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#but hopefully by next year i'll have a license and maybe even a job so i could save up some of my money for this kind of thing...
woodnrust · 10 months
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I should treat myself <- does not have the time nor money to treat myself
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dogfags · 2 months
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wah. I can't keep missing school bc I want to graduate and get my license and be able to fucking MOVE ON with my life. but I am sooo fucking exhausted. I'd take a leave of absence but I fear it wouldn't really help bc I still have to work damn near full time at my other job to make the bills. I'm starting makeup class this week so 2/3 days of the week I'll be in class which will be a nice break from taking clients every single day. and I do need to start grinding quotas more bc I've been slacking a bit. I'm just so fucking tired. I can't miss makeup class bc then I won't get the makeup certification which like, I don't rly WANT to do makeup as a career but idk I'd like to have the ability without having to take a whole other class for it if I'm already taking this one. so I'm going to try my hardest not to miss school days for the next 6-8 weeks. I have to take one day off for my hysto consult but that's it I think. I have to get back on my grind. but I am so tired. idk how to get back into the HUSTLE GRINDSET™™ I had a couple months ago. like sure I wanted to die a bit from exhaustion but I was still showing up every day. now I skip school simply if the vibes feel off lmao. and realistically I shouldn't care bc the only person this affects is me, like, me skipping doesn't hurt literally anyone but myself. and even then all it does is just push my graduation date back a bit. hurts my attendance percentage. but I'm still at like 78% and you just can't fall below 67%. but idk. I want to be good :( I am cursed with capitalism grind mindset and I just hope this is as rewarding as it is horribly terribly stressful. if I just get through this maybe I can have a real full time job by spring next year. and then I'll have two days off PER WEEK!! maybe. I might still have to keep working at the coffee shop if I can't make bills on whatever wage I'm making at a salon. which can't be much just starting out. if I push through and don't miss many more days or take a leave of absence I can graduate by mid to late January. by then I should hopefully have about $3k saved up as a cushion for when I get a salon job and I'm making virtually nothing as an assistant/apprentice. that is hoping I can even GET a salon job... (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) I'm praying this is all worth it.
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akirameta84 · 2 years
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god im 17. i turn 18 in september. i have a drivers license. this is kinda scary to think about. im becoming like. an adultish. tbh though i turn 18 at the very beginning of my senior year (12th grade) of highschool. and i def wont be feeling like an adult while still in school so i have this semester and one more whole school year before i have to start feeling like an adult
a lot of other juniors (11th graders) have jobs too and im like. i can barely handle school. no fuckung way i also do a job. im taking a gap year after high school before college and I'll be working then but thatll be the main thing i do (mainly so my parents have less to cover, even if marginally, for college after)
also the college i want to go to is right next to my house basically so i am. not moving out while im in college. my parents are okay with it lmfao because they know its smart. i can save money for an apartment (MAYBE house. but doubtful) while in college because im not paying rent ot anything. they wont charge rent even if im still there after 18 theyre thankfully good parents
but. man. and yknow the days where im extra suicidal put a dent in these plans but ive been doing better. gradually. mostly with distractions and i get worse if i have to think too long because bad thoughts but as long as i have marigold my chances of killing myself are very very low. because with him i can only think about how he would be so distressed without me because he is clingy and loving and wouldnt understand why im suddenly gone.
so mari is my lifeline who thankfully is only a 3 year old cat. he has a long while with me. and hopefully ill be much betterer by the time its his time
wow. ramble. just yeah
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dullanyan · 9 months
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new year tradition of doing my year in review :}
gosh.
2023 um... well. i guess it wasnt the worst. it wasnt the best either.
i had a lot of ambitions for this year that weren't realized, for sure. tried to get a job, applied 2 some places... never heard anything back. wanted to get my license... also didnt happen. also, had a personal goal of mine get even further away...
but its ok. i'll get there.
maybe i wont get my license this year, or get a job, but i can do other things. in fact, in 2023 i tried new recipes, ate new foods, found new music, got closer to friends, made new ocs, wrote lore for flight rising dragons and built a circus in minecraft (that's still very much in progress). ive streamed more, ive finally started uploading more of my streams to youtube, and i even drew a little bit. also, i went to a museum by myself, and it was very fun. i went to the state fair and the zoo, and had a blast :}
this year was also my salad arc, where i ate salads finally. i really enjoy them!
