#but feet dont hit the floor till between 1-5

[thehonestmommy]

My Birth Story (Baby #2) - Part 1

2020 brought and withheld a lot of things for everyone across the globe. But for us, quarantined to our home, it brought new life. And as the year winds down, I’m ready to reflect upon the biggest event of the year, Welcoming Galen Angus O’Neill to the world. 

On the morning of September 3rd, I was 4 days overdue and feeing impatient for the arrival of our new baby. I woke around 4 am, and could feel some gentle cramps in my belly. This was not new. Throughout the pregnancy I was fooled over and over again by prodromal labour which I had been enduring for months. I even experienced gallstones during the beginning of my 2nd trimester, so I was no stranger to pains and pangs that lead nowhere. 

I did my best to get back to sleep but to no avail. I laid awake and tried not to pay attention to the feelings. Unable to get back to sleep, I listened to some hypnobirthing meditations for about an hour and a half (which I did often in the early mornings/late nights) and although I didn’t sleep again, I rested and relaxed and practiced my mindful isometric breathing.

At about 5:30 I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the real deal. The pains were not different, but my instinct told me this was it. The slow start to the big show. I shook Ryan awake and said “I think this is it!” to witch he responded “oh..yeah? okay” dismissing what he thought was another false alarm.  But I didn’t feel any doubt this time.

He got up and got ready for work, and reminded me to call him if things get real and he will come home. Our morning went on as usual.

I got up, got myself and my son Lauchlan dressed and took him to daycare. Admittedly, I don’t remember doing this, perhaps because I was distracted, or maybe because I didnt yet realize what was happening during an otherwise normal and mundane morning routine. Whatever the case, I dont remember taking him there….but he spent the day at daycare.

When I returned home I attempted to sleep but again wasn’t able to. Excitement was keeping me awake and alert. I knew rest of any kind was important, made myself breakfast and lounged in bed with the dog (who stayed close with me), while I watched a few movies. A completely chill morning,  but as the morning went on, my cramps were becoming regular, and more noticeable. I began timing them, and although the timing was a little off, I knew this was it. It’s go time!

At 9:00 I texted Ryan:

“Umm….Soon. Contractions are closer together now, about 6-8 mins apart but they are short, only 30 seconds and I can still talk and walk through them.”

He decided to come home as soon as he could, with a brief stop to get get me some gatorade and grapes (both staples in my last birth). 

At 9:30 I texted my Doula to let her know I was quite certain I was in early labour. Of all my birth team, I wanted to call upon her first since she would come to help keep me comfortable if I requested it no mater what stage of labour I was in (Midwives typically wait till signs of active labour). I knew I didn’t need her quite yet so she asked me to keep her posted in case the intensity picks up. 

At 10:30, I paged my midwife: 

Good morning!

I m officially in (at least early) labour. I ve been having surges since 4:15am, and they are getting more intense but are a bit irregular. Most are 40 seconds to a minute long, but are anywhere from 5-9 minutes apart. It’s getting close! (My water did not break and I have no blood or mucus show)

My midwife had a team meeting at noon, so said she could be there by 1pm. That sounded perfect to me, so I laid back down, snacked, sipped water and watched some of my favourite funny moves to help keep my mind distracted; Anchorman (twice!) Step Brothers and Talledaga Nights. (Special shoutout to Will Farrell and John C. Reilly for attending my birth as humour doulas. You boys keep it real)  In the meantime I chatted with my bestie Andrea who agreed to come over and take some photos. Her plan was to come by at 2pm.  Intermittently I listened to some of my hypnobirthing tracks and walked around the house to help gauge how I was feeling. I was still doing okay. 100% comfortable between surges, and still able to talk during them. I used my home-made mala during my surges to remind myself to breathe and relax my face and shoulders (where I hold most of my tension).

Ryan arrived home and got me some grapes and water, making sure I ate and stayed hydrated. He laid next to me and held my hand while the surges came, and reminded me how strong I am, and that we were soon going to meet our newest baby! I was glad to have him at my side, keeping me calm, comfortable, focused, fed and hydrated.

