#but for real other than the horns i dont have much lasting trauma from this and oleander got off pretty easy on it too cause she's gay

[fruitbearing-thing]

✨Religious Trauma✨ "That voice criticizing you is the devil and he wants you to fail!" No that voice in me is me and I have a dissociative disorder and also fuck you.

[courtinggrievances]

temptingannihilation

replied to your

post

:

HEY, I’M TOO BURNT OUT FROM *~*~RUNNING FROM THE...

woah what the fuck??

> Karkat; Send the log to your omniquad. You need to jam with him about this bullshit.

> Not just about the state of the log, but about.. some of the things you said in it.

Today at 1:03 PM

courtinggrievances HEY, HOW IS THE SHIT SHOOTING GOING?

eridacnis the wwhat god i evven forgot you existed

courtinggrievances THAT WAS A CONVENIANT WAY FOR ME TO ASK YOU HOW YOU'RE DOING WITHOUT SEEMING OVERLY CONCERNED OR WHATEVER, BECAUSE I'M A PIECE OF SHIT WHO DOESN'T CURRENTLY FEEL LIKE TRYING TO GIVE OFF THE IMPRESSION OF A STOIC INDIVIDUAL. ALSO THAT'S. WOW. ALRIGHT, I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING LIE, THAT KIND OF HURTS.

eridacnis hurts less wwhen i remind you that i havve the wworst possible memory and from time to time forget im married to cas

eridacnis but also i dont think theres evver a situation wwhere im not feeling like utter shit

courtinggrievances I MEAN, I GUESS. HOLY FUCKING SHIT THOUGH, I FEEL IT. IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT TODAY?

eridacnis wwell this time its just nightmares hauntin me constantly and me just not bein able to sleep normally at all for the past twwo wweeks and im slowwly at the end of my nervves

courtinggrievances HOLY SHIT, YOU AND ME BOTH. WHAT ARE YOUR NIGHTMARES OF, I'M CURIOUS HONESTLY. LET'S SEE IF THEY'RE SIMILIAR TOO.

courtinggrievances MINE ARE JUST, YOU KNOW, THE CASUAL BLOODSHED AND OBLITERATION OF TROLLMANITY THAT PLAGUES NEARLY EVERY TROLLS DREAMS, BUT AS RECENT AS LAST NIGHT THEY KIND OF GOT... WORSE.

eridacnis shrug trauma dreamin of exes wwho treated me awwful failin to take care of people and things and some other i just forgot

courtinggrievances ):B

eridacnis yeah Today at 2:59 PM

eridacnis so is that all you got to say

courtinggrievances SORT OF? I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN AND SEE HOW YOU WERE, I KNOW THINGS SUCKED EARLIER. FAR BE IT FROM ME TO ACTUALLY SHOW SOME GENUINE FUCKING CONCERN BUT, IT IS WHAT IT IS I FUCKING GUESS.

eridacnis wwell thanks for nothin then

courtinggrievances I THINK YOU MAY HAVE MISREAD THE TONE OF MY TEXT. WHAT I'M SAYING HERE IS THAT I'M SHOWING CONCERN FOR YOUR WELL-BEING EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT IN MY NATURE TO REALLY DO SO. IT'S A TESTAMENT TO US BEING FRIENDS THAT I EVEN SAID SO, YOU KNOW?

eridacnis you showwin me your concern by sendin me a stupid sad emoticon and then fuckin off isnt gonna make me feel any better so no i dont think theres somethin i understood wwrong there

courtinggrievances ALRIGHT, SO WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO, THEN. GO INTO YOUR PAN AND STOP THE NIGHTMARES FROM OCCURRING? MY DUDE, IF I COULD DO THAT, I WOULDN'T BE HAVING SO MUCH SHIT IN MY OWN DREAMS.

