#everytime i'm upset or angry or afraid i think of what they might probably say and i don't feel so bad then.

[mistaeq]

Hi! Can I have a matchup for parts 1 and 3, please? I'm a 5'2'' black demiromantic bisexual genderfluid/non binary female (she/her pronouns) who is chubby with dark black braided hair, dark brown eyes, dimples and is nearsighted and wears glasses. Hobbies include playing video games, drawing, writing, reading manga and comics, watching anime and movies (mostly supernatural and horror), eating sweets and junk food in general.

Matchup

TW // depression references

Thank you for your request! Your description sounds like you're really beautiful and a funny, interesting person to be friends with! Hope you enjoy your matchup ^_^

Stardust Crusaders and Phantom Blood Matchup

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

My first matchup choice for you is...

Kakyoin Noriaki!

Oh boy. He's in love with your body, he dedicates entire mornings or even entire days to making you feel beautiful and special, covering you in kisses.

Kakyoin likes your braids, and deeply respects your culture. When one day Polnareff jokingly said that you could make the same braids on Noriaki's red lock of hair, your boyfriend got really upset.

When you least expect it, you might catch him staring at you, gently shoving a finger in a dimple of yours. He loves them, Noriaki says they make you look so cute he can't help touching those. If you're okay with it, obviously.

Not the type of man who steals your glasses to try them on. Out of curiosity, he once asked you to try them, but really only once.

As soon as he learns you like videogames, he might just pull his heart out of his chest and give it to you as a gift. He's always more convinced, everything of you looks like he's meant to be your boyfriend.

You often happen to forget about the time, when you're focused on winning against each other, holding the game controller and screaming. Jotaro hates you both. Playfully.

Noriaki has probably a whole collection of mangas. Not gonna guarantee every single one of those is... appropriate. But he also owns lots of famous and known appropriate manga series.

He enjoys reading them with you, and discuss about the differences between manga version and anime version of something.

Noriaki likes movies about supernatural stuff, he's interested in that. He tries to convince himself he likes horror movies for you, but if you happen to watch one together, he'll cling to you or hide under a blanket.

He's the ceo of eating junk food and sweets while playing videogames, watching movies and stuff. Noriaki looks like a healthy boy, but he just has a fast metabolism.

When you're with new people, for example when Kakyoin introduces you to the crusaders, don't be afraid of relying on him to help you. He understand how difficult it is, having been quite alone all his life.

Once you and the crusaders get to build a friendship, you become Jotaro's nightmare. Kakyoin, Polnareff and Joseph are always there to laugh and be weird with you. Avdol doesn't mind y'all's happiness, leaving Jotaro without someone to lean on to hate you.

If you don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning, don't force yourself and tell Noriaki the truth, he'll totally understand it and stay there with you.

Sometimes he's the one who has mornings when he doesn't feel like getting out of bed himself. He'll be laying on you to stop you from getting up, mumbling he only wants to stay with you and not talk to anyone.

Please make him happy even if you feel like living the day, otherwise he'll show you a neverending pout throughout the whole day.

Don't worry about what to wear around Kakyoin. He loves it when you wear a t-shirt and jeans, the same way he loves it when you wear a skirt, or a dress. He'll never be ashamed of your fashion choices, you're just perfect in his eyes.

The boy is quite romantic, so he's just the right one if you need a little romance. Also, Noriaki is kinda touch starved too, this is what leads to your neverending sessions of sleepy cuddles in the morning.

Just like you, Kakyoin doesn't stand out for being an impatient boy. But if he gets angry, he's quite scary, above all if the reason is someone who was annoying or hurting you.

He deeply cares about taking care of your insecurities, having been through it too. He questioned himself too much in the past, for he wasn't able to make friends. But he only suffered from it. Noriaki doesn't want this to happen to you.

If you know some foreign languages he doesn't know, he gets really excited in listening to you while you speak them or tell him something about them.

He doesn't compare you negatively to others, he doesn't even compare you to others, basically because he's not interested in the differences between you and someone else. You're just you, and that's what he loves.

