#can't believe my bad reading comprehension on the first one tho hsfjdlshfks

[no-psi-nan]

My friend, you did not follow the instructions.... So that means I do what I want.

Monster Satou time, baby!!

So like, how do we make the most normal boy in the world into a monster boyfriend?

↑ This is what a total amateur monster boyfriend creator would say, but I'm a professional, so I'm gonna give it to ya THREE ways:

Platonic ideal average monster. Is he a yeti? A werewolf? A chupacabra? He's very fluffy and he's got at least the suggestion of a snout but he also has feathers and scales on some parts of his body and he can swim?? Saiki is not sure what this undefinable creature is but he loves how calm and pleasant it is about being a cryptid.

Platonic ideal average monster but a different way. What is the scariest thing across all human cultures? Death (and/or what comes after)! Satou is some sort of death-bringing creature, whether a grim reaper, a black dog, a banshee, or maybe all of them depending on what the occasion requires. He's extremely normal about the whole thing though, goes about sending off souls like it's an office job and like he's new to the job but happy to be there. Saiki meets him during a near-death experience and is so charmed that he uses clairvoyance over and over again until he finds Satou doing a job, so he can hustle over and invite him out to coffee.

Personification of a concept. Satou is normal, he's always been normal, and he always will be normal. How long has he been normal? Ever since there were enough people around to establish a norm. He is just some guy, forever and always. Saiki looks on with heart eyes as Satou describes a perfectly average day in 1430's France as if it happened recently and dreams of holding that perfectly average, immortal hand...

(Context) <- now closed