#but they're too defeatist and depressed to do something

[misschinablue]

welcome to the UK, where world leading healthcare is free at the point of use! hopefully you don't need it though. underfunding and shitty management of the public health sector by non clinicians mean you could wait up to six months for an urgent referral. hope all your organs are in good working order because you could die waiting if they're not :) and god forbid you should need to see a GP or a practice nurse for something more minor - the demand highly outweighs the supply and you'll be engaging in the hunger games to maybe get a 10 minute telephone appointment in September 2026 :) mental health suffering? well you are shit out of luck my friend - again, demand far outweighs supply - everything has been cut down to less than the absolute bare minimum - and the criteria for services is sky high now. make a cup of tea and take the crisis line number. you'll be fine right?

welcome to the UK, one of the richest economies in the world! how is it then that living standards are as low as they were in the 1970s, what with the old cossie lives and wages that were already laughably meagre now completely out of sync with how fucking expensive everything is?? i know you worked hard to get your education and onto your graduate scheme and did everything society asked of you to make it in life, but things are different now so here's your mouldy room in a shared house where the rent is a million pounds a month and lol what disposable income aren't you just happy to have a roof of your head?? stop going to Costa every morning for your soy triple shot vanilla latte you entitled little shit! it's not like we've had 14 years of complete mismanagement of the economy or anything! ps. aren't you so tired of hearing that it's all your fault?

welcome to the UK, where we have a welfare system designed to help people.in need, I.e. those out of work and those too sick to work! but good luck accessing that too. and if you want to try - LMFAO! oh honey no one LIKES working. but all this pretending to be too unwell to work ain't fooling anyone! come on mate drop that defeatist attitude and get on indeed.com. none of your conditions are even real. stop using your multiple sclerosis/depression/long covid/terminal cancer as an excuse. fucking sickness culture in this country. the high rates of mental illness especially have no obvious cause at all do they?

welcome to the UK, a tiny country that prides itself on tolerance and has historically seen great benefits to the economy and culturally from immigration! but god forbid we make this an easy place to live for trans people! this Woke has gone too far! and oh my GOD aren't all these refugees SO annoying?! they clearly just want to come here for the free healthcare (you know that non existent thing) and to get welfare benefits (you know asylum seekers aren't entitled to benefits apart from a pittance allowance from the home office right?) and they're absolutely not braving a life threatening journey to escape horrific conditions and persecution in their own country. but whatever. not our problem. off to Rwanda with you. human rights are stupid lmao. empathy? compassion? never heard of her.

welcome to the UK, where we support genocide and saying certain things in opposition of it is actually fucking illegal. i wish i was kidding.

welcome to the UK, where nothing works and everyone is sad.

welcome to the UK. god i fucking hate it here.

british tumblr - even if you don't think it will make a difference, even if you recognise there is just a lesser of two evils here, even if you don't trust any of them, even if you're fucked off and burnt out, i am BEGGING you to vote to get these absolute cretins out of power. we cannot have another five years under tory rule. there will be nothing left.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

12:36am.

My uterus hurts, I haven't eaten all day, and the universe wants me to kill myself.

Sunday, February 23rd of 2020.

This is my version of Friday.

Due to working weekends, Fridays feel like Mondays. Saturdays feel like.... Tuesdays. Sundays feel like Fridays. And a Monday is a more depressing Friday. Then the rest of the week is a confusing blur, until eventually I get back to day one at work.

Life is a blur, to say the least.

Today was..... a mess.

What's happening....

Patrick accused me of keying his car and stealing his license plate. I think he mentioned something about trying acid with his friends before, so I wouldn't be shocked if it was a classic Friday night with his stupid ass friends, and whatever weird shit he imagined seeming like it was his reality. All he really said was that he "heard noises outside last night" and banging sounds...... Sounds like the acid talking. Or was it shrooms? Who cares. I gotta stop dating men that experiment with drugs. They're funny, but usually the most escapist and defeatist people I know. As well as thinking with their dicks.... Hell, Marco had fucked me up, and that guy...... yuck. :/ I shall find better eventually.

A dumbass at my job thought he could shoulder-slam himself against a door, that could only open the opposite direction.... instead of using his KEY CARD. He's so fucking annoying. A lot of the people at my job do drugs, to an extent. Gosh. :/

My period started... explains a lot. I was a little salty to a sweet old lady at work because of it. I'm sorry, Voo. Please forgive me. :( Ur very sweet, have a nice night please.

