#consider click BEFRIENDED. unfortunately that's a threat

[cyberiada]

attack on @hackingmachine !! funniest coincidence of all time. and why they both named cordian

[flore089gaming-blog]

How one can (Do) SIMS four Cell In 24 Hours Or Less Without spending a dime

Electronic Arts Posts Powerful Q2 Results On Apex Legends, sims mobile 4, FIFA Ultimate Group

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[lalainajanes]

Klaroline as mates and Caroline questioning Klaus' sanity and/or thinking he was knocked on the head one too many times in the last thousand years for this to even be a possibility. :]

Everywhere With You

She stumbles, deliberate and maybe too theatrical, wind milling her arms and tottering like the heel’sshe’s wearing are going to be her downfall. They’re not - Caroline spent muchof her early teens prepping for Miss Mystic walking the stairs of her house ina cheap pair of pumps from Payless (getting her mom to buy them had been an ordeal) with a book on her head – butthe creep who’s following her has no way of knowing that.

Caroline lets herself crash into a light pole, makes a showof catching her balance, and throws her head back with a laugh that’sboisterous and supposed to sound slightly drunk. She closes her eyes andfocuses her hearing waiting for whoever’s been on her tail to make a freakingmove already.

She usually sticks to blood bags, because that’s what goodvampires do, but tonight she’s willing to make an exception. If some creep’sgoing to pick her as an easy mark Caroline’s going to make sure he regrets it.

She holds her breath, her hair spilling down in messy wavesto cover the red of her eyes and fangs she’s let out. She’s sure someone hadbeen watching her, that the rustling of leaves in the trees that line thispathway back to her dorm room had been caused by something other than animalsand the wind.

Nothing moves, now one ambles out of the woods or speeds upthe path.

Still, Caroline knowsshe’s not alone.

It’s been a weird couple of weeks.

The transition to college life hadn’t been as smooth asshe’d always expected. She’d been so excited at graduation, ready to have akickass summer and tackle college. She’d convinced her mom to take a quick tripto the cabin with her and they’d had a great time talking and watching moviesand lounging on the docks. She’d started to feel jittery then, almost likeshe’d forgotten something important, had wracked her brains for what it couldpossibly be.

Repeatedly, even when she’d known it was silly.

When they’d returned home she’d scrubbed the house from topto bottom, organized and rearranged until her back ached (no small feat givenher vampire status) hoping to put the feeling to rest.

Nothing had helped and her bad temper had continued to grow.She’d mostly managed to keep a lid on it, her mom’s odd hours helping. Carolinecould manage a sunny smile and genial chatter for the hour or so they spenttogether at meals. Still, she’d caught the worried looks her mother wasshooting her, had to brush off and redirect concerned questions.

Caroline had started taking long walks, plodding through thewoods that surrounded Mystic Falls trying to figure out what was wrong withher.

At first she’d chalked up her moodiness to the fact that shewas lonely. Bonnie was gone for the summer, Tyler’s return date unknown as heseemed reluctant to leave the pack he’d befriended and Elena too wrapped up inher weird Damon thing to have muchtime for her. Caroline had tried to get a jump on her classes, purchased hertextbooks (required and supplemental)but when it came time to sit down and read them her brain just wouldn’tcooperate.

She was constantly restless, could barely get four hours ofsleep in a night, consumed extra portions of blood and binged on Cheetos tocompensate.

She’d desperately hoped that things would get better onceshe was settled at Whitmore. She’d planned to dive into extra-curricularactivities, hoped that being busy was what she’d need to feel normal again.

Six weeks into her semester she was forced to admit that allthe clubs she’d joined and committees she was a part of hadn’t helped as muchas she wanted them too. It was a littlebetter, true. She could get through a lecture, was on top of her homework. Hersleep schedule was still a mess and she had made zero new friends. Caroline’sold ones weren’t big fans of her either at the moment.

The feeling that something was off was like an itch, aconstant nagging irritant that she just couldn’t figure out how to fix. Maybeshe was just looking for another outlet and she’d imagined the eyes she’s beenfeeling on her all evening.

Caroline groans aloud, forcing her fangs away now that itlooks like she’s just a paranoid nutjob. She sits and flops back onto the grass(she’s in no hurry to get back to her room, she’s been snappy and extra cuttingwith Bonnie and Elena lately and they’re really not having it anymore, not thatCaroline blames them). She’s tempted to scream but settles for kicking herheels into the ground for a moment, shaking her head and clenching her fists.

She’s too old for tantrums but it’s not like anyone elsewill ever know.

She relaxes with a sigh, scrubbing her hand over her face infrustration. “Maybe I’ve been cursed or something,” she mutters. “I’ll getBonnie to check. If she’s stilltalking to me.” A noise from the treeline breaks into her self-pity party andCaroline tenses, rolling over and digging her hands into the ground in case sheneeds to spring.

She expects a smarmy frat boy, his hands up like he’s not athreat (which he wouldn’t be, but still) even as his eyes rake her over.

She does notexpect a giant freaking wolf.

The wolf’s golden in color, thickly furred and powerfullybuilt. It keeps its head is down, its pace sedate, no hint of teeth oraggression visible as it pads in her direction. “What in the…”

She’s just gathering herself to run when its head lifts, asif it had understood her words, meeting her gaze directly. Caroline deflates,because the tiny bit of hope she’d had that it was just a wolf (its size made it unlikely but a girl could dream) –something that she could outrun – is dashed.

Good thing she’d never deleted Klaus’ number. She’dconsidered it often over the summer, his words, the weight of them, ringing in her mind. Her last love was a long waysoff and she had a long list of things to achieve before it was something shecould even begin to consider.

She’d stared at it in the darkness of her bedroom, duringthose nights where sleep just wouldn’t come, thumb hovering over the screen andunable to make the final tap that would erase him, put him out of her reach. Atthe time she’d been annoyed at herself, at the tiny voice that insisted shedidn’t want to make it impossible tocontact him.

