#but then it feels like i'm observing some kind of mass delusion.

[bredforloyalty]

it's the most annoying thing to me.. i work so hard to ignore it otherwise because it's stupid and i don't want to unfollow anyone who posts stuff i really like and want on my dash because of one show (that they usually don't even post about)!!! but then when they do post it feels like i didn't curate my dash well because that's content i can't help but despise i just cannot outsmart my hate no matter how much i want to and then they post all that and it's like YOU'RE TEARING ME APAHRT LEESA

[muwi-translates]

Collar x Malice Short Story: Inside the Box

Christmas Shiraishi-centric short story.

HEAVY SPOILERS. Only read this AFTER you have finished the first game.

**Please don’t move this translation or claim it as your own.**

Generally speaking, the thing called ‘Memories’ is not clear.

Unlike memory as information, it has no fixed form. Its content can depend on the person.

Sometimes sad memories turn into hatred, and happy memories sometimes turn into delusions.

The human brain can't be trusted. It can automatically rewrite itself for its own benefit.

I, who did not require ‘Memories’ —— surely it is the same for Shiraishi Kageyuki the human.

◇ ◇ ◇

This was when I lived in the ‘Facility’.

Every day, every minute and every second, I lived like a machine.

For me, who knew how to suppress pain and happiness as soon as I understood how, all I had was ‘Curiosity’.

The vast amount of knowledge grew with each passing day. Memories of the outside world were written in letters. Like events of a distant world, even the difficult to read special books were simply ‘Unknown Stories’ to me.

I thought that my desire to know things defined my personality. However, when I think about it now, it may have been a desire planted in me as part of my training. Training to become a perfect doll.

"Christmas. The festival celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, coming from the word "Christ mass", it takes the form of many activities in Japan—...”

Inputting information was simple. However, I was also trained how to ‘Use Memory’. If a huge amount of information stayed on the surface of the brain, it will become confused, so if it is not necessary, there was no need to take out the memory sealed in the deeper layers.

(Gifts are put under a tree, and you gather with your family around the dinner table…)

Perhaps this information will also be stored in a box that is rarely retrieved from.

Of course I knew the basics, it was only carefully investigated because it was related to other information.

(Giving love to each other...for what...?)

The outside world is full of as many far-fetched, mysterious customs as mountains. If you had questions about everything, it would only make the processing slower. But this time, I was not sure why I was so interested in this subject.

"Are you interested in Christmas?"

——Suddenly hearing a sound coming from behind, my shoulders moved unconsciously.

Points are deducted if you are seen reacting. I immediately pretended to be calm and looked back, only to see an unfamiliar face.

“Your hand, it’s been paused on this page for a while now.” 

What peered at me was a pair of eyes full of serenity, transparent no matter where you looked — like glass balls.

"No, I'm very sorry. I memorised it without any problems."

"I’m not blaming you for anything. I know you have good scores here."

He was a high-ranking person who has inspected this ‘Facility’ many times. 

But his appearance did not match his position, with his youthful face. He appeared to be younger than me.

I remembered his name, because it was necessary for me to do so.  —Mikuni Rei. He was a human who worked with those who ‘control’ us.

“I’m interested why you, someone that’s like a precision machine, showed interest in ‘that’, that’s all.”

"I didn't become interested... I just had questions."

"Like?"

“......”

What was the meaning of his response? Was I being tested, or was he being whimsical? Either way, I had no right to not reply.

"Why do humans, who aren’t related to that religion, choose to give each other love on that day? What for?”

"...I think there are many other things similar to it but..."

"Yes. But... after reading this information, I think for the average person, this part seems to be more special than others."

As I finished speaking, he— Mikuni Rei’s eyes became slightly dim for some reason. Careful observation of the facial expression can lead to an answer.

【Pity】

A boy in the ruling class felt compassion for a stray cat trapped in a box.

A sense of superiority, a desire for control, and empathy. There were many times where I wanted to give it a name, but it was difficult to understand because I was immature.

"Human feelings... cannot be explained by theory alone. If you feel special, it must be because it touches your heart.... If the other person is the object of your envy and admiration, they are not bound by rights or wrongs."

Thoughts continued to sound as the words continued.

If ‘we’ have feelings for a particular thing, in his viewpoint, it is not a good thing. However, he agreed.

“Why do you treat me like a human?”

“Eh?”

Asking questions is normally prohibited. But now my curiosity had prevailed. This was a serious error. There should be no more curiosity beyond the rules.

"You said these things about a pawn, things impossible to explain with theory."

"...You are right. I don't know why. It's just..."

 After speaking, his bewildered gaze stayed on me, and then he spoke unwaveringly.

 "Number 14. I... don't want you to be unhappy."

...At that time, he smiled.

But what kind of smile it was— I can’t remember.

Pitiful? Loathing? Hateful? Kindly? 

I don’t remember. I can't remember.

Because it's stored in a box that can't be taken out, deep and deep inside.

◇ ◇ ◇

In my dream, someone is calling my name.

 “————Shiraishi-san.”

