#doesn't that happen when the doctor sticks a camera up your butt

[askthechronoverse]

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Kit was awoken by the sound of boots above her head. Blinking sleep out of her eyes, she floated toward the sound. Just beyond her bedroom door, a trapdoor was open in the ceiling with a ladder that led up to an attic. She climbed the ladder silently, the scene that revealed itself at the top keeping her to the spot.

"... 'll go with you on the whole 'change my appearance when I die' thing. But how is he back? I thought you sealed him away in a pocket dimension?" The only person Kit could see was Lucy, but it was clear the boots wouldn't have come from her. A woman's voice clumsily followed up on the question, though it did sound very confident and draped with an accent Kit had never heard before.

"Well, I wouldn't say he's back, exactly. This doesn't quite feel like what happened last time. All I know is that I've been getting multiple signals from multiple universes crying for help because they were attacked by someone with a big glowy stick. Now, I know many people with big glowy sticks but everything else seems to add up to deja vu all over again." The woman's voice was highly energetic now and going at a speed Kit could barely follow. "I tried to get the rest of the gang back together, but Batman is having issues with the Joker that he can't stray away from and a Gandalf with a far brighter looking outfit needs to ensure that Middle Earth is safe and refuses to leave. What about you, WyldStyle? Shall we team up one last time for a multiversal adventure?"

"Normally, I'd jump at the chance to go kick some butt, especially now that we've been at peace here for decades now. It's just… You came at a really bad time. One of my closest friends is probably going to prison and if what you're saying is true, I need to stay here to make sure that everything I've built doesn't come crashing down. I'm sorry. You need to find someone else." There was a longing hidden among those words like a neon light in a dark room.

"You don't sound terribly certain. But I do understand your reasoning. I do. I see you have my number right there. That number hasn't changed, even though I have. If you do feel the need to reach me, just call that number and Bob's your uncle, I will be right by your side with my TARDIS, ready to whisk you away to adventure." The boots thudded energetically against the floor, but the sound left the air far too quickly for her to have left by normal means. The sound that came next hurt her ears, like a machine ripping through something unrippable. Kit slid down the ladder and headed back to bed.

Lucy was already out the door by the time Kit had woken up the next morning. She floated to the kitchen and saw her name written on a note on the refrigerator. She read it without taking it off of the fridge:

Charmy,

I had to leave early for work because of an emergency. Please make sure you keep Kit, Vito, and Bellamy out of trouble.

Mom

Kit looked around for some toaster waffles and, after successfully finding some, threw them in the toaster. The voice from last night echoed in her mind. Something was happening. Was it the same something that scared her father?

Her mind didn't register the transition between going to the kitchen and heading up the ladder to the attic. She also couldn't register Vito's cries to climb down and his calls for his sister. The attic was full of all kinds of weapons and wanted posters for various criminals that were perforated with holes. At the center of everything was a corkboard. At the center of that was a note with a phone number and "The Doctor" written in Lucy's handwriting. She took a picture of the note with the camera of her father's phone.

"What are you do… Huh? What is all this?" Charmy picked up a shield made out of an ancient stop sign.

"I don't know. But I think Aunt Lucy knows something. Also, this … doctor." Kit pointed to the note. "You know what ? I think I'm going to give the doctor a call."

"No. Whatever… this… is has to do with Mom. I say you talk to her before you call random doctors." Charmy stated pointedly, though it wasn't clear to Kit how much of this was an act or a serious suggestion.

"No. If this doctor has answers-!" Kit's voice was more urgent now, but Charmy cut her off.

"What are you gonna tell them, Kit? 'Hi, I found your number in my aunt's secret weapon storage'? No. Talk to Mom. She wouldn't keep something big from us." Charmy kept her cool, not seeing the flash of pain behind Kit's eyes when she mentioned secrets.

"I think she is. It sounds like she knows something that she thinks she needs to protect us from. Charmy, I'm not sure she's going to tell us."