Turns out that tiny voice totally had her back because itwas entirely possible she was going to get chomped on tonight.

Again.

Caroline gets to her knees, holds her palms up and speakssoothingly, “Nice, wolfy. Good boy. I know we’re like, mortal enemies orwhatever, but I’m really not that tasty. Promise. The amount of artificialcolors and flavors I’ve been ingesting lately is really going to screw up yourdigestion. Trust me.”

It snorts, almost like it’s amused, but doesn’t halt itsapproach.

She stills when it gets close, breath coming out in analarmed huff as its snout nudges at her hip. She swallows back a yelp when shesees its jaws open – because those teeth were no joke – but he merely bitesdown on the hem of her denim jacket, tugging firmly in the direction of thewoods.

Caroline swallows, and tries to sound confident, “Uh, nooffense but I’m going to have to pass. I’d rather my body be found, you know?Have a nice funeral.”

He lets out another noise, this one impatient, dropping herjacket and licking her wrist. “Ew,” she squeals, pulling away. “Slobber, much?”

The wolf’s clamped down on her jacket again and this timeit’s less of a tug and more of a drag. She debates ditching it and making a runfor it but that seems like it’ll only piss off the werewolf – not something shewants to do. She might have an advantage in the woods, she knows the trails(running has been one of her attempts to cope with her never-ending ennui) andif she could just get up a tree she’d be able to call for backup.

“Okay, okay.” Caroline climbs to her feet. Her jacket’sreleased and the wolf circles behind her, cold nose nudging the back of herknee. She turns and gives her best unimpressed look, not that it gets much of areaction, but she starts walking towards the trees. “Kidnapped again. Notawesome,” she grumbles. Though she has to admit that this wolf might be hermost pleasant kidnapper yet. He hasn’t even growled at her.

She tries to speed up but the wolf stays on her heels.Caroline’s never been herded before but she can safely say she’s not a fan. She recognizes the path hedirects her too, knows it’s one of the ones that leads to the backroad on theother side of the forest. She’s taken aback, having anticipated he’d force herdeeper into the woods and not towards civilization. The trees are spindliertoo, unfortunately, nothing that she can scale high enough to get away fromsnapping teeth and claws.

She tries to stay calm, ignores the more rapid beating ofher heart. Caroline reaches into her pocket, grips her phone tightly. Maybeshe’ll get lucky and there will be a car she can flag down on the road. Thewolf bounds ahead of her at the edge of the forest making a beeline for thelarge black SUV that’s parked on the shoulder.

She should make a run for it but her feet won’t cooperate,random pieces of information clicking rapidly into place.

She knows thatSUV.

She hears a sharp crack before she can say anything, followedby the crunch and squish of bone and cartilage and sinew shifting. She takesthe few paces forward so she can see the transformation, just to confirm whatshe’s begun to expect.

It’s quicker than she’d expected, more quiet too, only a fewharsh exhalations as Klaus shifts into the form she recognizes.

Well, mostly. She’d never seen him totally naked before.

Except for those dreams that she pretends she doesn’t have.

Her eyes drift down his back before she can think of why sheshouldn’t let them, noting the parts of his anatomy she’d not had the chance toperuse that long afternoon where he’d been trapped in Silas’ mind game. It isn’tuntil Klaus stands, a graceful movement of muscle and skin that she can’t helpbut be a little mesmerized by.

Something he clearly notices if the unbearably smug littlesmirk he wears is anything to go by.

She whirls, crossing her arms and straightening her spine,“Yeah, I’m going to need you to put on some pants.”

His laugh is soft but she hears him opening a door,rummaging around. The quiet jangling of a belt and the whisper of fabric followshortly after. Her foot begins to tap without her permission, her impatiencegrowing as questions begin to whirl. She wants to peek over her shoulder(because seriously, how long could it take?Pants, shirts. Easy peasy).

“I’m decent, sweetheart,” he says, after an agonizingly longtime.

She spins on her heel, “I highly doubt that,” Carolinespits. He’s got his arms lifted, fiddling with the ever present cords he wearsaround his neck and this time she keeps her eyes trained firmly on his face andnot on any lifting his shirt may ormay not be doing.

Klaus grins, amused. “Perhaps you’ve a point.”

Her eyes narrow as she takes in his complete ease. It justwasn’t fair. “Decent people don’t scare other people half to death by being acreepy stalking giant ball of furry death, Klaus.”

He sobers, if only slightly. “I apologize if I scared you.It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t mean…” he trails off and it might be the firsttime Caroline’s ever seen him stop to consider his words.

“You didn’t mean what?”she presses. “What are you even doinghere? New Orleans sounded pretty freaking great when you described it. Did youpiss everyone off and get kicked out or what?”

His eyes light up, “Ah so you did get my message. I’dwondered.”

She hopes it’s dark enough that Klaus can’t see her facebecause she knows it’s possible she’s blushing a bit. She’d listened to hismessage more times than she’d ever admit, had a hard time tamping down thewants it brought out in her.

There was plenty of time to explore the world, she had toldherself. Her mother only had a finite number of years and the least Carolinecould do was get a college diploma she could brag about before she had to gooff the grid with her never aging face.

He continues, leaning back against his SUV, not waiting forher to reply. “And while I wouldn’t say I was kicked out of New Orleans therewere several people who were most displeased with my behavior.”

“Did you try to murder them? Because that’s not the way tomake friends and influence people, Klaus.”

He hums, lips quirking up in a smile, “Debatable, love.However as a matter of fact I did not. I merely got a bit… moody.”

“You?” Caroline gasps in mock surprise, laying her hand overher heart, “Well I never.”

He sighs in exasperation but it’s playful, pushing away fromthe vehicle and walking towards her. “After one particularly rousing fightRebekah told me that if I didn’t get out of her sight she and Elijah would teamup, find a witch, and smother me in my sleep. Repeatedly.”

