#because it's not algorithm driven. and i just simply like posting random shit into the void where nobody's gonna see it

[kittembird]

this is what/who my internet persona becomes when i go on tumblr

[wafflelvr]

tinder

i am very proud of my social media presence, it’s how i show people the growth in my dancing, funny relatable anecdotes, my own personal growth, and pictures of me literally killing the game so that everyone knows how hot i’ve become. and i try to appear unapologetic, but i’m an attention grabber what can i say? i love it. i love hearing that people like reading my blog, my tweets, and my instragram posts. i like hearing people say that they feel like they can relate to me and that they think of me as a funny person because i publicly humiliate myself on a daily basis on social media.

however, social media presence aside; i cannot for the life of me get the hang of the dating app Tinder. for those of you in healthy, happy relationships, tinder is an app that lets you view singles in your area that you could be hanging out with through very basic profiles with a max of six pictures, a 500 word bio, and the luck of the swipe. basically, you can choose who you want to have a free meal and movie with, without having the dating algorithm that most dating sites use. tinder is also for hooking up with random strangers because you swiped right when you were a few drinks in. it can be fun when you’re harmlessly flirting and getting compliments like, “wow you have super blue eyes” or “sit on my face”. (really that is one of the first things that some one has sent me… not even a “hey, how is your day?”). but when it comes down to it, when you actually do meet this person in real life and you sit across from them in a coffee shop or restaurant, you realize that you’re sitting across a person who has the words, “looking for someone to adventure with; hugs, drugs, and pugs only,” in their tinder bio. and then you get so disgusted with yourself that you end up ignoring them the whole date and being as passive aggressive as possible to wade off any touching or the impression that you’re really interested in anything other than the free drinks and food you’re getting. it’s a roller coaster really.

all jokes aside, why are we so interested in tinder? is it because we are all secretly narcissists and need the attention of some random guy (or girl) who clearly took hours deciding their images and witty bio? is it because the feelings of loneliness when we are single are literally the worst because when you’re halfway through a nine season tv series and you look at your reflection in the dark screen you realize how upsettingly single you are? or is it because we just want something to make ourselves feel accomplished and appreciated? before you assume that i’m just shitposting and am unhappy about the outcomes of tinder dates gone wrong, i do have some statistics to back me up.

so according to bustle.com; 80% of Tinder users are actually looking for a long- term relationship. so that semi- forgettable looking guy that you for sure swiped left on because he was so plain looking and his bio read, “looking for a real thing, not just a hook-up,” is actually looking for the love of his life. the other 20% of users are looking for a one night stand, or as they put it gently, “not looking for something serious,”. understandable. quick hook-ups are a very real thing, but sometime’s it’s still weird hooking up with some random dude who will probably either get to attached or end up ghosting you right after you hook up. the stigma that Tinder is simply a speed hook-up app is statistically wrong, but it’s still gross when i have to swipe through bio after bio saying, “looking for something causal,” “let’s get high/ drunk and have a good time,”. it’s also concerning when i see “looking for something real on here; if you’re not into this swipe left.” really, the bios are just a block on the guy who i’m looking at.

there are over 90 million people who are currently using Tinder to “improve” their dating life. however, according to mic network inc, 62% of all location based dating apps (in general not even Tinder here) are men. MEN ARE TAKING OVER TINDER LADIES!!! THEY LITERALLY OUTNUMBER US 2 TO 1. the article goes on to say that TInder’s design of swiping is a lot like a cognitive game. and since the human mind (especially them male brain) is reward driven, it explains the new found pleasure of treating future relationships like a game and the competitive nature of swiping. and here we are complaining that the world is full of games and we will never find the loves of our lives because they play too much. and then we swear off men and walk our dogs and drink bone dry cappuccinos and write sassy blog posts about how shitty online dating is. (or is that just me right now?) research has shown that the amount of time men spend on a Tinder session is 7.5 minutes. and women swipe for 8.5 minutes. doesn’t seem that important. but swiping means increasing your chances of matching a person. so while it takes men a shorter time to swipe, they’ll usually like more profiles, increasing their odds of matching and receiving a date, whereas women have 14% chances of swiping a “like” because they don’t go into the reward part of the chase. it is a objective game. the objective being however many people match with you and actually message you. the actual endgame of dates is smaller than matches because by the time your ego is boosted the voice in your head is telling you to move on. so you go back to your 7 or 8 minute long swiping session.

