#estinien's more a food network dude

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Day 10: Channel

Modern AU. Estinien is begging his wife to change the channel. Kinda NSFW.

“Agi for fuck’s sake, change the channel.” Estinien groaned as he sat next to his wife on the couch.

“What? Why?” Agnes asked, sipping her tea. One of Estinien’s long muscular arms wrapped around her broad shoulders. “There’s new episodes of Hunting for Houses and Reno or Sell-O!”

Put a bullet in my head. Please. Just...please. I love my wife. I love her more than anything on this star. I want to have a ton of babies with her. She’s the sweetest, kindest, sexiest woman in the history of mankind. BUT HER TASTE IN TELLY IS SO SHIT! “Sweetheart, those shows rot your brain I’m sure of it. Not that I’m saying your brain is being rotted right now!” He added quickly upon seeing her “I’m getting annoyed with you” face. “I just don’t understand why you like this stuff.”

Agnes shrugged and put her mug down on the coffee table. “I don’t know. I just do. I like judging the houses and…the people. It’s just funny to me.” She patted his thigh and then reached for the remote. “But we can put on something else, love.”

Fuck, now she sounds sad. She deals with high-energy children all day and simply wants to shut her brain off in the evenings. Plus…you cannot deny…that you…fuck, love to be a gossipy twat about these shows too. Fuck. “No, no. If it makes you happy, then so am I. Besides,” he pressed a kiss to her head. “this’ll give us good practice for when we go house hunting.”

The squeal of delight his wife let out was both ear-splitting and heartwarming. To see her happy is the greatest thing in the world…next to sex with her. That cannot be topped. Except me! She can top me any time she likes! “Oh good! A new episode is starting right now!”

Oh goody.

“I’m Adela.” A blond Midlander on the screen said. “And this is my fiancée Bataar. We met at university when I participated in a cultural exchange with Steppe University.”

Agnes snorted. “Big guy. Tiny girl. Seen it a million times.”

“I mean, I’m a big guy, and you’re shorter than me.” Am I not getting something?

“Oh love,” she patted his thigh again. Oh gods, she needs to stop doing that. I’m getting way too turned on. “She’s little and cute. Thin and pretty. And he’s HUGE. He’s got to be near seven fulms tall, no? She seems barely five fulms. There’s a big difference.”

I still don’t get it but okay.

“What I love most about Adela? She’s got a kind heart like the Dusk Mother.”

“I don’t go comparing my lovely wife to Halone, mate, but you do you.” Estinien muttered.

Agnes giggled, grabbing her mug. “No, you say I’m Menphina come to life. Especially when we’re fucking, love.”

That’s because it’s true!

“I’m from Gridania—”

“Of course you are.” Agnes snorted. “I swear people from Gridania are so fucking weird. Weird about the woods. Weird about outsiders. Just…weird.”

“And we want to stay in Gridania near my family and job.”

Seems reasonable enough…

“I’m a jewelry shop assistant, and Bataar is a carpenter. Our budget is four hundred thousand gil for an at least four-bedroom single family home with at least two full bathrooms.”

“WHAT?!” Agnes and Estinien shrieked at the same time.

“There’s no fucking way they can afford and get all that in Gridania.” Agnes stared at the television. “Not with those jobs! Unless their families are helping?”

“Have to be…otherwise, they’re in for a rude awakening.” Estinien squeezed her shoulder. “That’s completely unrealistic.”

“Our realtor is Adela’s aunt Bertha—”

Estinien grunted and pointed his beer at the screen. “There ya go. That’s it. Family realtor.”

“I may have to give Adela and Bataar, specifically Adela, some hits with the reality stick. I don’t think she understands how the market in Gridania works.”

Agnes laughed so hard tea almost came out of her nose.

“This cannot be the house? It can’t be, right? Bataar?” Adela yelled as they approached a dilapidated cottage in Old Gridania. Bataar tried unsuccessfully to calm her as her aunt opened the door.

“Now, it needs some love—”

“We are not getting a fixer.” Estinien said, eyes narrowing. “I want everything ready to go.”

“Oh love, but those are cheaper, AND we can make it our own!” Oh shit, she’s got a dreamy look in her eyes. Oh shit. Oh fuck. “Just imagine the possibilities!” The only possibilities I’m imagining are you and I in our tastefully decorated home and fucking in every room. NOT A BLOODY RENO!

“Sweetest,” Bataar pleaded with Adela. “I can do some very fine work here…”

“AUNTIE, WHY DID YOU SHOW US THIS?!?!”

“Because your budget is shit, sweetie.” Agnes snarked, taking a brownie. “It’s especially shit in Gridania itself. Try the South Shroud with the swamps, and maybe you’ll get your money’s worth there.” My wife is so sexy when she’s being sassy. I fucking love it.

As the episode continued, Adela threw tantrums at the other properties (a small cottage that’s move-in ready and another fixer in the North Shroud). Estinien guessed correctly that they would choose the small cottage.

“Wow love, how did you guess?”

Estinien shrugged. “No fuss with that cottage. So what it’s not as large as she wants…at least it’s all ready.”

Agnes kissed his cheek and reached for the remote, changing the channel to All About Food. “You’ve suffered enough, my grumpy man. I think your favorite is going to be on…the one about chefs being forced to cook through challenges?”

I love my wife.

Even though she watches garbage.