#but he's always so!!! (starts throwing up starts crying) about binghe getting hurt

[nanyangjj]

aaaaaaaaaaaa i'm going to scream!!! sqq in the midst of feeling horrible pain: as expected of the protagonist! THE PROTAGONIST LUO BINGHE!!!

[spockandawe]

I probably want to articulate some more thorough thoughts once I’m done rereading svsss, but I definitely think that the emotional thread that draws me the hardest into the book is like... Luo Binghe keeps hurting Shen Qingqiu, or being semi-responsible for the ways Shen Qingqiu gets hurt. It starts as early as their field trip to find the Skinner, where Ning Yingying gets captured while Luo Binghe was supposed to be looking out for her, and it results in Shen Qingqiu getting knocked out and stripped and tied up and almost skinned.

And it continues with moments like Shen Qingqiu being poisoned by Without A Cure, or Shen Qingqiu jumping in front of Binghe’s attack in his dream realm, rather than letting Binghe inadvertently damage his own mind. And of course, there’s a lot happening on Shen Qingqiu’s side too, where both for story-ordained reasons and personal-strategizing reasons, he puts Luo Binghe in danger or lets him get hurt, and he will eventually be responsible for throwing Luo Binghe into the Abyss, but Binghe doesn’t know that.

And what really, really draws me in is the escalation of guilt and grief on Luo Binghe’s part over time, especially when it eventually means that Shen Qingqiu dies.... because of him. Was it voluntary/deliberate on Shen Qingqiu’s part? Sure. Is it still perfectly crafted for Luo Binghe to blame himself? Oh my goodness, yes. I live for the ways he lashes out and acts poorly after the Abyss, but I absolutely adore the way things go after the five year timeskip, where he’s at his lowest emotional point, and has been stewing in a mixture of grief/guilt and bitterness/resentment without being able to speak to Shen Qingqiu to resolve any of those issue.

Because! By the time we get to the climactic scene, with its deliberately-terrible sex scene, Luo Binghe sees that he’s hurt Shen Qingqiu, again, and in such a way-- And it’s crushing! It’s awful! Shen Qingqiu is thinking ‘oh my god, i’m the one who just dealt with this, can’t I be the one to start crying???’ which, super fair. But the whole middle of the story has been about how these two are not naturals at clear communication, and it makes such a perfect point for Luo Binghe’s emotions to go.

As far as he’s concerned, Shen Qingqiu is the most important person in the entire world to him, the only person in the world who really matters-- And Luo Binghe is apparently completely incapable of not-hurting him. The times when he’s failed to protect Shen Qingqiu are bad enough, but since he was a child, he’s watched Shen Qingqiu get hurt because of him, or even worse, by him, and even now, he’s looking at what he just did to Shen Qingqiu, what should have been an intimate, tender act, where instead Shen Qingqiu is... more dazed and bleeding, and also dying just a little bit. And Shen Qingqiu again chose to let this happen, he knew what he was getting into, but that doesn’t make it any less devastating for Luo Binghe when he thinks, I did this to Shizun.

There’s something about that scene that I just can’t get enough of. The dull, miserable unhappiness that Luo Binghe brings into the early part of the scene is wonderful, especially since he’s made a really serious effort to express that this has been a long-building breakdown about how nobody, ever, is willing to choose him. But then, after it’s all said and done, and he sees what he’s done to Shen Qingqiu, no matter how consensual it was, it’s even worse. He’s panicking, he’s horrified, he asks Shen Qingqiu why he didn’t just kill him. 

It’s all so compelling to me! I can’t think of many relationships I’ve read that have that particular panicked, unhappy edge to them, especially ones that do wind up happy in the end. All of the mxtx romances have a very different flavor to them, and I think her writing advances in leaps and bounds between her first book and her third. But there’s just something about this that always, always gets me so good. I can see that the book is weaker in ways that her later books aren’t, but I still love it so very much. The leads of her other books have their own deep emotions and moments of intense unhappiness, of course, but there’s something about Luo Binghe’s emotions, and how strongly they come through even when he’s not the pov character, that I just... I love him, your honor

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

SV ch.62

it’s already here. wow. *sweats profusely* IF LBH DOESN’T WAKE UP HERE-

Zhuzhi-Lang said, “Master Shen, please pardon me.”

