed over. Unsurprisingly however, it became her biggest insecurity – years of relentless bullying ensued that.

Wanda was always anxious. When she was seven she began experiencing panic attacks. The metallic taste of blood in her mouth became familiar over time as her panic attacks worsened.

All because she was mute and didn't feel comfortable to speak to anyone, including her parents. The only person Wanda felt comfortable enough to talk to was her brother (you could say that's because they're twins).

A doctor in Sokovia mentioned to Wanda's parents that therapy may help, that it may get her to speak more than four words a week. So her parents moved her when she was 16 and hoped for the best.

Within a year and a half Wanda was able to develop a clear understanding of American Sign Language. Eight months into the move and Wanda's parents had given up on Wanda ever talking, something that she took personal. They didn't catch on to English as quick as the twins did, their native language stuck closer than expected. Pietro didn't mind learning English quickly as he wanted to fit in school, and he also didn't mind studying ASL to communicate with Wanda on a deeper level.

American high school wasn't much better than her hometown. People talked, whispered and gossiped about her in class, muttered hurtful things about her appearance and the way she carried herself; a shy, quiet, timid girl. The worst part of it was when they mocked her for using a language that was supposed to feel safe for her. Pietro always came to her rescue, shooing people away, reminding them that she's his sister. The silver haired boy had no problem fitting in, it was only when they were apart did people tease the younger brunette.

When their parents died, Wanda took the brunt of the emotional attack it had on the twins. She'd been sitting in the backseat of the car, earbuds in, with her music volume at maximum capacity. Her father had tried to tell her to turn down the music while her mother rest in the passenger seat, window down with her eyes closed. When Wanda didn't hear her father, he reached over, eyes off the road, and tapped her. The second she registered his touch a semi-truck hit her father's door. In a matter of minutes Wanda and Pietro both were left alone to fend for themselves.

Putting the blame on herself only caused her to shut down further. It took over a year for Wanda to speak to Pietro again.

But as per usual, the twins stuck together and finished high school. The only difference was that they lived in foster care, they belonged to the state, up for grabs if anyone wanted them. That came to an end six months into their stay. The foster family proposed the idea of adoption, they had no problem in taking care of the twins for the rest of the time being – or, if they wanted, every day after as well.

At twenty, Wanda and Pietro eventually both went to college and shared a house with a bundle of other people on campus. The younger sibling even found herself a girlfriend within the group, her name being Natasha Romanoff.

Natasha didn't mind at all how little Wanda talked. She was curious, of course, but even before their relationship Nat never pushed her girlfriend into anything uncomfortable. Natasha could tell Wanda always made effort though, that's what drove the brunette into allowing herself a relationship.

When the redhead would sleep, Wanda would continuously practice signing. She'd sign songs and poems, movie scripts and books, everything she possibly could to improve herself. It was a very personal, in touch form of language for her.

Wanda had been with her girlfriend a little over a year and Natasha still didn't know all the unpleasant factors that came about her life. Wanda only told her just enough to get by, and she felt immensely guilty for that. Truth was she desperately wanted to tell Natasha, she just didn't know how. She'd thought about just signing something to her and hoping she would catch on, but figured that would be too much. Anxiety spiked in her chest and in her bones, and she was tired of feeling like a liar.

With a sigh, Wanda plopped down on her bed and pulled her phone out from her back pocket. Unlocking it, she went to her text messages and scrolled to Pietro's contact. When she was sure no one else was in the house, she tapped the call button and listened to the phone ring until Pietro answered.

"You know I'm in the other room, right? You literally could've called my name." He greeted, accent heavy through the speaker.

Wanda giggled as she ran her fingers through her hair. You're safe. Speak, it's okay. She reminded herself.

"Yeah, but are you free?"

"Always."

"Can you come here? I need to ask you about something." Pietro gave out a loud, playful sigh but walked to her room, disconnecting the call on his way in. "What is it, my dear sister? What could possibly be troubling you here on this day? Is it that scruffy redhead?" He smirked arrogantly but sat down in the desk chair across from Wanda, not failing to notice how she rolled her eyes.

"She doesn't have scruffy hair and you know it. It's soft, gentle – and much less damaged than your shit show of an excuse for bleached hair."

"Whatever you say, little chaos."

Wanda groaned, "Why must you still call me that?"

"It suits you well."

There was a shared moment of silence between the two before Pietro spoke up. "What was it you wanted to ask me about?" A small frown was plastered on Wanda's face and Pietro found himself wanting to know even more now. Wanda waited another minute before finally answering. "Should I tell her? You know, about..."