courtinggrievances I'M SORRY YOUR EXES WERE SHIT, I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY, BUT THAT SHIT SOUNDS LIKE IT SUCKS GLOBESPHERES AND I HEAR IT HAPPENING SO MUCH ALL THE GODAMN TIME, BUT I'D LIKE TO JUST NOD MY HEAD AND LET YOU KNOW I HOLD SOME GENUINE FUCKING CONCERN FOR YOU WITHOUT IT SEEMING FAKE AS FUCK. I CAN'T EMPATHIZE BUT I SYMPATHIZE.

eridacnis yeah wwell you done evverythin you could to seem fake as all fuckin hell so good job wwith that you really suck at this

courtinggrievances THANKS FOR THE NOTE OF ENCOURAGEMENT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WANTING TO ACCOMPLISH BY INVALIDATING MY CONCERN, BUT IF IT WAS YOU STOPPING ME FROM REACHING OUT TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN, CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, YOU SURE FUCKING SUCCEEDED! SURE STOPPED ME FROM WANTING TO REACH OUT TO PEOPLE I CONSIDER TO BE FRIENDS!! YOU REALLY SHOWED ME!! WOW!! I'M *FUCKING* IMPRESSED!! YOU REALLY BOOSTED MY FAITH IN MYSELF OF MY CURRENT 'BE A GOOD FRIEND' CAPABILITIES!!!

I'M GLAD I COULD LEARN THAT I'M A SUCKY FRIEND TO YOU AND PROBABLY TO EVERYONE I TALK TO ABOUT HAVING **GENUINE FUCKING CONCERNED FEELINGS**, BECAUSE HEY, FOR YOUR FUCKING INFORMATION, THAT'S HOW I ASK PEOPLE HOW THEY'RE DOING WITHOUT SEEING FUCKING CLINGY, BUT YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

I'M GLAD YOU SHOWED ME THE ERROR OF MY GODAMN WAYS!! I'LL CERTAINLY NEVER TROLL YOU AGAIN TO ASK ***HOW YOU'RE FUCKING DOING*** BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I SUCK TENS OF THOUSANDS OF AMOUNTS AT BEING A ****GOOD FRIEND****.

THANKS!!! I'LL REMEMBER THIS. FOREVER. YOU'VE CHANGED MY LIFE.

courtinggrievances BREAKING NEWS FLASH; KARKAT "COURT" VANTAS SUCKS AT BEING A FRIEND. HIS EFFORTS AT REACHING OUT RESULT IN HIM GETTING HIS *~**~FEELINGS~~**~* HURT. MORE AT ELEVEN!!

eridacnis thanks for the slice of guilt trippin after me not bein happy wwith somethin you did to me

courtinggrievances HEY, I'M NOT GUILT TRIPPING YOU AFTER YOU INVALIDATED MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND GENERAL STATE OF BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU.

I'M TELLING YOU, STRAIGHT UP (WHILE BEING SARCASTIC AS FUCK BECAUSE THAT'S WHO I AM) THAT YOU HURT MY FEELINGS BY TELLING ME, IN NOT SO MANY WORDS, THAT YOU THINK MY CONCERN IS STUPID, THAT I DIDN'T HELP, AND THAT I SUCK AT HELPING FRIENDS SO I SHOULDN'T EVEN TRY.

eridacnis i mean you didnt evven try wwith me is all im gettin at and if a friends not wworth the effort then yeah you suck at keepin friends

eridacnis god i cant believve im the one havvin to givve you a lesson there

courtinggrievances HOW THE FUCK YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT DREAMS ABOUT YOUR EXES IS BEYOND ME. LIKE I SAID, I DON'T HAVE ANY, AND I SAID THAT TO AVOID THE AGE OLD ARGUMENT OF PEOPLE GOING 'YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL!!' BECAUSE I FUCKING DON'T, BUT I'M STILL HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU.

