#brief descriptions of who they are to perri are under each heading in case you don't want to read all of it which...

[hcrnimoore]

task 001. who do you love?

for @embersrpg

at first it was only juli on this list, but then it grew and grew and i came to the conclusion that despite perri’s cold exterior (and her own perception of herself as someone unfeeling and incapable of caring), she cares quite a bit more than she likes to admit or to let on. unfortunately this probably means i’ve set her up for a lot of weaknesses haha whoops.

so without further ado: juli blueshade / flax gallocreek / zizania wheatfall / sandor hornimoore

part i. juli blueshade

beloved son.

Perri never sleeps well during Games season.

She never really sleeps well in general, but the restless nights are bad when she’s training tributes, worse since she started taking care of Juli. The nightmares are always the same — their faces morphing into one another's before they become Juli’s, staring up at her with pleading eyes. She must have witnessed him killed for over a hundred times now, like some sick game of spin-the-wheel where he gets to experience every death that her tributes died, every death she could not prevent, every death on her hands.

She wakes with a splitting headache.

The hologram screen in her room springs to life. “Good morning, mama,” Juli’s beaming face fills her vision, and immediately Perri’s heart floods with relief, racing heartbeat slowly calming. Still alive. It had only just been recently that Juli started calling her that. (Before that, she'd been too scared, too unqualified to allow him to call her that. It was always 'Auntie' instead.)

“Good morning,” she greets back, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. If she wasn’t staying at the Training Centre, she would have given him his usual morning hug. “Are you ready to go to school?”

At the question Juli scowls. “Nooooo,” he whines, giving Perri his best pout. He should have grown out of this petulance by now, but Perri is biased — it's endearing still. “I don’t like school. But I made you breakfast!” At this he holds out a bowl of cereal and milk. “See?”

Gods above, Perri loves him, but the small hints of rebellion he’s been displaying lately ages her ten years every time they happen. It’s cute, sure, but if this keeps up as he gets older she knows she can’t keep him safe. Not since she mostly retreated from the social scene at the Capitol to raise him. “That’s so sweet of you,” she smiles, keeping her fears to herself for the time being. Maybe when he was older she would tell him. “I’ll eat your breakfast, and you get dressed for school, alright?”

Juli nods eagerly. “Promise!” he holds up a pinky finger.

“Promise,” Perri echoes back, holding up a pinky finger of her own before his hologram flickers shut.

Back to another day of training.

part ii. flax gallocreek

fellow district 9 mentor.

Perri often wonders if Flax made the better choice.

Flax is a man of few attachments. He returned from his Games bitter (as one should be), keeping a sort of disdainful distance from his family ever since. Perhaps that was what people would call a smart decision. By pushing his family away, Flax keeps them safe. Doesn't marry the man he's always been sweet on, even though he'd promised to be together if Flax makes it back alive. Perri suspects some of it has to do with the fact that Flax had returned from the Games with a temper that he detests, a side of him that he doesn't want to show people he genuinely cares about.

In the end, Flax is probably right. They worked together as mentors, bonded over an unspoken shared weight of being responsible for so many deaths. They'd shared a bed before, once or twice, when Perri was still going through her destructively cynical phase, but they quickly figured out that it was more like pressing down on an open wound than any sort of healing. Flax's kindness has always been brutal; he'd broken things off by telling Perri that seeing her just reminded him of the dead.

Still, it's strange thing. Attachments. Perri had always thought of herself as cold and stand-offish, but recent revelations had shown her that she did have the capacity to care for others, after all. Flax might have been opposed to her caring about him, but she did, in some strange way of hers.

She hopes he doesn't mind.

part iii. zizania wheatfall

fellow district 9 victor; not a mentor.

Zizania is always the earliest to wake in the house. It's difficult to call it 'early', considering she has never slept well ever since she returned from the Games and it was more likely that she hadn't slept at all in the first place. She has a house of her own, but whenever Perri (and often Juli in tow) return to District 9 on the weekends, she stays over at their residence instead, citing the silent loneliness of living on her own.

Which is why Perri is up at five in the morning making pancakes.

There's a resilience in Zizania that Perri almost envies. That's why she's so determined to protect her from the duties of being a mentor for just a bit longer, why Perri treats her like a little sister more than a fellow victor. She’s happy to bear the burden of it all if it means that Zizania can have some semblance of normalcy for just a bit longer.

Footsteps from the stairs signals Zizania's arrival, and Perri turns to greet her. 'You shouldn't have,' Zizania gestures. 'I'm the guest.'

"And I'm the host," she replies, pushing a pancake off onto another plate with a spatula. The pancake-making had ulterior motives (Perri couldn’t sleep at all) but she wasn’t about to admit it "Zi. It's the least I can do for you for watching Juli while I'm gone."

Zizania shoots her a disgruntled look, but it comes off as warmer than she probably intended. 'Thank you.' In a motion of practiced ease, Perri slides the plate across the countertop while Zizania pulls out a set of cutlery from a drawer. She’s been over so many times that she knows where everything is, and Perri’s almost tempted to tell her to move in entirely. 'It smells lovely, as always.'

She smiles. "It's the only thing I know how to cook, after all."

part iii. sandor hornimoore

adoptive sibling.

"I suppose it would be strange to tell you happy birthday."

Perri pauses mid-step. She left for the Games and came back with a kill count and a bad habit of pacing and scratching the back of her wrist when she's nervous.  "Oh," she answers at last. Her voice comes out suspiciously light, though mostly because she's still too numb to feel anything. She has a big house now, in Victors' Village. It's also move-in day, and it's her birthday. "It is."

Sandor looks at her a bit funny, and she doesn't meet their gaze. Perri knows it'll be there, that strange mixture of sympathy and cautiousness. She doesn't want to see it, not from them.

"Well, happy birthday." They barrel on anyway. She supposes it's one thing she's always liked about them: their unfailing honesty. Having grown up together as siblings-but-not-quite, with the adults at the Children's Home more or less hands-off when it came to the children's upbringings, the older ones were in charge of imparting the unkindness of the world on the younger ones. It's why she chose Sandor to come to her new house with her, so it wouldn't be so lonely. "I got you a gift. Besides moving into your house, that is."

That did the trick — a bickering exchange so familiar she couldn't help but retort. "You are so stingy," she answers automatically. "Your generosity is noted."

Sandor snorts. "Hey, someone has to keep your ego in check. I thought fourteen year olds were supposed to be mature."

"I didn't think I would get to turn fourteen." All the wind rushes out of her as soon as she says so, and Perri doesn't breathe in the ensuing silence.

But finally Sandor makes the first move. "Here it is." They toss a tightly wrapped package at her, and she catches it on reflex. "Don't open it until I've left the room."

Still smarting from the exchange, Perri can only nod in appreciation.

(Later, she opens it in her obnoxiously large and empty bedroom to reveal a hand-carved whistle. Carefully, preciously, she wraps it back up and places it into the drawer of her bedside table. She doesn't think she can bear to use it.)