"Come on. She told me she'll be home soon. Wait for her, OK? If she says nothing useful… then we can call this doctor." Kit seemed to slump, knowing she had lost this argument, though a glint in Charmy's eyes cast doubt on the older teen's intentions. "Now, let's get out of the forbidden attic arsenal." She practically pushed Kit out of the attic and to the living room, where the others waited for Kit and Charmy to return.

“Let’s go outside, Char.” Vito gestured to the door. “I don’t wanna waste our summer vacation in the house.”

“Sounds good to me!” Charmy clapped her hands together. “There's no sense waiting here for Mom! Let's go to the park!” At least part of this was aimed at Kit, who gripped her bag with understanding.

The four friends left the house and began heading for the local park. Kit and Bellamy were floored with how same feeling all of the streets and buildings they passed were. The occasional billboard showed advertisements for doctor's offices and other boring businesses. Some did slow their stride to watch Kit, most of the people around town seemed to keep to themselves as they moved around on their way. At an intersection, Bellamy tried to cross the street but had to tumble quickly to avoid a line of cars rushing past with no regard for pedestrian welfare. Vito cleared his throat and jabbed a knit covered finger up at the crosswalk light, which had only just signaled that they could walk across the street.

The group eventually found themselves walking through the iron threshold of a small park. The sign above the gate proclaimed that the park was called Sunrise Park from in front of an ornate iron made sun. Kit scanned her surroundings and shook her head in absolute disbelief. The park was pretty, she had to concede. But it wasn't as beautiful as Flowery Park. Instead of being a sea of flowers, this park was mostly grass with the occasional shrub, tree, and flower combination. Before them was a statue of an angel spilling a jar of water into a pool surrounding her. Benches surrounded this water fixture and a few older minidolls and minifigures fed the pigeons around them. Charmy trotted a few yards behind the statue where some other kids were playing kickball. After talking to the oldest in the group, she gestured for the other three to come over and join the game. She introduced Kit and Bellamy to each kid and the four split up into opposing teams. Some of the minidoll and minifigure kids did eye Kit’s cowlick and her floating with curiosity, but they ultimately didn't pass judgment on her as they played. Kit found that her worries about her dad vanished as the game progressed.

The kids played until around noon, when the neighborhood kids began to filter out to get lunch. Some of the parents who noticed Kit ushered their children out of the park quickly. She could hear these parents whisper, debating among themselves, wondering how close this child looked to her infamous father. Some of the more brazen minifigures and mini dolls pulled out their phones and compared what they saw on the screen to her face. She threw the hood of her hoodie over her head, using the drawstring to pull it tight.

The four friends walked back home, talking more animatedly about what summer vacation was going to look like now that the two Unikingdomers were there. Once they got home, Vito turned the TV on to the local news.

After a weather report that forecasted the rest of the week to be damp and misty, the news spoke of a parade happening over the weekend to honor the career of General Sweet Mayhem, which the impossibly pretty newscaster hoped wouldn't be postponed because of the rain. It quickly moved on to other topics that seemed to interest the hosts more.

“And now we turn to the main story. Rex Dangervest’s trial has been set to start in just a few hours and will be the first one held at the Awntawp Correctional Center by Unitron's top brass and the Queen's appointed judge. Since it's being held out there, we probably aren't going to see the trial live, though Chief Starhawk does want to make this trial an example for other space criminals who think they can get away from the law.” Her cohost chuckled in a way that made Kit’s stomach churn.

“I wonder if Queen Unikitty is going to be taken in as well. You heard the chief yesterday: she was harboring that evil man for decades! Can you believe how-!” Kit quickly snatched the remote and turned the TV off, face turning red.

As if the TV had sent a special signal crying for help, Lucy came through the front door with a loud thud. Charmy ran to her mother, stopping just short of a foot or so when she noticed how the light in her mother's eyes was dim.

"Are you okay?" The question tumbled from the young adult's lips as she moved aside to let her mother flop down on the couch's lower level.

