#don’t they want to see how many more cartwheels he can do around the arena

[breakingdownsu]

Chorus Chapter Eight

Note: After the silliness of last chapter, it's back to your regularly scheduled gut punches and general meanness from yours truly. While I'm here, I'd like to thank the people who have reviewed recently, a good review always motivates me to work faster.

…..

Steven passed a thankfully dreamless sleep in the rest pod, even inadvertently catching Ginger in the middle of a crying fit couldn't keep him awake. He was concerned, sure, but all he could really afford to be worried about was that their pace was so slow it felt like time was running out for Pearl, wherever she was. Not to mention every 'cycle' he spent on Homeworld was approximately one day he spent away from his loved ones on Earth. They were probably frantic by now.

Murder Pearl wasn't there when he woke up, but Ginger was. She pushed a glass of that murky liquid towards him without a word and went back to what she was doing; scanning a screen full of long lines of data that looked pretty incomprehensible.

“Where's Orthoclase?” he asked, daring a sip of the liquid. It tasted kind of good this time.

“She is making arrangements to see a Jade in the west quarter,” Ginger replied, eyes still on those rapidly scrolling lines. “The Jade's operations are invite only, she's trying to secure us a place for middle quadrant.”

“Is it another pearl?” Steven asked, though he sort of knew the answer already.

“Yes. Jade has a pearl that sings publicly on a regular basis. It would improve the anchor to borrow her.”

“Okay,” Steven said, fidgeting. “Where's Murder Pearl?”

It was the first time he'd spoken the nickname out loud, and he watched Ginger carefully for a sign that she disapproved. Nothing.

“She released her form,” Ginger replied. “She has a hairline fracture at the base of her gem, she releases when she's not on call.”

That made a lot of sense, and it also made Steven feel really, really bad for Murder Pearl. He didn't doubt all those knocks she took in the arena made the fracture worse, and she'd also been saddled with a really awful nickname. She seemed like a good gem; she had saved Ginger, after all.

I could have used my healing spit to fix her fracture. I'll use it next time I see her.

That next time would be a while; Orthoclase burst through the door a moment later.

“I got two tickets,” she announced. “They're not great seats but I can put you on a box if you want, pebble.”

“What about Ginger?” Steven asked.

“She doesn't need a ticket. Pearls don't count.”

…..

They passed a couple of hours with Orthoclase doing what she called a 'standard rejigging' on a pearl that seemed to be asleep. Steven was in the next room and Orthoclase had blocked off the operating table by a curtain, but from what he could see it looked pretty brutal. By the time she was finished the sleeping pearl was nearly a foot shorter and a completely different colour.

“I have to ask,” Steven said quietly as they were preparing to leave. “It seems like we're going a bit....slow with gathering the pearls. Is there any way we can get them faster?”

“I hear you, pebble,” Orthoclase told him, helping Ginger out of the culvert entrance and locking the door. “This thing is complex, more complex than even I thought. We need to get the important components together first, and we have almost all of them. After that, any pearl will do. Once we have this pearl, it'll speed us up.”

That was such a relief to hear Steven felt faint.

“How complex is it?” he asked, genuinely curious now.

“Lapis' pearl made a diagram,” Orthoclase said. “The anchor is important, and there's a radiating pattern that has to be matched. Anchor in the centre, three pearls forming the column, and six around them to fan it out. Then the rest of the pearls make it grow.”

“Oh.” He was already confused.

“Not only that, but they all have to be in a particular position, they all have to move at the same time and to the same beat, otherwise it all falls apart. Lapis' pearl seems to think we've got a good chance though.”

“It will work,” Ginger assured him. “We won't let her down.”

Strange, even though she said it in that airy, vague way she had of speaking, something about Ginger's words held a steely determination.

They weren't heading for the bad area of town, which was why Orthoclase seemed happy to let Ginger walk with them. They hit two checkpoints on the way in and Ginger's jaw was once again cracked. No matter how many times he saw it, Steven couldn't get used to seeing it. It looked horrifically painful.

“When was the last time you cleaned that thing?” Orthoclase growled at the Topaz performing the check.

“It's iodine washed every cycle,” the Topaz replied smoothly, not even looking at Orthoclase.

“Yeah right,” Orthoclase snorted.

