#but yknow what it’s okay. because jack was 26 and kept asking me for relationship advice

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10/26/19 1:42am - Andi 4/?

Okay well turns out google is so smart that I get to keep my text messages too. I’m still too lazy to look through them.

Yknow what was great about Andi? She made me feel great about myself. I always thought it was a little silly, but she used to always say that I was out of her league. I thought she was gorgeous. I was fully convinced that she was me as a girl. I guess it was a little selfish of me to put that perception on her, but things kept popping up about how similar we were. We even had the same phone (though I loved it and she hated hers). 

I guess admittedly I did think she was a little... spoiled I guess? Something about the way that she had to maintain her diet to such bland foods all the time (the few times that she did try to have spicier foods she did always feel sick) and how she always maintained that I wasn’t handling her depression well enough made things feel a little awkward. Like I wanted to heckle her for always eating out and not cooking for herself, or how she’d be slow to take the trash out, or would never do her dishes. I would poke fun at it once in a while if she’d bring it up but I didn’t want to be an ass about it and I didn’t want to parent her. I’ve tried parenting and it doesn’t work in a relationship. Once in a while I’d do little something to help her out like take the trash on my way out, I don’t know. I guess I tried to be a good boyfriend on the low key side. 

I wasn’t really good about buying her things or taking her out or pushing her to go to bars. She was always really fun whenever we’d go out and drink with our friends or go see her sister. But she’d normally want to stay in, and so I’d be fine with staying in because I loved laying around in bed naked, getting some chic fil a, watching one of our favorite animes, and playing some video games. I was obsessed with the new online magic the gathering client, and wanted to be the best Free to Play player ever, so whenever she wanted to play farming sims and one player games we’d just sit next to each other playing something and chilling with her puppy. It was really lovely, actually. She’d be worried that I was bored or something but I always enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it enough that we did that for the majority of our relationship, really.

She reminded me that I had my own issues, too. She was so fucking supportive of me. She wanted me to eat more than one meal a day, and when I’d stuff my face she’d remind me that I didn’t need to eat so excessively because I was eating more. It took me a long time to get, I put on a fuckton of weight lol. She said that I was beautiful, and that I would be even if I put on weight. She said she liked dad bods, so I finally became comfortable in my skin and stopped obsessing over food. She said she loved my hobbies and loved seeing me passionate about them. So I didn’t feel afraid to be a big nerd and to try to show her as much of my interests as possible. It was one of the most content times I’d ever been with myself.

I guess I tried to push the envelope a lot though. I was constantly wearing sweatpants and bummy tshirts and she asked once in a while why I wouldn’t work on my clothing. I told her that I was worried about money a lot and she reminded me I didn’t really need to worry once I had paid weilin off finally. I was still worried about money until after we broke up though.

Life was really weird at that time. A few months after we started hooking up the job switch became official. I got hired out in Raleigh, and ended up moving in with Jack and Eric and their friend who moved out and was replaced by Sidd.

It was really difficult for her to come visit me out in Raleigh. She did a few times, like when my friend Kirbie came to visit, and we had a blast bouncing around bars. But normally it was way too expensive since she couldn’t bring her dog. Especially because she was worried about her dog being around weed? I always thought that was kind of silly. I had a lot of disrespectful opinions about her decisions like that, but I’d try to accommodate them regardless.

So basically I’d always drive out to Greensboro to visit her. The drives were never too bad. After Andi had binged all of Rick and Morty mostly on her own so I wouldn’t have to rewatch it with another girlfriend I started listening to her favorite DnD podcast, The Adventure Zone. I binged the fuckkkk out of it. Unless I was working on a song for karaoke in particular I’d be listening to it at work and on my drives, so most of my media intake during this time was TAZ and Magic The Gathering, and twitch streams. 

Speaking of which, I fucking LOVED that she “got” twitch. All of my stupid twitch speak just made sense to her. Almost all of my internetisms, actually. She just hated when I’d troll and thought it was mean-spirited. Which is pretty fair I guess lol. It just made me feel like I never had to censor myself around her, like normally I was speaking another language to people and with her I could actually speak my native tongue lol.

But despite being pseudo-long distance we maintained dating openly for a while. And then I think what happened was that she hooked up with some people and decided that she’d rather be hooking up with me.

I did the same, I hooked up with one of my coworkers, actually lol. At work, mind you, after we got everything done for the day we fucked in one of the beds lmaoo. She was a little thick but she was about my age so we flirted a bunch when we worked together, and I really couldn’t honestly pass up the chance to have sex with someone At Work. The day we hooked up was supposed to be her last day before she moved so I thought there couldn’t be any harm in it. But she actually got scheduled for one more shift with me wanted to hook up again and I was like nahhhhh 😂. She asked if I wanted a blowjob though, and I couldn’t refuse that. Then she asked if I wanted to hook up After the blowjob and I was like “sorry, still no.” HAHAHAH jeez man I really kinda tossed on that poor girl.  Anyway I told andi about how the thing about hooking up with people that you don’t care about is it reminds you why you want to spend time with that person. She said she felt the same way after her hooking up with people and I think that’s what eventually segued into us officially dating.