#but i stand by my statement they were both shitty deaths and theres no excuse for the celebration of either of them

[butgilinsky]

reality // bh

warning; pure fluff

summary; y/n, a writer, stresses herself to the point of tears throughout the night when she tries to reach a deadline 

she sat behind all of the people and cameras, alongside his publicist and his agent. they both assured her that the interview wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, and that he’d be finished in no time. 

she had the best time she could, laughing along with his publicist when he’d do something stupid, and laughing at his publicist when she would worry about him slipping up. 

there was a time in the interview process where he almost let something slip until he made eye contact with his publicist who sent him straight daggers, scaring him slightly. 

“i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that, given the look i’m getting right now.” joe let out a slight laugh, thankful that he wasn’t the one getting the death stare from across the room. 

the process went on, one interviewer leaving the room while another would enter and ask almost all of the same questions as the last. 

she found a chair towards the back of the room, leaning her head on the wall beside her as she felt herself doze off slightly. 

she was woken up from her slight nap when her phone buzzed in her pocket. she mumbled a soft ‘shit’ when she saw her editor calling, excusing herself before answering the call. 

“hello?” she was hoping this was not a bad phone call, and she wouldn’t have to change her plans for the day. 

“y/n, i need another chapter, and i need it soon. we have to get the ball rolling on this project and i know that if you write a few more opening chapters, you’ll kick into high gear as usual. the book doesn’t have a date right now, so you have some time, but i need you to jumpstart the process and try to get your creative juices flowing.” she rolled her eyes at his cheesy statements that were an effort to urge her but calm her simultaneously.

she finished their conversation, assuring him that she would get him another chapter by the end of the week, and it was already wednesday. 

she walked back into the room when the call had ended, and approached ben’s publicist. 

“hey, i have to go home. my editor needs me to do some stuff today and i can’t really postpone it.” the girl across from her shot her a sympathetic look, knowing that the young girl did not want to go home to do work. 

“i’ll let him know.” the girl nodded and thanked her before glancing at her boyfriend one last time before exiting the room. 

when she got home she locked herself in her office and started to get as much inspiration as possible, writing at lightning speed but having to start over and rewrite a few times. she used the backspace button almost as much as every other key on the keyboard in front of her. 

a few hours later and she had loud music playing, trying to strike something within her. her hair had moved from a very straight, composed look to a messy bun atop of her head. her contacts had been replaced with thin silver frames and her outfit had changed from a nice pair of jeans and a cute blouse to one of ben’s old band t shirts and a pair of black ankle socks. 

she turned the music down a few notches when an idea popped into her head and she started typing quickly, only for the door to her office to be thrown open. 

she looked up at her boyfriend who was running a hang through his hair as his worried expression flipped to a relieved one. 

“hi love.” he said softly, smiling at the sight of her shirt. 

“hi.” she smiled at him before typing again. her eyes flicked up to his every once in a while, especially when he moved to sit across the desk from her. 

“what’s going on?” he asked, worrying slightly when he realized she wasn’t in the same mood that she was at the start of the day. he knew how much she hated changing planes at the last minute.

she mumbled something before shaking her head quickly, something she did to rid her of too many thoughts. 

“too loud.” she mumbled, slightly tugging at her hair. 

“maybe you should take a break love. you’ve been at it for almost ten hours.” he looked at the clock on her desk, knowing damn well that she’s been in this room since she got home, apart from her changing her clothes and making cups of coffee. 

“how do you know i’ve been at it the entire time i’ve been home?” she challenged, knowing he was right but finding some hope behind the statement. 

“love.” he looked at her with raised eyebrows, making her laugh softly. “i’ve known you for five years. i know you’ve only left this room to piss and make more coffee.” he looked at the cup on her desk, trying to gage how much she had left. “how many of these have you had?” she shrugged softly, trying to do quick math in her head. 

“dunno, like a pot and a half.” she shrugged her shoulders, seeing him not react much since she’s gone through much more than that in one night before. 

“not bad, but you should probably slow down since you’re due for a headache in about-” he looked down at his phone and tried to work out all the attributes in his head. “thirty two minutes.” he smiled up at the girl who rolled her eyes. 

“i’ve had one for about an hour now, but nice try jones.” she squinted softly as she reread a few lines before her current point. 