The time I finally order food from PostMates, I think "I genuinely want to have a meal that comes to me in decent condition. Even if the food is spilled or arrives cold, i will just be happy to receive it and not make a single complaint". And when it arrived, two hours late.... The burger was missing at least half of its key ingredients. And upon trying to report my fucked up food, PostMates noticed I had a problem with almost all of my food before, and refused to give a refund..... I wouldn't have a problem if you just had restaurants that MADE FOOD CORRECTLY. How does one make a bacon lardon burger and forget the bacon lardons? Where the hell are the onion rings, if its an onion ring and bacon lardon sandwich? Maybe if PostMates didnt respond to even the smallest of problems with "Let's comp your entire meal!", then, maybe they'd know when a big problem is a big problem.... God, that had me more upset than my ex contacting me at work today. I already knew this man was an idiot, but the worst you can do is remove the potential of thick bacon slices frlm me when already having no food for the whole fucking day..... It's 1:03am, and I still haven't eaten anything. Even the smell of my fucked up sandwich, which also arrived ice cold, smells disgusting to me.

A post where I successfully vented about getting over my ex was never posted. Tumblr is a terrible app. :) It sucks, none of my actual good writing ever posts....

My entire sense of smell is heightened. Bad breathe went from slightly unpleasant, to vomit worthy. The smell of my own blood makes me want to puke. I can tell when a person smokes weed nowadays. Even the uber ride or anywhere I've been smells rancid, even my own food.... It's disgusting. I was truly lucky, being gifted with a lack of smell senses. (Unless you're my ex, and you sit next to me without showering in dark movie theaters.)

And, my good things.

A sweet lady at work gave me some spare candles, since she had too many. Girl, I love candles. I WAS SO HAPPY! And I didn't wanna express too much joy, or else she'd know to expect a favor from me in return or something. Or, I'd seem sus if I describe my specific excitement for colored and scented candles related to my personal beliefs, BUUUUUT THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL SISSSSS. YAAAAAAS. :D

My sweater is nice and thick, and oversized. Oversized sweaters are the best, since you can't get them dirty if they never touch your armpits. Its been keeping me warm, thankfully its still clean. I've had chills, shakes, and sweats all day. Not amazing, but, thats how periods be like.....

Voo forgave me for being salty, and told another person that I was very nice. Thanks, Voo. I love you. I would die for you. Bless you. You deserve wonderful things in life and I sincerely want that so much for you.

And now I'm at home, watching John Wolfe play the new Lovecraftian Junji Ito Horror Game Release. I'm so happy. :)

.....

Side note: I knew I'd never leave Patrick, if I didn't leave him in reckless ways.

Its a coping mechanism. If I can tell something is bad for me, or a person is so toxic that I still cant help but feel engulfed by them.... I do whatever it takes to end it. Even if I regret it, or it hurts me.

Like that scene in IT, where the older brother shoots Georgie, since he knew Georgie, his sweet armless brother, was actually Pennywise in disguise. And to avoid succumbing to something that would ruin him, all due to a fantasy of what he wished in his head, he had to kill the Pennywise amalgation of Georgie.

So everything I've done to Patrick was to end things. To be a game over.

Since I don't like holding too much affection for people. Relationships scare me for good reasons. I never know what a person will do. Or what I might do. And....... I prefer to never be in them. Trusting someone is hard to tell, and you never know what type of person the one you fall for is.

He was not what I expected.

And I hate what he's become.

A guy that used to never think twice about kissing me and holding me for hours at a time, now struggles for so much as eye contact or sitting close to one another.

He lies. He gaslights. And he's paranoid, constantly. I wish he never changed.

But, he had to. Since the huge red flags I saw that night I first left him? Were too big.

And all that has happened is the flag has been growing bigger and bigger the more that I know him.

Sometimes, I think he's less afraid of me. And moreso afraid of what he will do to me next.

Not comforting. But he clearly knows he will never change, with his stubborn ass.

I hate him so much, but, if not for Valentine's Day, I would have painfully stayed and tried to convince him.

Not my fault I dated yet another coward.

So tired of this shit. God bless and amen. Gonna head to sleep soon. Rest up, loves. Be safe and rest well.