Andrea arrived shortly after and began photographing the goings-on as I laboured in my room. She kept me company and sat on the bed and observed what my contractions looked like while I was cuddled in my bed in my nest of pillows. I was at this time, doing my best to stop talking, turn inward, and breathe slowly as deeply while in a surge, as they were becoming longer and stronger. They would come mid-conversation with Andrea, and I would pause, breathe, and then continue the conversation. I knew trying to talk through them was still possible, but wouldn’t be as beneficial as breathing. 

Soon, My Midwife arrived and confirmed I was absolutely in early labour.  At 2:15 I consented to a cervical check. I was 4cm and 50% effaced, my heart rate and blood pressure were normal, and fetal movement was normal. All green checkmarks. I felt very positive about my progress, and confident that things were progressing well and safely.

As my surges continued to gain strength, I began moving around. Laying in bed was just not feeling right any longer. I followed my instincts and shifted from the bed to the floor. My midwifes assistant offered to squeeze my hips during surges to help relieve them, and it was helping so much. During a surge I leaned on her, I leaned on Ryan, and relaxed on a yoga ball in between. No position was better than the other but changing it up helped keep it fresh. 

Sadly, around this time I heard from my Doula that she was not able to make it. She was attending another birth that was not going well and that mom needed extra support.  I felt like things were going very smoothly for us, so although I was let down, it didn’t send me into a panic. Thankfully she had a backup that was available to attend. Id never met her before, but if my doula recommended her, then I trust that she’s excellent! So she was dispatched to our house.

at 4pm I VERY suddenly began to feel nauseous. Last time that meant I was in transition and the baby was about to come, but i was sure that couldn’t be happening already. My midwife took it as a cue, and offered another cervical check which I would have declined if it weren’t for the nausea. I wanted to know so I consented and found that I was 6cm and 100% effaced.  It was time to get in the birth pool! Ryan realized time was getting close so he stepped out to pick up Lauchlan from Daycare. 

We made our way downstairs and my secondary doula Victoria arrived and introduced herself. She helped me into the pool at 4:30. The water was hot hot hot and so relaxing! I could do nothing but smile as I eased into the water. I could feel all my muscles let go, and like magic my labour picked up. In the first few moments in the pool, observed my surroundings and was filled with an overwhelming joy. I was surrounding by a caring team; my midwives and doula, one of my best friends and my husband and son (who were still on their way back from daycare), safely in my home and during a pandemic no less, when I would otherwise be birthing alone in a hospital. I was so thankful to be experiencing a smooth birth, in the comfort of my own home. The oxytocin wave washed over me, I very soon needed breathing coaching during my surges. They were becoming powerful enough that I needed to make a low guttural hum to stop myself from gasping. I was entering into the primal stage of birth.

Ryan arrived back home with Lauchlan. I wondered what his response would be like, but he was completely adorable and kept me smiling. He didn’t seem phased at all by what was going on. In fact, he was a sweet help; he fed me water and grapes, and gave me kisses over the side of the pool. He was not too pleased however, that he was not allowed to get in it the birth pool with me, but it didn’t stop him from sticking around for the whole show in innocent presence. 

At 5:00 I felt like I needed to pee. Of course, I was in the birth pool. My birth team suggested that if i wanted to stay in the pool I could just pee in there since urine is sterile, but I was 100% not into that! Lord knows how much longer I would be in that water, and the thought just grossed me out. So they helped me out of the tub and I waddled my way through my living room towards the bathroom. I noted to myself how thankful I was that I collected about 20 old towels as I tracked water through my living room (this, by the way, was the only ‘mess’ from the whole birth!) Right at the bathroom door another surge hit and it nearly knocked me off my feet. Thankfully Ryan was there to support me. As soon as it ended, it was like it never happened and I took a moment in the washroom and then quickly went back to the pool. 

Once I was back in the pool, I felt incredibly hot and nauseous. Thankfully I did not throw up (I am emetophobic) but this time I knew that wave of nausea meant I was in transition. My surges were less than a minute apart. I complained of the water being too hot a few times, and we realized it actually was! Ryan began adding cold water to the tub and a cold cloth to my head, neck and back to help cool me down. Things picked up. Ryan started my birth playlist and I found focus again with the music. My doula coached me through the surges and told me I should stop doing the low guttural sounds because I was going to risk losing my voice. She said yell if I need to! It’s time to get primal! During my surges I leaned my forearms and shoulders on the edge of the pool and grasped her index fingers like handle bars.  I felt like I couldn’t go on, like I would perish if I had to endure any more…. And I knew this meant a miracle was about to happen. I knew I could do it and could keep going, bit the feeling of it becoming too much was so strong. I tried to not say it but the words slipped out “I can’t, I can’t do this” and everyone…Ryan my midwives, my doula, my best friend all let out a chorus of “Yes you can. You already are!”  I nodded and kept on.

