#can't even settle for sex instead of love correctly what is wrong with me

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Date guy was supposed to get back to me with what days worked for him for a second night out either yesterday or today but so far I haven't heard anything. I wanna text him to ask but also don't want to seem too clingy/desperate. People on the FWB track aren't supposed to need attention or reassurance, right? Telling myself that if he actually wants to go on another date, he'll contact me. He's got plenty more people to choose from besides me, anyway. Why whould he be in a rush.

Maybe this is why I almost always just keep my walls up and just turn down like 99% of the various app messages and/or dates I go on. Because as soon as I feel even a little teeny tiny bit of actual interest then I get way too fucking invested. Start agonizing about small details and stupid shit like the length of time between replies. Can't even get a timely response when I've already said I'm down to screw around. Maybe it's better to just stay numb and reject everybody because then at least it feels like it's *my* decision to be alone.

But then I'd never even have a chance to get laid, right? I guess I should get back to swiping. God I fucking hate dating app culture so much it all makes me wanna hurl. Just blow chunks all over my dating history.

[kpop---scenarios]

First Time

Commissioned by: @mon-dayragingslut4monstaxday6​

Pairing: Minhyuk x Reader

Warning: Smut, Unprotected Sex

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: I hope you enjoy!!!

"..It won't be weird, you know? It's just one bestfriend, helping out another best friend to bring up his confidence and lose his virginity." Minhyuk says, clearing his throat awkwardly while avoiding eye contact. 

"Might me momentarily awkward." You fake cough. "But really, Minnie, if you can't even look me in the eye and ask me to sleep with you, how are you actually going to do it? We've been friends for 8 years, I've seen a lot and this would be nothing." You snicker, rolling your eyes. 

"Because it's intimate." He harshly whispers. 

Your cheeks turn bright red at his embarrassment. This is the man you've been in love with for the last 7.5 years. The man who has yet to lose his virginity at the age of 24, the man who gets embarrassed when talking about sex. You shouldn't love him, but you do, with everything you have. 

"When did you have in mind?" You groan, but internally you're excited. You wont lie, there's a part of you that's terrified to do this. What if things become weird between the two of you, or everything gets ruined? Is it a chance you're willing to take? 

Absolutely. You'd felt on occasions that Minhyuk might have shown some kind of signs of liking you back but you need to be convinced enough to admit your feelings to him. Maybe now this was your chance? 

"Tonight. 8pm, don't be late and don't show up hammered either." He chuckles. A part of you knows he's joking but yet the other part, a much larger part knows he's being dead serious too. There have been more times than you'd like to admit where you showed up drunk to important events. You didn't like being nervous and alcohol soothed your nerves. 

"Don't worry, I'll be sober." You yell as Minhyuk walks out of your apartment. 

You had to be painfully sober for this if it was going to happen correctly. You couldn't afford any mistakes, it was now or never for Minhyuk to know how you felt. 

** 

You stare at the countdown on your phone as the time gets closer to 8pm. 

7:58pm 

Take a deep breath.

7:59pm

Knock on the door. 

You raise your hand, preparing to knock on the door but it won't move anymore. Maybe this is a mistake? Sleeping with your bestfriend is usually not the smartest idea, especially when it comes to keeping a friendship. These things tend to never end well, but on the other hand, do you really want to suffer for how many more years of being in love with him and him not knowing. Then you run the risk of him finding someone else, falling in love and you watching him be happy and live a life that should have been with you but instead it's with someone else. 

Knock 

Knock 

Knock 

You weren't willing to chance it. You needed to know if you could have that life, your dream of happily ever after. It was a possibility that was so close. 

"Hey." Minhyuk smiles as he opens the door. You walk into his apartment, his living room is cluttered with lit candles, the lights dim. Laid on the table were two glasses along with a bottle of wine, you hoped was for you. 

"What happened to sober?" You ask, nodding your head towards the wine. 

"Ease the nerves, not get black out drunk." He laughs. "Come sit." He smiles, patting the cushion on the couch next to him.

Quietly, you sit down, placing your purse on the floor before laying your jacket across the arm of the couch. You're wearing a small black dress, with something special underneath for Minhyuk. A sexy red piece of lingerie, his favorite colour. 