Their destination was a set of buildings stacked in, on and around each other so tightly that they had to pass through single file to get to the place they were going. They stopped at a tall building at the top of a long escalator; to Steven's eye it looked like a nightclub of some sort but did gems have clubbing on Homeworld?

On the inside, it was fancy. Red and gold interior, mirrored floors and ceilings, and full of gems in formal wear. He, Orthoclase and to a lesser extent Ginger looked very out of place. A glamorous-looking gem with orange skin and a flicker of flame-like red hair was singing on a small stage, cheered on by a number of drunken-looking tall gems.

“You should have taken the back entrance,” a voice informed them snidely. They all looked down.

Aquamarine?

It wasn't the one he'd met before, this one was just as tiny but her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she looked merely irritated and not furious by their presence.

“Sorry,” Orthoclase shrugged, clearly not sorry at all. “First time here and all. You wanna show us where to go?”

The aquamarine sighed heavily, turned sharply on her heel and beckoned for them to follow her.

“Have your tickets ready,” she said. “You can leave your pearl in the holding pen...”

“I'd rather keep her with us, thanks.”

“Of course you would,” Aquamarine sighed again. “Any weapons or sharp objects?”

“No,” Orthoclase answered, and Steven shook his head.

“You'll be going through the scanner, if you are found to be lying we'll be calling the authorities to report intoxication and general assault.”

“We've got nothing on us,” Orthoclase told her.

“Good. There is a general ban on manifesting weapons, if you manifest a weapon...”

“Intoxication and assault, we get it,” Orthoclase grumbled.

There was a scanner like the one Steven had seen once at the airport in front of a large set of double doors. Several gems were already proceeding through it; they were a mix of clearly well-heeled gems along with a number of rougher types, including himself and Orthoclase.

“The nanobytes won't set off the scanner, will they?” Steven whispered to Ginger.

“Not while I'm within ten pelmetres of you,” she whispered back.

Sure enough, they got through the scanner with no problems and were filtered into some seats in a coliseum-type arrangement. The seats were shabby, foam-covered and covered in little holes but even the clearly rich gems didn't seem to care. As the seats filled, two young-looking short gems handed out objects from a black box.

Are those...knives?

When the box was brought around to them (Orthoclase took three, offered one to Ginger, who refused) he got a closer look and they were, in fact, knives. Specifically, they looked like the kind of knives he'd seen ninjas use in movies before. Small, thick, balanced. A red-coloured band was wrapped around the hilt. He held the one given to him by Orthoclase gingerly. What kind of show was this?

The lights dimmed, and into the centre of the room walked a pale green gem dressed in flowing robes. She smiled and waved at the cheering audience, then called for silence.

“Do we have any new-hatches in the audience?”

A number of gems hooted and waved their arms.

“My reputation precedes me,” the green gem laughed. “Well, I'll keep it simple so we can get on with the show. You're holding a tenner blade in your hands. When you see the colour on the band pop up on the screen, you throw it into the ring. Simple, right?”

The audience laughed indulgently.

“But that's not much fun on its own,” the green gem continued. “We need something to aim at. Come on out!”

A crawling feeling had been building in Steven's stomach since being handed the blade, he knew it would be something like this. Sure enough, a pearl stepped lightly into the ring. Draped in some sort of silky trailing fabric, her hair elaborately pinned up....

Her eyes are closed. Why are her eyes closed?

…shimmer dust coating her exposed arms, legs and face, right down to the furrows under her closed eyes.

“Throw from anywhere in the audience, pearl here will hear it and dodge. As you can see, she lacks eyes to see what's coming, but there's nothing wrong with her hearing. It's has been specially tailored to allow for super-sensitive hearing...but we can't make it too easy on her, can we?”

The audience roared that no, they couldn't.

The curtain fell on an enormous drum overlooking the arena. A large hulking gem that Steven couldn't identify stood with a gong, ready to strike. The Jade took her bow and scurried away to cheering, and the pearl took her position in the centre.

“Did you remodel her?” Steven whispered to Orthoclase.

Orthoclase snorted, annoyed.

“Not me,” she hissed. “That's Spinel's work. If I'd done it, I wouldn't have left those marks under her eyes.”

“Is she really blind?” Steven asked.

“Of course. Standard eye removal, one of the easiest jobs there is,” Orthoclase answered. “'Course, when I do it I usually replace the eyes instead of just leaving them out...”