Tinder is the ultimate ego booster. not going to lie, the first time i started using Tinder, i was excited to have the male attention again. it’s fun. getting compliments and being asked what i was majoring in in college and then being told that what i wanted to do was impressive really made me feel like they really valued me. then i would be snapped back to the reality that they were on here messaging other girls the same thing, or sexting them. i had no idea who this guy really was or what he wanted or if he really was interested in me as a person or just as a random hookup. whenever i raised questions about this to my friends they would gently respond, “it’s a hook-up app; they want one thing”. which is honestly true. everyone likes attention, everyone wants to feel special and appreciated. even the douchiest frat boy will agree with me here; when an attractive person tells you that you’re attractive and smart and funny and try to get to know you, it feels really good. and then you walk around thinking you’re the shit.

but really, it’s part of the game. you say things to get a reaction and to get the thing you want, whether it’s a date or a hook-up. it’s all a game. and that’s really disappointing.

i’m a romantic. i like the whole learning about another person and creating a relationship with them at the rate that we are comfortable exploring at. i like the mystery of learning whether or not they like chocolate, their favorite movies, their music taste, and why they are choosing to do what they’re majoring in. i enjoy being the one person that is discovering this. i enjoy being in a relationship based off a growing liking of each other. it’s easier that way and i think that it’s more encouraging to fall in love and have a heathy relationship. also, i like feeling special. i like having the attention on me, feeling like i am the only person that they are focused on in that moment. which is why i suck at dating.

tinder defeats the romance of learning about a person to learn. the conversations go from casual to sexually driven in five minutes or the plans of a date are rushed because both people are literally so starved of actually attention they’ll graph at anything. it’s all a a game. and it’s why i suck at dating. i can’t change the conversation from “what’s your favorite coffee ground?” to something really disgusting. it’s too fast for me! i can’t keep up!

so now that i’m done slamming tinder; i’ll explain the reason behind this post so that my friends who do use tinder don’t get mad at me and tell me i’m just upset because my matches suck and i go into the dates wanting something magical to happen. (i love romance people, i spend my days watching more rom coms than i do doing anything productive).

this post was to deglorifiy the app. it’s actually miserable. you’re more single than ever, or you’re greasy if you’re going on tinder to find a side dish when you’re in a relationship (like you have a person, appreciate them regardless if they’re giving you sex. have the decency to treat them like you love them OR just break up with them so that you’re not hurting a person who loves you because you’re too selfish to appreciate what they have given you). you’ve stooped to the level of “i need an ego boost because i can’t give it to myself”. i say, fuck that. go look in the mirror. you’re hot as hell. you are smart as hell. you are deserving of so much more than some person on tinder telling you you’re hot because they want to get a butt picture or have a hook-up. yeah, being single sucks and you feel wildly pathetic when you have to reconfigure your life because you’re so used to being in a relationship. but is having a tinder really going to make it seem like you’ve moved on? is it going to make them want you back? probably not. it’ll feel good those first few swipes. every swipe will feel like a middle finger to your ex, but after about 8 minutes of swiping you’ll realize how boring this is because you’re really only swiping left and you become even more disgusted with yourself and your list of bachelors. it’s an exhausting cycle.

my advice; delete the app. it’s a game for many of the millennials that use it, and you deserve better than a game. delete the app and read the book you really wanted to read. or start the show that has been sitting in your queue for weeks. learn a different language. go to the movies by yourself and treat yourself to some popcorn and snacks. go hang out with friends and work on their friendships. you’ll forget about the app and that you’re single. in fact, that’s the best way to make it seem like you’ve moved on. move on with grace, but also with some great self- worth. you deserve so much more than a swipe because you slaved for hours to get that beautiful selfie. you deserve so much more than some guy who is solely in the app for the ego boost. but also if this is your thing and you feel great, keep the app. i applaud you for your perseverance and strength to deal with the occasionally greasy assholes whose opening line is “wanna sit on my face and get high?”. i really applaud you for that. you’re doing amazing either way sweetie.