"Would you like a glass?" He asks. Eagerly you nod your head, feeling less weird now that you're here. 

The entire time you had been thinking about it, you had failed to remember that this was Minhyuk's first time, but not yours. You were going to have to take the reins, show him what to do and how to do it. If anyone was going to be nervous, it would be him. 

Minhyuk hands you a glass of wine, with what you could only describe as a droplet inside. "The fuck?" You question, looking from the wine to him. "Is this? What do I do with this? I need more, please." You finish holding your glass out in front of you. 

"No getting drunk." Minhyuk warned. "One glass to ease yourself, that's what was said." He tells you. 

"Uh yes a glass, not half a splash, don't be cheap." You smile. 

Minhyuk groans as he pours you now half a glass, as well as himself. He and you down it in one gulp. 

"Okay. So.." you begin before he cuts you off. 

"Come here and sit on my cock, baby. Let me spit in your eye." Minhyuk grunts in a weird deep voice, causing you to choke on your own spit. 

"What?" You ask. 

"Is that not what they say? I've watched a lot of porn you know, Y/N. I do know a thing or two." He smirks. 

"You know a thing or two.. from the unrealistic porn that's like super over dramatic and not very real?" You point out. "Also, what kind of porn are you watching?" 

"I.. well.." he stutters before you wave him off. 

"I don't want to know." You laugh as you get yo and walk towards him. 

Minhyuk stands up, facing you. Your head is pounding while your heart races as you think about the fact you're going to kiss him right now. You wondered if it would be weird, or if he's thought about kissing you? 

You stand in front of him, looking him in the eye as you slowly lean forward, your eyes eventually drifting to his lips instead. 

You finally close your eyes as you press your lips against his, waiting for him to laugh or push you away. But he didn't. Instead he wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you in closer. Your mouth moves in sync with his, as he slides his tongue into your mouth in one swift try. 

You have to admit, you're impressed with his kissing skills, considering he hasn't had much practice. 

"Now what?" He kind of murmurs, his lips barely leaving yours while not even opening his eyes. 

"We need to undress. So take mine, and I'll unbutton yours." You tell him. 

Minhyuk reaches his hands down to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and throwing it behind him onto the floor. 

"Nice." He chuckles, staring at your tits while you unbutton his shirt. 

Once you slide it from his body, you tell him to take off your bra. 

"Uh." He mumbles as his hands stay in the air, unsure of where to go, or how to do it. 

"And you've claimed to watch a lot of porn." You scoff. "In the back. The clasp."

"Ah yes. Well they usually already have titties bouncing when I arrive to watch, so.." he tells you, unclasping your bra with one hand on the first try. "Boom." He shouts. 

"Beginners luck." You scoff. 

"Now what?" He asks. 

"Now, most girls enjoy this, but sometimes you might want to wait for them to tell you to do it unless you know they like it. Suck." You say, pointing down at your breast.

Minhyuk smirks just a bit before he cups your breast and lowers his head, taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking. 

"Mhm." You moan. 

Minhyuk can feel his cock twitch in his pants. 

He let's go with a pop, your face showing just how horny you were now. 

"Pants off." You say, pulling down your yoga pants while Minhyuk scrambles to discard his jeans.  

The two of you head over to the bedroom where you lay down on the bed and Minhyuk just stands there. 

"Is it fucking time?" He asks. 

"Foreplay. You need to fool around for a bit before you get to it unless it's a quickie, but we aren't doing that." You tell him. 

"So not like the porns. They just get right to it." He sighs. 

"Again, not real. Get down here." You tell him. "You can either rub my clit or lick my pussy, your choice. Most times the girl will tell you what they want." You say. 

"What do you want." He asks. 

"Lick my pussy." You say, spreading your legs. 

Minhyuk gets settled in between your legs, spreading your lips with his fingers before giving a few kitten licks. 

"Don't be afraid too…" you begin before Minhyul wraps his lips around your clit and begins sucking. 

"Oh god." You cry out, your hands gripping the sheets. You weren't entirely sure what he was doing to you but it felt phenomenal. "Two fingers.." you moan but he was one step ahead of you, already inserting two fingers inside you. 

"Shit. Fuck. Yes, just like that." You cry, arching your back. 

Minhyuk hadn't realized how good it would make him feel to see someone squirming under him, moaning his name like that. Now he just wanted to rail you. 

"Stop. Stop stop." You cry. Minhyuk lifts his head and pulls his fingers out of you, looking at you like he had done something wrong. "I don't want to cum yet." You explain. 

He understood, but not really. 

"On your back." You demand. "Have you ever had your dick sucked?" You ask. 

He shakes his head no. 

Excellent. 

You pull his boxers from his body, throwing them somewhere across the room. You're impressed by the length and width of his cock, a very good size. 

Licking your lips, you bend your head down, shoving his cock down your throat. 

"Holy fuck." He yells, his legs twitching. "Fuck." He grunts. 

You place your hand on the base of his cock, pumping him while you swirl your tongue around the tip, causing him to moan loudly while you lick up some pre cum. 

"Please stop, but don't stop, but stop." He groans. 

"Which one is it?" You ask, taking a small break. 

"If you don't stop I will cum." He admits. 

"Okay, so.." you begin but are cut off. 

"Now it's fucking time." Minhyuk excitedly says. 

"What position?" You ask. 

"Uhh.. regular? You know, normal.." he mumbles. 

"Missionary? Cow girl? Doggy? Reverse cowgirl?" You ask, just naming off a few. 

"Doggy?" He asks. You nod your head and get onto all fours, putting your head onto the mattress. 

"Yeah that's right." He grunts. "You gonna take my cock like the whore you are? Dirty fucking slut..face..slut" He says, landing a hard smack on your ass. 

"What the fuck." You partially laugh. 

"Is that not okay?" He wonders. 

"Make sure whoever you're fucking is okay with being called names. Personally I love it, but also have confidence. Slut face slut? Not your finest." You tell him. 

"Fair enough." He agrees, clearing his throat. He lines his cock up with your pussy before slowly pushing himself into you. 

"Oh.. holy.. shit.. so tight." He moans as he enters you fully. "Feels.. amazing." He grunts, tightly gripping onto your hips. 

"Now fuck me." You whine, grinding yourself against him. 

Minhyuk slowly pulls himself out of you before pushing back in, moaning loudly each time.

"Faster." You groaned, and needed him to slam himself into you. 

"I don't want to hurt you." He whispers. 

"I'll tell you if I'm hurting or not, until then rail me hard." You say. 

It was like a switch inside Minhyuk was flicked. He began to pound his cock into you, his nails and fingertips digging into your hips so hard you knew there would be bruises. 

"God yes" you cry. "Pull my hair." 

Without hesitation, Minhyuk grabs a clump of your hair, yanking your head back as he continues to ram you. 

When he let's go, your head hits the mattress once again. You reach down in between your legs to rub your clit while you have your ass as high in the air as you can for Minhyuk. 

Without you needing to ask, he lands another hard smack on your ass, sending shivers down your spine. 

"You like that, baby?" He grunts, fucking you raw. 

You liked it even more when he called you baby. 

"Yes." You moan. 

"Yes what?" He snaps.

You'd never pictured him as a daddy type, but then again you never really know. 

"Yes daddy." You moan.

"Fuck do I love that. Good little cock whore." He grunts. "You gonna cum for me?" He asks. 

"Shit. Yes daddy." You cry out, your fingers rubbing fast allowing your orgasm to come quickly. 

"Cum baby, cum for me." He yells and you do. As your orgasm washes through your body, you cry out while your body shakes and Minhyuk fucks you harshly, chasing his own high. 

"I'm gonna cum." He grunts. 

"Cum inside me." You cry out, just as he cums, filling your pussy up with his warm cream. 

"Oh my god. Fuck." He grunts as he slowly thrusts himself into you, spilling everything he has inside of him. 

"That was.. wow." You huff, laying in his bed, side by side. 

"I have a confession." He breathes. "There's a reason why I haven't fucked anyone " 

"What?" You ask, nervously. 

"I've been waiting for the right time to ask you.. because I've only wanted you but you were with Jooheon or whatever. So I waited." He admits. 

"Why did you wait?" You ask. 

"Because I've loved you for years, and I wanted my first time to be with you. I love you." He tells you, turning his head to look at you. 

"I love you too." You whisper.