“Ssh!” a gem from behind them hissed, and although she made what was probably a rude gesture Orthoclase went silent.

The overhead screen went blue, and the burly gem hammered the drum. A flurry of sharp metal objects flew into the arena, but the pearl spun, dipped and cartwheeled until the last one hit the ground. None had hit her.

The screen turned purple, and another flurry descended on the arena. The blind pearl somersaulted gracefully out of the path of most of them, sank to the floor on her knees to avoid the others, and leaped over one that had been kept back and thrown at the last minute. She landed neatly on the hilt of one of the previously thrown blades, stood there on tiptoe with one leg stretched out behind her. She gave the audience the tiniest of smiles as they roared their approval.

When the red screen came up, Steven couldn't bear to throw his blade so he just dropped it over the side. The pearl dodged these blades as easily as the others, rolling out of their path and nimbly side-stepping the ones stuck into the floor. She finished each throw with a beautifully-cut balletic pose and a raucous applause from the watching gems.

A little too raucous, at least for one gem.

Steven's attention had been turned to Ginger, when he noticed she wasn't watching the blind pearl perform but watching another gem in the audience. He turned to look at this gem himself.

It was a dark green gem, not particularly big but intimidating all the same. She seemed drunk, or whatever the gem equivalent was. The pale blue gem beside her looked mortified to be in her company.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steven saw Ginger's fingers go to her mouth. Her lips moved, but he couldn't hear any sound come out of them. Her fingers flickered, as though she was breathing something into them. With one audible exhale, she dropped her hands and looked to the blind pearl.

The blind pearl's head tilted slightly. The drumming hadn't started, the screen was waiting for a new colour to be picked, but her body seemed poised to move...

There was a rush of wind as a blade, far too large to be one of the handed-out blades, rocketed right towards the blind pearl. It should have been moving too fast for her to dodge it...

...and yet she did, throwing herself backwards into the air just above where the blade should have skewered her. It missed her by a hair, just catching her cheek and slicing a long cut there. The blade clattered to the arena floor and the blind pearl landed just behind it. A green bloodlike substance trickled from her face to soak her robes.

“You!” the Jade screamed as she suddenly reappeared, pointing at the intoxicated gem. “You've been warned, for Core's sake! Who let you in here?”

“I'm sorry, Jade,” the pale blue gem moaned. “She promised me she'd be on her best behavior!”

“This performance is canceled,” Jade hissed. “Everyone out before the Amethyst squad gets here!”

The gems moaned and bitched, but they left. The two young gems collected the blades and Jade ushered the pearl out of the arena, oblivious to Orthoclase, Steven and Ginger following them.

“That was quite a show,” Orthoclase drawled, catching Jade as she dabbed at the blind pearl's face muttering darkly to herself.

“Oh...this is all I need,” she groaned. “What in Core's name do you want?”

“Relax, I can help you,” Orthoclase told her. “I need to borrow your pearl for a while.”

“Borrow?” Jade snorted. “What for?”

“Top secret,” Orthoclase shrugged. “I need her voice. You'll get her back in one piece...actually, you'll get her back in better condition. I can fix that cut....and I'll even get rid of those marks under her eyes, and all for free.”

Jade looked from Orthoclase to the blind pearl, and touched the blind pearl's facial markings gingerly with her thumb.

“I suppose,” she groaned. “Show's canceled for a while anyway. I got your word on this?”

“On my honour as a remodeler.”

Jade snorted derisively, but she handed over the blind pearl in the end.

…..

They dropped Steven off at the workshop, but Orthoclase and Ginger went off somewhere together because apparently fixing the blind pearl was going to take some special equipment. He was a little taken aback to find Murder Pearl sitting on the couch, not really doing anything besides staring into space.

“Uh, hi,” he said awkwardly.

“Hello,” she replied, unblinking and utterly still.

“I'm....I'm actually glad you're here,” he continued. “I wanted to thank you for what you did for Ginger...and for me, I guess. I would've been in big trouble if they found me, right? But mostly for Ginger.”

“I did what I was supposed to,” Murder Pearl said in that same airy, vague way Ginger had of speaking.

“I guess, but I still owe you. So I was thinking...Ginger said you had a fracture in your gem somewhere?”

She stared at him, not nodding or shaking her head. Just staring.

“I've got healing powers. Like, I have healing spit, and I already used it to fix some pearls...I can fix you, if you want?”