Caroline shrugs, “You kinda have something like that coming,don’t you think? Given the whole dagger thing.”

“She found those. Unfortunately. Leaving me no other optionbut to retreat from the house.”

“And what, you came here? That’s an awful long walk.”

“Not directly. This was nearly a month ago. I headed out tothe Bayou, turned, wondering if some time as a wolf would help my temperament.”

“And did it?” Caroline asks, curious where this story wasgoing.

“I never got a chance to find out. I couldn’t turn back.”

“But you just…”

He shakes his head, “I went back to the house, had a greatdeal of difficulty communicating my dilemma to Elijah, as I’m sure you canimagine. Eventually, he got the gist of it, found a witch.”

“And the witch turned you back?”

“If only it were that easy,” Klaus says, the twist of hislips wry.

She’s about to ask what exactly that means but he steps a little closer, reaching out and wrappinghis fingers around her wrist. It’s gentle, something she feels like she canbreak if she needs to though she has no immediate urge to pull away. Herquestions stick in her throat when his thumb flutters over her pulse point, hereyes widening in shock at the jolt it sends up her arm. When he speaks againit’s quieter, with a hesitance that’s uncharacteristic, but he’s close enoughthat she doesn’t need to strain. “What do you know about mates, Caroline?”

“Mates,” she repeats slowly. “I know it’s about the leastsexy word for significant other there is. And that Dawson’s Creek made ittotally gross. Just because a boy thinks he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean heowns your hymen.”

He’s still touching her, and she still doesn’t mind, hisface relaxed and filled with a fondness that’s hard for her to look away from.“In terms of werewolves, love. It’s old lore, something I myself discounted soit’s reasonable that you’re unfamiliar with the stories.”

“Werewolves have mates?”

Klaus nods, “I was skeptical too. But the witch insisted,even under Rebekah’s very dire threats, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to tryher suggestion. Reasoned that I could always find someone more competent lateron.”

“Okay,” Caroline drawls, knowing she’s missing somethingfrom Klaus’ expectant gaze. “So what happened next?”

“We drove to Whitmore. I weathered Elijah’s incessantcomplaints about the fur on his upholstery. We parked outside your dorm roomand I was finally able to change back.”

Her jaw drops, a staccato burst of laughter spilling fromher. Klaus doesn’t even twitch, eyes knowing and patient. “You’re saying thatI’m…”

“Tell me, Caroline, did you feel off this summer? Pricklyand not quite yourself?”

How could he know that? “I…” she splutters for a moment, “Iwas just adjusting, you know? Things haven’t exactly been sunshine and rainbowsfor me, you know? I’m not…”

“My sources tell me Tyler hasn’t returned. That he’s met alovely young werewolf in his travels and seems loathe to leave Carson City.”

“That,” Caroline snaps, tugging her arm away from him, “isnone of your business.”

Klaus holds up his hands, dips his head in contrition,“Apologies. But I wonder if you’ve missed him like you used to. Or has itchanged, grown more distant?”

A small thread of alarm grows in Caroline at his tooaccurate words. “How do you know that?” she hisses.

“Call it a hunch. And you’ve not taken up with any of thecollege boys who seek you out.”

She throws her hands up, “Okay, seriously. How long have youbeen stalking me? That’s not okay, Klaus.”

Klaus’ eyes flash gold, a hint of temper in the set of hisjaw, “I had little choice, Caroline. I have no desire to live as a wolfindefinitely. I’d not have disturbed you, I haven’tdisturbed you, but tonight I couldn’t help it. The pull to you was stronger inthat form than I had anticipated and I couldn’t resist it.”

She digests that, studying him warily, “How long have youbeen here?”

“I arrived your first week. Right around the time yourirritability became a little more manageable, I’d wager.”

Bonnie and Elena had been alarmingly close to joining forcesand snapping her neck just to get some peace those first few days of sharedproximity, Caroline knew. It was only the easing of the varied extreme moodsshe’d been experiencing that had led them to back off. At the time she hadn’tput much thought into the change, just relieved she was functioning at areasonable level once more.

“So you’re saying I felt better because you were around.Because I’m your…” she can’t say it. It seems too crazy.

Klaus has no such issue, the word spilling out crisp andfirm, “Mate. Precisely. Proximity eases the worst of the symptoms though you’llstill be off unless we have regular contact.”

“Contact,” Caroline repeats, slightly dubious.

Klaus watches her carefully, eases back into her space. Heskims his fingertips up her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake, andshe fights a shiver. She shouldn’t wanthim to touch her but she body aches for more now that he is. His palm settleson her neck, slipping under her hair to cup her nape. She knots her hands inher skirt to keep from reaching out to him, thanks her lucky stars her bra hasa molded cup. “Physical contact,” Klaus elaborates, low and with an edge of roughnessthat has her stomach clenching.

She takes a shaky breath, tries to gather her splinteringthoughts. “You’re insane. I can’t…”

He takes her other hand with his free one, tangling theirfingers together. “I know this isn’t something you’d planned for, Caroline. AndI truly meant to stay away. But I couldn’t.”

She can’t think, not with the way he’s touching her.

Caroline grits her teeth and takes a giant step back,shivering for an entirely different reason, feeling cold and a return of thatprickling uncomfortableness. Klaus’ body goes taut, his stance widening as hefights to stay still. She takes a deep breath, “I’m not sure I buy this.”

His snort is derisive but she shoots him a quelling look, “Iadmit you’ve made some sense and some of your arguments are… persuasive. But Ineed to think. And do some research.”

He looks like he’s about to protest but she cuts him offquickly, “You’ve had time to think this through. I get the same.”

His expression conveys his displeasure but he nods, a shortjerk, and his eyes never leave her face. She takes a step back, “I’ll call you.When I’m ready.”

