#but maybe i'll wait until i get a verdict on whether my current job qualifies for public service loan forgiveness

[frogsandfries]

Real Talk

Having almost all day, every day, to work on these charms is great. Watching my inventory pile up is a good feeling. Imagining packaging and jewelry sets and curating bracelets; trying to imagine the different ways I can breathe life into this small business--it's all really nice.

However, 2018 was my worst year as far as being employed. Real talk, I spent most of 2018 allowing myself to follow someone who seems more content than I am to kind of just drift around, being lost and maybe waiting for something to click or go right. Maybe he thought he had a plan; maybe he was convinced he actually had a plan. I don't think so.

Don't get me wrong; I still think about him. Even though he hurt me, whether he meant to or not, whether he's a bad friend or just bad at time management, he's a friend with whom I have a long history. It does hurt my feelings that he hasn't messaged me back since the end of February and that he hasn't checked my message to him since the beginning of March. But I still think of him; I hope he's brushing his hair, which is to say, I hope he's taking care of himself.

However, moving around so much has hurt my employment history, and I'm having trouble finding work. I probably would have stayed at the cafe in Arizona, but I couldn't rent on my own, and I ran out of time essentially, to find a work-around. Shitty enough, he said he wouldn't be friends with me if I stayed with his parents and he had to leave; I figured I would lose his friendship anyway, if I left. He might disagree with this verdict, but what else would you call it when your so-called friend hasn't even looked at your last message in almost a month? Like, at least let me know you're okay, asshole.

I know I'm here so I can focus on myself, but my work history is trashed and I'd be up a creek without the support I have here in Wisconsin. This support is how I've been able to focus on my work while I look for a job. However, I'm coming up on a month looking for a job that I'll stick with. I've had two and a half live interviews (and now I'm thinking I should have just tried to stick out the interview that was offering a totally different job from what I was there for), and a phone interview. I've done several more applications and even made a few fruitless phone calls.

There aren't many jobs left that I know of, that I can access using the resources immediately available to me, that I qualify for and can easily access, that I haven't applied for. I don't know if the president is still bragging about job creation and unemployment rates, but I'm not really seeing it. Of course, maybe it's time to go somewhere where I'm almost guaranteed to walk away with a job.

Or...............maybe it's time.

Maybe it's time to take matters into my own hands. Instead of hoarding my charms and building up my stock, maybe it's time to just get my work into the public eye. There are so many ways to do that; I just have to pick one to start. Obviously, it would have been best to start around a holiday season, but at the rate I'm going, it will be a holiday before I get a job. Also, I'll be out of polyclay well before a holiday.

The first thing I want to purchase when I've made my first couple sales is more clay. I do need to use my cool colors more; currently, most of my work uses a lot of red, brown, orange, black and white, and some yellow and a smidge of pink.

Until I start making listings and getting my work into the public eye, it really is just going to sit and collect metaphorical dust anyway. I might as well take a brave stab at earning back at least something. I would say "now" to try to estimate how much I should try charging, but I was exhausted when I woke up. I didn't really intend to write a post this evening, but I'm really frustrated. Two job rejections came in today and I've been looking for like a month, I started looking from Arizona. I have this potential source of income and instead of plastering it all over the internet, I'm concerned with it not being ready, or something happening like last time where I'm almost ready when I get knocked off my balance.

It IS a finished product: Glue, glaze, photograph, list. Bam. Done. I guess really thinking about it, as long as I make it clear that work is sold as-is, they aren't toys, I don't offer repairs or refunds, there's no reason for me to not put myself out there. What is the worst that can happen? That someone meets me to purchase one of my charms and instead of paying for it, they use a weapon and steal it. Maybe they accuse me of stealing from them. Maybe I give out a business card and get spammed with nasty emails or viruses.

Realistically, someone buys my work and emails me a week later to complain their child broke it or their dog ate it. Or maybe they love it and email to request more. Or everyone complains my work is too expensive--they could get the same thing on eBay for a quarter that price.

But also, without a drying system, glazing my charms is a hassle and I would rather use my time feeling productive. Oh wait, I have an idea. I need to make a note.