My second matchup choice for you is...

Jonathan Joestar!

If you're okay with it, get ready to have your body covered in kisses and compliments, he's a deeply romantic boy and will never lose the chance of making you feel how special and beautiful you are for him.

Jonathan's eyes are as blue as a clear sky, and that's why your dark eyes are a thing he absolutely loves. He could spend hours staring at you, and he's expressive, might pour his heart out with a gaze.

He loves the way you look with your glasses, and he would probably gift you new glasses sooner or later, for your birthday. He has a soft spot for how you look with those.

Oh man. Oh man. Get ready for "Jonathan being brought into things he couldn't imagine he could really like".

There are so many activities he's never tried, and he's the cutest baby when he gets to try them with you and thanks to you. Videogames, for example.

Jonathan pouts a lot, when while teaching him how to play, you have no mercy on him and beat him to every game. You probably do it on purpose to see him like that, because he looks like a puppy.

Everytime he finds you drawing, he'll hug you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder and kissing your cheek, whispering you that you're so talented, he feels the luckiest man ever.

If you happen to write something you'd like to share with him, don't be afraid or ashamed of doing it. The young Joestar is your number one fan.

He'll watch horror movies with you, he doesn't mind them, after everything he went through. Just know he might flinch with jumpscares. Like a lot. Last time he moved the couch from its location.

To make you proud of him, he'll read a couple mangas too, but he'll admit he has't understood a think. He read those from left to right.

Jonathan is a gentleman, but deep down he loves junk food. He says he needs it, if he wants something tasty to feed his muscles.

If he knows you're about to meet someone you don't know, he makes sure he previously tells you some information on them, just so you feel a little bit more comfortable with being introduced to them.

He sometimes looks - has to look - so chill that your dorky and goofy behavior gives him life. As already seen before, Jonathan is not perfect and strict on his gentleman behavior. He'll just let you carry him with you.

You can be clingy with him in public, he doesn't mind it, maybe he even enjoys it, so everyone sees how happy you two are.

Mornings when you don't feel like getting out of bed, well, just get ready to be spoilt, because he's gonna bring you breakfast in bed.

Jonathan will never force you to wear skirts or dresses. If he wears something elegant, he doesn't feel like he should tell you to do it, too. You'll do it if you feel like it, he cherishes you anyway.

You won't have time, to feel touch starved or insecure. He's affectionate, and every - long - cuddling session becomes a list of every single detail he likes of you.

If you happen to tell Jonathan about your daydreaming, he'll get it seriously and promises he'll manage to make every single dream of yours come true. From the easiest to the most bizarre.

He doesn't really know many other languages apart from english. He once tried with french to sound more like a gentleman, but he gave up after not even a week, that's why he admires your passion for foreign languages.

Jonathan is a dog person, but after everything that happened with Danny, he'll be down to get a cat with you. It'll be useful to warm your bellies in winter when it'll come to rest on you, loudly meowing.

He compares you to other people, sometimes too much, but always in a positive way, as if he wanted to show of what a beautiful angel he loves.

[jiwonsssi]

- differences, pt. 2

I hate descriptions. Just read.

characters: Eun Jiwon/'you'

warnings: swearing

A/U: i tried into drama making but since i hate drama it turned out kinda cringey so yeah enjoy and OH its long

And the next week was pretty much normal. Practices, meet ups with friends, helping your mother on her work and other typical stuff for you. You even managed to forget what happened with Jiwon earlier, because there were no time to think about it; too much is happening, and, as always, it does make you feel overwhelmed. And of course there was someone who was fascinated with the idea on how to make you life worse. Sungha didn't even try, you don't know if it was his intention; but God was he successful.

He got suddenly fucking annoying; to the point you didn't even want to see him. He asked annoying question, joked annoying jokes, touched you so annoyingly that you flinched from him everytime. Perhaps, he didn't do anything wrong (as he, himself, claims) and to be honest you are not that angry with his actions on that damned night, but.. something is wrong. You can only feel it, it's impossible to describe it or put it in words; and that's, actually, one of the main problems - you have no idea what to tell him.