Klaus’ makes a soft noise of assent. “Fine,” he replies. “I’llbe waiting.” The words play on a loop as she retreats.

It was probably a bad sign that she found them comforting.

[survivorinternational]

Episode 4 - "We get to form the narrative" - Patrick

I lost my two closest allies I am pissed. Vilma come home (Ginger too I guess). I do NOT trust Clash and Allan those people will backstab at moment's notice I am FUCKED

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So tribe split is 3-2-2. Logically if the 2 other tribes will work together and uh take us out. And uhh I have def been the biggest impression person. And uhh merge is decently soon so maybe they use that as a reason. My predictions have been correct so far but how about not this time? :) 

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Goal is to beat Vilma in the scavenger hunt

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hosts' mean making me doubt my life 

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I really want to make merge so I'll actually get my game on I guess. I'll throw Allan and Clash under the bus if I must. I'll do my best to befriend these people as part of my game because all other friendships are fake as we know. So far I'm trying to get with the aussie gang. Yanks will burn 

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I am slightly less mad about the swap now. But it's for personal reasons. Here are the power rankings of my new tribemates: - SluggyG - Stephen - Pat - Randy. Randy and I don't seem to click sadly.

Just like our tribe predicted there was a tribe swap and i ended up being in a tribe of 7 with 2 people from my previous tribe - Stephen and me. Having Stephen here is honestly great because although we didn't look like we were a pair in the old ala mai, we actually were and made a solid 2 man alliance before tribal council. I also told him about how Jacob and Michael were playing in the middle to gain some trust and so I believe we're tight. Every step from here on out is crucial to our game. We need to take out faatasi, there's two ala mai and two salaotoga (however u spell it), we just need to make sure we are together as a 4. 

I hate swaps, when zwooper did its first 40 person swap survival game, my social and strategic game at the first stage was perfect. I was aligned with everyone. Once the swap came all of my allies disappeared to the other tribe and I flopped BADLY ! 

FINALLY WAS PUT ON A TRIBE WITH VILMA! I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE SURVIVOR GODS! hehe. anyway. for real though, love this new tribe. my analysis of each person: liana: of all my old tribe mates, I wanted to be with her the least. but it's fine I guess. she's nice, I'm just not close with her. if the tribe wants to vote her out I'd do it. vilma: amazing active queen goddess mOM she told me she's heard good things about me and was saying in her host chat that she wanted to be on a tribe with me this whole time and GIRL me too!!!!!!!! I want her to be my closest ally I adore her. she's also a great challenge help! I truly don't think we'll lose this scavenger hunt because we have some hard workers on our tribe like her ginger: very sweet!! I love her. I think we'll align. she mentioned how she liked how many girls were on this tribe and to that I say hell yeah - we love some girl power! she's somewhat of a weird texture but like a lot of emotion gets lost when typing? lots of people sound bland to me? but she's cute and been talking to me a lot today! I appreciate her tyler: I'm like low key scared of him for some reason I remember watching him in a game a while while back and he was like so mean?? so I'm hoping he's not mean anymore? or if he is mean that he isn't mean to ME like pls like me? but also he kinda gives off a I am scared of women and only like men vibe......... uh idk? jacob: okay I love him he's so sweet! interesting that he got the 1 vote from the ala mai tribal - kind of shows he's more or less in the bottom of the ala mai bunch so maybe I can infiltrate that and make him a good ally for me going forward! he said tribal was hard because everyone was pretty active and got along. so it seems he thinks the tribe is all big and happy - maybe he's not in any alliances? who knows michael: barely talked to him tbh. but idk how much I really like him? seemed really good in the w4 c9 challenge so ???? maybe he'll be good challenge help and someone to look out for at merge. I also feel like he and tyler would be good allies together. so yeah. that's just a hunch based off of their personalities overall: I have hope that my tribe won't flop and HOPEFULLY we will win these upcoming challenges!! and I'm going to pull my mother fucking weight so they know I'm good in challenges and that they should keep me if they don't want to go to tribal! I really really really do not think randy will do anything in the scavenger hunt LMAO like no tea no shade I don't think I remember him doing anything in mongolia and he's in four fucking games. also never goes out of his house. so it's like we're a tribe of seven vs a tribe of six? lmao let's hope!! 

God I am really not photogenetic, really don't like how I come off in videos but oh well what can you do. I used to struggle with my looks but honestly I really like how I look nowadays. Issue now is manerisms :/ Slowly but surely. Hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the psyche of Veni 

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I am going out with friends today to go all over town in search of hopefully doing really well in the scavenger hunt. I can do almost everything, the ones that are doubtful are all the DVDs, the book, the airplane and the sandcastle. I might build a sandcastle. I wanna build a sandcastle. 

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Man I really miss Vilma the more days pass. Some people are just a drag to talk to and now I can't share my determination for the challenge with anyone. It is disheartening 

Tribe Swap: Well It was bound to happen, at least I got swapped into a tribe with possibly my 2 closest allies in Tyler and Jacob. Vilma is also on this tribe, I'm thinking we might be able to use her as a target due to how strong she is in challenges and that we wouldn't want to take her to merge. I have spent some time cultivating new relations with Emily and Vilma, Chatted a little with Ginger and now trying to chat with Liana. Need to find out where votes are going. Immunity Challenge: Why are the big challenges like this when Im at work for most of the time. I can get most of these selfies and videos, unfortunately I wont be able to get to a Zoo, Beach or Airport for some of these points :( Flags apparently don't exist in South Australia either... WTF?!?! A bit concerned with amount of black spaces in out hunt, hopefully during the night it will pick up again. Time zones are making it difficult to chat with people, but I will continue to try :D 

So you would be thinking that with a tribe swap you'd have a breath of fresh air meeting new people and having challenges in a new environment, it's actually quite the opposite. In this challenge so far only 3 out of 7 people have pulled their weight which is why we're likely to head to tribal sooner than we think. Having NA people on your tribe is so different because I'm 12 hours ahead of them, I sleep when they wake up, they sleep when I wake up. 