Did I always have this human-sounding name? I want to lie and tell myself that this is true.

But it's impossible. Even my name, which was supposed to be just a code, has become so dear to me.

“Oi, Okazaki! There’s no room for you here for dinner!”

"How mean. But it's okay, I'll eat some from Mineo-san’s.”

“It’s NOT okay! No one told you to come!”

“I’m sorry, Enomoto. ...I was the one who called Okazaki here today.”

“Geh! Yanagi-senpai?! When did you fall this guy’s wily ways—!?”

"His voice was so loud we heard it from inside, obviously he’ll attract attention. Yanagi-san probably didn’t want to disturb the neighbors."

“Yanagi-san let me in when I kept saying ‘I’m so cold… I’m so lonely…’, fufu, he’s so nice.”

“So you just left Yoshinari outside? Talk about pitiful…”

“I'll bring him a souvenir later. It's food that Yanagi-san and Ichika-chan made together. It'll definitely be delicious."

“I don’t know if it’ll suit your tastes but… Ah, but Yanagi-san’s food, I promise it’ll move you! It’s definitely not inferior to food you’ll find at high-end restaurants.”

"Why does the stupid cat look so proud?"

"It looks good thanks to Hoshino being particular about the arrangement."

“Yanagi-senpai…! I’m getting a little jealous watching you two compliment each other, please stop it!!”

Ah, so noisy. Completely unproductive dialogue. There’s no calculation and no falsity, the boring everyday that I like.

When did I get used to this warmth and treat it as part of my everyday?

While I was thinking in a daze, Ichika-chan reached out to me.

“Shiraishi-san, come here. The party has already begun."

——Party?  ……Is that so? Has it started?

"These were all made with everything we had. Let's have a good meal today."

 ——Fufu, as usual, Yanagi-san takes care of others like this.

“......Though I really don’t understand what’s so good about a bunch of us adults coming together.”

 ——Although that was what Sasazuka said, he also stayed behind to join in.

"Hey, don't stand there in a daze! You’re the protagonist today!"

 ——Hm? Did Enomoto-kun just call me ‘you’?

“I heard Ichika-chan is giving you a present, right?” 

——Even Okazaki is here… Fufu, he must have come in by force.

"Yes. It’s a wonderful gift I prepared with everyone."

I took a box from Ichika-chan who was smiling as she spoke.

I felt strange rather than happy. I was looking right at Ichika-chan, instead of looking down.

Yanagi-kun patted my head, and it also seemed to feel very big. No, maybe it's because I have shrunk.

Thin limbs, short hair. I am the same age as when I talked to ‘Him’ about Christmas.

(Ah. Is this… a dream?)

It seems I dream too much at Christmas.

"But Ichika-chan. I haven't prepared a gift."

"No, Shiraishi-san. We’re...returning you what you gave us."

“...? What I gave you?”

 "Yes. You gave us… a lot. It's only natural that we want to return the favour."

“I see… so this is what it means… to exchange gifts…”

"Yes. We want to share it, because we cherish each other. Please open it, and take a look."

“Okay.”

I slowly opened the box, and inside was——、

 ◇ ◇ ◇

When I opened my eyes, I saw a familiar scenery.

This was their base, called the ‘Detective Agency’. It also became a place I could feel comfortable as well. 

“Ah, Shiraishi-san, you’re awake?”

A pair of eyes I seem to always see somewhere, someplace, were looking at me. Crystal clear—like glass balls. 

“Ichika-chan…? Ah, huh? Where’s... the present box…?” 

"? Fufu, it's rare to see you half-awake. If you sleep in a place like this, you’ll catch a cold. Are you going to the office to stay overnight?"

I realized the reality as my consciousness gradually returned from my awakening. 

That’s right. The collar—in order to protect herself from those who had declared to ‘pick her up’, she had taken refuge here with her brother.

The deadline announced by Adonis was approaching soon. In order to make her forget this fact temporarily, I had been talking to them about Christmas. When I thought about the gift she gave—and the only gift I could make, I fell asleep.

(Truly... the ‘Heart’ is so difficult to understand. I… must have been scared to have a dream like that.)

 —Everything will end soon.

That smile of his I had gently stored away was blacked out. 

The contents of the boxes I had received from her and everyone had been badly damaged and dirtied.

But I decided not to regret it, even if I was scared or in pain.

Because I got the most precious gift in the world.

"Ichika-chan...Thank you."

"Eh?"

"You taught me my first Christmas, right? So, thank you."

"What are you talking about? The real fun starts from now on."

"...Fufu, yeah."

In a few days, we won’t be able to greet Christmas as we promised. Regardless of what happens, it will only make you sad.

Even if I understand that, I want to see it. I don't want to give up. I want to make my wish come true.

 This is certainly not a sad story.

I, who had received such a present, could not be unhappy. 

Even if I get it dirty with my own hands, this warmth will not disappear.

There’s no reasoning. It’s because I’m human. ...Because I am special.

A shining, sparkling gift for me, who was supposed to be called Number 14.

An opened box filled to the brim with tender memories.