And he continues to ask. Annoyingly.

You read and heard somewhere that a simple gesture of a person could easily turn you away from her or him. Apparently, that happened.

And Jiwon. Somehow you see him tragically different now. This week made you analyze so many things about him; you spent hella time together, it wasn't that hard anyway. It's not like you are ready to jump on him screaming 'oppa take me' or something. Absolutely fucking not. Yet.

Anyway, among everything, you drastically wanted to be closer to him. Friendship seems like out of this world idea, but just talking to him feels better than with anyone else. Except, maybe, your mother. But perhaps it's because they are around the same age? We (you and your common sense) choose to ignore that fact.

The other thing you want to ignore is that you are very much disappointed in the fact that he stopped being late. Just a tiny part of you were hoping for another 15 minutes spent together in total comfort of the night drive.

And today was not different; Eun Jiwon was tolerably late and all the dancers waited for him patiently.

- We need to talk, - Sungha sits down beside you and you fight an urge to roll your eyes.

- Right now? - you are annoyed without any apparent reason. It's not right. You really want to talk; you know it's a need. But at the same time it feels so impossible; you know that there would be a fight. You just want to postpone it for as long as possible.

- Yes, because any other time you run from me like crazy, - he has a point.

- I'm not, - we will not accept it anyway.

- You are! But.. not a point. What the fuck is happening? Are you still mad at me? For just one shitty night? You made it safe! - he's not screaming, more like loudly whispering but you still see people watching you. So you stand up, taking his hand and shove him out of the room, standing in front of him with your arms crossed on your chest.

Rage starts to build up unexpectedly fast and you have no idea how to stop it. You don't want to, to be honest.

- Yeah, I hope you had great time as well.

- I promised them! What could I say? 'Sorry, I need to abandon something that has been planned weeks ago'? - he has a point, he really does. Everytime. But.. you just can't think straight. Whatever he says, you would probably still blame him.

- It would have literally took you about 20 minutes. But no, you didn't even think about it; the idea that your friends can spend 30 minutes without you didn't cross your mind. But the idea of abandoning me in the middle of night - on top of all, - you articulate dramatically at this point, but who cares anyway.

- Oh, now we are playing that 'could have been done' game? C'mon, quit it, I care about you and you know it, - did it make you more angry? Because it did.

- You? Care? My ass, how many times you dropped me over some shit? Buying me stuff to make it seems like an apology is not caring about me, it's bullshit, - you put his hands that he already had on your waist down, stepping back a little.

- Uhm, it's not like I'm the one who accepts them, - it's a war declaration.

You know he is right. You know. But at the same time, who said you should always think with you brain, not, for example, with ass? It will sound stupid, but your heart already gave up on him (if it even was considering him in the first place), your head's ideas don't really suit you and other parts of you just really want to punch him.

- Oh you know what? It's better to receive at least something from you, because otherwise I might stuck with only "amazing" conversations and even worse sex. I'm not your parent to teach you how to behave when you are guilty and if you want to shower me with gifts when you can simply apologize, I'm not here to complain, - aww, who's that angry little boy? He furrows his brows, breathing heavily and you shrug your shoulders, smiling the most annoying smile you can manage.

Everyone think that you are with him because of money, so why not play along?

- Fuck that, - Sungha goes straight back to the practice room again and you feel air in your lungs hurting. If that's even possible. You have chosen him for a reason and the reason is absolutely not wealth. And now.. it's kinda weird to be sad over something that you, yourself, ruined. You did ruin it, right? And over some, indeed, tiny fucking mistake.

You will not blame yourself for this, but maybe you are allowed to be a little upset. Break ups happen and.. it's upsetting. And when the adrenaline in your veins finally calms down, you inhale deeply, trying to calm that tiny crybaby in you down.

The thing is, you absolutely can't handle it right now. Just not in the middle of this mess with everyday practices and hella tone of work in general. You want peace and comfort, not all those nerves.

It's absolutely time to get wasted. And you're have absolutely no time for that.

Coming back in, you feel particularly everyone in this room watching you and it's so fucking annoying again. Why can't they just mind their own business? Is it that hard?

But most probably the biggest problem is that right after you, a mere seconds later, Jiwon comes in and you can swear he heard everything. Everything. You groan and stomp your feet, screaming at how life hates you. Internally.

You meet his eyes once, when Jiwon greets everyone and he just smiles, nodding his head a little. Maybe he will not think of you as someone who sleeps with men for money.

Just a tiny, tiny, tiny possibility. A girl can dream, right?

Hope dies last. All that shit.

It's hard to concentrate when all you can think about is your now totally fucked up relationships; it's impossible to pretend that you don't care. You do. And not because you are scared of losing him (somehow that is the last thing you afraid of), but to break up on this conditions. You truly believe that everything can be solved through conversation (even though you are the one who became angry but does it really matter?); you won't beg him to start over, because you simply don't want to. But breaking up without hating each other sounds better than what you have now.

The practice starts and you do everything automatically. Absolutely on autopilot.

- Hey, are you with us? I'm talking to you, - of course it's time to miss main choreographer speaking directly to you, right in front of your face. What a perfect day!

- Sorry, I.. sorry, - the music is already silent and everyone are out. For a break, probably. You feel like you are on crack or something, because you totally forgot what was happening around. And how much time passed by.

- Nevermind. What I wanted to say is that you are to dance with Eun Jiwon. I hope you remember choreography for 'Tipsy', aren't you? - you badly want to close your eyes, breath and whisper 'what the fuck' but you just nod silently, then shake your head.

- But I was dancing with Sungha as backdancer, so I..

- Not anymore. I don't know what is happening between you two but this is the last time I agree on changing partners in the last moment. Understood? - again, the exact same wish. What the fuck is going on? It feels like you fell asleep in one reality and woke in another.

- Yeah. But I..

- That's it, go and grab some coffee, I don't know, you lookin awful, - she smiles in the end so you don't feel offended, but she's totally right. Nodding, you turn around to leave. Coffee. Great idea. Would be even better with whiskey.

Unsuccessfuly trying to persuade coffee machine to not to add 5 portions of sugar, you also trying your very best to persuade yourself to stop fucking whining.

- Yes, bad terms. Yes, I look like a bitch now. Yes, he's going to shit on me everywhere. Yes, probably I will lose some people. Yes, I said awful things, - talking to yourself in public place is not a great idea but who cares, - But do I need those people? And sex was really not that great.. Fuck you!

You tap with a loud sound on a coffee machine who proudly presents you extra sweet coffee. Feeling your lower lip tremble out of pure rage, you shove coffee in sink and sigh slowly.

- Please, just once, sweetie, let's do it, huh? Just for me, c'mon, - now you try to persuade the machine nicely. It works with you laptop every time, so why not?

But yeah, life is a shit and that's exactly why you hear a loud giggle from behind and.. we're not in fanfiction. It can't be him. Right?

- After talking to yourself you started to chat with coffee machine. I genuinely want to know, are you okay? - it's absolutely not the right time for Jiwon to show up out of nowhere. The awful timing. Closing your eyes, you force yourself to smile and turn around, facing him.

- Yeah, just.. it's always nice to chat with someone smart, - he smiles again, nodding and comes closer.

- That's why you were talking to coffee machine? - you look at him, standing right beside you with his kind mocking face and he smirks, celebrating his win. Hell no.

- That's why I will not talk to you, - his face changes in seconds and he's now cutely mad. You could never count him as scary old sunbae, because it's so light around him. You can't be this free with the most of the men around there because every one of them don't know how to handle pure jokes. Jiwon does everything perfectly.