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I must move forward with some sort of plan even though I'm trying to take it round at a time, Stephen and I aren't going anywhere. Originally I wanted Veni gone seeing he's a threat and could go back to OG Faatasi at the merge. But after thinking about it, he's a THREAT. He's the meat shield that I need to get further in this game - if I work with him, even at the merge, the target will be on him and all the heat will be of me (unless he wins immunity). EITHER WAY (dnnyys says that a lot) there are more pros keeping Veni around till merge - doing well in challenges, having someone to talk to, plus veni is also part of the old community Michael, Jacob and I are in so if we all make it to merge something may happen? That's a maybe but the idea is keep Veni and gain his trust and his loyalty. He seems fine taking out anyone who isn't contributing so we'll just do that for the timebeing.

I am really sweating right now hopefully my tribemates actually post points. If not hopefully they don't vote me out as a challenge threat and keep me around. 

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Pat is rising in my power rankigs. Seems like a really chill dude with a heart for trying stuff. 

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Allan and Clash are being kinda bad at talking to me. I want to stick with them but bleh. I don't know.. 

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Pat is my #1 in the power rankings

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Well I can't blame anyone specifically. And I got beat by 1 point by 2 differnet people. This is rather depressing.

This tribe is so much more inactive than Ala Mai... also we’re gonna lose this challenge. Sluggy says he wants to work with the US guys to take out the EU guys, but I’m thinking the opposite, for several reasons. First is the europeans timezone is closer to ours, so we have more time to talk. Another is the europeans are more active and social in general, and better in challenges. Finally.... I just don’t trust Sluggy, hes hard to read, he seems to be hard to work with cause he won’t let go of ideas :/ For now I’m gonna bide my time, see what develops, but if the opportunity to work with the europeans comes up Im definitely gonna consider it.

Um so this vote is gonna be real messy trust me I want to do sluggy but it might be Veni or randy and I honestly don’t know... I just hope whatever is done is done for the best and I stay safe 

Winning the challenge is great, but the lack of communication coming from Ginger and Liana is a little annoying. They seem to be very inactive, whereas Emily and Vilma are amazing. I actually like this tribe more than the original Ala Mai. I feel like Vilma and Emily were a good trade for Stephen and Sluggy. Sluggy and Stephen were great and reliable, but Vilma and Emily are more active and seem to have a much more bubbly personality. 

Things are looking alright this vote. I will have to betray someone either way so that sucks. I am bad @ Randy though for the 6 points. 

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I believe the current plan is, EU and AUS/Sluggy unite against Pat and Randy. In case of idol we split the votes 3-2-2. 3 being on Randy. 

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I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge I wanna make merge

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So like genuinely I really like Pat Sluggy and Stephen more than the rest of tribe in terms of working together and such but like, the OG tribe lines are really bugging me. If I at some point vote out Allan or Clash then I lose potential trust from Ginger and Vilma maybe and definitely from Allan/Clash depending whoever goes. I want to tell Pat the alleged plan so I really hope it does not backfire. I am uncertain yet. 

So we expectedly lost the challenge and now we have to go to tribal. Stephen and I are in the middle of the OG Faatasi and OG Salotaoga (is that how you spell it?). Anyways my original plan was to go for the europeans because if we get small in numbers the europeans can as a force of 3 pick us off, but now because of what happened in the challenge and Randy's performance people like Stephen and Veni wanna vote Randy off. I've made my case to Stephen and it really comes to a cost benefit analysis for him and I and I'm honestly looking at it from a long term point of view, hope it pays off.

Getting bad vibes from the vote. I mean honestly as long as it's not me go nuts

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I am really struggling with what information to give to people

today i went to counseling then ate a biscuit for lunch. and i want to host a bachelorette org. nothing is happening in the game tho because guess what MY TRIBE WONNNNNNNN THE CHALLLLLLENGGGGEEEEEEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i love this tribe because we can actually win things and people actually talk to me :-) also i shared my idol guesses with vilma & liana and they shared back. either way i think it’s already found. i just wanna find the spot that it’s at ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just so i know know know for sure

This week has been very interesting. Coming with randy was exactly what I wanted so that I know I could trust my old tribemate and he’ll vote with me no problem. I just hosted a game with clash in it and we clicked instantly and both had the same excited energy when coming into this tribe and seeing each other. Me him and randy have all formed an alliance and then also have another alliance including Allan, whom I enjoy a lot, we’re planning an attack on veni/sluggy tonight because Veni is playing to hard too fast and it’s super obvious. He’s also super close with vilma (who I already perceived as a massive threat) and ginger. So voting out veni prevents Veni from going back to those two and telling them everything that happened. We get to form the narrative 

Okay so I have a lot to talk about and very little time to do so, let's get into it: So at the start of this week (after immunity) Us Europeans decided it would be a good idea to team up with the Australians and get Randy out. However, my first issue came up with Sluggy said he had to "check with Veni and Stephen". That immediately set off alarm bells with me because why would Sluggy have to check with Veni?? Then, Veni brings up some plan to split the votes in case of an idol. Splitting the votes seemed like the dumbest idea I'd heard of and everything started to sound suspicious af so Clash and I got together and decided to work with the Americans to make sure we would be safe. While we're doing all this, Veni makes about 4 alliances (All without me) promising final 2's and stuff. I'm honestly so done with him so we've all (hopefully) decided to vote him out. If I'm wrong then I guess my game is tanked but right now I feel good. 

