#every one of my friends falls into one or more catergories of ‘if I don’t talk first we never speak’ ‘when I talk you ignore me’

[higherglyphics-qt]

2018

Hello 2018! You don’t seem so different from your predecessors, big whoop! Not surprised, but one thing I’ve decided to do is be completely honest even if it’s only on tumblr, shit that’s life. I’ve come to accept my roots and damn near resigned my life to that fact that I’m African, Nigerian to be specific and coming from that part of the world, something’s from now till end of time (at least my time on earth) will never change. We are so religiously inclined and conservative in that country, that the church and government are completely intertwined. Hence why we are being regarded as one of those “shithole” countries. But I’m not here to ramble about the state of my country at least not yet. Now down to the truth, which I’ve known for a while now, which is that I’m attracted to both sexes. Wow 😮 I just said that out loud! A bit of relief to be honest but here comes the blinding fact right behind the truth, my family will never find out. You know all these coming out stories of how either the family accepted it or took a while but came around or outrightly disowned them. Well I fall in the hidden fourth catergory, those one that most likely would get killed by their family without blinking twice. The shear fear of anyone of my family members finding out completely limited me from exploring in the college. I had gone to the same college as my older brother and of course we were around each other every other day plus we lived together. I remember a specific situation in our sophomore year, right after spring break we were playing soccer on the yard on campus and after the game we ran into this beautiful group of about six or seven females that decided to hangout with my group of friends that week and boy was I ecstatic. As usual people started pairing up and I as the closeted bisexual was left just observing but one of these females stuck out to me (honestly even till today). She was the tallest one in the group, with long hair and light skinned and she wore glasses. I couldn’t stop staring, but I had to play it off. And knowing how life loves fucking you in the ass, I wasn’t surprised that my brother decided to go for the exact female I had my eyes on. My heart literally hurt seeing my brother wrap up my crush in his arms and had to just sit there and accept it. From that moment onward till we graduated I never approached this female that I clearly liked even if we had a class together. And of course it has happened a million more times and at this point I’ve made my peace with it. Unfortunately I know that even if I’ve found happiness with a female, I legitimately have to wait till both my parents die and cut off the rest of my family to pursue happiness. I know that sounds bad but it is what it is. Don’t get me wrong I love my family to death but there’s always gonna be a “what if” at the back of my mind. It’s sad that you can’t share your happiness with the people you love but life isn’t fair. There I said it! I’m bisexual af I mean have you seen these females out here! My God have mercy! But big up to those fighting the same battle, without a doubt in my mind God got you. As for me, I’m in the pursuit of other sources of happiness. I’m trusting the process. Goodnight