#btw this isn't a hate post to taco. she is very well written but she's also a shit friend in canon. just wanted to clarify!

[maxphilippa]

An small Knife Character Analysis.

"There's more than one ways to be an jerk."

Haven't been too focused on this guy due to my brain going bonkers on Mic, but I had some thoughts right now and I want to share them with you.

Kind of a long post but! It is worth it!

Something about him just wanting intimacy- craving it, wanting to be able to communicate his true feelings without being seen as a weakling or even as an hypocrite of sorts. Thinking how he really is deep down insecure (according to the ii site) and used to project that on the contestants. How he takes so much distance from them but still shows that he really cares about those who are vulnerable.

But no one has, ever listened to him. Perhaps because they're too into their own problems.

Perhaps because he never let anyone get to his heart.

Not even to Pickle.

Of course he softened up to him and shows his most genuine self when it comes to both Pickle & Mic, but...

He wasn't able at all to be vulnerable completely.

But. It's also how he does show that weakness with Mic-

He tells her that what Trophy did to him hurted his feelings. Hurting a jerk's feelings is a very big thing. But here's the thing; Knife represses those feelings and keeps the act no matter what.

But he still failed himself.

"I won't get involved", he got involved with Microphone and told her his own pains.

The whole talk he had with Suitcase- the "bunch of jerks" part. How he seems to be even angrier than Suitcase was at how Nickel was acting towards her.

How bitter he was with Trophy when he said "You're a jock and I'm a jerk" once BB defended him.

How hurt he was when Microphone still defended Taco.

How... how he told Pickle that if he held onto the past, he would never be able to grow and get better on the end.

In a way, Knife is a really good friend, a very smart player and a very clever guy.

He's too emotionally aware to let his feelings weight him down or interfere on his game- even if he's hurt by those whom he thought of as close (Microphone), even if he messed up things for someone he cared about (Suitcase).

In a way. I think that Knife does mean what he says to them. He does mean it a lot.

But, I also think that he may be saying what he wanted to hear when he needed that same type of comfort.

He feels alone. And he hasn't connected with anyone properly to say the least. Sure, cracking jokes, being teammates and encouraging them is something. But actual friendships?

Knife doesn't really. Have them. At all, at least.

You could also argue that it is because most people at the hotel are jerks- which made things more difficult for him. But having Pickle made things easier too.

If it were on canon terms- the good relationships he does have are with three guys, and he stopped talking properly with one of them, and two of them are at the Hotel now

He cared, but now they're not there anymore.

He cares so so much about everyone, but they're all so self centered- too into their own for him to actually get around their heads. He can't get that connection at all.

But.

Do you also realize how Knife's friendships are all with emotionally driven, emotionally vulnerable characters?

Whether they're good or bad emotions doesn't matter. But they don't truly think before acting. Which is the complete opposite of what Knife does.

But the best relationships he has are just so sad.

Nickel? He thinks too much and won't take in count the feelings of others- thinks too much on what could be the best for his team instead of what they truly want. He's shit at emotional stuff. Not like Knife.

Suitcase? Too emotion driven. Always wanting to make excuses- always wanting to be on good terms with everyone. Thinks with her heart most of times, and is scared to speak up her mind.

Microphone? ... She's his complete opposite. Loud, vulnerable and wants to be recognized for who she is. She's selfless. She's always thinking on what is best for others, and then thinks of herself. Heart driven.

Pickle? A sweetheart, naive but kind. Thinks of his friendships too highly, and is unable to let go of the past since it still hurts like hell. But he does want to get better. Heart driven.

Knife truly only got intimacy with Pickle and Mic.

But.

Who's to say that he isn't longing to be his true self?

Who's to say that he just doesn't want to cry his heart out and scream for days in the end?

Who's to say that he doesn't feel responsible to some degree?

He was always there for others.

But he never let himself be the one to be taken care of.

And I think that's just very important for his whole arc.

He is so emotionally repressed that he just wants to be there for those that need help too- he doesn't want them to feel alone. Even if they're stubborn as fuck.

So that's ALSO why Taco and Knife CAN'T even stand eachother.

Not only because of what Taco did to Pickle.

Knife is too emotionally aware.

Taco isn't.

Taco made both Pickle and Microphone like they were worthless due to her lack of understanding at emotions and such.

And you know what Knife did? He made them FEEL better.

He made sure they knew that they weren't broken- that they're not a mess, that they're not pathetic or a failure. That they're okay. That they will be okay with time.

That they should be kind to themselves.

Knife isn't kind to himself by any means.

So that's why he calls himself a jerk! He's being a jerk to himself in many ways!

Not letting himself form true friendships at all (he only truly did form one with Mic at the end since, she was out of the game and such), not letting himself show that he is in fact hurt, covering his sadness/pain with frustration or anger, doesn't let himself be vulnerable in the slighest, hides his own feelings all the time, doesn't show that he does also infact feel out of place on his team

Doesn't let himself show how much he craves company.

Because that's not what a jerk is.

But there's only so much he can truly do about it.

End of Analysis.