#everyone always thought i was silly for it!! they were like ''cougars are afraid of cars they wouldn't bother you''

[neonpigeons]

in my "afraid of everything" era

[staticscreenwriting]

12 Days of Christmas - [Day 8]

A/N: Day number 8 for the Christmas coundown with @mattysheelies. Sorry it’s so late and out of order. I’m trying my best. I hope you guys understand. I also hope you enjoy ♥

Prompt: I’m not letting you barricade yourself in your room again for Christmas"

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

The movies lie. That’s a cold hard truth that Billy Hargrove has come to terms with a while ago. It becomes ever so clear to him again, as he watches Max and Susan cuddled up on the couch, watching some cheesy Christmas flick on TV. He hasn’t really been paying attention to the movie but it’s quite obvious it’s one of those generic Christmas films that pretend like snow is the best thing to happen to a person, especially in the month of december. The characters are all smiling and laughing and even if a problem arises, in the end it’s all gonna be alright. Because they have each other and the love they share for one another. Because family is the most important thing in the world and your family is always gonna love you.

And that, Billy knows for certain, is a big bunch of absolute bullshit. The last good Christmas he had was when mom was still living with them. Now it’s just a sad reminder of what his family should be, and what it most definitely isn’t. 

It’s not like he can really explain it to people either. His family celebrates Christmas and he does get presents, most of which he genuinely likes, but there’s always this invisible weight on his shoulders. Like he can’t really enjoy it because there’s always restrictions that come with it. It’s in the looks his father gives him when handing over a present. Neil never does anything without having ulterior motives. Every gift he’s ever given Billy has come with consequences. Neil is calculating. Scary.

Every gift handed over to his son is perfectly calculated. 

“We’re doing so much for you, Billy.”

“ We spent so much money on your gifts, Billy.”

“ Be a bit more grateful, Billy. “

“ This family is all you got, Billy “ .

Billy looks back towards the TV, the characters are singing now, holding hands around a Christmas tree. Then his eyes wander around the room. To Max who gives him a scowl as she sees him watching her. To Susan, who glances back and forth between the TV and the kitchen where a ham is roasting currently, afraid to overcook it just a tiny bit, afraid of the repercussions. To Neil who is leaned back on his recliner, feet resting on the coffee table, eyes halfway closed, snoring coming from his nose like the growl of a cave troll. 

This is nothing like the movies.

The phone ringing catches everyone’s attention, though Billy is sure it has the most effect on him. It makes his heart drop at the thought of who it could be. It’s the one thing that helps him get through the Christmas time. The one thought that help him get through — everything. That lets him know that he is never truly alone. There’s always gonna be one person who cares even if she’s on the other end of the country. 

He rushes towards the phone, picks up the receiver and, after taking a breath to calm himself down, he answers. “ Hargrove, hello ? “ 

The voice on the other end is not the one he so desperately wants to hear. A weird feeling is spreading through him, like someone is holding him under water or sitting on his chest, making it harder and harder to breathe. Like someone has reached into his chest and is holding onto his heart real tigh, squeezing it painfully.

Billy quickly turns his back towards the living room, knowing his face is probably betraying him, showing exactly what he’s feeling for anyone to see, anyone to judge — anyone to use it against him.

“ Max “ he croaks out, trying his best to keep all emotion out of his voice “ Sinclair wants to talk to you. “ 

Max takes the phone from him, eyeing him suspiciously. Almost as if she’s asking him if he’s okay, just without the words. All conveyed through a look. 

Truth is: No, he’s not okay. In fact, he doesn’t remember the last time he was properly okay. But this is not the place to show weakness or pain or heartbreak. Because there’s eyes and ears everywhere and they use those things against you. So he nods and walks back towards the couch. 

Neil is now leaning against the doorframe, self righteous smirk on his face like the villain in a Disney movie. “ Not who you were hoping for ? “ he snarls at Billy. 

There’s a sick satisfaction in his words, fully of malice. It’s as if he relishes in Billy’s misfortune. As if Billy’s pain brings him joy. 

“ I don’t know what you’re talking about. “ Billy replies before an arm shoots out, effectively stopping him from moving further into the room.

“ We both know that is bullshit, son. Don’t forget I’m the one paying the phone bill. I know you spent all of last Christmas on the phone to that — “ 

Billy’s hands curls up into a fist, his mind repeating a mantra over and over “ don’t call her names. Please don’t call her names. “ 

“ that girl. “ Even the way Neil says ‘girl’ gives Billy a sour taste in his mouth but at least it’s not some mean name. Billy wouldn’t be able to stand hearing his father call her any names.

“ She’s my friend. “ 

Neil scoffs, “ Yeah sure. Friend. “ 

Maybe he has a point. She’s more than that. She’s his constant. The only person who deliberately chooses to stay in his life, who makes an effort. The only person who doesn’t leave.