My next surge at approximately 5:30 my water broke (in the pool). The pressure of it breaking was so strong that It felt like a gunshot in the water. It was so strong that I actually thought for a minute that it was the baby! I was so glad it happened, because I knew it meant the baby was very close. Vitals showed we were both doing well, but there was one issue: meconium in the water. When the water broke, meconium came with it which can be a danger to the baby’s breathing.  My midwife leaned in close and looked me in the eye and said “Sarah, there’s meconium in the water. If you want to have this baby at home, we have to do it now. It’s time to push.”

Pushing was not part of my birth plan. I wanted to let the FER (fetal ejection reflex) take over. But hearing that my home birth was at risk of coming to an end and transferring to a hospital pushed me into a new zone of strength. With the next surge, I pushed as hard as I could. And when it was finished I knew I could do better. The following surge I pushed harder and longer and it brought the babies head down. But something felt wrong… I felt like I was being ripped in half and my hips were being violently pulled apart.  At that moment I flashed back to Lauchlans birth, and how pushing felt so relieving, and I never once felt like it was ‘too much.’ This was different… Like he was coming out sideways. But before my midwife could even check to see what was happening, another surge came and I gave every inch of my life in that final push, and the baby arrived! 5:43 pm September 3rd, 2020. Our quarantine baby, born at home. 

I reached down and lifted my baby out of the water and held my wiggling squishy new baby to my chest. The baby was warm and soft and so alert. The midwives immediately began attending to the baby to make sure all was well, and it was. I leaned the baby back on my forearms and gazed at this beautiful creature.  I observed the baby head to toe, and was taken with how beautiful this child was. And this time (unlike last time) I remembered to check and see what gender we had. It was a boy! I announced it to the room with a slightly disheartened tone because I was SURE it was going to be a girl. I was shocked that my intuition mislead me so much, but I chuckled thinking that ‘Sarah and the boys’ has always been my way of life. Being a boy-mom is my calling. 

I leaned back in the pool and snuggled my new bundle of joy. I spoke gently to him, “hello baby, welcome to the world! I love you already” Ryan asked me “What is his name?” “I’m not sure” I said. We hadn’t decided which of our chosen boy’s names to use. “Alec, or Galen?” I asked “I’m completely okay with both.” “Galen” Ryan said. “Galen Angus O’Neill.”

After some bonding time in the pool, the midwives cut his cord and handed Galen to Ryan for some skin-to-skin snuggles. They helped me out of the water and on to the couch where my vitals were taken and my midwives reminded me that we needed to deliver the placenta (oh, right! it’s not over!)  I relaxed and observed Ryan with our second son in his arms for the first time. He snuggled him and remarked that his mouth was open and looking for food! Once the placenta was delivered and I was stitched from a very mild 1st degree tear, he placed our boy back on my chest where he latched and nursed without any struggle at all. It was perfect. He was perfect. 

After some time with me, he was laid on some blankets on our coffee table and his APGAR test began. Amusing to likely only us, Ryan asked “does he have a bum hole?” and thankfully he did, and pooped right away to prove it!  He passed everything on the test… a healthy boy! We were ultimately blessed. 

We each made guesses at his weight and were shocked to find he was a whopping 9 pounds! Much bigger than I expected!

The rest of my evening was mostly a blur of happy comments and realizing how short my active labour had been… just 1.5 hours! Incredible! the entire labour was about 13.5 hours, roughly the same as my previous labour with Lauchlan (but the active stage was WAY faster with Galen!)

My doula had fed me toasted english muffins and gatorade while I lounged with the baby. Shortly after she helped me upstairs to shower, and tucked me in bed with the baby. I remarked again how incredible home birthing can be, and how lucky I was to do it.