new recipes of this year:
baked macaroni, okonomiyaki, marinated cube steak, chicken fettuccine alfredo, hot brown sandwich, baked sweet potato (its simple, but im counting it), and herbes de provence steak.
new foods i tried are shawarma, gnocchi, pierogi, kibbee, a bean burger, tteokbokki, glass noodles, mapo tofu, ramen egg, apricot jam, strawberry rhubarb jam, and the aforementioned okonomiyaki. yes, i wrote down all my dinners for fun this year :}
for next year, i'll just keep it simple so i dont feel sad looking back.
main resolution is to learn more recipes, using more seasoning. i got a spice rack with a bunch of spices and so i need to learn recipes for all of those.
stream more. even if theres technical issues or i feel anxious, power through it bc its ok. streaming is for fun. maybe one day if i got really lucky it could be a job, but that probably isnt going to happen. regardless, keep it up for fun because i enjoy it.
dont be afraid, and if i am, do it scared. stand up for yourself more. reduce those 'what ifs' and just try it.
stop worrying about being cold or getting sweaty and go for those walks in the park (unless its too miserable). get out more in general and stop being such a hermit.
despite all this, i need to also learn my limits and whats healthy for me. just try to stay healthy, work out more, eat good foods, etc.
i know not a lot will change for me, and that's ok. hopefully i can at least do little things that will help me make bigger, more positive changes later down the line.
let's all have a nice new year ♥
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effielumiere · 3 years
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The Companion 4.5
Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader
Genre: Romance, Idol AU, Drama, Comedy (hopefully lol)
Summary: A year after all their world tour was cancelled with the announcement of the pandemic, Jimin goes through a roller coaster of emotions and he can barely his emotions and he's trying so hard to stay happy. Namjoon and Jin suggested to get a puppy when they got drunk but Joon thought a human companion sounded funny to his drunken brain, not knowing that Jimin took his word seriously. When he finally finds the one who's going to be his human emotional companion, he wonders if she's up for it? And most importantly, he wonders how things would play out with him being Park Jimin and her being... well, a fan... an ARMY to be precise.
Warning(s): Sentences in italics are English words translated to Korean (that sounded confusing but I said what I said). UNEDITED!
Word count: 2k
A/N: This one is gonna be a bit short because Jimin's parts are almost in line with Y/n's, and once that happens y'all are gonna be reading from the third person POV. I won't make this series too long we're already 8 chapters in with the prologue included.
Please don't forget to like, reblog and comment on what you think about this below. The reactions I get motivate me, even the tiniest compliments teehee. My ask box is open in case y'all wanna ask stuff or if something in the story is confusing you🙂 ask awayyy
The taglist for this series is open, same goes for my permanent taglist just reply on the masterlist (The Companion) / Permanent taglist (link!) if you wanna be added. 💜Enjoy this chapter
And in honor of Yoongi Month, please check out my latest story called Girl of my dreams. Yes, it's a Min Yoongi / SUGA story, Click here or go to my profile to see my main masterlist. Thank you babes xoxo.
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March 2021
While we had a lot of fun and were excited of what the outcome was gonna be for our preparations for Butter and Permission to Dance, I had quite a bit more on my plate as I enter Bang PD-nim's office with the other members and our managers, on the seat next to him was the new CEO. I knew- we knew what the conversation was going to be about but I still didn't know how to act and was starting to get cold feet about the idea but Namjoon hyung kept reassuring me... they all did. They would tell me that it was all going to be okay and I'll know how to act when she arrives. That's if she says yes. That right, we still haven't tried to contact her and that was why we were called to the office right after rehersal.
"We thought about emailing her using Weverse and it's going to straight up look like a job vacancy," Bang PD started "With the situation going on; the pandemic, getting a job is not that easy especially since social distancing is implemented on work spaces an example is here at the office, most people are working from home everywhere. So, getting a job offer to fly to another country is a bit of a stretch especially since vaccines aren't fully out yet. There's a way could make her come where, but we have a time strain,"
"What's that?" Namjoon asks
"Jimin has to visit a licensed therapist to get a recommendation letter of some sorts that he really does need an emotional companion," Jin reads out the paper handed to him by the CEO, "Is it gonna take long for him to be able to get a letter?" he asks
"Not really," Bang PD says as he sits on the couch next to me "But he has to be consistently present during the session,"
I smile as I look up at them "I've been going to a therapist," I say quietly and they all look at me as if I grew two more heads.
