#even tho they don't recognize their marriage as real i think Loid and Yor at least recognize that have a deep friendship going on

[eternal-echoes]

Several people have pointed out Twilight's interrupted thoughts here and were wondering what Twilight was going to say before Anya and Yuri cut off his train of thought.

I think I can speculate to what they are.

In both cases, Twilight seems to allude to his job as a spy. In the cruise arc, Twilight saying "And that's why I -" was in silent response to Yor saying, "I hope this peace can last forever" which is the reason why he became a spy and in the Winston Wheeler arc, he was saying, "which is why-" after he was reflecting on his defeat from Wheeler, who was much stronger than him, while also looking at Yor's beautiful face. Tbh, he was looking at Yor in both cases.

It's been running theme in the series that he's not aware of his own feelings for Yor (and Anya) and anything he does for them he just say that "it's for the mission." But what if he's actually aware of his own developing feelings for Yor, as evidence from his conversation with Franky after Franky's failed date with Monica.

He knows his romantic feelings for Yor are there, but as a spy and people who live in the shadows, he has to suppress them for the sake of the better world. So when he was drinking with Franky that time, he tried to nip his developing feelings for Yor. He tried to flush them away with alcohol. Because if he trusts someone, it could end his life.

As a spy working towards world peace, that is one thing he cannot afford to lose.

Also considering that in the last arc, Fiona pointed out that he's been losing his edge:

This is due to that he got beaten up by Wheeler after he duked it out with Yuri, which wasn't just physically exhausting but also emotionally draining as well BECAUSE of Yuri's relationship with Yor - what he loves about Yor (excellent mothering) and what he admires about the Briar sibling (sibling bond) - he almost destroyed.

He was so weak during his fight with Wheeler because of Yor.

Because he cannot afford to lose his life because as a spy working on Operation Strix that would risk losing the peace between East and West, which prevents children from crying - which is the whole reason he became a spy in the first place, he would have to make a huge sacrifice in order to keep aligning himself with that goal. And that sacrifice would be sacrificing his own happiness - the possibility of being with Yor - which means completely eradicating his feelings for Yor.

Because before he thought he can just get away with burying them down and maybe keeping a little bit of it alive. But maybe this time, he would be more like Fiona - being stone-faced for the rest of his life. He would kill his own heart to be a better spy. Someone who won't be defeated by Wheeler again.

So I think what he was going to say is:

Cruise arc: "And that's why I... (can’t be with you, because I have to focus on preserving a world where there are no wars.)"

Winston Wheeler arc: "But the thing is, Yor... I live in a world in which only the perfect survive. Which is why - (I cannot let these romantic feelings for you to keep developing.)"

Or something along those lines. At least something about referring to his relationship with Yor.

Idk if anyone wants to chime in and add anything?