Andrea’s husband Nate came to pick her up and popped in to say hello and congratulations, and brought me a hamburger which I straight up devoured! The midwives took care of cleaning up and put our linens in the laundry while Ryan emptied the pool. Our house swiftly went back to normal and it was as if nothing happened. The only evidence was the new life in my arms.  So strange that the miracle of life had happened in my living room just hours before. 

Even though I would consider this a successful and beautiful birth, it still took me some time to process it. I Think it’s normal to need to put some distance between you and an even so life altering in oder to see it clearly. I can say now, 3.5 months later, that it was a wholly positive birth experience and I am overjoyed that I was able to successfully birth at home. I would do it again in a heartbeat (although I don’t plan on it!!) and I can’t think of anything that I would change. I am so grateful that this happened for us, especially knowing that not everyone is this lucky. A true blessing of an uneventful birth.

Home births, when safe, are such a gift to the whole family. After the birth I was able to enjoy my baby without him being whisked away for test or baths. My husband and son and friend were able to be by my side to witness the miracle. I was able to labour in comfort, privacy, and with dignity and autonomy, able to make decisions that fit my needs. I was able to shower in my own bathroom, sleep in my own bed, and maintain my chosen level of privacy. I ate my own chosen foods, Wear my comfiest PJs. I was in complete control of the environment. and best of all, I was able to snuggle with my baby and toddler to my hearts content, with no one to interrupt me.

The following week was much of the same. Lounging at home in comfort with intermittent home-visits from the midwives to check on our progress. But one week in, our little paradise got turned upside down and we headed off to CHEO once again. But that is a story for part 2.

Special thanks to Andrea for photographing and witnessing the birth of our baby boy. You did a beautiful job and i’m so glad I got to share the experience with you! xo

[iamtaekooked]

Vanilla Rules || Ch 5

Genre: Badboy! au, romance, drama, angst

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: Sexual themes (don’t read if uncomfortable or underage)

SYNOPSIS:

After the incident in the gym you completely lose interest in everything, including your dislike for Jimin. Your complete avoidance doesnt sit well with Jimin and he comes up with a plan to get your attention. 

A/N: Here is Ch5!! I hope you guys enjoy reading it!! Thank you so much for all the love and support you have shown this fic!! ❤️ I hope you guys like it! Also thank you for getting all the chapters over 200 notes!

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 ||  Ch 6 || Ch 7 || Ch 8 || Ch 9 || Ch 10|

It had been a week since the incident in the gym. A week since you had been to college. You didn’t have the strength to do get out of your bed much less the comfort and warmth of your house. All motivation had been replaced by a sense of doom. You couldn’t find the courage within you to face your peers but most of all Jimin. You hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else other than the moment that you had kissed him, albeit forcefully.

The image swam even in the depths of your mind becoming the cause of your sleepless nights. Your stomach refused to take in any food and settled on feeding the anxiety that had managed to grapple you in the past couple of days. You were not ready for whatever hell he was about to unleash on you this time. Never had you ever imagined that a boy named Park Jimin would become you own personal form of hell.

Taehyung had been the only link to the outside world and he managed to tell you the goings on around the college each day, and you would sit and listen to him forming images in your head of the incidents he would tell you about. Sometimes it would be about him getting in trouble in class and sometimes it would be stories of his own clumsiness landing him in trouble with girls. Other times he would open his mouth to tell you about what Jimin did that particular day but he would seal his lips because of the sharp stare you would throw his way.

“Till when do you plan on hiding my dear friend” he flopped down on the couch next to you, propping his feet up on the coffee table. He looked just as tired if not more and you snuggled up to him, placing your head on the expanse of his chest. His arm came to wrap around your shoulder. If you were being honest with yourself the one reason you needed his comfort was because you hadn’t been able to stop worrying about what Jimin would do next.

Taehyung glanced down at you and saw your sullen expression. “I wonder what he’s going to do next” you mumbled against Taehyung’s chest and he caught your hushed words. “I could still beat him up for you ,you know?” you felt his chest vibrate as he let out a chuckle.

“There’s no point. My life is ruined as is” you wearily lifted your head from his chest and let it fall against the sofa. You didn’t think it was going to get better because you knew you had become the talk of the town. The groundless rumour based upon a single forced kiss had made it way around town and you had given up hope that you would ever go back to the days before.