“how about i bring you some aspirin, you can write for the rest of the hour and then we can go upstairs and get ready for bed.” he prayed that the girl would say yes and go to bed with him, slightly hoping that her tiredness was equivalent to his. 

and against her better judgement, she does agree. she takes the two white pills that he brings back to her and writes for the remainder of the hour, not being able to write for one extra minute as theres a knock at the door at the last minute of the hour. 

she went upstairs with him and allowed herself to try to relax as she took a shower with her beloved boyfriend, muttering a few ‘thank you’s when he began to rub knots out of her shoulders as the hot water ran over her face. 

she climbed into bed, feeling exhausted as ever and getting comfortable within seconds. the boy beside her did his best to stay up long enough to make sure she fell asleep, but ultimately failed. she slept for about two hours before waking up and not being able to fall back asleep. the thoughts in her head becoming too loud for her to sleep, which created a need to turn the thoughts into a story. 

she crawled out of bed, successfully not waking ben up as she snuck out and hurried downstairs. she made another pot of coffee and finished about five full pages, and a cup of coffee before ben wandered into the office. 

he was rubbing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh at the sight of his girlfriend back in her office chair, eyes glued to her computer screen. 

“you’re going to go blind staring at that thing for so long.” he plopped himself down on the couch that she had set up for when she needed a new seating arrangement. 

“i’m already halfway there, might as well go out with a bang.” she shrugged softly as she watched the boy she loved try to shift his weight around the slightly uncomfortable couch. 

“you’re not going to sleep well on that thing.” she remarked, making him grunt softly. 

“i’m not going to sleep well up there without you either so, lesser of two evils i suppose.” he tried to fall back asleep, but ultimately failed and sat up straight in frustration. 

“why’d you become a writer?” he asked his favorite question to ask in this scenario. when her thoughts just got too loud and he needed to hear her voice as much as she needed to focus on something other than a deadline for more than ten seconds. 

she cracked a smile at the question, seeing another step develop in their nighttime routine. 

“my dad always called my a daydreamer. said i spent too much time imagining things when there was a whole world in front of me where i could’ve made something happen if i wanted it bad enough. and although there were things i wanted, there was no want stronger than to just sit outside somewhere by myself and make up a whole life for myself in my head. i used to think that my life was so shitty because i had thought of such better ones in my head. i started writing my thoughts down when they got too loud to stay in my head. they’d overpower everything around them and push themselves to the front of my mind until i let them out in some way. i started writing little spiels about things that came to life in my mind, and eventually making new realities was my job.” she knew he knew the speech. she had given it to him many times, and he had been there through a part of it.

“you’re absolutely breathtaking.” she smiled at the comment, feeling herself blush and goosebumps rising on her legs and arms as she watched the boy across the room. 

she sighed to herself and shut her computer off, leaving the cup of coffee on the desk as she walked over to ben and straddled his lap, wrapping herself around his torso. she dug her face into his neck and felt herself relax as everything just spilled out of her. 

unwarranted tears started to spill and her stomach caved in as she choked out a soft sob. ben leaned back on the couch, running his hands up the back of her shirt to rub small shaped onto her skin. 

he started to hum softly, knowing that it was better to let her let it out rather than try to soothe her or try to stop something that she needed to release. 

he hummed a few different songs that he could think of before he felt her episode come to an end as she sniffled one last time and pulled back from his neck to rub her nose with her shirt. 

“hi angel.” he smiled as he ran his thumbs underneath her eyes, trying his best to wipe the wetness away from her skin. 

“can we go to bed?” he laughed softly when she smiled at him, pressing his lips to her forehead and nodding. 

“of course we can, love.” he pressed his lips to hers before securing his grip on the bottom of her thighs and standing up from the couch. 

she clung to ben as he shut every light off and closed every door before walking up the stairs and into their bedroom. he laid the girl on the bed before excusing himself shortly and returning with two glasses of water and another pair of aspirin with a soft smile. 

he set a glass of water and the aspirin next to her, knowing that she’d take them when she needed them, which was right now. all that releasing of her emotions resulted in a slight headache. 

she thanked him over and over again for various things, which he deemed unnecessary. “i’d do anything to see you smile for one single second. i love you with everything in me, and i thank you for allowing me to witness you in all of your forms.” she felt her heart melt at the endearing words from her boyfriend that she didn’t think she’d ever get used to. 

she knew that when she fell asleep, that her life was indeed not shitty, and no matter how many false realities her fingers created with a keyboard, not a single one of them would trump the reality she had with ben.