#crazy meowth boss fantasy

[cyberwulf]

A Frosty Reception! Ch. 2: Crazy Meowth Honeymoon Fantasy

Chapter 1:

Chapter 2: In Which Meowth Imagines What Would Have Happened If Jessie and James Had A Shotgun Wedding In Giovanni's Office

All too soon, James pulled away, scooting forward slightly.

“Sir? We’d like to get married.”

“Very well,” the Boss said, punching a button on his intercom. “Matori, bring me in a marriage licence. And bring Wendy with you too.”

Then he sat behind his desk and said, “Jessie and James, do you swear that you know of no reason why the two of you may not be joined in matrimony?”

“No, sir.”

“James, in the sight of these witnesses, do you take Jessie to be your lawful wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“Wait a minute –”

“Jessie, in the sight of these witnesses, do you take James to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“Meowth, I think you have that backwards –”

The Boss glared at Jessie with a face like thunder. “I know what I said!”

Jessie looked into James’s eyes and said, “I do!”

“Then you’re married,” the Boss said, pushing the marriage licence towards them. “Sign here.” When they’d finished signing, he said, “Witnesses sign here and here.”

Wendy hesitated, frowning at the marriage licence. She’d hated Jessie for a long time and now she was supposed to witness her wedding?!

“Wendy!” The Boss startled her. “Did I stutter?”

“N-no, Master Giovanni,” Wendy answered, trembling in fear.

“Then sign it.” As Wendy scribbled her name, the Boss continued, “I will punish you for your insolence later. Jessie and James, for getting married and saving Team Rocket lots of money on our taxes, you and the brains of your outfit Meowth will get a vacation to Aopulco on the company’s dime. Congratulations!”

Jessie and James directed matching sceptical looks at their furry team-mate.

“Meowth, I don’t think that’s very likely,” James observed.

The cat Pokémon scowled.

“Fine, Shakespeare, you finish the story,” he grumbled, tipping some water onto his Pokémon pellets in the hope of making them slightly more palatable.

James chewed his meatloaf slowly while he thought for a moment.

“Okay, how about this…”

“Sir,” Jessie asked, “do you suppose we might have some time off? For the honeymoon?”

He yelped as Jessie slapped the back of his head.

“I ask the Boss for time off?!” she yelled. “You’re the only one dumb enough to do that!”

“I don’t even want to get married!” James shouted back, causing the grunts eating at the next table to stare at the trio. “Why would I ask about a honeymoon?!”

“All right, all right!” Meowth bawled. “One a’ you two nut-jobs asks the Boss for time off, and the Boss says…?”

“He laughs,” Jessie answered after a pause. “The way he does sometimes. It sends a chill down all of our spines. It’s a relief when he abruptly sobers and says…”

“ ‘Get out’,” James finished.

All three of them stared into their tasteless, overcooked meals for a few moments.

“…and then what?”

“What do you mean?” Jessie asked.

“That ain’t no way to end a story,” Meowth explained with a disgusted frown. “You two just got married. What happens next?”

Jessie glanced at James, then looked back at Meowth. She wasn’t sure she wanted to think about the parallel universe where she and James had an abrupt marriage in the Boss’s office. But there was something deeply despondent about Meowth’s expression, and his need to dream up ridiculous fantasies to escape real life was something she could, sadly, relate to.

“I suppose we’d head outside,” she began, “and not say anything at first. But finally, I’d break the silence with something like ‘Is that your last name?”

“To which I’d reply,” James continued, “Is that your last name?”

“It’s yours now too,” Jessie replied with a teasing wink. “You heard the Boss, you’re my wife.”

James laced his fingers behind his head and gazed up at the sky. “Do you suppose I should call my grandparents?”

Jessie shrugged. “Do you… want to call your grandparents?”

“…I feel like I should,” James replied. He dropped his hands with a sigh. “But they’d be bound to tell my parents, and I’d rather not deal with that until I have to.”

“I dunno, James, they seemed pretty cool,” Meowth remarked. “I mean, they never told your parents you was at their summer house. I betcha if you asked ’em to keep things quiet-”

“I can’t ask Nanny and Pop-Pop to keep a secret like this,” James interrupted. “I’m – married.” He sucked in a breath as the full weight of the situation hit him. “Jessie, we’re married.”