You found yourself pinned against your locker by Jimin who was staring down at you. Closing your eyes you huffed out, a hint of hopelessness apparent in your flaccid body language. He noticed the slumping of your shoulders, the hunch in your back, the dullness that had replaced the usual glow on your face, your chapped lips, dark circles under the eye. He was surprised at the amount of details he noticed about you because he had always assumed he never paid enough attention to what you looked like. But the worn down look on your face and the lifeless look in your eyes caught him off guard. He had never seen you looking so defeated no matter how much he messed with you.

He had grown accustomed to your feisty behaviour, your cold glares, and the some what third grade insults you threw at him. It had become and second nature and hobby for him to annoy you. One could say that the past week had been as boring and dull for him and even a good fuck couldn’t lift up his spirits.

“I was beginning to think you were dead” he chuckled. You quickly glanced at him, and looked away when the image of you kissing him resurfaced in your mind. The awkwardness of the situation wasn’t something you appreciated because he was the last person who was supposed to make you feel as such. Jimin’s face fell as your disinterest in him made itself apparent on your features. The way you refused to look at him, the way your eyebrows didn’t pull together in a frown, the way you didn’t pay any mind to him and just stood there almost lifeless made him feel  something akin to anger.

He wanted to ask you if something had happened but he didn’t know how to communicate that because not only would it make this awkward but he wasn’t supposed to ask you such things and he wasn’t supposed to care about what you felt.

“It’d have been better if I was dead” you mumbled the words and sighed lips curving down in a frown. He wasn’t expecting such a response so his lips parted to give way to a shocked expression. You were staring at the ground with unfocused eyes seemingly looking lost in your own thoughts. He stared at you with concern reflecting in his eyes as they traveled all over your face. Softly exhaling he licked his lips, eyes narrowing in question at your behaviour as he studied you.

He didn’t have a smart reply for your statement ,for your behaviour had him confused so he let his hands slide down the locker from either side of you ,freeing your way to leave as you pleased. Without a parting glance you started to make your way towards your class dragging your feet heavily across the floor. He turned in your direction crossing his arms over his chest as he surveyed you while you bumped shoulders into a few people still looking as miserable as ever.

Jeongguk’s head had begun to spin as he watched Jimin pace around with thumbs twiddling with each other nervously. He lost track of how long Jimin had been at it for. “Hyung! Stop it” he finally had had enough as he marched upto Jimin, grabbed him by shoulders and shook him. “Will you please just come to your fucking senses”

Jimin blinked a few times as if brought out of his trance by the sudden interruption. He sighed heavily , puffing out his cheeks as he returned Jeongguk’s stare. The internal conflict that was facing with himself was eating at him but he didn’t how to convey his frustrations to anyone. In fact he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling because he had never felt such a way before. He was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and thoughts. The biggest botheration was the fact that he was perturbed by your behaviour and even more puzzled at himself for feeling so.

He tightly shut his eyes as he massaged his temples, hoping to gain some sort of relief. He couldn’t even admit to himself how he had been unable to rid his mind of your sunken expression, along with the hopeless look in your eyes as if you had lost your reason to live.

“Why the hell are you behaving like this? Not getting enough v?” Jeongguk cockily raised his eyebrow, feeling proud at himself for figuring it out. But he had no idea.

“Once a fuckboy always a fuckboy” Jimin’s hand came up to hit Jeongguk on the side of his head. Flinching in pain Jeongguk glared daggers at the older boy. If it were up to him he would have Jimin cowering in front of him but he loved and respected Jimin too much to insult him.

“Then why the fuck are you acting like this?” he raised his eyebrows questioningly at Jimin.

“Dont your dare take this wrong way” Jimin pointed at him warningly before breathing out heavily and looking heavenward.

“Its y/n. She’s been acting very weird recently” Jimin spoke the words gulping down the disgust was feeling at himself for caring. Jeongguk’s hands fell to his sides in shock as he stared wide eyed at the man in front of him. He blinked a few times in confusion to process that he had heard right and scratched the inside of his ear in case he missed something.

“Wait. Back the fuck up. You are telling me that y/n- Y/N is behaving a certain way and its getting to you?” A vertical line formed between his eyebrows to express his lack of understanding.