It seemed like the air suddenly turned thick, heavy. Murder Pearl didn't say a word.

“So, do you want to be fixed?” he asked, wishing she would say something.

“Do you want to fix me?” she asked instead.

“Well, sure I do!” he answered. “You deserve it!”

“Then I will accept.”

Relieved, and thinking that once she was fixed he stood a better chance of having an actual conversation with her, Steven licked his hand and pressed it over her gem. He didn't know what to expect. Maybe a smile, maybe even some tears...

Nothing.

No, there was something. Her face didn't change but something about the way she held herself was different.

“Thank you,” she said to him. “I will be back soon.”

Before he could ask what that meant, she had taken the hook she'd used to attack that Amethyst back at the old workshop and scaled the wall with uncanny ease. She pulled the grate off of the upper vent and disappeared into it.

Oh no.

The next hour or however long it took was unbearably tense. He'd messed up badly, and he didn't even know why. When somebody did come back, it was Ginger and she noticed straight away that something was wrong.

“Where is Murder Pearl?” she asked, still airy and vague but with a note of tension undercutting it.

“I'm sorry,” Steven said through gritted teeth, trying hard not to cry. “I just wanted to thank her for saving us, so I healed her...then she said she'd be back and she went out the vent!”

He didn't think it was possible for a pearl to go paler than they already were. Ginger proved him wrong.

“That was a mistake,” she told him, not scolding but matter-of-fact, which only made him feel worse.

“What's going to happen?” he asked, dreading the answer.

“Normally, a pearl's spike keeps her under control,” Ginger explained, as she pulled out a tablet and started furiously typing. “Murder Pearl's is no longer effective, but her damaged gem kept her from attacking other gems outside of the arena. She has nothing to hold her back now.”

That sounded really bad, even when said in Ginger's soft smooth tone. It sounded disastrous.

“I've messaged Orthoclase to tell her to stay away from the workshop,” Ginger continued. “We should wait until Murder Pearl returns. When she does, stay behind me and don't move. Understand?”

Gulping, Steven nodded.

[teamoliv-archive]

Cheshire Charity Tournament: Bracket 1, Round 7

“I know you’re all enjoying that tournament out there! So let’s get to the next match! Here we have two competitors who arrived on Ty’s own say so.”

“First up is Lapis Hamelin from the far-off little village of Pineyard. His whole team is competing so stay tuned to see how the rest do.”

“His opponent is Auburn Huldre. She’s a bit young for the huntress gig yet, but she’s got herself a sweet little apprenticeship with Cheshire Financial.”

Auburn sneered at Lapis the blades slowly flaring out of the discs at her wrists. “You know, you and your sister didn’t put up much of a fight when I saw you last time. Want to see what happens when you don’t run away?”

“Yeah, too bad I missed what Cheshire did to your face,” Lapis replies darkly, “Don’t think I’ve forgiven you for a second for what you put Lazuli through. Count yourself lucky there’s rules- because this is personal.”

Lapis held out his weapon to his side while he let it unfold and spin into its melee form. He grips it tighter when the blades spring out from either side. He held out his other arm in front of him, his barrier semblance forming in front of him- then he rushes forward.

Auburn rushed forward and jumped up on top of Lapis’s shield, letting him fling her in whatever direction he chose upon landing and taking to the sky in that direction. She turned and flicked her wrists out, sending the six blades attached to her wrist mounts to fly off in circles. Her shadow beneath her started to writhe and spread out beneath her, roaring to life when she landed and spreading out a mass of eyes and grins throughout the arena and obscuring both their forms. 

“Then I won’t waste time with a warm up.”

Lapis carefully tried to follow the motion of his opponent’s blades. He knew they could fly around for a lot longer than they looked so a miss didn’t mean they were out of the game. He had to stop their movement. He spun and ducked, bringing his barrier up around to intercept as many of the flying projectiles as possible. He brought it around one more time in front of him just in time to see Auburn slamming a kick right into it.

“Don’t forget me.” She twirled backward in a cartwheel, catching some of her blades as they spun past, flipping past a quick jab from Lapis’s unarmed hand and swiping. She saw him deflect that and then two more oncoming blades as they clatter to away. With another jump backward, Auburn’s discs glowed and the blades flew back to her, locking back in place.

