#did y'all literally just make one elf and one dwarf and copy-past them a million times into the scene wtffffff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tathrin · 9 months

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📽 action!: rank all six of the films (or three if you're a hater)

Answers for this LotR ask-game.

Ahh okay so at this point I have to confess something terrible: I still have not seen the third Hobbit movie. I'm sorry! I just couldn't do it. The fuckery of it all, especially in the second movie with Mirkwood and Thranduil and Legolas ("a lowly Silvan elf" what the FUCK what the fuck PJ WHAT THE FUCK), was just too much for me. Character-assassination is one thing, and I thought after Denethor I knew what I was going to be getting with Thranduil but NOPE! It was literal world building assassination and I just CANNOT.

Don't get me wrong, Lee Pace did an amazing job and actually seeing Mirkwood was amazing and it was genuinely delightful to see Orlando put those ears on again; but the OuTrAgE that filled my heart at the yeet-ing of what minimal canon we even have for the Mirkwood elves was just intolerable, and while I did mean to go see it, really I did, I just...couldn't actually get the motivation to go before it was out of theatres. I've heard the EE are better (less studio fuckery) so I'll watch them someday! Honest! I just...haven't. yet.

And as to the Lord of the Rings trilogy...man, I don't even know how to do this. In terms of which is the best film, or in terms of which one I enjoy watching most, or in terms of which on hits me in the heart hardest or...? I don't know if I can objectively rank my feelings about these movies even in my own brain because RotK ends with Into the West and I have FeelingsTM about the Undying Lands and Sea Longing okay. So the last scene of RotK at the Grey Havens is a fucking spear through the heart every time and I can't even describe the knot of feelings it engenders, and I think overall TTT may be my favorite but also it has Plot Issues that piss me off even more than the Plot Issues in RotK I think,...yeah, we're going to do this in terms of Film Crafting rather than personal favorites because I'm having too many feelings lmao. So! In order of most-well-done-movie to least:

Fellowship of the Ring

The Two Towers

Return Of The King

The Desolation of Smaug

An Unexpected Journey

#look there are some REALLY LOVELY MOMENTS in the hobbit movies #(all three of them; i've seen enough stuff floating around the internet to know that even about the one i haven't actually seen lmao)#but the ratio of beautiful moments to what-the-fuckery is just so skewed to the latter #and the cartoonish unreality of most of the effects do NOT help #it's like somebody watched the mumakil bit from rotk and went ''more of that but dial it up to eleventy-one!'' and i just...#do y'all know how FUCKING EXCITED i was to see the White Council???#to see GALADRIEL?#to see sauron thrown out of dol guldur? TO SEE THE WHITE COUNCIL!???#because as soon as i heard ''three movies'' i knew I KNEW (i hoped) that they had to be adding that it #because how the fuck else were they going to pad-out that tiny little book into three whole movies? OBVIOUSLY with the white council!!!#and then...we got a chase scene in the mines that made the podracing look like it deserved an oscar #and the most cringe-inducingly-artificial cgi armies at war that i think i've ever seen even IN video games #it was like watching galactic battlegrounds middle-earth edition wtf #did y'all literally just make one elf and one dwarf and copy-past them a million times into the scene wtffffff #but i still need to make it clear that i DO love the good bits that's what makes the bad parts hurt so much!#like: does the fact that the elves coming to helm's deep make no sense and also VANISH from the plot as soon as it's over irritate me? YES!#but the battle itself is filmed with so much HEART that i don't care I DON'T CARE #i still cheer at ''no orc horn'' i still weep at haldir's death (GODS that MUSIC!) i still watch the whole thing RAPT and ENTHRALLED #but 80% of the hobbit's actions scenes don't DO anything they're just empty pixels with less purpose than the droid factory on geonosis #and there should be SO MUCH HEART because that's WHAT TOLKIEN IS auuuughhhhhh #and the fact that they missed the entire fucking EVERYTHING about MIRKWOOD of all fucking places...! UGH #DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THESE ACTORS WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THESE ROLES IF THEY'D ACTUALLY BEEN FILMING THIS STORY??? PJ WHY!#lotr movies #hobbit movies #middle earth asks

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