eridacnis if someones upset you dont just send them an emoticon and leavve it at that its not that fuckin easy you talk to em try to figure out wwhat you can do for em like talkin about the shit that happened or just simply distractin em

courtinggrievances IF SOMEONE'S UPSET, I SEND THEM AN EMOTICON TO JUDGE HOW MUCH THEY WANT TO TALK. SOME FUCKS JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

eridacnis its sad enough that me eridan ampora has to teach you that more like you wwanted to be left alone cause you didnt care enough as soon as i said is that all you wwere like yeah thats all like if my question wwasnt enough to tell you that i awwaited more then i dont knoww wwhat to tell you buddy

courtinggrievances HOW THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE, I'M THE ONE THAT TROLLED YOU. ALSO, I DIDN'T JUST SAY 'YEAH'. I SAID, SORT OF, AND A HUGE PARAGRAPH OF WHAT I WANTED.

eridacnis yeah you started the convversation but you cut it off too in the middle of me talkin about my problems wwhich is the most awwful fuckin thing to do

courtinggrievances I'M SORRY. I GUESS I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS DOING THAT. TOO BLINDED BY OWN OWN FUCKERY AND HURT FEELINGS BULLSHIT TO REALIZE I STEERED THIS CONVERSATION IN A DIRECTION THAT WAS ABOUT ME. IT'S NOT FINE AND I GUESS I'LL FUCK OFF. MAYBE I'LL TRY TO SLEEP.

eridacnis yeah wwell maybe next time actually think about other people wwhen you wwanna help em oh yeah and noww you wwanna run from it great just great

courtinggrievances YOU EVER TRY TO SLEEP WITH SYMPTOMS OF A CONCUSSION? FUCKING SUCKS.

eridacnis oh no poor you all about you again

courtinggrievances HEY, NEWS FLASH, I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOIRAIL.

eridacnis yeah and not my friend either

courtinggrievances I WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT WHEN YOU GET ALL CAGEY ABOUT THEM AND TELL ME I SUCK AT LISTENING, I WANT TO LEAVE. I JUST WANTED YOU TO TELL ME ABOUT THEM!! I WAS TRYING TO STEER THE CONVERSATION INTO THE DIRECTION OF "BEING UNABLE TO SLEEP" AGAIN BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER. I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO GO "BOO HOO YOU WHINY BRAT, YOU'RE JUST LEAVING" YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME GO THE FULL FUCKING MILE HERE, IF I'M GOING TO MAKE THE CONVERSATION ABOUT ME.

eridacnis oh boy

courtinggrievances FIRST OFF, I'M FUCKING SORRY YOU CAN'T SEE THAT I ACTUALLY WAS TRYING TO SHOW SOME CONCERN.

I'M SORRY THAT'S A BIT HARD FOR ME, BECAUSE HONESTLY OUT OF THE (2) TWO!! PEOPLE I COME TO SEE HERE ON TUMBLR, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY!! ONE!! I ACTUALLY MAKE IT A POINT TO ASK HOW THEY'RE DOING. I'M SORRY I COULDN'T SEEM MORE ENERGETIC ABOUT SHOWING "KINDNESS" AND "COMPASSION" AND BULLSHIT LIKE THAT, I'VE GOT A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER MALARKEY ON MY PLATE RIGHT NOW!!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, LETS TALK ABOUT THAT, AND ENERGY LEVELS, WHICH IS SOMETHING I DON'T REALLY SEEM TO HAVE, WHICH IS AS I SAID, A FUCKING PROBLEM FOR ME. I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I FUCKING CHOSE TO NOT HAVE ANY ENERGY. IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO HAVE ZERO ENERGY TO TALK TO MY SUPPOSED 'FRIENDS', I JUST REALLY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE RIGHT NOW.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE FOR THE PAST TWO PERIGEES? I'VE  WALKED. I'VE WALKED THROUGH SCRUBLAND AND BRAMBLES AND ALL SORTS OF THE MOST HORRENDOUS TERRAIN YOU COULD THINK OF. AND I SAY 'WALKED' LIGHTLY, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE COULD BE BEING FOLLOWED, AND WE EITHER HAVE TO MAKE TRACKS QUICK OR JUST FUCKING LAY DOWN AND DIE.