Don’t! A thousand times don’t! I got into this miserable state when you wanted to thank me, now that you’re apologizing, can I even hope to live!?

SHIZUN I ABSOLITELY LOVE PLS MARRY ME. GUYS HOW CAN I LAUGH THIS HARD WHILE BEING SO FREAKING WORRIED-

EDIT:

Luo Binghe was still sleeping in that coffin, so the blood wreaking havoc in his body could only belong to someone else. Tianlang-Jun said, “Peak Lord, this shouldn’t be the first time you’ve drank Heavenly Demon’s blood, how come you’re still not used to it?”

I KNEW IT

FUCK! AAAAAAH i’m so mad right now can these two please stop being assholes and let my babies the fuck GoOoO-

EDIT 2: okay wHAT

Tianlang-Jun sighed, “Even in this state you can walk so many steps, Peak Lord Shen is willful and resolute, truly an extraordinary person. I should say, you’re even willing to throw away your own life for my son?”

Suddenly, Zhuzhi-Lang said, “My lord, I… this subordinate can’t keep holding on.”

Before his words had fallen, Shen Qingqiu felt the pain suddenly dissolve, his whole body lightening. Right away, he broke into a frantic run. Seeing that he was suddenly able to run away, Tianlang-Jun said, astonished, “Isn’t your blood able to restrain him?”

Zhuzhi-Lang was also at a loss. “Before, I was able to restrain him. But this time I can’t, I don’t know the reason!”

one sec they are like muahahah we got you, i was even getting emotional for the fact that shizun is in fact risking his life also to keep lbh safe my heart MY HEART, and then zhuzuhzuz just pops out with i can’t hold on anymore and I WANNA KNOW WHY WHAT HELPED SHIZUN TELL MEEEEEEE

EDIT 3:

After carrying on for this long, he was already approaching his body’s limits, lingering on the fringe of collapse, his knees turning to jelly. However, he didn’t fall to his knees but was firmly supported by a hand, half carried and half held up.

His head dizzy and his eyes blurred, his gaze focused upwards.

In the murky darkness of the stone corridor, it was impossible to see the face, but a pair of eyes burning with fury and a shining scarlet demon mark shone clearly through the gloom.

PòWEKKG HE IS HERE

HELP

YESSSS

COUNT ON LBH TO ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST ENTRANCE A NOVEL WILL EVER SEE. GO BABY. KICK THEIR FREAKING ASSES AND GET YOUR HUSBAND OUT OF THERE

EDIT 4: 

He said, blandly, “Are you alright?”

Luo Binghe’s tone was still somewhat uncharitable. “Alright? What alright?”

Seeing him full of vitality, he was most likely fine. This being the case, he’d, at last, managed to repay a little favor to Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Then that’s good.”

me internally, reading: i swear these two are impossible. they areobviously worried for each other, but they have two radically different ways of showing it. lbh just goes and yells at him and is full of rage and sparky reddish eyes and can’t keep his anxiety at bay, and in shizun’s eyes it looks like he is angry at him, which lbh maybe is, a bit, but not in that sense -he was just worried sick he’d lose him again and ready to kill whoever did that to him. on the other hand, shizun voices his worry and tries to reach for him a bit, but can’t seem to see past lbh’s anger for now? so he sulks and turns away and yea, that’s it, he actually likes when lbh was all affectionate, there you go shizun.

me, from the outside: this- they- WHY ARE YOU TWO- omg i can’t- LBH YOU FUCKER STOP YELLING AT HIM, DON’T YOU SEE HE WAS WORRIED, YOU ARE TWO, S A Y I T REPEAT AFTER ME “SHIZUN SORRY I WAS TERRIFIED THEY HAD DONE SOMETHING TO YOU I LOVE YOU” iT’s NoT tHaT hArD rIgHt-

EDIT 5:

To exit the Holy Mausoleum, the Xin Mo sword and Luo Binghe were both indispensable, without either one you could only randomly wander around the inside. But, he had risked his life to drag him this far and got a faceful of yelling as a result. It would be pointless to stay there and sulk.

