#dyn: you're the best friend i ever had (shauna x jackie)

[lingeringscars]

i just think that shauna's base instinct being to save van is so interesting. how long had van been screaming? everyone else got off except for shauna and jackie, and when shauna heard van screaming, even when still dulled, she ran to her to try and help. jackie wasn't wrong about the plane being about to blow and them needing to get out, but shauna kept trying to save van and would not leave her behind. at her core, this was who shauna was.

jackie saves shuana's life, and shauna is annoyed with her for it because van was left behind and presumed dead. (annoyed, importantly. shauna annoyed because lottie didn't get up. shauna annoyed bc van might be dead. something about disjointed emotions). she tries to rush back in, and what jackie said was going to happen did.

and to tap into van for a second, she's terrified and yelling for help and shauna is the only person who did (after coach flew out the plane helping shauna with her mask). but they are still able to recognize that shauna was trying to help and jackie was the one who was not. all the resentment is only placed with jackie, the comments are directed towards jackie, and it is jackie they stop trusting in that moment. van was calling for shauna, while jackie pulled her away. i'm not entirely sure that shauna forgave jackie for pulling her away either-- even if it was to save her life. it felt like another moment where jackie took control and managed her. van just sees that they were left for dead for jackie, so why should they trust jackie to have their back in a time when they need to rely on each other.

[lingeringscars]

Shauna always felt like jackie treated her like a doll. Jackie chose her clothes, her makeup, who she should date, and I'm almost certain jackie was the one who got shauna to try out for soccer. (I don't even like soccer!). Shauna never felt like a whole person with jackie (I don't know where you end and I begin) and at times felt like she was just a reflection of who jackie wanted her to be

Shauna resented jackie for this.

Jackie died for that resentment.

Shauna then treating Jackie's corpse as her own doll two months later. Literally envisioning jackie saying shauna was hopeless at applying makeup so she always had to do it as she did Jackie's makeup. The level that shauna is taking back control while talking to Jackie's corpse is astounding, especially when she ends up literally consuming everything jackie is.

She becomes jackie; she becomes what jackie would have been had she survived. Jackie controlled every aspect of shaunas life while she was alive and she still controls it now that she's dead.

[lingeringscars]

Okay the thing about me is like I'm 100000% convinced shauna jackie were in love with each other (and so much more) and that they never, ever would have acted on this. Not pre crash. Not post crash. Not if jackie had survived. Just never.

I also fundamentally believe that jackie and nat were into each other and all of their problems stemmed from this and that they actually Could Have hooked up.

[lingeringscars]

Thinking about how shauna and jackie said love you to each other but neither said it to Jeff.

[lingeringscars]

Thinking again about shauna & jackie. I read a post that was talking about how jackie wasn't being dramatic because she read the journals and realized that her entire relationship with shauna was built on lies and had this giant fracture in it because of Jeff and it rocked her entire world. So I am once again in my feelings about how jackie doesn't really have anything bad to say about shauna but shauna probably has pages in her journal venting about jackie and how jackie has made her feel.

And I 10000% believe that jackie loves everything about shauna. That when jackie talks about all the things shauna is not good at in the pilot, it's because she adores all of this is shauna. But to shauna, jackie makes a list of what she is bad at and then talks about how shauna has always been there for her. So there is a part of shauna that wonders what would happen if she WASN'T. And we the audience learn that she isn't in a very, very big way by cheating with Jeff. But it still begs the question of where her place is in this relationship that makes her feel invisible and unseen, where jackie can't say one thing she likes about HER instead of what she likes that shauna does FOR her.

And then it happens AGAIN in episode 6. It could be in as good faith as possible, just joshing, all in jest, or even just jackie being miserable because of her period and insecure because she cannot figure out how to do anything in the wilderness and is an outsider, but jackie again lists a bunch of derogatory things about shauna (you're good at...being judgemental/making others feel bad/stabbing deer...whatever she actually says). And shauna reacts the way you would expect: wow you have such a high opinion of me. It cuts DEEP. She hears all these negative things that jackie says with ease, and then she hears that she's turning into a badass and it puts her at ease but not enough that it isn't playing in the back of her mind. Shauna tries to help jackie, and jackie lists negative things about shauna and shauna STILL gives her a pep talk and talks about what jackie is good at. And how jackie makes her feel better and like they can do anything and survive.

[lingeringscars]

It's such a small moment, but jackie turning the music off in shaunas car was just another moment she felt squashed, squandered, invisible. Shauna was doing her a favor picking her up, and she turned off the music she was listening to and made fun of it. Jackie was playing around, but it was just another moment of living in her world to shauna.

[lingeringscars]

"I think that Shauna is in love with Jackie and Jackie is in love with Shauna. But what that actually means for them as people, for their romantic templates, is not strictly defined, because I don’t know that it’s possible to really put hard and fast boundaries around those things; they obviously can shift and evolve. There’s so many factors that can impinge upon the expression of that bond. The bond is real and powerful, and the specific container or form that it would have taken over the course of their life is not really possible to specifically define."

"because it is heartbreaking for Shauna."

"And it feels like the fight that they have — that Shauna and Jackie have — that we’ve been building toward for most of the first season was inevitable whether their plane crashed or didn’t. And so to take this inevitable fissure between the two of them, and to have the consequences be so different, and so much more tragic than how it happened back home, was something that felt right to us on a story level."

[lingeringscars]

All jackie wanted and thought about was shauna telling her jackie was the best friend she ever had. But it has never been jackie and has always been tai. Tai sees shauna for who she is, and shauna can tell tai anything. Jackie was her best friend, but tai is the best friend she has ever and will ever have.