#constantly between 'make it worse' and 'make it funnier' and i think i'm finding the perfect balance

[htub]

99% of my OC development consists of me going "hey you know what would be so fucking funny" and tbh I wouldn't want it any other way

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Lawyer sam au absolutely knows Matt and foggy and by extension Kate and I dont know which is funnier tbh cause sam being a prosecutor and Matt and foggy being public defenders and constantly like bickering OR matt and foggy defending kate and dean being like dude you cant send the babe to jail what a waste and Matt giving him a withering look from a block and a half away I'm sorry now I'm invested

look there’s no reason BOTH of those situations can’t happen. like it’s sort of a friendly bickering but is it really??? and the DEBATES they get into about the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen oh my goddddd

and its my personal headcanon that Nelson & Murdock are Kate’s For Real Lawyers because she believes in helping out the superhero community, right? So she should have some asshole cutthroat attorney with a team of like fifty guys but instead she has the public defender. idk maybe it is because she can’t afford her own lawyer now, that would be kind of funny too. 

Annd Sam’s like, “Dean the babe is accused of blowing up a building in Manhattan!” 

and Dean scoffs like “yeah but it was an empty office building. in manhattan. not like it was someplace cool like brooklyn” and Sam hates his life so much and Matt is dying and Foggy and Kate are standing next to him all “????”

also i uhhhhhh accidentally wrote some stuff for this au so:

The clock is edging closer to midnight as Sam wraps up his paperwork. He’s shoving his notes for court tomorrow into his briefcase when he looks up to find Kate Bishop, the very woman the paperwork is about, sitting in one of his office chairs.

“Samuel Winchester,” Kate Bishop says his name like she’s savoring it. “Burning the midnight oil, I see.”

“How did you get into my office?” He reaches under his desk on instinct, stalling as he debates going for the gun, the salt, or the holy water.

“How do people normally get into your office?” Kate Bishop says, in an answer that’s not an answer at all, which Sam doesn’t miss. “Anyway, I’m here to talk to you about dropping those charges against me.”

Sam closes his briefcase and stands. “I’m not going to talk to you without your attorneys present, Ms. Bishop.”

“I actually prefer Mr. bishop but that’s not the point,” she says, tossing a manilla envelope onto his desk.

“What’s this?”

“Take a look. It won’t bite,”  she says with a smile that’s all teeth. “I did my due diligence on you, Mr. Winchester.”

Sam opens the envelope, pulls out a stack of documents. Newspaper clippings, criminal records, Christ--

“Your dad was suuper into identity theft, what’s that all about? Anyway, I don’t think the bar will really care about that, you know? And I can relate, I have an asshole dad, too. I also have an older sister, like you have an older brother!”

Which Sam knows she knows because he’s looking at a picture of Dean right now.

“He is very attractive, by the way, and also very much following me for the past two days. Which, I don’t know, seems kind of sus? The prosecution’s criminal brother stalking me? I just don’t see that going well for you personally.”

Kate Bishop finishes her little speech and sits back.

Sam pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, as if that’ll stall the headache that has been steadily creeping behind his eyes all day and is now bashing at his eyeballs.

“Now, I’m not a blackmailer,” she says, and Sam interrupts her with a snort.

“No,” he says. “You’re an arsonist.”

“Hey! Alleged! I’m an alleged arsonist! Get it right!”

“Sorry,” Sam bites out. “Not a blackmailer and an alleged arsonist.”

“But I will blackmail you,” she says. “I mean, like I said, I don’t think the bar will care about your old man’s credit card fraud, but the stalking brother—yeah, that’s not going to look good for you or him.”

Sam could kill Dean right now, he really could. It must read on his face because Kate Bishop leans forward.

“Hey, don’t blame Hottie McBigBrother. If I was actually an airhead heiress he probably would have gotten away with it. He’s surprisingly sneaky for someone that tall. Anyway.” She pulls herself out of the chair and makes for his door. “I look forward to hearing about how you dropped those charges tomorrow. Oh, also,” she ducks her head back around the doorframe. “Tell your brother if he’s going to keep riding my ass he at least needs to buy me a drink.”

And anyway that’s when Sam starts to figure out that his firm represents Derek Bishop who put out a hit on his own daughter, so he quits and signs on with Nelson and Murdock, and Dean crashes the holiday party which like, half of the Young Avengers are at only neither of the boys know that, and some Terrible Flirting takes place

“He thought you were guilty,” Dean, the traitor, says. “I wanted you to get off.”

“Oh honey,” Kate pins Dean with a half-lidded heavy bedroom gaze. “I get off all the time.”

Thankfully, she’s gone with a wicked grin before Dean can wrap his mind around a response, turning to Sam with wide eyes. “Dude. Dude.”

“Dude, no,” Sam says. “She’ll eat you alive.”

“Yeah, that’s the point,” Dean says, and darts after her.

which leads to

“Hey,” Dean says, handing Kate her refill. “You know, my brother is cockblocking you.”

“That’s so weird because he’s cockblocking you,” Kate says with a broad smile

anyway at some point they run into each other on jobs/missions and Kate laughs for approximately five minutes straight when she realizes Sam Winchester is a monster vigilante. Also I feel like the whole king of hell subplot just gets moved to after he’s a lawyer, because I want Kate and Billy being Very Unimpressed with the demons and asking Sam if he wants to be king of hell? no? ok bye bitches.

Foggy doesn’t deserve this. 

Kate has to stop calling Matt “Demon Boy” because that’s Sam, and Sam becomes acquainted with the concept of Never Let a Superhero Take the Stand they WILL Perjure Themselves Unless It’s Captain America and that’s Worse, Actually.