"What?" Yoongi asks "Since when?"
"A month or so after Namjoon hyung came up with the idea," I tell them as I play with the sleeve of my sweater "I thought that maybe something like this would be requested if our reason for hiring her was to be an emotional companion so I immediately went to a therapist and have been going to her every Sunday since."
"JImin-ah," Hobi says chuckling "Smart move, man! You saved a lot of time!"
"Does it help though? Going to therapy?" Jin asks
"Not entirely," I say honestly "I don't entirely feel comfortable especially when I know that my therapist has spoken to other patients with the same issue since the pandemic and my story is just another broken record for her to endure. I sometimes feel like she doesn't make sense too,"
"All the better reason to get an emotional companion" Jungkook mutters smiling.
"If others are able to get here, then she would too," Yoongi points out "Would she have the twelve to fourteen day quarantine?"
"For her, since it's going to be for medical reasons," Bang PD looks at him "I don't think they'll delay her."
"Good," Taehyung states "So, when will the staff contact her?"
"Tonight," Bang PD, the managers and the CEO say together.
"Tonight?" Namjoon asks "That fast?"
"Yeah," my manager nods as he hands the letter that Jin hyung was reading to Namjoon and I "We're just waiting for your signal, Jimin-ah. Just say the word and we'll email it to her."
I read the letter twice, thrice. Biting my lip out of nervousness, I pass the letter to Taehyung and hold my head in my hands as I try to calm myself down and ignore the thoughts that kept telling me to stop doubting what I'm doing. It was already Spring, she would be here right before we film Butter if we got lucky and she says yes.
"What are the steps that will happen if she says yes or no?" I ask in a small voice, not wanting to think about what will happen if she says no.
"Let's start with 'No'," my manager says "if she says no, then it's simple. You find someone else, probably a local, and I'm sorry to be harsh on you, Jimin-ah. But you'll have to forget about her." I look down, disappointed and sad at the idea of not being able to be with Y/n after month of waiting for her. I was about to get another panic attack when Jin hyung spoke "What about if she says 'yes'?"
"IF she says yes, then on the first meeting we'll have Namjoon explain to her what the job really is, because it will say Executive Assistant which just translates close to Personal Assistant. And it is for a personal and a medical reason why she being hired as an emotional companion for Park Jimin," he states "But, we're not going to immediately reveal that it's Jimin she's working for. We need to see first what her reaction is going to be. Privacy reasons" he shrugs and we all nod in understanding.
"So, Jimin-ssi?" the CEO asks "When do we send the email?"
I look at the other members in question if they were sure about what I was about to do and in turn they all nod as if to tell what they've been repeatedly telling me for the past few months 'It's okay, go ahead'. I look at Bang PD and my manager who smile at me through their masks, another reassuring gesture. I look back at the new CEO and nod my head, "Tonight, please" I added making him chuckle and he motions to Sejin-nim who gives him a thumbs up.
"And now we wait?" I ask Namjoon hyung and he nods "And now we wait. Mini wait."
That evening...
"Jimin-ah!" Namjoon yells as he walks towards the living room of the door where we were all sitting and watching a movie. Well, they were watching. I was lost in my thoughts staring at the floor tired after we hurriedly moved all of the furniture I assembled from Jungkook's house to my apartment earlier after our meeting.
"We're here" I call out to him and he walks in hurriedly taking of his face mask, revealing his very wide grin.
"W-what? What?" Hobi asks "What's up?"
"Congratulations, my brother," he smiles at me "She said yes,"
Everything around me seemed to be in slow motion as the other members cheer and start hugging me, congratulating me and I stare at Namjoon in disbelief as he hugs me last. I thank them and hug them back tightly, tears threatning to fall from my eyes. If others were to watch us, they'd probably think we either won the lottery or the Olympics.
April 2021
It has been 2 weeks since we sent her the email and today was the first time I was going to see and hear her but she doesn't know I'm in the room behind the laptop and camera that was pointed at Namjoon. I rub the palm of my hands on my joggers as I wait for Namjoon hyung who was setting up his camera. The laptop on front of me had its built in webcam covered so I wouldn't be accidentally seen by Y/n.
"You ready?" Namjoon asks and I nod, raising my feet up to where I was sitting to hug my legs as a way of comforting myself.