- Okay then. I'll drink that tasty fresh black strong coffee with no sugar from cafe nearby all by myself, - you don't realize that he's holding two cups and you honestly forgot how to say 'thank you'. He turns around very slowly, looking you in the eyes all the way and you put on your most exaggerated charming smile.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry, oppa, you are the smartest that I have ever met! - you would hang on his arm or something but apart him being very open and comfortable with you, it's still obvious that he's much older. Literally twice your age. That would be crossing the lines.

Jiwon pretends to think for a moment and you smile as innocent as possible and he suddenly nods, with the same exaggerated satisfaction, passing you the hot cup.

- I saw you spacing out, thought coffee will help. Must be difficult these days for you? - he just stands here, leaning with one hand on a table and he looks.. stunning. His style is perfect without trying and you can swear the color black belongs to him. And you just broke up with the boyfriend. Stop. But maybe it's his care that looks stunning, huh. Sounds lame, but.. unless?

- Yeah, I just.. - actually you have zero fucking idea on how to answer his question. He wouldn't be asking if he wasn't interested in what you are going to say. Yet you also had no intentions on showering him with your problems so you look at him, trying not to look desperate and shake your shoulders, - You heard everything, right?

He nods and you sip coffee, trying to not to burn your lips.

- I did, sorry, - he places his cup onto the table, putting both of hands in the pockets of his joggers, - You broke his self esteem, not his heart. So don't worry about sounding like a bitch.

He's actually very right. But there is something that will eat you anyway. Nice, though, that he's trying to help you. Hella weird.

- But it will eat me a couple of months anyway, - you continue to drink your coffee, staring at the material of his black tshirt, not seeing anything anyway when he speaks again.

- Your words about sex will eat him at least a couple of years. So don't worry, you won this one, - and you choke on your coffee, spitting it everywhere, trying to laugh and feel ashamed at the same time. Jiwon wipes brown drops from his upper arm that happened to be on the way of your hysteria, laughing not so loud but any way very pleasing. No need to be ashamed, apparently.

It wasn't funny. It was just so weird to hear it from him.

- I won't ever again buy you drinks, - he's laughing, hanging you tissues and taking the cup out of your hands, throwing it into the trash, - C'mon. Break must be over by now.

And he's so light, just like that. Jiwon doesn't make you talk about it further, doesn't try to get into your head with advices; he said what he wanted to say and listened to you for as much as you needed.

Does being intelligent comes with age?

You wipe your mouth, making your way after him when you get this feeling again; why does your whole life feels like a fanfiction? Of course Sungha needs to stand in the dark corner near vending machine like a fucking anime antihero.

You couldn't see him earlier, but.. Jiwon did. You look at his back, being not just surprised, but absolutely fucking stumbled. Why? He didn't do anything extra, but he could have been silent about such an intimate detail, as sex. But he wasn't. He deadass joked about it. And it led you to one thought: was he angry at him?

No way. Probably.

After looking at him for a moment, it feels like all that joy and relaxation you got from talking to Jiwon disappears in mere seconds. You feel so pressured again. You fucked it up. Again.

Sungha follows you and you feel his eyes imprinting 'you will regret this' on the back of your neck; you literally can feel it. It's funny how you have been knowing every bad thing about him and his friends and still decided to say 'yes' to this relationships. It started as a mess, and it will end the same.

Position "I will make him better" was never intended to work anyway.

Jiwon holds a door for you and you enter practice room, slightly nodding to him as 'thank you'. Even though you are going to dance so close to him; so close to the point you never knew you wanted to, you had no intention to continue this rehearsal. Not even the slightest.

And when the choreographer was talking to Jiwon about changing partners and he was actually very surprised or even when the music started to play, you had absolutely no emotions on your face. And so the troubles begin.

Of course, that made choreographer perofm a very nice thing called 'I will fucking end you if you continue to ruin my pattern' and it made you even more irritated and you forgot how many times you clumsy bumped into Eun Jiwon's limbs with yours. He helped you. A lot. Messing it up himself, sometimes. Sometimes receiving your palm slapping his chest. You didn't see even a tiny muscle changing on his face to form an angry emotion. And it's all extremely touching and his patience is made of steel when he wants it to be like that, but.. you still can't concentrate.