So the name of this round is “Is Veni a Snakey-Snake?” The answer is yes. Clash tells me he has alliances with everyone, so we’re gonna vote him out. Gonna double check my facts first tho 

Hello this stupid european freak thinks he can outplay the greatest america player in history aka me so im just j chilling in this tribe when we swapped. and like this aussie sluggy rat comes to me and is like "american and aussies work together" and i said ok cool. and then i went on inactive mode because i didnt want to talk to anybody. then we had an immunity challenge and i didnt compete at all for it practically because i hated the challenge! but nobody else did stellar so it didnt matter. so we lost immunity, i get told real quick by pat and clash that the europeans want 3 votes on me while aussies do 2 votes on pat. we wanted to mix that up so originally we were going to vote together as 3 and just take Slugg out. But then we added Allan so we had four votes Then veni decides to heat up  his fucking crack pipe and take 4 hits before messaging me. Telling me things like "pats getting out, fix it" and "hey  i really trust you! hopefully you make merge". like stupid shady shit that doesnt look good so i g o to the alliance and i said vote veni out now we're about to go to tribal and we're going to see if the american brat gets his way. wish me luck

For those who think I wasted an idol I technically did but remember I just woke up to hear my name that Veni, my second closest ally in the tribe wants me gone and is rallying others to vote me off, so if Veni had Pat and Randy and got one more to flip I would have definitely gone home. It was definitely scary and I'm not afraid to admit I was scared and shaking in front of my computer, but I made up my mind about playing it since half an hour before tribal so. I guess now is the real test to see if I can make it further in the game without any sort of extra protection on my back, but Veni was a sneaky guy despite being not fluent in his speaking.

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Veni a huge threat is gone when I wanted to take him to the merge to use as a shield but that didn't work. That goes to show how important it is to make sure you're not playing hard in the first few parts of the game, but timing is really key in this game, and i gotta pick the right timing to strike and when to back off.

Woooohoo! We wonn!! I'm so happy to have a night off. I am loving this tribe switch and have liked everyone I have talked to so far. I think we just got the power tribe both with challenges and socially. Emily actually shared where she has searched for an idol with me so we could cover more ground. It makes me sus of maybe her and someone else working together on Saratoga. (although maybe they were all just social flops) I'm still really happy I found an idol on the first try because I feel like I look semi inactive (always working) so no one would suspect it would be me who has the idol. My plan is to maybe blame Ruthie? Idk i haven't thought it through yet, but she definitely seems like someone who would find an idol first. Anyway my lying has already started because I told Emily how frustrating it is to have so many combinations to make it seem like I don't have it.

Uhhhhh so we swapped. Immediately I was excited to be on a tribe with Emily, because I've heard she's super nice and people were absolutely right she really is!!!! I like everyone on my new tribe to be fair, but I'm kinda spooked because Ginger is the only og Faatasi who swapped with me and I've been performing fairly well in challenges so I'm scared I will be targeted fast if I end up going to tribal with these guys. I'm glad Ginger and I have a good relationship though, plus he is super social (unlike me) so hopefully he can help me in that regard and use his social skills to build new bonds. Obviously I'm trying my best to do that too but I'm not too convinced in my ability to succeed at that. It's just a lot. I'm too introverted all I wanna do is keep to myself and hide in my cave even though I know that's not smart. I've chatted some with everyone though and they all seem nice.... But yeah I could definitely step up my social game some. Emily and I have been sharing our idol guesses and Ginger told me he is becoming close with Tyler and Emily... We'll see how things develop from here. Personally I've enjoyed talking to Emily and Michael the most. Plus Michael seems to be quite a challenge threat as well, I'm hoping he would like to keep me in as his shield. That's what I'm gonna try to pitch for at least, if we ever end up in tribal. We won the scavenger hunt challenge which was neat because I love scavenger hunts. I went all out in the challenge ONCE AGAIN and tbh we need to talk about my threat level in a bit but first let's have a Moment of Silence for my NUMBER ONE ALLY VENI WHO GOT VOTED OUT ON FAATASI AND I'M VERY UPSETTI SPAHGETTI. :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''( VENI ROBBED HE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT. I'm so shocked even Clash and Allan turned on him and I NEED SOME EXPLANATIONS. I'm dying to know what happened there. I really wonder if Faatasi threw the challenge to get rid of him, but Sluggy played his idol though, so he must have thought for real there was a chance he was going home tonight?? That's what confuses me. But it's cool to know he had the og Ala Mai idol and it confirmed my suspicions that it had already been claimed thanks to all the reward challenge clues they got. I wonder if it will be rehidden now though... Doesn't hurt to try and search anyway, I guess? But yeah let's talk about the fact how screwed I am if I ever go to tribal with this tribe. Veni going was definitely a reality check for me, and now I feel super uncertain about my own position in the game. For some reason everyone and their mother seems to think I'm a big threat and I guess it's mostly due to me performing well in challenges and that SUCKS. Because music videos and scavenger hunts happen to be my two favorite challenges and I simply don't know how to hold myself back when it comes to them. Dennis asking me the threat question at first tribal plus the judges hyping me up in the music video challenge definitely didn't help my case either ugh ily guys but I'm in TROUBLE. KAJSHDKAHF. But to be fair I've always done middle tier / poorly in flash game challenges, I feel like my challenge threat status isn't completely accurate. Most of the immunity challenges so far have been those kind where those who put in the most effort have been rewarded (Music videos, The 24 hour challenge, Scavenger hunt). I've done well in those because 1. I happen to love 66% of those challenges and 2. I have no life. But if we had skill- or luck-based challenges like flash games or puzzles I don't think I'd perform very well at those at all. Even Ginger told me I need to stop performing so well in challenges and I agree with him. But I'm just scared it might already be too late now. Also challenges are genuinely the part I enjoy the most in orgs, I hate the backstabbing and socializing, so it feels stupid to restrict myself from enjoying the game just to do better at it... Ugh. What an internal struggle. I hope the next challenge will be something I naturally suck at so I don't even have to think about it.