"I'm just tired. Sometimes, I wonder why the Assembly is full of so many stubborn men. Can you do me a favor and make something for lunch for everybody?" Charmy gave her mother a quick nod and rushed into the kitchen to see what ingredients they had left in the pantry. Lucy looked over to Kit, who was staring at her expectantly. "Is there something you need, kiddo?" The nickname made Kit waver for just a moment. While she took a second to gather her thoughts again, Lucy turned on the TV and, when Rex’s name was mentioned, changed the channel to a cooking show. While the chef, a tan skinned creature with thick light brown eyebrows and a similarly thick mustache speaking with an accent that was barely understandable, danced around his kitchen to poppy electronic music, Kit found her voice.

"Who is the doctor?" The question made Lucy almost choke.

"Where did you hear that name?” Lucy’s reaction came strong and explosive, punctuated with a long, rough sigh. “They are a very mysterious person that you really shouldn't know anything about." She stretched her arms behind her back before continuing. "Why do you ask?"

"I just heard Dad mention the name once.” Kit paused, choosing what she wanted to reveal carefully. “He was talking to Uncle Emmet about somebody attacking his raptors before we left. He said he saw portals on security camera footage." Kit surprised herself at how well she was able to hide how she was feeling as she spoke.

"Portals?" Lucy was also keeping a decent poker face. If she knew anything, Kit couldn't see it on her face. "That could be anything. Your father has a lot of enemies, enemies with super advanced technology."

"Does that include this doctor?"

"That I don't know. What I do know is that you probably should go find your cousin and your friend and tell them both that lunch should be ready soon." Lucy turned back to the TV, finalizing the end of the conversation. Kit turned the TV off and Lucy gave her a stern look.

"My dad was scared, Aunt Lucy. I need to know what's going on." Kit was firm.

"You are just like him. Definitely your father's daughter. If he wanted to tell you more, he would have."

"He didn't know! He had to call Uncle Emmet about it!" Her voice was raised in exasperation.

"Neither of them would know! Emmet was barely involved! It's something only me and MetalBeard know anything about!" The words were in the air before Lucy realized what she said and hung for a while, thick and heavy. She quickly recovered from the shock and turned the TV back on. "Go find Vito and Bellamy. I'm sure your fathers give me full permission to ground you if you keep this up." Kit started her search in the kitchen with an angry aura.

"I heard Mom yelling. I assume that didn't go well?" Charmy stirred a pot full of mac and cheese as Kit shook her head. "Guess you have to give it up." She winked. "If you have to make a call, use your dad's phone outside. Bellamy is out there meditating anyway." Kit nodded wordlessly and headed for the backyard. She sat on the double decker porch swing and pulled her dad’s phone out of her bag, punching in what she thought was the passcode. After trying Richard's birthday and failing, she was able to get in with hers. She found the photo of the mysterious phone number and dialed it carefully. The women's voice from the previous night answered after several impossibly long rings.

"It's about time I heard back from you. Do you know how hard it is to find another type 40 to swap with the one you stole behind my back? Now I know you're not calling me to apologize… Unless… What year is it for you? Have you settled down in the Unikingdom yet? I'm fairly certain that is the timeline I'm currently in. It has to be if you're calling me. You can't exactly call me from non-existence." The voice didn't seem to take a single breath. “Congratulations on the whole settling down thing, by the way! You made a good move doing that instead of -!”

"Are you a doctor?" The woman paused when the voice she heard didn't match the voice she was expecting. Kit could almost hear the gears whirling in the woman's head.

"OH! I know what part of the timeline you're in! I was always expecting this number to call me, but I was hoping it would be from someone else. Is he still in possession of that type 40?" This voice talked so fast, it was hard for the teenager to interject. "I suppose it doesn't matter at this point. The poor girl served a purpose and I have heard he's been doing some good things with the gift he was given. A shame he had to play the part he played before he could do that, but we all have our roles to play at the end of the day. Oh right! You asked me a very good question. The answer is yes, sort of. I am The Doctor. The definitive article, you might say.”

"How do you know so much about my dad?" Kit scratched her head. She looked over to Bellamy, who was deep within meditation.

"He had a child as well! Brilliant! Responsibility. I am a little curious how you got this number. Don't think this would be something Mr. No One I Can Trust But Me would have programmed in his phone."

"I found it when I was exploring my aunt's house. I took a picture with my dad's phone." The poor girl was surprised to be able to get a word in edgewise.

"For a man who chooses the most convoluted way to solve his problems, he knows how to raise a very clever girl! I know you know your father's a time traveler, so this question won't seem strange: what year is this? What important things are going on around you?"

"It’s… the 25th year of the Unikittiean Era. My dad's in jail, about to stand trial. Something attacked his raptors and tore apart his office, something that came in a portal."

"I see. That is very helpful. I believe I know fully what part of the timeline we're in now, and it's good that you called. Because I know I'm going to need some help and I have a feeling the daughter of a time traveler would be just the sort of companion I need for this adventure. Can you meet me at the old brickyard in a place called Morph's Landing? You can bring your friends if you'd like. The more the merrier I say! But I would like you to meet me after dark. If you can't come, just give me another call. I'm hoping I can convince you to come, but maybe you take after your other parent a little bit more than you take after your rebellious father." And with that, the line went silent and disconnected.

"Who were ya talkin' to, Kit?" Bellamy got up from their seat on the grass. It wasn't clear to Kit how long her self-proclaimed bodyguard was listening.

"I'll talk about it later. I'm supposed to tell you that we have lunch ready. I need to make another call, though." When Bellamy left, she looked through the contacts. She didn't have to go far to find what she needed. After half a ring, someone picked up.

"Hello?" The familiar monotone was comforting. "Is this Catherine?"

“Hey, Papa! How is Dad holding up?" Kit's voice shook, barely able to control or contain her emotions.

"Your father is doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances. They currently have him held in a holding cell on Awntawp. Unfortunately, that's where I am as well. Not in the holding cell, mind you. On this miserable little planet. Unitron needs a better decorator." Kit chuckled. It was good to see that her father was able to make a joke despite how stressed out he sounded. "I needed to hear you laugh more than you would know. Your father is constantly thinking about you. As am I."

"Is Dad coming home anytime soon?"

"I doubt it. It seems like Unitron wants a long and messy trial, judging by how they speak to us. There are a lot of people on your father's side that are willing to stake their reputation on defending him, so I don't believe-" his words are cut off by something Kit couldn't hear. The response to this interruption was muffled, but Kit could make out "Catherine" and "my Beloved". After a little while, Richard returned fully to the phone line. "Your father says hello and not to worry about him. He loves you very much. It's against the rules of the prison for me to give the phone to him." Kit could hear a muffled version of her father's voice shout "I love you, Kitten!"

"Tell Dad I love him too. I'm still going to worry though. The way things have been sounding on the news, they want to…" Kit took a breath to hold back tears.

"I know. Your father isn't popular around here. It's made a lot worse by how antagonistic people have been around him. Maybe this is why he never took us to Syspocalypstar." Richard sighed, though the sound could only just be heard. "I'm going to be here for a while as part of your father's legal defense. Lucy already knows this. Please be good. I know this is going to sound unfair, but you are your father's best foot forward right now. Maybe if they see that he did a good job raising you, people will be kinder."

"I'll try, Papa. Love you." Kit tried not to let her heartbreak show her voice, but the way her hand held her bag and the tears forming in the corners of her eyes called her bluff.

"I love you too, my lucky charm. I'll call when I'm able. I am so glad your father had the foresight to give you his phone. Goodbye." When the phone disconnected this time, Kit was left staring at the home screen, the wallpaper now another photo of her riding a carousel at a carnival when she was practically a baby. She pushed the phone into her bag and walked inside where everyone in the house was sitting at the kitchen table with bowls of steaming hot mac and cheese.

"Who were you talking to?" Lucy asked, patting the seat next to her. Her face was unreadable as Kit sat down and grabbed a ketchup bottle to slather the contents over the top of the noodles.

"Papa. I miss them, Aunt Lucy." Kit began to pick at her food.

"I'm sure your father was happy to hear from you. Did he say anything about…" Lucy let herself trail off.

"Yeah. He said that Dad missed me."

"Of course he does. He loves you so much." Lucy ate a heaping spoonful of food before glancing back at Kit. "Sorry for yelling at you earlier. I'm under a lot of stress. I know you are too. None of this is easy for anyone here." Kit nodded.

"It's OK, Aunt Lucy." The five ate in relative silence for a while. After what felt like a lifetime, Lucy spoke up again.

"I have to leave after this to do some work. Charmy, I'm going to be super late. Please don't wait for me to put everyone to bed.” The oldest of the children nodded a short nod. Conversation turned to something a bit less pressing after this. Almost immediately after the empty bowls were taken away and put in the sink, Lucy took her leave and left for parts unknown. Bellamy waited for the sound of Lucy's car to leave the driveway before speaking.

"You weren't just talkin' to Regent B, Kit. Who was that?" Bellamy got up first and started to do the dishes. "Come on. Help me dry." Kit grabbed a towel and stood next to her friend. Vito and Charmy remained in their seats, but turned to the two with focused interest.

"I found an armory Aunt Lucy has in the attic last night. She was talking to a lady, this Doctor. The Doctor knows Dad and asked me to meet her at a brickyard at some place called Morph's Landing." Kit opened her mouth to continue, but Charmy replied to her cousin with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Morph's Landing is the historical district. Some of the buildings there are dated from all the way back when the Realms were separate." Charmy tapped her chin. "What could be all the way out there in an old brickyard?"

"That's what I want to find out. I'm going to do it. She said my friends could come too, so I guess she's expecting all of us?"

"No way are we going." Vito waved a hand in horizontal cutting motion. "Mom's going to wonder where we snuck off to. Charmy, remember when you tried to sneak into that Fifth Harmeowny concert?"

"Yeah… but come on! Staying here would be like Dad reporting Mom when they first met: the boring option! This could be a call to adventure! The quest I've been waiting all my life for!" Her eyes were still shining, still gleaming with a light that was hard to look at head on.

"If Kit is going, I need to as well. I have my orders and those orders are to guard her body." Bellamy finished the last bowl and passed it to Kit. “I don't care what the rest of you do.”

"Looks like you're outnumbered, little bro." Charmy sang out. "Come on! Mom's gonna be gone a while and I have enough money for a taxi!" Charmy ran upstairs.

"How is she older than me?" Vito got up from his chair. He walked to the fridge and flipped the long irrelevant note over, writing a note of his own.

Mom

Went to show Kit around Morph's Landing.

We might be late. Love you

Charmy.

"It amazes me how you can do that." Kit glanced at the note and whistled.

"Yeah. Charmy's handwriting isn't hard to copy." He shrugged and dug through some cabinets. His search was successful, as he came back with granola bars. He shoved them in Kit's bag as Charmy passed.

"Alright, gang! Let's get to Morph's Landing!" She was out the front door before the sentence was finished. A taxi was waiting for them on the side of the road, possibly having been called in Charmy's frantic state. The four piled into the back and the taxi sped away.

The taxi pulled in front of a large iron gate in almost no time at all. Kit honestly wondered if it would have been cheaper to walk for how fast the ride was, but figured something in Charmy's head was prioritizing their safety over the quickly darkening world around them. When they got out, Kit surveyed the gate in full. On the top in the middle of an iron arch was a faded and rusting sign that had a fluffy and blue cat in a construction hat giving a wave in one paw and holding a sledgehammer over his shoulder in the other. She could barely make out the words 'Morph's Landing Construction and Supply. Octan's only approved construction contractor'. The iron arch made Kit feel like she could get tetanus just by looking at it wrong, but there was something intricate and beautiful about its construction despite this.

"Alright. Let's do this." Kit took a mitten out of her bag, put it on, and pushed the ironwork door. She headed for a nondescript gray brick building, walls covered in English ivy and its dingy windows miraculously managing to bathe the wild, weed infested grass under them in a blue light.