#but I tried playing it on piano and it didn't sound anywhere near as good

[onlylovefordandelions]

When I look up the meaning of my name

It means Very Holy

And therefore I am

The meaning of the name I often go by though

Is Lion of God

It is what my father wanted to name me

I am a Leo

And that makes me a Lion

And I must be of God

Because God lives in my fathers mouth

And in his sermons lost betweens the pages of his many bibles

Me and my father have very different views of the world

We disagree on a lot

But we're a lot alike

And I've always been a bit of a daddy's girl

Always vying for his attention

I'd always go fishing with him

Eager to show off my skills

The face of God was in the fish we caught

I can unhook the fish I catch now

Look, I can hold God in my hands

I shine when he looks proud

I show off the music I listen to

And eagerly listen to what he shows me

The sound of God is in the strum of his guitar strings

And the clink of the piano keys

I wanted so badly to play like him

He would cook for us even when he didn't really want to

He'll make milkshakes to make me stay home for just a few more minutes

Even though he complained about me being in his home again

The grace of God is in his Hamburger Helper

And that blessed buttered bread

I clean just like him, snapping at anyone near

Ready to burn down anything in my way

The wrath of God was in his eyes

And the vaccum cleaner

My father has always encouraged me when I want to do something

He supported me when I wanted to be a cook

Taking me to see a college and telling me how he thinks it's a good idea

I was accepted, but I never went

We can start a soccer game

With straw wrappers at a restaurant

Without even speaking

We'll go the whole game

Without even looking in the others eyes

My father talks the most when it's about something he's interested in

So do I

We tend to go on and on and on

Like the Psalms in the bible

But I enjoy the Psalms

My father does not know well how to ask for something

For himself or for others

Neither do I

He turns down the radio, pauses for a minute, then asks

"Do you want to get food anywhere?"

Many people hear him speak the most when he's behind his podium

Reading from what might just be his favorite book

The word of God comes from his mouth

But he also speaks of moutain dew, and us

Either way, I listen

As a joke, I would say the light of God reflects off of his head during his sermons

I don't know if he'd find that funny or not

Mom and us siblings certainly did

And we told him

I actually call my father "Dad" and not "Father"

But when talking of him I usually say "My Father"

Is it because God is in him?

Or is it something else?

I was afraid I'd ruin my already shaky relationship with him

When he found out I loved a girl

But after

He still brings me random gifts that made him think of me

And sends me songs I would like

I feel his small acts of caring

My father hasn't read that many of my poems

I hide them from my loved ones the most

Still

He asked why I don't have a book yet

He said he would buy it

He would read it

The love of God, or maybe just a father, was in those words

I think of them when I don't think a poem is good enough to publish

I think at least dad would read them

He'd tell me they were of worth

And his attention was all I wanted for so long

Though I've never admitted that

So I write more poems

And I keep them to myself

And maybe that's why I'm writing this one

Because I believe he deserves one dedicated to him

And the awkward relationship we have

That I value so much

Just based on those words alone

I cried watching a kdrama scene

That showed a daughter and fathers relationship

That didn't look close in anyones eyes

That was awkward

And they wrote each other a letter on the day the daughter got married

And they both sobbed

And I tried very hard not to

So

Hey, dad

This poem is for you

The one with God in his mouth

I hope you like it

I hope you're proud of me

Despite my flaws

I know I rarely say this

But

I love you

aas

[sign-from-god-complex]

nevertheless

Summary: “Patton’s voice was breathless, hushed and awed. It felt like reverence, like worship and truly the only worthy repayment Roman could think of was a lifetime of this—whispered love declarations and gentle touches, soft and sweet and warm like the sunshine they both held in their soul.”

Pairing: Royality.

A/N: Happy birthday @notveryglittery​!!!!!! You’re such a wonderful person and a wonderful friend and I hope you have a day that’s just as lovely as you are. You deserve it.

Obviously, the song (which I also wrote) goes with the fic. It’s up to you which order you consume them in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's a million ways to love you I know every one You tug and I'm undone

Roman sang quietly as he spun his way around the kitchen, voice floating gently through the air, carried on the breeze coming in through the open window.

It was late afternoon. The sunbeams were soft, every motion prompting warming light to fall against his skin yet Roman barely noticed it. He was entirely unaware of his surroundings, his head caught up in a dizzying whirlwind of melody.

There's a million ways I could ask you I know every one But how do you ask the sun

The song was an original, unfinished piece. He'd begun it weeks ago—lying in bed, his chest overflowing with bubbling affection as he tried to shake off the smile Patton had given him at lunch that day. It’d been something almost incomprehensible in its joy, leaving Roman buzzing and speechless and so present he couldn't imagine a single other place to be.

To come down from its place in the sky Just to be with you I can't ask you to

He'd been working on it almost every night since then—taking those leftover sunbeams he held in his heart and writing them onto the page, weaving them into his voice, placing them carefully into every note he played.

It was the only way he'd found that he could verbalise the way that Patton made him feel. His words failed him every time he went to describe the exact shade of Patton's eyes or the curvature of his smile or the way he made Roman breathless from nothing more than a hand against the small of his back as he pushed past him in the hallway.