“What the fuck did I say to you before? I don’t fucking give a shit about her” Jimin’s voice rose a little as he stared at the younger boy.

“Doesn’t sound like it…” Jeongguk murmured to himself. Jimin heard him and threw a thunderous glare his way in response to which Jeongguk there his hands up in the air.

“Okay look. You know how I like messing with her? I can’t do that anymore because she hasn’t given me a single reaction today. Not a single fucking reaction. I am not used to it. My day doesn’t go well if I don’t bother her in one way or another. This has been a regular thing for 3 years now. I am so fucking used to it,  that now when it’s not happening I feel fucking weird” he huffed.

“You do realize that you sound like a whipped ass boyfriend who isn’t getting attention from his girlfriend right?”

Jeongguk stepped a few paces back just in case Jimin decided to hit him. He waited for 5 seconds and when Jimin stood rooted in his spot looking lost in his world he assumed his remark hadn’t been heard and sighed in relief.

“We need to do something to piss her off. Something major” Jimin piped up, looking back at Jeongguk the corner of his lips lifting up into a single sided smile clearly indicating that some sort of devilish plan had occurred to him.

Jimin was standing next to the girl’s bathroom, back trained against the wall and hands clasped behind his back. He was waiting for you to show up. His phone chimed and he opened it with a click and found Jeongguk’s message.

Jk: Spilled the juice. She’s going to the bathroom ;)

Before turning off his phone he frantically typed on the screen.

J: Where the hell are you? The bathroom is empty and I need your help. Hurry the fuck up

He impatiently tapped his foot on the ground waiting for both women to arrive so he could get started on his plan. As soon as he saw the newbie coming he gestured hurriedly with his hand. She broke out into a jog and immediately latched her lips onto Jimin’s neck. He couldn’t help but silently gag at the smell of her sickeningly sweet perfume invading his nostrils.

He had to do a double take as he saw you walking in his direction and he hurriedly pulled the girl in the bathroom dragging her behind him and pinning her against one of the stalls. He immediately unbuckled his belt and pushed into her with a strained groan. He didn’t realize how hard it was to actually fuck someone unless he was in the mood. But he had to. As he heard your steps approaching he sped up making the girl moan in pleasure.

“What the fuck Jimin!?” You shrieked in surprise as you fell onto your butt on the floor. Immediately covering your eyes with your hands.

“What the fuck are you doing here!?” You heard him fumble with his belt buckle.

“What the fuck am I doing here? What in the fucking hell are you doing in the girl’s bathroom you fucking perv” you yelled back at him making sure to keep your eyes covered from the horrendous sight in front of you.

“Cant you fucking see y/n?”

“I did see and now I am scarred for life you dumbass” with stumbled steps you stood up from the ground keeping your eyes tightly shut.

Their gross sounds had failed to register in your ears thanks to the music that had been blaring through earphones. You didn’t see them at first but then as you proceeded towards the mirror with the intention of cleaning up the spilled juice on your shirt you saw them behind you.

“Why the fuck are you here you idiot?” his chest heaved up and down as he yelled at you.

“Oh I am sorry but did I fucking fail to mention that this is the girls fucking bathroom. Get the fuck out dumbshit” you held your eyes tightly shut and stood with your back against the wall. You felt a shadow pass you by and you figured it was probably the girl who he was banging, since you could still hear him muttering all sorts of profanities under his breath.

Jimin glanced over at you and couldn’t help but smile as he had finally managed to get a reaction out of you. As he was walking by you he stopped in front of you and muttered under his breath. “Thats better isn’t it?” Although you couldn’t see the smile on his face you heard his words and automatically your eyes flashed open because what in the hell he meant you didn’t know. But before you could even open your mouth to ask ,he was already making his way out of the bathroom. You didn’t realize how frantic your breathing had become, how your hands had clenched into fists at your side until you felt your nails digging into the pain of your skin and your knuckled becoming painfully tight by the second.

Your legs gave out beneath you and sliding down the wall you dropped onto your butt. You couldn’t believe what you had seen. Your stomach churned at the thought , your chest felt heavy and once again you felt bile rise to the back of your throat along with the sour acid pooling under your tongue.

If there was one person who could remind you to be aware and vigilant at all times it was Park Jimin.