He hadn’t walked a few steps when the energy-draining candles suddenly lit up. The faint candlelight illuminated his side profile. Luo Binghe suddenly reached out to pull on him. “Are you crying?”

*chokes*

hanji.exe has stopped working

EDIT 6: EXCUSE ME DID I SUDDENLY FORGOT HOW TO READ IS SHIZUN   C    R   Y   I   N   G SOIFJGEOIWRJGPOWERKGPOEWRKG NO OKAY WHO TOLD YU YOU COULD MAKE SHIZUN C R Y   I CAN’T EVEN SAY THE WORD OUT LOUD IN THE SAME SENTENCE WITH SHIZUN HE IS CRYING???????

“IN LOVE BUT IN DENIAL” IS THAT YOU????????

EDIT 7: i love/hate how there is always a good excuse for shizun to react to lbh only for there to be another reason

yeah right WHAT A COINCIDENCE

The anger that had just been in Luo Binghe’s voice disappeared without a trace. He said tensely, “So to say, when I heard Shizun crying earlier, it wasn’t fake?” 　　 Shen Qingqiu flew into a rage out of humiliation. “Crying, what crying, I don’t know!”

(SO HE HEARD SHIZUN CRY? DOES THAT MEAN HE FELT SHIZUN HUG HIM?

P L E A S E  IT’S THE ONLY THING I NEED IN MY LIFE RN)

EDIT 8:

The more he looked, the more apprehensive his expression grew. Right now there wasn’t any place on Shen Qingqiu’s body that was safe to look at. He was nothing but a lump of wounds and blood, seriously a spectacle too horrible to endure. Luo Binghe remembered that before he lost consciousness, Shen Qingqiu was clearly in perfect condition. His voice shook. “This… was all for… me?”

Shen Qingqiu was going to start spitting blood. If not him, then who?

(OMG ARE THEY ACTUALLY MAKING PROGRESS? LOOK LOOOOOOOK MY BABIES ARE USING SPEECH TO COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO PROUD.)

He couldn’t say this sort of thing, and he always disliked making a big deal of bestowing affection and showing scars in the past, so he could only spit out four words: “Your hand, let go.”

Luo Binghe changed his face in the blink of an eye, softening. “I won’t let go. Shizun, don’t be mad, I was wrong.”

(*inhales* BABY. HE WON’T LET GO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FIDHGOIEJRGOIEJRIOEGJOIRJGERI)

Having been sent off, Luo Binghe once again latched on to him like sticky candy, you couldn’t even pry him off. “Shizun, why don’t you hit me. You can beat me up to vent your anger, how about that?”

Someone come help me, there’s an incurable M here, who can come lock him up–

(guys let’s keep it pg-13- or not. i am totally okay with going further than that *wink wink*

and anyway, lbh, you can’t solve everything like that-)

EDIT 9:

After wearing him down for quite a while, Shen Qingqiu said helplessly, “…You’ve always been like this, crying and admitting your faults but you’ll die before you change your ways. What use is it?”

At this point, Luo Binghe was almost sobbing. “Won’t it be enough if I change my ways? Shizun, don’t abandon me.”

Seeing him in this good-for-nothing state, if not for the fact that he was still worrying about the bumps he left earlier Shen Qingqiu really wanted to give him a few smacks on the head. Was there something wrong with his teaching methods? How did he raise a crybaby? Luo Binghe, the demon king incarnate, likes to hang on to his Shizun’s clothes and wail when there’s no one around – if he were to tell about this who would f***ing believe it!?

OKAY THIS IS THE USUAL PATTERN EXTRAS AND FF ARE SET ON, AREN’T THEY BEAUTIFUL LIKE THIS? SHIZUN DON’T ABANDON ME 

MY HEARTTTTTTTTT

is shizun finally starting to come to terms with the fact that lbh is not the original one?