A huge smile took over her brother's face. He was ecstatic that she wanted this for her girlfriend. "Of course you should! I really think she'd be interested to know more about you – y'know, since you don't ever tell her anything."

"I tell her things!" Pietro shook his head, "Does she even know your birthday?" Wanda nodded and turned herself away from him. "I just don't know how to do it. I mean it'd be kind of heavy just taking her out to dinner only to tell her my deepest, darkest secret afterwards. I'm scared she'll hate me, Pietro! And I've never even spoke. More than like, 12 sentences all at once with her!" He softened knowing how much trouble one past  had caused his little sister. "Write her a note?" He suggested, but she shook her head. "I want to tell her, not write her."

Right before he was about to speak again there was a knock at the door. The pair looked up to find Natasha standing in the doorway smiling down at the two. "Am I interrupting?"

Wanda froze while Pietro arrogantly raised his eyebrow and announced his answer. "No. We were just finished talking."

Confusion was written on Nat's face and she stood there until Wanda shook her head and muttered a small "No," giving her the signal that she could come in.

"I'll be in the other room if you need me." Pietro got up, despite Wanda's silent plea for him to stay. He gave her a thumbs up and left the room.

Natasha closed the door and laid next to Wanda, wrapping her arms around the younger woman. "You okay?" Wanda nodded in reply and Natasha knew not to push. For now she'd just keep an eye on her, reassuring her that she could talk to her if need be.

Over the next few days Wanda seemed to be doing better. She was supposed to go to a party with Nat, but opted out to study for classes instead.

"Be safe," she whispered and planted a small kiss on Natasha's lips.

Everyone else went to the same party, leaving the house to just Wanda. She sent out a group message telling everyone to text her or ring her (at the very most importance) if they needed a ride. Wanda didn't drink much anyways so she didn't mind being the designated driver of the bunch. And besides, she didn't mind having some time alone, it gave her the absence of the boys so she could study.

However, after over an hour or so of studying Wanda was beginning to feel stressed. Her nerves were building and she could feel her jaw clench.

She needed a break.

With a small sigh, she got up and connected her phone to her speaker. After scrolling and clicking on her song of choice, Wanda found herself signing the words to a Modest Mouse song.

Green eyes closed as her hands began to string along with the words of the song. It was rather fast paced, but Wanda was able to keep up fairly well thanks to years of practice. Lyrics flowed through her fingertips and in the palms of her hands, her stress levels immediately decreasing as she went on.

Unbeknownst to her, however, Natasha was standing in the doorway watching her every move. She was absolutely mesmerized by Wanda's hand motions. Her finger spelling was very fast, and Natasha was curious to know how long Wanda had known ASL.

When the song was over, Wanda stopped her music and moved herself so she could study again. She grabbed her pens, pencils and highlighters, along with her textbook while her back faced Natasha.

"I didn't know you could sign." Natasha commented. A mix of shock and uneasiness quickly took over the calm look on Wanda's face.

It wasn't until then when Tasha put two and two together. She quickly rushed over to her girlfriend, and carefully engulfed her into a hug.

"Hey, no, I think it's really cool. You don't have to worry now, your secret's safe with me." Wanda began to shake in her grasp, tears forming in her eyes. She backed out of the embrace and against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest.

"No, you're supposed to hate me, laugh at me. You're supposed to be anything but be cool with it." Natasha tilted her head, "Is that what they did to you?"

Wanda peaked out from underneath her arms, the confirmative nod sent Natasha's heart well beyond sinking. She’d never understand how people could willingly be so cruel.

"I'm here to listen, not judge." Her words softly echoed in Wanda's mind, and she watched Natasha carefully to see if she was lying. When she didn't make any remarks or snide comments, Wanda knew it was safe. Accent heavy, she began letting words slip from her mouth.

"I have really bad anxiety when it comes to talking, so I just don’t. Asl makes it easier to communicate, but growing up I was often teased for it. You’re really good at reading me without it, so I hid it from you. Guess their words still haunt me...” Wanda finished, giving Natasha a little more insight on her life.

Natasha moved closer to her girlfriend, bringing Wanda’s shaking body into her embrace. She then kissed the top of her forehead.

Wanda looked up to see Natasha thinking, her eyebrows scrunched together and she was chewing on her lip. She nudged her.

“I think it’s quite beautiful if you ask me.” Wanda cracked a smile and rest her head on Tasha’s shoulder. “Beauty comes from pain, I guess.”

But Natasha shook her head, “No, No, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Wanda nodded. She understood what Natasha was saying, she just didn’t believe it to be true when it came to herself. Nonetheless, she spoke the words, repeating the mantra so that maybe she could start to feel a belief in them.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”