“ You really think whatever you two are doing has any future ? You still holding onto those silly dreams of going back to California and living that perfect little life with (Y/N) ? Let me tell you one thing, Billy “ Neil says then moves closer, lips right by Billy’s ears. With a low voice he speaks up again “ That is not going to happen. Never. Those are not the cards we Hargrove men are dealt. So you best start being grateful with what you have here, it’s all you’ll ever know. This is as good as it gets. “ 

And that, is exactly what Billy is so fucking afraid of. What if he’s right ? What is this really is as good as it gets for him ? 

He looks back towards the phone once again, Max having finished her phone call by now. It’s stays still, quiet. No calls. No calls. No calls.

Billy sits on the steps of the front porch, cigarette dangling from his hand. From inside the house , the muffled sound of a Christmas song can be heard. 

As his warm breath creates little clouds in the cold winter air, Billy feels at peace for just a moment. Like he finally gets to breathe again. It’s fleeting and he knows that as soon as he steps back inside the feeling will be gone, so he cherishes it.

Across the street, through the window illuminated by Christmas lights, he catches a glimpse of his neighbours decorating their tree. Mr. Miller lifting their little son up to put the star on the top. Maybe, he thinks, some lifes can be like the movies. Maybe just not his in particular.

The Fletcher’s from next door pass by his house, mom, dad a kid and a dog. They all wear matching smiles on their faces. The way it should be. When they notice him, Mrs. Fletcher turns to her little daughter and whispers something in her ears. The little girl smiles even widers then hurries across the lawn up towards where Billy is sitting.

“ Merry Christmas “ she says, as Billy regards her with a look of utter uncertainty. 

“ Merry Christmas “ he returns then looks at the outstretched hand of the little girl. A gingerbread man looks at him with big gumdrop eyes. “ Is that for me ? “ 

The little girl nods “ uh-huh. Mommy and I made them for all our neighbours. “ 

The innocence and wonder in her voice, the kindness — it makes him remember the times when Christmas wasn’t but a day to remind him how lonely he actually is. It reminds him of when things were good and Christmas was something he was looking forwards to. 

He thanks the little girl and, as she runs back towards her family and gives him a wave goodbye, Billy can’t help but smile. 

A rumbling sound breaks through the peaceful evening, followed by two headlights illuminating the street. An ugly beige colored Mercury Cougar speeds up the street, leaving a trail of smoke in it’s wake. 

Billy stands up in a rush, his cigarette dropping onto the snow covered ground. It’s an ugly car. Probably the ugliest car he’s ever seen. It’s falling apart at every end. There’s half peeled off bumper stickers and a stuffed mickey mouse hanging from the front mirror. 

By all means, he should hate this car. He doesn’t though. Because it’s where he’s made some of his favorite memories.

In the matter of seconds, after the vehicle has stopped in front of his house, he’s off of the steps, across the lawn and by the side of the car. It takes but a blink of an eye for the driver to open the door and throw herself into his arms.

There are so many things he wants to say, so many thoughts running through his head. So many questions that need to be asked and yet, he stays quiet because — because she’s here and in his arms and that is all that matters. 

Snow is softly falling around them, resting on her hair like tiny little stars. It occurs to him in that moment, that he’s never kissed her in the snow. In fact he’s never even seen her like this before, snowflakes in her hair, the tip of her nose and her cheeks red from the cold.

“ You’re here “ 

“ I’m here. “ 

“ ‘s why you didn’t call. “ 

“ Yeah, sorry for keeping you waiting — surprise. “ 

He thinks she looks adorable with her rosy cheeks and her red nose and the beanie pulled down over her ears. He thinks she always looks adorable but this is a whole new look, one he never got to see in the years they grew up together in California. 

Holy shit, California.

“ Did you drive here ? “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ In this weather ? Are you insane ? “ 

“ Worth it if it means I get to see you. “ 

He wants to cry. His heart feels so warm and happy and like it’s gonna jump out of his chest. And that kind of happiness is not something he’s used to dealing with. So his body immediately goes to crying. He doesn’t though. Instead he pulls her close and places his lips on hers. Even her lips are cold but who gives a shit. They still taste like her and feel like her and — and like home.

“ Get in the car, Billy. I have a plan for tonight. “ 

He doesn’t object. Getting away from this place, from Neil, even if it’s just for a night, sounds like the best way to spend Christmas Eve.

“ Where are we going ? “ 

“ It’s a surprise. “ 

“ Alright, okay. “ Billy replies, raising his hands in defeat and leaning back in the worn out passenger seat. “ I still can’t believe you came all this way to see me. “ 

“ Look, Billy “ (Y/N) says and look away from the street for a second to lock eyes with him. There’s something in them, so gentle and genuine. Like all the answers to all the questions in the world are hidden right there in her eyes. 

“ Last year when we talked on the phone, it broke my heart. To know you felt lonely and sad, on Christmas of all days. It broke my heart, Billy. I knew your family was shit but at least in California we had each other. So that night I decided that this year was gonna be different. It’s all I asked for this Christmas. Gas money to come see you. I’m not letting you barricade yourself in your room again for Christmas ! “ 

Maybe this is what Christmas is really about, Billy thinks. Not the songs and the lights and the movies. And maybe that’s what the movies don’t tell you. That family isn’t always who you think it is, that it’s not created by bood, but by love.

Maybe being with the ones you love is what really matters.

“ I love you, (Y/N) “

It feels like the right thing to say. The only thing that perfectly conveys just how he’s feeling right now. The gravity of it all. Tonight. Her. Them being together. 

“ Of course you do, I’m fucking great. “ 

And though it’s not the answer he excepted, it’s a good one. A very (Y/N) kind of answer. By the way she smiles at him, cheeks blushed now from something other than the cold, he can tell what those words really mean.

“ Why are we in Loch Nora ? “ Billy asks as he looks out the window at the houses passing by, growing bigger and more elaborate with each one. 

“ You’ll see. “ 

“ Alright, just tell me how you know your way around Hawkins so well. “ 

“ Ah you know, “ she says and shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly “ I did my research. “ 

“ What, you read a book called the shittiest places in North America ? “ 

“ No. I asked around. It’s why I’m late. “ 

They drive around for a few more minutes before (Y/N) abruptly stops the car just seconds before turning the corner.

“ Why — “ 

“ Do you remember what we did every year around Christmas time ? “ 

“ Get drunk and have sex in front of your fireplace ? “ 

“ No you idiot. I meant driving around — “ 

“ Candy Cane Lane “ 

“ Candy Cane Lane, yeah. Do you remember the first time we did that ? “ 

He does. Not vividly but he does. They were just kids then and his mom had taken them to see some movie in the cinema. It was one of those nights where you’re so happy and drunk on life you don’t wanna go home. Neither of them wanted to go home. So mom took the long way home, all across town, to look at the Christmas decorations. They ended up on a Candy Cane Lane by accident. His mom turned up the radio that was playing some festive song. And they just drove up and down the street over and over again. 

“ My mom took us. “ 

“ Yeah she did and she — “ (Y/N) stops and takes a breath. Billy thinks he can notice her voice shake a little. “ — she stopped in the middle of the road. I mean there was no one there so it was alright but uh, she stopped. Then she looked at us and she smiled and said: this right here, the way you’re feeling in this moment, that’s what Christmas is. That’s what Christmas should feel like. “ 

She softly cradles Billy’s face in one of her hands and places a gentle kiss on his lips.

“ I want you to feel like that every Christmas, Billy. “ 

She pushed a button on the radio and some cheesy, pop-ish Christmas song sounds through the car on full volume.

As they round the corner, an ocean of colors greets them. Twinkling fairy lights cover every tree, there’s blow up Santas and Snowmen and light up Candy Canes the size of an man.

It looks like a scene straight from some Hallmark Christmas card. Not even Billy with his perpetual cynicism can deny that this is gorgeous.

He’s alive. He’s here, with the girl that he’s been in love with since he knew what love was. The girl that was his first everything. And she’s smiling and her eye shine in the twinkle of the lights. And life, for once, feels so sweet.

“ (Y/N) ? “ 

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ Let’s go home. “ 

Her face falls “ you want me to take you back ? “ 

Billy shakes his head “ No. I wanna go home. How would you feel about another road trip ? “ 

Smiles on their faces they drive up and down the street over and over again until their hearts are about to burst from all the love and happiness they feel. 

Later, as another Christmas song echoes through the car, Billy looks outside and sees them passing the “You’re leaving Hawkins” sign. And his chest feels like and the weight is lifted.

And he’s very much in love. Maybe the movies aren’t all wrong, maybe this is just the prologue for his story. And he main part is just now starting. It’s gonna be a happy one, he thinks.

“ Merry Christmas, (Y/N) “ 

“ Merry Christmas, Billy. By the way: I love you too! “ 

Taglist; [If you wanna be added or deleted from the taglist please let me know]

@sebastiansloserclub​ / @killer-queen-xo​ / @william-hargroves​ / @billysgodcomplex​ / @daisyxbuckley​ / @allabouthargrove​ / @mcrmarvelloki​ / @charmed-asylum​ / @naiomiwinchester​ / @hargrovesprincess​ / @mystrangerfics​ / @teafrompari​ / @staybruuutal​ / @colourado​ / @higher-further-faster-bb​ / @ayybtch​ / @carlaangel86​ / @baebee35