EDIT 10: MY BABY WAS WORRIED HE WAS BEING ABANDONED I CAN’T GUYS I CAN’T

I GIVE UP

I CAN’T

EDIT 11: 

Luo Binghe continued, “Just now, I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t know why,obviously I didn’t actually believe it, I didn’t want to say that sort of thing, but in front of Shizun, I never could control myself. I know I’m being embarrassing and losing face, but knowing that Shizun never threw me away but was protecting me all along, that I wasn’t just dreaming this whole time, I’m so happy…”

OKAY LBH CAN YOU SLOW DOWN OR DO YOU REALLY WISH FOR MY DEATH WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, AN ICE QUEEN?

*sobs*

EDIT 12:

He slowed down and said, “Then, you really are alright now?” 　　 Luo Binghe promptly nodded. “I’m alright.” 　　 Just then you were burned so severely, but now you’re completely fine? Shen Qingqiu was quite skeptical and pressed his hand to his forehead, turns out it really was cool and smooth. Shen Qingqiu wanted to retract his hand, but Luo Binghe covered his hand with his own, refusing to let him pull away. His eyes gleamed below their folded palms.

(OH MY GOD

I CAN’T BREATH. WE LIKE BOLD LBH SO MUCH-)

This expression was too familiar. This was precisely that look he saw on that perfect little sheep following him around and eating grass every day on Qing Jing Peak, the young ray of sunlight Luo Binghe.

(i’ll die i know this is how i die shizun is thinking back about little binghe and my life now has a meaning worth living for)　　

Shen Qingqiu’s face was going to turn red under his stare, but he couldn’t bear to tear his hand away by force. Doing such a thing when the other was so happy and colored in excitement would really be giving him a slap on the face.

IS SHIZUN TRYING NOT TO BLUSH? I CAN’TNSIOGWRIJGOIWRJG I AM IMPLODING RIGHT NOW OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG BLUSH AND KISS HIM NOW he is so protective of lbh omg my heart i can’t breath-

EDIT 13:

Outside of the Mausoleum, the scene was bathed in light. Without prompting, Luo Binghe reached out a hand to support Shen Qingqiu.

As a matter of fact, it really had been a long time since they had had this sort of normal interaction.

i feel so lucky to be alive and be able to read this

EDIT 14:

Luo Binghe suddenly said, “But, other than hearing Shizun cry…” 　　 Shen Qingqiu smiled faintly. “En? Who was crying?” 　　 Luo Binghe immediately changed his tune. “Other than hearing someone cry, there was also this strange feeling.”

(OMG PLS DON’T TELL ME HE FELT- *giggles*)

He said quietly, “What sort of feeling?” 　　 Luo Binghe shook his head. “… I can’t say.” 　　 “Does it hurt?” 　　 “It doesn’t hurt, it’s very…”

He hadn’t finished speaking, his face showing a bewildered expression, looking down at himself. 　　 Shen Qingqiu: “…” 　　 Sky pillar hello, sky pillar goodbye!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH MY LUNGS- MY CHEST- HELPPPP- so you’re telling my he felt shizun palming him but he didn’t feel him hug him all the time?!?!?!?! PRIORITIES, I GUESS

LOOK HOW CUTE AND EMBARESSED THEY ARE AAAAAAAH

EDIT 15:

Earlier, Luo Binghe was not quite pleased when he was not able to shatter them into pieces, but now that they had delivered themselves on a silver platter he was quite satisfied. His knuckles cracking, he fixed a glare on Zhuzhi-Lang, growling, “You dare feed my Shizun your blood.”

*swoons* LUO BINGHE. LET THEM SEE.

EDIT 16: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING TO MY SHIZUN OMG CAN YOU FREAKING LEAVE HIM ALONE I AM SO TIRED OF THIS

DO YOU THINK HE IS A HOSPITAL, WITH ALL THESE DIFFERENT KIND OF BLOOD IN HIS BODY!??!?!?!?!??!?!??!

Who else but him would be drinking Heavenly Demon’s blood like Red Bull? Who else but him would have drunk three different Heavenly Demons’ blood?

i love him.

EDIT 17: OF COURSE IT’S A CLIFFHANGER AGAIN

*throws her pc on the floor*

iF tHeY kEeP hUrTiNg ShIzUn I AM GOING TO UNLEASH DEMON LBH LEVEL 9023859032485092384923 AND THEN IT’S YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS-