#especially because izzy's words seemed like a goodbye and stede will not accept that

[avastyetwats]

An End to the War (but not to us, never us).

Continued from here. @izzyeffinhands

Gunshots. Screams. Canon fire. Screams. Bloodshed. Screams.

It was all so much. It was all too much. Stede Bonnet has been involved in battles before, but nothing like this. Nothing with this amount of bloodshed and death. He tried to prepare because they knew it was coming. They knew this battle, this war was inevitable, thus why they worked tirelessly to unite all the pirates and crews that they could, to bring everyone together so they could all fight as one crew and put an end to this war once and for all. He trained with Israel, he trained with his crew, he trained with Zheng, with Ed, they all trained and prepared together and Stede took initiative. He gave speeches about hope and heart, he inspired and motivated, he helped unite, he proved himself as a pirate, he proved himself as a Captain.

And yet, he felt completely unprepared. Shocked and horrified. Frozen. He was fucking frozen as the explosions and screams filled the air around him, as gunshots rang out and bodies fell to the floor, as screams of pain and screams for help echoed around the port. There he stood, bloodied sword in hand, having added to the death toll of his enemies, in shock with himself and all that was happening. He still wasn't used to killing, but he learned it was a necessity not only to stay alive, but to keep his crew alive, to keep his family alive, and he accepted it, but it didn't exactly make it any easier either. Which was a huge fault of his, a flaw. Because he felt useless. He felt weak.

"You're nothing but a weak-hearted, soft-handed, lily-livered rich boy and that's all you will ever be."

His father's words played over and over in his mind and he could feel his eyes welling with tears, he could feel his hands shaking, his knees shaking, close to giving out from under him. He thought he was ready for this, for the war, but all of the training, all of the raids, were nothing like this. The life of a pirate was nothing like Stede Bonnet imagined back before he was one and he knew he was naive, he learned that rather quickly after becoming a pirate, and yet, he continued on. He was determined to succeed, and though he's grown and has certainly become a better pirate and Captain, he was still a long way off from becoming the best. But he's proven himself more and more, he's protected his crew, he's helped them grow which is what he wanted, he's held his own in battle, having once thought being in the field was his thing, blacking out and the adrenaline taking over, but yet... here he stood frozen.

Because this was unlike anything he's been part of, unlike anything he's trained for. And he knows he needs to snap out of it. He knows he needs to raise his sword and fight alongside his comrades, along side his crew that was counting on him. They needed him and he was failing them. He needs to help them, he needs to fight, he needs to--

“ Bonnet? —Honey, honey look at me. I want you to.. — “

That voice. Oh, that sweet, sweet voice. It snaps - no, it rescues - Stede from the daze that nearly cost him his life because he can see the new body laying next to his feet, but he pays it no mind. No, he only looks at Izzy. At his love, at his light, at his husband. His savior in this moment, too, among many others and oh god, he was failing him, too. He was failing the person he loved most in this world, the person that helped fill him with so much confidence and pride, that made him feel loved and cherished and important, the man that prepared him for all of this, sticking by his side through every good day and every bad, the man he didn't deserve in this moment but here he was, having saved his life, now cupping his face and reminding him of the plan.

The canon fire makes Stede flinch, ducking down with Izzy in his arms as the canon flies right by them, hitting a nearby building that was thankfully vacant, having evacuated those that could not join in the fight. There are tears in his eyes when his head comes back up and he's holding onto Izzy's arms, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Izzy. I'm so so sorry. I'm... I'm failing you, I'm failing everyone. I didn't -- I wasn't -- oh god. I'm sorry." He apologizes over and over, his grip on Izzy tightening, almost bruising at this point, but then Izzy lightly shakes his body to snap him out of it, Stede goes quiet and listens to him. Izzy always had a way with grounding Stede, with calming him down, with pulling him out of the darkness and back into the light. Because he was Stede Bonnet's light.

He remembers the plan but god, he can't leave Izzy. The thought of being apart kills Stede, especially if something happens to him. If he -- "Izzy, no. I can't... I can't leave you. I can fight. I can fight with you. Please." Tears spill from his eyes as his hands now hold Izzy's that are holding his face, reciprocating the kiss that makes even heaven sigh and kissing him again, terrified that any of these kisses could be the last and oh god, he feels sick just thinking about it. He can't lose Izzy. He can't. He can't just let everyone fight while he hides. He refuses. He knows the plan. To hide. Or at least that's what it felt like. He knows there was a reason for it, not only to keep them safe, but a reason to stay hidden so they could attack from the shadows, but it felt so wrong. He was a Captain, he needed to be out there with everyone else. He needed to fight. He needed to defend.

But he knew what this kiss meant. The way Izzy kisses him with such desperation, the way he crushes his body against Stede's. He can't accept that. "You're not dying, Israel. You're saying goodbye and I won't say it back. I can't. We still need to have our wedding after this, right? You promised me we would." He could feel his strength returning to him, he could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he could feel his blood boiling - it's exactly what he needed. The thought of losing Israel, the thought of anymore death, filled him with anger, with determination, with resolve.

"Uh... g-guys, they're coming! Wee John and the other's gonna need us!" Roach's voice yells over the gunshots and screaming in the background, sword in one hand and gun in the other.

"Fuck." Stede curses under his breath, forehead falling against Izzy's, terrified of letting him go. But he had to... Izzy was needed at the battlements and Stede was needed at Market Way. They had places they both needed to be and unfortunately, that wasn't together. "Do not die, Israel. Do you hear me? That's an order." But also a plea. He couldn't live without him. He just couldn't. So, with one last deep breath, he holds Izzy's head to his and closes his eyes. "Je préférerais nager dans des mers agitées avec vous, plutôt que de naviguer dans des eaux calmes avec quelqu'un d'autre*." A reminder of their promise together. Of their future. Words he's spoken - once written - to Izzy before, that were for him and him only.

And with one last kiss to his lips, they part ways. Tears continue to fall from Stede's lips as he runs with Roach to where Wee John waits, seeing in the distance the soldiers coming down the way and as soon as Stede takes cover beside Wee John, he looks up at him with resolve in his eyes. "Blow them to hell."

(*I would rather swim in stormy seas with you, than sail calm waters with anyone else.)