[jozalynsharp]

Mo'Nique and Why She Should Be an Inspiration to Comics Everywhere and My Ex Who Told Me I Wasn’t Funny

      It's December 30th and my fiancee and I are filing into the MGM Garden Arena for the John Mayer/Dave Chappelle show. The energy in the room is vibrant. John comes out, plays some songs, and speaks on music with an expertise that made me fall in love with him as an artist all over again. Then Dave comes out. You can taste it in the air. Everyone in that room knows that someday they'll be telling their children about this experience. Dave tells 25 minutes of jokes then brings up the Netflix pay scandal. And he says to a sold out arena that "Mo'Nique is a legend.". After this weekend, I don't see how anyone can disagree with him. 

      I have been a fan of comedy my whole life. I have quite a few influences, but very few female ones. One of the biggest reasons I could even picture myself doing stand-up at all was Mo’Nique. When my friend found out what Mo'Nique meant to me he got me a ticket to see her new residency at the SLS.        Some of you are reading this confused because you don't know what she means to this metal music loving, comic book collecting, video game playing, raw comedian. If you can’t really wrap your head around it, it probably means you have never seen Mo'Nique LIVE in her element. And shame on you for having preconceived notions about me.

      When I was in my early 20's I was in a bad way. I had lost all self worth, was gambling in excess, and had garnered myself an opiate addiction. I was in a relationship that had me so down on myself, had me believing I was so worthless, I had begun to live my life as such. I stole Vicodin from wherever I could find it just so I could numb myself to the fact that I couldn’t find anything to love in the mirror anymore. I was adrift and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I loved comedy. I would watch hours of stand-up comedy and it would be my reprieve from the constant barrage of negative inner thoughts. I had been telling stories with my girlfriends one night, doing my best to make them laugh, and my oldest and dearest friend interrupted me. Her tone of voice would have made a lightbulb spontaneously appear over her head if we had been in a cartoon she sounded so revelatory. She pointed at me and said: “You should do stand-up comedy!”. And it clicked. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Once I figured out how to make people laugh, I was always chasing the next punchline way before I even recognized what I was doing. I wasn’t ever the pretty girl or the popular girl. I was the smart girl. I hated being the smart girl. People just want to cheat off your paper and they only want to be your friend in class in case there’s a group project. And no one especially wanted to dry hump the smart girl, and that’s all I wanted out of a Friday night at 17. I knew that people that made me laugh made me want to dry hump. I knew that people who made me laugh made me feel butterflies. I also knew the feeling of making people laugh was like being dry humped by the whole offensive line on Homecoming night. I wanted people to see me and say I was the funniest girl they knew, but I was horrendously shy outside of my extra-curricular theater activities. Although I wanted to be clever and tell stories and make everyone laugh, my severe lack of confidence meant I only showed that side of myself to my closest friends. Add a unibrow and some very poor fashion choices to that mix and I wasn’t exactly screaming anything but “dork”. My friends loved me though. My family loved me. There was always someone around who would laugh at whatever commentary I was spewing or story I was re-enacting. So when my dearest friend, my most practical and level-headed friend, looked me right in my eyeballs and said: “You should do stand-up comedy.”. My heart exploded. The gears in my head all felt like they clicked into place. Not only had someone validated me as funny verbally for one of the first times in my life, but someone had also presented an idea so out of the realm of my reality that was exactly what I wanted out of life. Make people laugh every night onstage for my job? Um, YES PLEASE. Where do I submit my resume? Unfortunately in stand-up, there is no application. It is a sea of possibilities of ways to start and each one is more daunting than the next. So I decided to present this new dream to my boyfriend at the time. We had an extremely unhealthy relationship due to him being too young to take responsibility for the fact that he pressured me into a relationship he didn’t actually want to be in anymore, and I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror and admit just how wrong we were for each other. I had allowed myself to come to a place where one man had torn me down emotionally so severely that I didn’t even realize how abusive it was until I relayed the stories to people who loved me later. Now, don’t jump to crucify him. We were young, and everything about our relationship was wrong from jump. But that’s a story for another day. I remember looking across the table of a BJ’s Restaurant & Brewery at him. This was someone I thought I loved, and I was still so naive and young to think that people will behave the way they’re supposed to and not the way they are going to. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized these are two very different things. I pushed my fries around on my plate and finally worked up the courage to say it. I couldn’t really bring myself to look at his face. I knew in my heart of hearts that whatever came out of his mouth following whatever I had to say would hurt me, because after a year together, I was finally starting to realize the difference between “supposed to” and “going to”. I faked nonchalance and spoke as if it was a silly idea I was presenting for conversation’s sake. “I’m thinking of trying stand-up comedy.”, and I laughed nervously waving my fork around to punctuate “stand-up comedy”. He didn’t even look up from his food. His body didn’t react. He only shoved another forkful of food into his mouth and said through a twice baked potato: “Why? You’re not funny.”. And then I thought to myself: “Well he must be right. He’s spent everyday with you for a year. Surely, if you were funny he’d be the one to know.”, and I moved on with my life.

I moved on right up until I came across a comedy special called “I Coulda Been Your Cellmate” from the star of one of my favorite movies: “Phat Girlz”. The concept of this comedy special alone shook me to my core. Mo’Nique doing stand-up for hundreds of inmates inside of a women’s prison. How could someone make people laugh in that situation? It seemed impossible.