Lapis brought his weapon up to shift back into its rifle mode and began firing. He kept a rigid stance as he gave a cautious advance. He need to keep his eye on her at all times. The churning scenery and unearthly screams that echoed around it made it hard to concentrate, but he was aware of Huldre’s tricks. Once he saw her ready to fling her blades out again, he fired a shot at her shoulder.

Auburn jerked backward from the shot but ran with the momentum and flung her other arm out, releasing the set of three blades from that side. The disorienting shadows started to cover her silhouette. She ducked down to avoid another shot and released the other three before racing around Lapis.

Lapis twirled his weapon as deftly as he could to deflect oncoming blows and make it more dangerous to approach him. He felt an impact on the weapon when he spotted his opponent renew an offense, both catching whirling blades as well as kicking and swiping to keep him on the defense. “I can do this all day you know...”

“Defense, won’t win you the fight, you can’t just block your way to victory here.” Auburn taunts, flinging an arm around Lapis’s weapon to send a set of blades out into the air again while she kept him busy.

“I know.” He moves his weapon out of the way of a blow he could have blocked and moved to punch with the side of his barrier instead. An unlucky blade skid across it as he pushed forward and dismissed it. The shimmering blue aura in front of his arm dissipated and he grabbed Auburn by the collar, yanking her forward and slamming her in the face with a headbutt and then hurling her over his shoulder to the ground. Pressing his weight into the equation, he shifts his weapon back and points the barrel of his rifle down at her fires a burst.

Auburn brings her discs up to try and block the shots. The churning shadows around them shrunk and ran up Lapis’s gun, releasing a horrible shriek and twisting of motion in front of him. She rolled and swept a leg as his knee but her much larger opponent held firm. She kicked herself away and recalled her blades back, taking steps backward to avoid the oncoming swings and slices from her opponent who had already shifted his gun back to its melee form. She snarled and brought her arm around with intent to stab with the flared blades on her wrist.

Lapis blocked the oncoming blow with the side of his weapon and pressed his weight into the block. Then the disc on Auburn’s arm glowed again and the blades shot out at an angle that wrenched his wrist and pulled his weapon free. She was still at close range though. He reached out to grab her shoulders and pull his knee to her gut.

Auburn lost her wind for a moment and felt a crack of aura with the blow. She couldn’t take too many more of those. An attempt to twist herself free resulted in Lapis tightening his grip and she felt his momentum move to lock her arm in place. 

Lapis hoisted his opponent up and slammed her back into the ground. Then he picked her back up and hurled her into the wall, keeping her pressed there.

“Don’t... think I’m done.” One of Auburn’s disks started glowing and the set of blades that send Lapis’s weapon free came flying back toward them. She felt herself get released, but her opponent was still standing behind her.

Lapis held his arm up and his barrier ready, using it to block the oncoming blades. “That’s not that threatening when I know exactly where they’re coming from. Now where were we?” He planted a boot into her chest and she bounced against the arena wall again. He sent out a few more solid punches before Auburn crumpled to the ground, her aura and semblance both dissolving around her.

“Now you’re done. And if you ever put my sister or anyone else in danger again, I won’t go easy on you next time.”

“So... we just got camera footage back now that the creepy mist thing is gone, everybody. Well at least we have a winner. Too bad we couldn’t see the damn match.”

[mcvfd]

S04E01: History Channel Arena Combat

The gang get alien abducted, and their new boss is a real jerk. Kanye tries to flirt. Averlyth meets Bane. Everyone dies. (They got better!)

TL;DR: After a bit of downtime following the Thieves Guild competition, the gang is abducted by the History Channel, brought to the future on a space station and forced to fight in an arena combat reality show. After being beaten to death, they wake up in a prison cell, and the security chief taunts them with the idea they will be forced to fight and die every night for a television show, only to be cloned and forced to do it all again the next day. But one of the other gladiators wants to enlist the gang to help her send everyone back to their proper timelines — by blowing up the space station.

Background

We were gonna fight Assault Bae for stealing all our money but instead we kinda agreed with him and put him in charge.

What happened during the month of downtime?

Averlyth: Going with other gangs (continuing to inspire fear) on missions, acquires 3 contacts in other gangs that could hook us up with stuff in the future.

Carlos: attempted to train various crows in town to pickpocket the townspeople and bring him trinkets. Now he has crows that occasionally get him what he wants and also occasionally alert the police instead.

Kanye: spent his time acquiring knowledge, trying to learn how to make his weapon stay on fire. He's gained a new respect of fire ever since the flamethrower (and maybe also the Burnie Cinders thing). He now has +1 to attack and damage with a single weapon.

Nissa: Trying to improve skills, acquires 3 information tokens that she can use arbitrarily in the future (she “happens to recall” a factoid).

Satura: Trying to learn magic from the Ragin’ magin’s because she already fights well. Through intense training and memorization, she has gained an additional prepared spell. She has learned ensnaring strike.

Um: His therapist said to join a group, would make life more fulfilling. Spends the time trying to be a better person (or more neutral than evil).

One day we're all abducted by aliens (cannot confirm on anal probe).

Session Start

Abducted and sold to a gladiator arena! 3 dozen combatants, gravity isn't quite the same, and there's no sky, only stars and planets.

The "arena" looks as if it used to be a park. There is a sealed door at the far end, with flaking paint saying "Cargo Tunnel". Another marks "Elevator is closed" with a glowing red lock, another "Airlock" is barred up tight. There's "Security".

There's a sign behind us, with scrolling text and a grid of moving images. The text contains pictograms, from possibly hundreds of thousands of players.

A halfling we immediately dislike announces our presence ("The famous Multimaster County Volunteer Fire Department") on the History Channel Fighting Show Thing, every "bird" (camera drone) turns towards us, many crude gestures and cheering faces go down the screen, and we roll for initiative.

There are 36 dudes. Carlos Fears 3 of them and they make a beeline for the opposite direction. Nissa shoots a long-distance fart, perfected from her time in a library. 3 dudes will run into it.

Kanye wields a glaive, and makes his way up to the front of the group. As enemies approach within 10 ft, he gets an opportunity attack. Averlyth summons bees - all enemies that come near us will have disadvantage. Um climbs up the side of the arena.

2 guys bulldoze through the fart cloud, one stays there, retching. Someone throws a spear at Um (misses), a couple gets hits on the group.

Carlos makes a run for the Security tunnel and tries to Fear the guards. 4 of them appear afraid and go down the tunnel, 2 of them pull out janky hand crossbows and don't look skurred.

Nissa rides Kanye because he had a harness on (he was expecting it ), with such a flourish that people are stunned. She drives him around, he pokes at people with his pole arm. Averlyth keeps bees up, but maybe backs away from Kanye a bit as a precaution.

Um sneaks up on one of the security guards successfully, cracks one of the guards on the back of the head with an arrow, dropping him to his knees.

People aim for Um but miss, Kanye is hit by a long sword, Averlyth is hit by a dude, Nissa is hit a few. Guard pulls out a pistol and shoots Carlos.

Carlos chucks a lightning-style chromatic orb at the mofo; his armor is smoking, he staggers against the wall, but he hasn't gotten down yet. Carlos considers running down the hall, but the risk is too great.

Nissa criticizes someone's mom, Kanye tries to play good cop and bad cop at the same time by himself. Everyone is successfully weirded out, he's intimidated one of them into running away.

The sign has been circling us; in addition to the jeering and booing, there's some laughing faces. Averlyth heals everyone back up to max, and the faces are now mostly booing. Um takes another shot at the guard, but misses.

Averlyth gets hit by 2 guys, loses her concentration and the bees go away. Everyone gets hit a bunch, the announcer comes up, saying we haven't had a strong opening, asks who wants to place bets.

Carlos bets 1000 on the group because he has the band fund. The system disallows this action. Then he chugs a health potion and sends a goddamn fireball at the entire group of gladiators. One third of the dudes are dexterous enough to only take half damage. No one is dead, but some people are pretty unhappy, although the crowd is putting in fire emoji. Carlos tries to a cartwheel and falls on his face, but he sells the landing.

Nissa goes for the guards, hitting them but they're still standing. Kanye goes for a backflip - Nissa is all prepared to catch but then Kanye whiffs it and then twists around to make it look good maybe.

Averlyth creates 3 duplicates of herself after also chugging a health potion, but makes it harder for people to hit her. Um shoots a guard in the ass.

People finally hit Um with spears after he's been taking potshots all day. Two guys bring Averlyth down to 0 despite the clones, keep hacking away at her after. Kanye gets pounded, Nissa is damaged hard, Carlos is also unconscious now.

