#but how will i ever enjoy life if i psychoanalyze and scrutinize everything for unholiness? i'll find bad in everything and everyone
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I want to be a crazy fashionista fangirl again 💔
#not that i'm like not anymore. i just feel guilty for enjoying worldly things so i stopped watching tv and listening to music#it's been months. it's torture. i want to watch lightyear and thor and listen to harry's latest album and be an ahgase again and-#but i'm satisfied by things other than God. i'm unholy. so i can't enjoy life anymore#just bible study and praise and prayer and service and holy suffering#i can't believe i'm sitting here not knowing what wonho's facade album sounds like and i won't ever get to watch jackson's cruel mv cuz 😈#i know the song is about »fighting« your demons and i think he wins but Jackson baby boo imma christian i can't be seen streaming that mv😅#it looks risky y'know. i know you've been through some dark times tho. that's the story you're telling#just don't know if God will be pleased with my support of it because i'm second guessing everything 🙄#like i didn't see multiverse because... and it kinda kills me cuz i think that's a pivotal film for following the mcu story#will i ever watch mcu and disney films again? will i listen to music again? will i like clothes without being attacked by anxiety?#all these things of the world. is it ok with God to care about them and enjoy them? everything feels evil now. and most things are 🤷🏽♀️#forgive me Lord for the people i love and the things i enjoy. i didn't guard my heart i suppose. i know i can't avoid absolutely everything#but how will i ever enjoy life if i psychoanalyze and scrutinize everything for unholiness? i'll find bad in everything and everyone#i'll have to hate everything....#i'm so tired.... i can't do this... Lord why am i on this earth only to have to hate everything my heart wants?#and to reduce the people i care about to wicked sinners i mustn't support anymore?#what.... what do i do???
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