Then the special started, and she could have done a funny sketch or just launched right into the jokes. However, as I have since learned, this is not her style. She spent the first part of this comedy special giving a voice to these women who will spend most of their natural lives behind bars. Mo’Nique took her time in the spotlight right then to highlight what is broken about prison and the so-called rehabilitation system. At one point an inmate asks her why she came there, and what she said next forever changed the way I looked at our prison system. It also forced me to confront my own inner prejudices against those who’ve been or are incarcerated. I hadn’t opened my heart to their humanity. Growing up in a conservative small town, I had only thought of them as less than decent people, and hadn’t considered how they got there. What tragedy had befallen their lives to drive them to where they were today? My heart ached with a newfound sympathy. Her statement was so profound to me I haven’t forgotten it in ten years: “We live in a society that threw you away, and they said you weren’t worthy and you weren’t valuable and that you were trash. I don’t believe that.” Soon the shot transitions to a stage built outdoors and a crowd of female inmates all wearing different colors to designate their danger or security threat. Mo’Nique then came onstage and took control. She would bring you right to the point of a real “a-ha” moment about us and our society. Then she would hit you with a punchline so funny and so unexpected, I was snort laughing by myself in my living room. Slapping my leg and cackling like an old prospector who just found Gold and couldn’t believe his luck. Now, I could write a massive amount on this special alone, but I’m here to talk about the NOW. I took this trip down memory lane to paint a picture of who I was when Mo’Nique’s stand-up got inside my craw. Because shortly after seeing this, I packed my bags and left. She had said right into that camera that she had been told she wasn’t good enough over and over, and yet here she stood more than good enough. There she stood, a success in her own right. So I loaded myself and my dog onto a plane bound somewhere far away from the man who told me I wasn’t good enough both in life and in my ambition.

Fast forward a few years and I move to Las Vegas, Nevada. My first friend (and still to this day friend) was none other than Bobby Wayne Stauts. He introduced me to a world of amateur stand-up that I didn’t even know existed. I wanted to be a part of it so badly, that I spent three weeks just going out to shows and open mics and befriending comics. Some of my friends who are reading this are like, “Jozalyn, you SURE did ‘befriend’ some of those comics.” and to them I say: Go Befriend Yourself. Then a friend put me on stage one night for 3 minutes and the rest is, as they say, history. Now, let’s jump ahead in the timeline one last time to last week. My friend takes me to see Mo’Nique at her new residency at the SLS. I’m euphoric at the thought of seeing the woman who taught me how to clap back at bullies in “Phat Girlz” and inspired me to shut out the people saying I wasn’t going to be good at stand-up. Her opener Correy Bell had me laughing so hard I almost lost a strip of eyelashes because I was crying. Then, Mo’Nique came out. Gorgeous and statuesque, her smile lit up the whole room, she danced her way to that microphone and before we knew it we were all on our feet dancing with her. Just sharing in a moment of pure joy. No judgement, no pretensions, just everyone in a room feeling unbridled joy at exactly the same moment. She did exactly what I fell in love with her for from the beginning. She made us laugh, she made us cry, and she made us think. She challenged her own belief systems, she challenged our belief systems, and she challenged how we treat each other. She told stories so raw and so real, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because her pure vulnerability was beautiful.

Then the meet and greet comes. I am sweating and nervous. You don’t often get to meet personal heroes, but I can tell you when I do I want to vomit. Did I do that? No I just cried uncontrollably while standing in a line full of people drinking and dancing. I realize now that Mo’Nique being the thing that pulled me out of traumatic experience also meant that she would take me back there for a moment. And the tears that flooded down my face, the same tears that threaten to fall as I write this, were tears of gratitude. This woman inspired me to chase my dreams in a very real way. It comes my turn and she hugs me deeply and says some things into my ear that I will keep with me forever. I will to write them here, or anywhere because they are mine. When she speaks to you, you just know some things are for you and that moment. Then she pulls away and lets me tell her my story. I walked away knowing I’d never forget this experience. As lucky as I felt then, I then am lucky enough to be invited to do a guest set a few days later. She sends for me when I arrive. I walk into her dressing room and she smiles at me. She squeezes my hand and says “Hello, baby.” and I remind myself that if I cry in front of Mo’Nique again she’s gonna think I’m a crazy person. So I choke back those tears and smile and say hello back. Her energy is palpable. I feel so positive and comfortable, I just know the night is going to be fun. And it was. It was one of my favorite performing experiences to date. I got to watch her bring the house down and I went home that night giving a middle finger to all those people who said “Never meet your heroes.”.

I will save a lot of the memories of that night for me. They are special to me and I don’t believe everything is meant to be shared. I believe some things are meant to be cherished and don’t need repeating. However, there are some things from that night that made me think that a lot of comics, not just female comics, I know could take a page out of the Mo’Nique handbook. Here’s what I took away from this experience:

Don’t be afraid to be real. She showed us her heart and it made those laughs feel so very good. It felt like laughing with your favorite cousin who you only get to see once a year for the holidays. It felt like laughing with that person in your life who you laugh so hard with every time you hang out and only you guys think each other is funny. It felt so very good. A pure laugh that sits in your belly and came from your heart.

Be good to people. All of her messages can be summed up in one message: “Be better to each other”.

And love those who love you. She spent real genuine time with each of her fans that stayed for the meet and greet. She hugged us like she lost us in the grocery store and thought we got snatched up. She didn’t fade. She gave every one of those people 110% of her right up until the moment she walked offstage. Hell, for all I know she was back there hugging the staff and giving them all those positive vibes she seems to be made of.

The fourth thing that I took away was how much she cared that the experience was good for me. She check on me FOUR times before my set. She even apologized for interrupting me while I was reading my notes. She checked on me and made me laugh and showed me love before I even touched the microphone. She didn’t need me to prove that I was funny before she treated me with kindness and love. She did it because I was, as she says, her “Sister in Comedy”.

Comics can so often can ascribe their personal feeling on a comic’s “talent” to how they feel about a person. Deigning them to be “hack” or an “open micer” or “not funny” somehow making them less worthy of kindness it seems. How many of us check on someone we’ve never seen go up even once before they do a guest set on our show? And no I’m not counting you saying “Tight five. Be funny and I'll light you at four.” as checking on them.

And finally, the last thing that I will hold with me for as long as I am in this crazy industry was what she said when I thanked her for the opportunity. I will hold onto this as a principle in my life. It is the kind of person we should all aspire to be. She took my hand and said: “Just promise me that when you’re where I’m at, you’ll reach your hand out to the next little girl trying to make her way and help her up.”.