An uneasy silence settled over the trio.

“So…” Meowth was the first to speak, glancing from one to the other. “What happens now?”

Jessie folded her arms, affecting an air of nonchalance that she didn’t really feel.

“Nothing,” she declared emphatically. “We continue on as we always have.”

“Meaning…?”

Jessie huffed and scowled at her partner. Honestly, sometimes she was convinced that James’ head was just for growing hair. “Meaning we’ll spend most of our time together, and look out for each other, and sleep next to each other, and you’ll be my favourite non-furry person…”

“…is what I would say in this completely hypothetical scenario that’s never going to happen, so it’s pointless talking about it,” Jessie finished hastily, attacking her potatoes and hoping her face would go back to its usual colour. She paused mid-bite and was infuriated to see Meowth giving her a knowing look over the salt-shaker.

“Jessie, if we were married,” James remarked, whacking the end of the ketchup bottle, “would you finally let me do something with your hair?”

Jessie found herself infuriated for a completely different reason. “What’s wrong with my hair?!”

James rested his chin in his hand and regarded her with a critical eye. “How long do you have?”

“You’re not touching my signature ’do!” Jessie snapped, wrapping her arms protectively around her head. “If you want to experiment, grow yours out!”

“You know I can’t!” James protested. “If it goes longer than shoulder-length it’s nothing but split ends!” He poked disconsolately at what was left of his meatloaf. “I’ve tried every conditioner, even you…urs…”

Jessie stared at him as a nervous smile spread across his face.

“IS THAT WHY I KEEP RUNNING OUT?!”

Meowth heaved a loud, unhappy sigh as an argument commenced.

“I guess the fighting’ud be the same,” he mumbled, pushing away his pellets. “I’ll see you guys later.” He rolled his eyes and scowled. “I gotta go clean Persian’s litter box. And probably his spoiled fat behind, too.” Jessie and James halted their bickering and looked at him as he hopped down from his chair. “Sure wish we were getting paid, I’m gonna need a drink later tonight.”

“Meowth seems really down,” James remarked as they watched the despondent Pokemon leave. “We should do something nice for him.”

“If we can find the time,” Jessie huffed. “We’re not off the clock yet.”

James downed the last of his water. “That’s right – what’s next?”

“Cleaning the kitchen,” Jessie replied, wiping her mouth. She pushed back her chair and stood up. “Get the cart.”

James groaned, slumping over the table. “Why do I always have to do the fetching and carrying?”

“And why do I always end up with the dirty work?” he continued to moan, headfirst in one of the giant ovens as he scraped at the crud inside.

“Because you’ve got a head full of split ends, as we’ve established,” Jessie replied, scrubbing the floor. “You never know, the grease might do your hair some good.”

“This is disgusting!” James backed out of the oven, emptying burnt-on food and grease into a nearby bucket. “We’ve eaten food cooked in this!” He rubbed a hand over his stomach. “No wonder my tummy’s been funny lately.”

“James, if you don’t quit whining, I’m going to kick you in there and turn it on!” Jessie snapped. She straightened up with a grunt, placing both hands on her back as she tried to stretch the kinks out. James set his scraper aside and shucked off his filthy rubber gloves. Jessie prepared to agree with the pathetic plea for a breather that was no doubt about to follow. Instead, she found herself blushing as James sat behind her and began to massage her sore muscles through her boiler suit.

“You’re mine too, by the way,” he murmured after a few moments. Before Jessie could ask, he continued, “My favourite non-furry person.”

“…Well, of course,” Jessie blustered, desperately wishing her face didn’t feel so warm. “The only other person we spend as much time with is the twerp with the Pikachu.” Although she hadn’t realised just how much time, and how intimate they’d become, until she’d got caught up in Meowth’s storytelling session over dinner. It was just too bad that James seemed oblivious to it, even now, with his hands on her, working magic on her tender muscles –

“Oh, this is ridiculous!” she exclaimed, more to distract herself than anything else. “How can they expect us to clean this enormous kitchen all by ourselves?”

James’ hands on her back stilled. “…We’re alone?”

Jessie huffed in irritation. “Do you see anyone else here?”