They were impossible—wholly impossible—but gosh, did Roman wish.

"Know that I can't count the reasons. They're in every word, even the ones unheard." He closed his eyes for a moment, just letting the wave of music rush through him. "Not changing with the seasons. This is here to last, but I can't ignore the contrast of your warmth-"

The sound of another voice joining in shocked Roman out of his head and he stumbled, tongue tripping on words he'd sung dozens of times. Patton seemed entirely willing to carry the rest of the tune, however, gliding his way towards Roman with something of a wistful expression and causing Roman’s breath to catch in his throat. 

"-and your glow and your hands moving slow. I'm a wreck, I'm a mess but I love you, nevertheless."

His voice was low and soft and it made Roman’s head spin. To hear those words, those sentiments—his sentiments—coming out of Patton’s mouth… it was dizzying. 

Eventually, Patton came to a stop right in front of him and if he were any closer Roman is sure Patton would be able to hear his heartbeat, pounding as loud as thunder in the empty kitchen.

"Wh- How did you-?"

Patton smiled—small, bashful almost and even still it made Roman's heart leap in his chest. "I hear you singing it at night sometimes, when you think everyone's gone to sleep."

Roman flushed deeply at the thought that his secret late-night music sessions weren't quite as secret as he had thought. Quickly, he turned away, not being able to handle seeing the look on Patton's face as he rejected him, letting him down as slowly and kindly as possible.

"It's gorgeous, you know?" Patton asked softly. Roman didn't know—not really—but he let himself nod, not wanting this to be drawn out any further than it needed to be.

And then, Patton surprised him.

"What's it about?"

Roman blinked. "It's..."

He faltered for a second, unprepared to bare his soul right then and there for the only person who could tear it apart like it was nothing. Taking a steadying breath, he gathered his thoughts for a moment before finally speaking.

"It's about love.” His voice was soft and quiet and more than a little uncertain but despite all that he refused to let it waver. “Love that you aren't… quite sure of, love that's riddled with insecurity and doubt but holds up all the same. It's about love that you lay awake at night wishing for while at the same time knowing that asking would be foolish because… something that bright doesn't belong to you.

“It's love that's selfish and love that's relentless and love that's possessive, but, at the same time, it's precious. It's important. You wouldn't ever want to let it go."

Roman could feel his heartbeat echoing in his ears, a steady thumping sound full of fear and risk and love. It felt worth it, though. He'd happily face his greatest fears a thousand times over if only it would lead him back to Patton.

The air was still for a while, still scattered with light from the afternoon sun reflecting off the kitchen counters and illuminating Patton’s thoughtful expression. He looked almost ethereal standing there in front of him—his hair tied back into a messy bun, his eyes big and still tinged with sleep behind his glasses.

He was beautiful. And there was something in Roman that wanted to keep him just like that forever.

"I think I get it," Patton whispered after a moment's silence, "It's like… when you can't understand what he sees in you when you're just... you. And you feel like a disaster but he sees you as so much more, like somehow this cobbled-together car crash of a human being is worthy of quiet words and sweet smiles and blushes that spread across his face slower than a morning sunrise and twice as pretty."

"But even though you don't know why he loves you, you know that he does. And… you know that you love him too.”

For a moment, Roman is sure, his heartbeat stops.

Patton’s smile is soft and hopeful and despite all the years of treasuring every single smile Patton has thrown in his direction, Roman is certain that this is his favourite. 

"You know, it's funny," he said softly, a grin growing on his face and his eyes filling with tears—happy tears, the kind of happy you never think you can feel until you do—"I've never quite been able to come up with an ending."

"Oh?"

Patton’s voice was breathless, hushed and awed. It felt like reverence, like worship and truly the only worthy repayment Roman could think of was a lifetime of this—whispered love declarations and gentle touches, soft and sweet and warm like the sunshine they both held in their soul.

He breathed in, cupping Patton's cheek with his hand and exhaling softly as Patton melted into it.

If this was a dream, Roman almost hoped that he’d never wake up—wanting to remain inside this fairytale with Patton forever, dancing and giggling and loving with every beat of their hearts and a thousand beats more.

Patton’s skin was soft under Roman’s palm and, slowly, Roman leant in, ghosting his lips against Patton’s own. "But I think maybe I’ve finally found one."

And to the sound of fading out chords, Roman closed the gap.

I'm a wreck, I'm a mess But you love me, nevertheless

Taglist: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun @teadays @sandersships @camcam774 @autism-goblin @deadlyhuggles6 @romanthestarstruckqueer @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @rainboots-are-for-snobs @welpweregonnadie @spirits-in-my-thoughts @hold-my-hat @goodandbadisallmadeupnonsense @stop-it-anxiety @figurative-falsehood @jadedfantasies231 @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @poisonedapples @sanders-screams @another-sandersidesblog @do-not-just-see-observe @mychemicalpanicattheemo @primaryyblogg @localtransgrape @fandomsofrandom @gattonero17 @airiervessel @ollyollyoxinfree @tired-and-probably-crying .