#eughhh im gonna Stop Thinking and just post this

[averys-happy-space]

woke up today and the first thing in my stupid monkey brain was i wonder why kazuki took care of rei in the flashback in ep 8. like, any normal person would literally just Leave if they had to live with rei in his trash collecting dumpster of a house. but kazuki didn't. he stayed and he cleaned and he went out of his way to turn that dumpster into a clean and welcoming home. why?

and then i realised like. kazuki probably saw himself in rei. especially right after yuzuko's death, kazuki was probably the exact same as rei. maybe he wasnt as unhealthy or lazy but he definitely would've recognised that listless look in rei's eyes, the way rei was just going through the motions, the empty and uncaring way he carried himself. and maybe kazuki wouldn't know anything about rei's past, but he would be able to empathise with that emptiness.

and maybe that's why he started cleaning. maybe when he saw himself reflected back at him, he realised he would've wanted someone else to step in, to take care of him when he himself couldn't do that. so that's exactly what he did. and in the process of throwing himself into this job, of taking care of the house and of rei, he could give himself something to focus on and to think about which wasn't yuzuko's death and his own guilt and remorse.

and rei, well, he wouldn't understand why kazuki started cleaning. he might know about kazuki's past and his dead wife, but he probably wouldn't make the connections. but what he would understand is the warmth and kindness that kazuki showed him. and he would realise that warmth and kindness felt nice. he says as much in ep8, when he tells kazuki he didn't think much of him until he started cleaning. he doesn't say it directly, rarely shows it even, but he does appreciate what kazuki does. and he likes having kazuki around. because it adds spice to his life which he never had before. and rei may not like spice, he may say he can't handle it, but when it's given to him he'll eat it and he'll enjoy it [ep1]. and the more spice you have, the greater your tolerance becomes, and one day you'll wake up thinking to yourself i want to have something spicy. the more love you have, the greater your openness becomes, and one day you'll wake up thinking to yourself i want to love and to be loved. and you'll do just that. you'll buy the spicy food, and you'll love the people around you.

because food is bland without any spice.

and life is bland without any love.