Namjoon hyung dials her and it doesn't take long for the ringing ro stop.
"Oh, hey Namjoon," her happy voice rings through out the room.
Jungkook who was sitting right next to me nudged my arm with his elbow "It's your girl," he whispers smiling and I smile back.
"Hey Y/n," Namjoon greets her back "How did your week go?"
"It went pretty well, just a lot of information overload with the lessons" she chuckles nervously "Good thing that the lessons touch up more on verbal than written. Aside from my handwriting looking like chicken shit, my spelling is horrible."
"What makes you say it looks like chicken shit?" Namjoon grins
"An batchmate of mine from college says so, she's half Korean and she's kinda helping me with learning and all"
Namjoon nods chuckling "At least you've got someone to help you out, it makes things a little easier as long as she doesn't know who you're gonna be associated with here at Hybe"
"Well, I don't even know who my boss is," she chuckles nervously "I only know you, Jungkook and Taehyung, and the dogs"
I raise my eyebrow at Namjoon in question, I wasn't frequently updated of every detail that happened during
the meetings which was why I can't help but feel a bit of jealousy knowing she's spent more time with them and got to know them earlier than I did. I cross my arms and lightly rub my nose in annoyance and look down as I listen to them talk. Jungkook nudges my arm again as if to tell me to pay attention, but all I did was look between the two of them and muttered to Jungkook "I'll be at home, I'm tired," as I got up and left the room quietly, feeling Namjoon and Jungkook's gazes on my back.
Sitting inside the company car as they drive me home, I thought about getting a planner to write down places I want to visit with her, food I want introduce to her, the arts and culture, places I wanted to take her to dance. And as I watch the streetlights that passed by, I wondered if she would like to go to the countryside with me over on a weekend where we could stargaze and wish on the night sky, and fall asleep blanketed by the stars above us.
April 2021
I stand in front of the door to my apartment unlocking it with Namjoon behind me. The security team told me that she arrived a few days prior and that we could go ahead and visit her at my apartment where she was staying at. Swinging the door open, I let Namjoon hyung enter first and he immediately greets her, and when I look up from my spot behind the door after I took off my shoes, I felt my heart skip a few beats. She was standing in the middle of the room with her hair down, white shirt under her dark blue cardigan and jeans. As Namjoon hyung explained everything that was in the backpack I was carrying earlier, I received a phone call from our manager and had to excuse myself.
"Did you just enter the apartment with her in there, alone?"
"No," I answer quietly "I'm with Namjoon hyung, he's explaining the contract to her. How did you know where I was?"
"Security team followed you, probably didn't see Namjoon-ssi with you," he replies
"We'll be back at the dorm within an hour," I reassure him before I hung up, "Don't worry,"
And true to my word we left within an hour, and went back to the dorm. That evening, right before I went to bed I pulled out my two-year planner from my bedside table and highlighted on the things that were done today.
"Are you sure about telling her?" Hobi hyung asked me as he laid on his bed which was on the other side of the room, a moisturizing face mask plastered on his face, his phone on his lap as he looked between me and the planner in my hands. I bought a binder enough to fit 2 one year planners, "I have to, hyung,"
"So, if she asks you the very moment you spend time with her alone" he inquires "you are immediately going to tell her thwo whole truth?"
"Not right away, no," I tell him eyes widening at the idea "She'll run away if I do, she might even think I'm crazy or a lunatic if I tell her,"
"Well," he started "It does sound crazy, when you think about it. But it will make sense at some point."
"It makes sense to us," I sighed "It might not make sense to her, I'll just have to wait until the right moment."
Flipping through the pages, I land on the month of February 2022 where I planned on telling her how I found her and the real truth on why she was here that the other members, our managers, the CEO of Hybe and Bang PD knew about. The real truth on why out of all the people I could find on that app, I chose her.
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Once again, please don't forget to like, reblog and comment on what you think about this below. Your reactions on this story really keep me motivated🙂
In honor of Yoongi Month, please check out my latest project called Girl of My Dreams. Yes, it's a Min Yoongi / SUGA story.
Click here or go to my profile to see my main masterlist. Thank you babes xoxo.
The taglist for this series is open, same goes for my permanent taglist just reply on the masterlists (The Companion) / Permanent taglist (link!) if you wanna be added. 💜
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