Miraculously, Carlos immediately wakes up at 1 hit point, starts apologizing to everyone that's ever wronged him, promises to be better, then shoots yet another fireball at the gladiators. They're fucked up, but still not dead yet.

Nissa kills the sad one with depression. Kanye gestures to Carlos that he would like to leave for unicorns and spa day. Carlos vaguely registers the signage while basically dead and gives him the OK. Averlyth remains slumped over.

Um tries to shoot a guard and misses; guard tries to shoot him and misses. Then more people shoot Um with a spear and now he is more spear than people. Everyone in the group is dead except for Kanye who's spitting blood at everyone at 1 health.

The biggest orc we've ever seen walks up and knocks Kanye out.

(fade to black)

Individually, we come back to awareness as we fall to the ground in a metal room, falling out of a container filled with pink goop. We're taken to a communal jail with everyone in the group. Everyone is recovering much faster than expected, though also naked.

Old mean looking elf, Security Chief Karen Krull approaches the cell; her guards throw our armor through the bars, she chastises them rudely for some random shit. Kanye shoves his scroll of pedigree into her face, she says she knows who he is. Carlos asks if we're free to go. Karen says no. Carlos asks if we can watch TV. Karen says no. Carlos asks if we can just like maybe not go back to the arena, Karen starts questioning his sanity, then entertains herself, mockingly asking if we really don't know what's going on. Carlos says he knows what's going on, but his friends don't.

Karen reveals that we are 3000 years far in the future, that we are the worst people in history and people hate us, but notes that we might not know yet what we did. Nissa sees no vents or holes in the cell, Um doesn't recognize the lock on the cell. Kanye roughly tries to familiarize himself with the security chief, Averlyth notices that the guards were a variety of species.

Um comments that we didn't see any magic, but it's probable there are still magic users in the area. Nissa sees graffiti under a bench - it's the same sign that Averlyth keeps drawing everywhere (she swears it isn't her handwriting).

DM: "I'm not going to make you roll for this, you would get it from contextual clues-"

Carlos: "It's just a penis"

The symbol was put into the wall by a former prisoner, seemingly carved by a weapon, but unmistakably the gauntlet of Bane. What's strange is that the icon is hidden, usually it's out in the open to inspire fear and all that. Averlyth investigates the sign, and then communicates to Bane under the bench. Um also goes under the bench, notices Averlyth's eyes have rolled back in her head, surprisingly doesn't kick him out. She has sent out a message to Bane; usually, it's a one-way message, where the god gives you a sense of approval or support as appropriate, but this time she immediately finds herself in a dark room, before Bane. Bane says something godly like:

Bane: "Averlyth? How the fuck are you here?"

As it turns out, Averlyth had become known for being his best supporter, and people still fear Bane because of her. She also supposedly died centuries ago. He promises her to support her if she needs his help as the connection starts fading away. She wakes up, stammers that she thinks she just met Bane, then suggests to Carlos that he should worship him.

Guards escort us back to the entrace of the arena. At first, no one has noticed us, and the mobs are going after each other. We investigate around the arena, see a cargo tunnel that we could clear out with an hour of concentrated effort. Carlos proposes to turn Kanye into gas and put him through a crack so he can start clearing it out from the other end, but before we can start, the giant female orc walks up to us, introduces herself as Tiffani and apologizes for the first impression.

Kanye greets her back in Orcish. Tiffani is delighted by the small person we have trained to speak Orcish. We pretend we weren't looking for an exit and she says she wants to introduce us to her "small friend". While walking with Tiffani, everyone avoids us, practically diving out of her way.

She takes us across the arena, where some people are guarding a small female human who is not particularly well armored. She is counting things or talking to herself? Then seems glad when Tiffani comes back, introduces us to Marge Zuckerberg. She asks if we know what's going on, Carlos says he does but his friends don't.

She says she needs us to destroy the portal; Averlyth asks what the portal is and then she's mad that Carlos said we already knew what was going on, proceeds to explain that the portal took us from time. She says that it will put us in a position to reset everything back to before the portal was accessed.

After frustrating Marge with "too many questions", we finally agree to help her blow up the portal. She details the security (the fact that there are no cameras in the cells) and the existence of a security hatch underneath the bench, Kanye asks if we've done this once before. She elaborates in real big words why it's not Groundhog day.

The group plots.