Suddenly he shifted, and Jessie’s stomach did a backflip as she felt his breath on her ear. Maybe he wasn’t as oblivious as she –

“Then now is the perfect time to purloin some potent potables!”

Jessie turned and blinked at him in confusion. “…Huh?”

“For Meowth!” James explained gleefully. He nodded to the right of them, and Jessie followed his gaze to the giant cabinet housing all the alcohol kept on site.

She should have guessed, Jessie thought to herself with a sigh. Still, a stash of stolen spirits would definitely lift hers, too.

James made to get up and Jessie pulled him back by his collar.

“No you don’t,” she declared. “You keep lookout while I liberate the libations.”

James pouted. “But it was my idea!”

“And I know what they won’t miss,” Jessie retorted. “We want cheap and cheerful, not expensive and exotic.” She waved him away and he scuttled off, leaving her to get on with the thievery. Jessie cast him a glance as he loitered in the doorway, mopping the same patch of floor over and over. She smiled as she pictured Meowth dragging himself into their room at the end of his shift, only for his eyes to light up at an abundance of alcohol. James was a stupid, stupid boy, but she couldn’t deny that he did have his moments.

While cleaning the kitchen, Jessie and James managed to steal a bag of oranges, three bottles of store-brand soda and the cheapest vodka, rum, and boxed wine they could find. That night, our trio got spectacularly drunk on a frankly horrendous concoction that Meowth mixed up in a mop bucket. Unfortunately they still had to work the next day, and spent most of their shift vomiting out of windows, falling asleep in supply closets and cleaning the same toilet over and over. Wendy from HR never did figure out who puked on her from three storeys up. Giovanni had his suspicions, however, and the following day Jessie, James and Meowth were reassigned to stealing Pokemon, preferably as far away from headquarters – and Giovanni’s prized convertible, which would never smell the same again – as possible.

And so, their journey continues…

[themurphyzone]

Decided to try out the tiermaker site I’ve been seeing around lately. My reasoning makes no sense whatsoever cause I have no idea how to do these things. 

Godtier, even higher than Godtier, cause he’s just awesome like that: 

Miror B is a tier of his own. 

S tier: ORAS Archie is my fav antagonist cause he’s just this badass environmentalist pirate who failed science class so much. I love how he goes around calling the player scamp like some crazy uncle, and one of the grunts mentions that Archie punishes his subordinates with noogies. It’s just too adorable. Also you cannot go wrong with that beard. 

Cyrus is my favorite out of all the truly evil villains. I have a soft spot for Sinnoh, and his plan is by far the most threatening. Lysandre wants to destroy the world? He’s thinking too tiny. Why not destroy the entire universe and purge emotions from everything so you can ascend to godhood? 

A tier: Giovanni: I like a classy mafia boss. Okay, he’s not difficult in the games at all especially since it just takes a good Water or Grass type to beat the crud out of him, but I love how he’s depicted with a Persian. Also, Meowth boss fantasies are hilarious though I can never take his mafia-ness seriously when he’s sambaing with Ludicolo like a Miror B wannabe. 

Maxie: I also like the other misguided idiot who failed science class. 

Guzma: Thank you Guzma for having an evil team whose uniform I wouldn’t mind wearing and having clothes that are actually affordable. 

B tier: Colress: I don’t really have an opinion on him. His hair is interesting though. 

Lusamine: I prefer Lusamine’s depiction in the original Sun/Moon games, though it’s weird cause her level of antagonism slides depending on what media you’re looking at. Also I don’t understand what products she uses to look so young. It makes no sense. Anyway, I can’t forgive what she did to Lillie and Gladion. 

C tier: Lysandre: He gets C tier solely because of his Genocide run plot or whatever, even though Cyrus did it better. But what makes him think $10000000 uniforms with that damn color are a good idea? I would not be caught dead in one of those things. Give me a Rocket or Skull uniform any day. 

D tier: Archer: Eh, he’s boring and no one cares. 

Dennis the Menace: He’s an asshole. What he did to N is unforgivable and I like how we can attack him all we want cause we hate his guts that much. His Hydreigon deserves better. 

[cyberwulf]

GWAN PIPLUP YA BIG MAN YA, beat the foul Mexican Stereotype pokemon

also I cannot look at Meowth's Crazy Boss Fantasies any more. Meowth why are you like this