THOUGH, YOU KNOW, I THINK THE DRONES HAVE THEIR SIGHTS ON OTHER THINGS, SINCE I'M FAIRLY SURE THEY THINK US DEAD SINCE THEY RAIDED OUR LAST SAFE PLACE AND BURNT IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND! BUT YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T KNOW! I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THAT SHIT MUCH RIGHT NOW, MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY TRYING TO KEEP TEMP FROM FREAKING OUT AND NAYA FROM BECOMING EMOTIONALLY DISTANT, KEEP THEM FROM JUST FUCKING LEAVING THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL DEADWEIGHT BEHIND FOR THE DRONES!!

AND YOU KNOW, I'M REAL FUCKING SORRY I CAN'T REALLY HELP YOU ABOUT THE TRAUMATIC NIGHTMARE BULLSHIT, BECAUSE, PERSONALLY, I HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN SIX HOURS IN SIX DAYS, BECAUSE, HAHA!! WELL, EVERY TIME **I** CLOSE MY EYES I SEE INDIGO CLOWNS RIPPING TROLLS HEADS IN HALF BY THEIR HORNS, AND HEAR THE SOUND OF MY PANMATTER HITTING MY SKULL FROM WHEN I GOT TOSSED INTO A WALL BY AN IMPERIAL DRONE TWICE AS TALL AS I AM!! I WISH I COULD HELP YOU ABOUT YOUR EXES TOO, AND I FEEL LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING I SHOULD BE ABLE OT FUCKING DO, BUT I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO PULL SOME RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OUT OF MY ASS CURRENTLY, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, I'M TOO BUSY ***RUNNING FOR MY LIFE FROM THE GODAMN EMPIRE*** OR DID YOU FUCKING FORGET THAT WAS A THING THAT WAS HAPPENING?

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING THOUGH, I DIDN'T SEEM LIKE I CARED, AND I KNOW IT'S ONLY AT FACE VALUE, BUT I DO, YOU KNOW? I'M SORRY, REALLY AND TRULY ACTUALLY, AND I FUCKING HATE IT, BUT I JUST DON'T APPARENTLY HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO CARE *~~PROPERLY**~* ABOUT MY FRIENDS, BUT HEY, AT LEAST I FUCKING TRIED, YOU KNOW? TO SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING. NOT THAT IT MATTERS MUCH BECAUSE IF I FORM ANY FRIENDSHIPS WITH ANYONE, THEY'LL PROBABLY ALL GET CULLED, HAHAH, BECAUSE I'M BURNT OUT AND FUCKING WORTHLESS AT CARING FOR MY FRIENDS, SO YOU KNOW, FUCKING WHATEVER!!

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME ANYWAY, YOU JUST WANT ME TO LISTEN TO YOU AND WHILE HEY, I'M ALL READY TO LISTEN, I'M REALLY JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO CLOSE MY EYES AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING AMBUSHED AND CULLED, BUT THE LAST 'SAFE' PLACE WE WERE IN WAS LIKE FIVE FUCKING PERIGEES AGO AND IT'S REALLY!! REALLY!!! GETTING TO ME THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS TO GIVE A SHIT IF WE'RE CAUGHT, BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TOO FUCKING NIHILISTIC TO CARE IF I BECOME PAINT FOR THE FLAGSHIP MY OMNIQUAD WILL HELM IF THEY CATCH US.

YOURS **~*FUCKING*~* TRULY, KARKAT "RUNS HIMSELF INTO THE GROUND FROM WANTING AND FAILING TO BE ABLE TO HELP THE PEOPLE HE CONSIDERS HIS FRIENDS, ONLY THAT NUMBER IS MINUS ONE NOW SO I GUESS HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT FRIEND ANYMORE, BUT HE'S GOING TO BECAUSE HE'S (KARKAT, ME) AN ABSOLUTE CHUMP" VANTAS.