#ethan x mc fanfiction

[angstymarshmallow]

a line we’ve crossed (ethan ramsey x mc)

[a little note: a short fic right before bed. Once I started thinking about it, I knew I had to get the words out before they disappeared. This is a little bit different from that 30 diamond scene with Ethan last week. It’s roughly right after they sleep together and it’s kind of much similar format...except a little more angsty.  If you read it - thank you! If you leave a comment, bless you! ].

[words counted: 1287]

Their clothes are everywhere; scattered pieces around the room that were yanked and thrown hastily aside in a hurry to be free. Like layers of themselves, they have been stripped down and peeled away. And with so many layers gone, the weight of the outside world has shifted - almost disappearing in the passionate moments they’ve had to themselves. Except now lying naked and awake, Ethan stares at the ceiling for a moment, wondering if perhaps – he’s made another mistake.

In the moment – it meant everything. Her pleading eyes, the desperation in his own voice – admitting that things can be different now that he’s walked out of the hospital and never looked back. In the moment, where all he remembers was the softness of her skin pressed against his, her flushed cheeks, the loud cries of pleasure when he surged his hips roughly against hers; bracing her against the cool glass of his home – both wanting and needing release. In that moment, it was all he needed to keep him going and everything he hadn’t realized he wanted.

Now that his thoughts are solely in charge of themselves, with his eyes still affixed ahead and hands clenched tightly around the sheets which separates them – it terrifies him how much things will change. How much, they will change.

He tears his gaze away from the imperfections of the ceiling and drifts their attention with slowed precision to beside him. Apart of him knows he shouldn’t, but his last resistances had all but burned away hours ago. He watches the rise and fall of her supple chest, the only telltale sign of exhaustion and the slight movement just underneath her eyelids to confirm that she’s still fast asleep.

“What are you doing to me?” He says the words softly, careful not to disturb what little sleep she’ll have before her hearing. It isn’t like he’s helping, doing this – fighting the urge to cradle her to his chest and swearing to himself to never let her go. This isn’t helping at all. And like Naveen, he’ll destroy what’s let of her too.

He tenses at the thought, glancing anywhere except directly at her as sudden panic seized his chest. It’s weighing him down, and he’s desperate to forget the very notion with a drink. Without thinking, he’s already moving to get away, to place as much distance as he can between them. He shifts his weight in order to sit up in bed - only to jolt in slight surprise when he feels her hand gripping his arm.

“Ethan,” Sawyer mumbles softly.

His body goes rigid. “You’re okay,” the words don’t sound right – coming from his lips. They sound hallow and fake, something a doctor only admits to themselves when they’re alone; when they couldn’t save a patient’s life.

Her eyes flutter and open sleepily.

He avoids glancing at her for too long.

“What’s going…on?” There’s still sleep in her voice and a rustle in the sheets as she tries to pull him back to bed.

“Nothing.” His answer is quick and harsh; a defense mechanism he’s developed ages ago for people who pry too much. “Just go back to bed,” he offers, what he considers to be a smile but it seems to have little effect.

Suddenly, Sawyer is rubbing her eyes and sitting upright in bed to face him. “There’s something wrong, I can feel it.” She says the words softly, her hand curving around his arm as if to stop him from leaving.

She’s always had an uncanny ability to be emphatic – to tell when something is wrong even before someone says it, even before the person’s able to acknowledge it themselves. It throws him off-guard for a moment, before he shrugs candidly.

She senses things so quickly, it’s surprising that she hasn’t guessed how much he truly cares for her. Ethan releases a sigh, dragging a hand through the tousle of his hair. How does he explain his fear for her? For the future they’ve never talked about? “I need something to drink.” He says the words quickly, an excuse that has always served its purpose in the past.

Her steel in her eyes stay resolute in asking for more. They implore him without saying anything to stay.

“I know you’ve got a busy few days ahead of you,” He starts, maneuvering out of her grip. He looks for his pants first, feels her gaze follow his every motion as he spots them across the room. He doesn’t want to be impolite, throwing her out of his place is the last thing he really wants to do. What he wants more is to slip back in bed and slink into oblivion with her. Yet, the sane part of him knows their oblivion won’t last forever.

“That’s true,” Sawyer says slowly.

By the time he’s got his pants on, she’s on her feet – clutching the sheets around her like a shield. “But that doesn’t we can’t spend a little more time together.”

“It’s probably not for the best.” His words are clipped and he winces at how terrible they sound coming from his lips. “I mean, you’ve got a lot of residents to convince.”

“I’ve a fair share.”

She hasn’t moved yet. What is she waiting for?

“I want you to be there. At the hearing.”

He freezes. His mouth makes a small o, before he catches himself and frowns. “I can’t –” he stops short and curses – frustration ebbing away at the thought. He can’t be there right now, not after how he’s left things. Not when Naveen’s life is still at risk.

“Just, just hear me out okay?” Her lower lip quivers, and she hesitates as if she’s searching for the right words to say. “Ethan…your support would mean a lot to me.” She says it in a rush, clutching the sheet closer to her chest as her cheeks turn a rosy colour.

“Hutton,” Ethan wants to decline, he wants to tell her this won’t do her any favours.

“Please.” Her eyes are doing that thing again. They’re soft and they glisten as though they’ve turned into glass, too wet to withstand and not break. “It would mean everything to me if you were there…If you could just –” She takes a ragged breath, “be there for me.”

For a long time, Ethan stares silently at her. There’s no sound in the room, nothing except the sound of their own breaths – emphasizing the uncertainty with regards to their now precarious situation.

“Did you mean it?”

His brow creases. “Did I mean what?”

“What you said tonight. You’ve been thinking of this, of us.” She makes a gesture between them, “that I’ve been all you can think about and despite how much you’ve tried to stay away, how much you care –” she fumbles for a moment, cheeks darkening as she glances away. “Did you mean any of it Ethan?”

Ethan knows there’s no sense in lying; she’s smart enough to see a bold-face lie from a mile away. And what difference will it make now whether he does, or doesn’t? There’s already a line that’s been crossed, a line they can’t pretend and dance their way around.

Instead of answering right away, Ethan offers her the dress he’d been greedy to take off of her not too long ago. The cool satin distracts him from the disappointment in her eyes. Their fingers connect. He swallows a lump in his throat and steps quickly aside, the weight of her stare suddenly too much to bear. Before he’s able to inhale and linger on her scent, he’s already crossed the room, taking every ounce of willpower he still has left. He pauses by the door and whirls back to her.

There’s hurt there, flickering inside her eyes and making it hard for him to look away again. Clenching his jaw, Ethan nods brusquely and then mutters, “I’ll be there.” 

He doesn’t wait for her to respond. With hands slightly shaking, he reaches for the knob and breathes deeply - a sign that he has to get his emotions under control again. Although, as he closes the door of his room softly behind him - he knows he’s left a part of his heart in it.

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tags: @courtesan-of-garage, @ecb-loves, @universallypizzataco