#but asexuality doesn't work lik ethat in the ace community

[colorisbyshe]

@vulcains replied to your post: “The thing that bothers me the most about ace discourse is probably all...”:

i'm ignoring the split attraction stuff and i mean ace as in, doesn't feel attraction/want relationships and all that. i think if that was me it would be a relief to meet others who felt the same u know?

@vulcains replied to your post: “The thing that bothers me the most about ace discourse is probably all...”:

i think like, GOD i don't wanna compare being aroace to being a lesbian lmao but when i came out i really noticed how isolating and alienating it is 2 exist around non-lesbians and how much everything centres around men even when you try to avoid it. so i don't know that i'd agree that ace people don't have much to bond over?

There’s definitely an element of that but unfortunately like... the split attraction model exists and there are aces who are “ace but still want sex” and “ace but still experience sexual attraction in extremely specific contexts” and all this shit, y’unno?

If it were just aroace or ace meant “does not want sex” or whatever, it’d make more sense, but the term ace has been stretched so thin to encompass pretty much EVERY relationship to sex that isn’t “loves sex all the time, would find bugs attractive if you drew a human face and dong n them” that it becomes... hard to bond over?

I agree with the isolation you’re talking about for aroace people but there are aroace peopel who have sex and relationships and it’s like...?? If you like at ace positivity (do noT), you’ll see every other post is “POSITIVITY FOR ALL THE ACES WHO HAVE SEX AND FEEL LEFT OUT OF POSITIVITY” and then the next is “POSITIVITY FOR ALL OF THE SEX REPULSED ACES WHO FEEL LEFT OUT!”

And then like... aces can be of any gender, can experience attraction to any gender, and it’s like... it’s not the same thing?

It’s like if a cishet men tried to join you to talk aout what it’s like to not be attracted to men like?? A man’s experience with being aroace would not be the same as a woman’s experience with being aroace because misogyny plays a huge role in how “aphobia” works, y’unno?

A man can get be relatively unscathed whereas a woman can’t.

And if women want spaces to talk about not wanting sex/romance in general, a lot of feminist’s spaces can accommodate that (to an extent).

I think if things were more straightforward and ace meant aroace and they were willing to concede that it’s mostly just misogyny, there’d be a lot more to bond over. But rn when we have posts like “demiromantic people are REAL aros and they’re oppressed and one of us!!” it’s like... I don’t think there’s a bonding point there.

It’s just about amassing the largest number of different people they can think of, affirming that there’s no Wrong Way to be ace or aro, which in turn leads to very little common ground.

It’s their own politics that have ruined actual meaningful shared experiences. There are cishet aces who run kinky porn blogs... like... I don’t tink a sex repulsed aroace is gonna find lots of room for dialogue there, even though they’re both somehow seen as “the same.”