- You know what? I'm tired, - you hear Jiwon nag loudly, after you stepped on his foot for the third time and music stops the moment after his words, - I can't work like that.

Was you ready to cry? Because you even feel your eyes watering. You never expected him to care about you more than he already did, but he clearly saw what was happening.

Though it's only your fault. You move away from him a little, brushing your hair back and close your eyes. There are three more candidates who can do that. Not a big problem for him to change.

Jiwon moves in the direction of the woman who's now particularly burns with flames of rage and you know that you are the one they are discussing and feels so pitiful. You really wish it didn't ruin your pride.

And it's not how they talk while looking around on dancers that made you feel like shit. It's how everyone know that you were declined and that it's absolutely your fault; and they feel like it's prior duty to stare at you so.. contemptuously. Everyone have their bad days. Yours just happen to be today. It doesn't make you worse or better, but it's hard to persuade yourself to think like that because you are already digging yourself in.

And his rejection is actually making it hundred times worse.

- So, I wanted to say that I'm extremely tired and that's it for today, - Jiwon stands in the centre of the room, looking at you all with such a sincere sorrow. You title your head, frowning. What the fuck? - I know that it's still a long way to go, but let's have an evening off today. We all are doing great and I am very thankful for all the hard work you do for me, - he speaks so.. slowly and thoughtfully. Like he really means it. It's nice, - And besides, I'm not getting younger so I need to rest. Let's pretend it's not the main reason, - you catch your 'what the fuck' expression in the mirror and he laughs, continue to talk like only he can. You have no idea how to explain that. It just hits differently, - So let's go, run faster until our very scary choreographer didn't change her mind. Go!

He claps his hands, bowing a little and continue to stand where he is, scrolling through his phone after politely saying bye to everyone who was addressing him. You don't move even a bit because now you feel like it's your prior duty to hail him. Of course people will know the truth, but he at least made an attempt to make it seems like it wasn't your fault.

You don't know how to feel about that. You really don't.

He stares at his phone and you wait until all the people are gone, clearing your throat to make him notice you.

- Shit, you scared me. I was ready to call you, - you title your head again, because what is wrong with him. He walks to the door, opening it for you again. What the..

- I am confused, but I still will say what I wanted to, - you come closer, letting the door shut and now it's his turn to be surprised because you just realized that you have a face that says 'I'm about to beat you up'. And you are not, - I wanted to say sorry for my work. I did a lot of mistakes. And I will understand if you are going to change me for someone else. I am truly sorry. And also I want to say thank you for what you did. It was.. great. Thank you.

Lowering you head, you look at his sneakers and sigh loudly.

- Look, I understand everything. I know what you are capable of and I will not judge you now, - he does it again. Sounds so mature. Reassuring. Calming. His voice is low and manly suddenly and you feel goosebumps running wild on your skin and you finally look at him, smiling, - But if you hit me one more time..

He pokes a finger at you and you laugh, murmuring short 'sorry' again, hearing how he chuckles softly. He's not mad. At all. You are so used to bullshit out of everything that when people actually treat each other like human beings it makes you lost.

- Okay. Remember when I told you I am not going to buy you drinks? - he looks at you mischievously and you nod slowly, making that "the fuck" face, - Lies. I will.

Now it's time to make that 'so...?' face and you do exactly it.

- Do you.. drink? - is he trying to ask you.. out? Like, is it.. no, it can't be real. It's ridiculous. No. Unless?

- I.. do, - the whole conversation sounds like two very slow idiots are trying to decide on something.

- So.. Me too, - you can't help but laugh shortly looking at his expression and then come back to the 'idiots' performance.

- That's... Nice. That we two drink, - you nod, trying your best to not to laugh again and he does exactly same. Hilarious to watch.

- So shall we.. do it together? - he stumbles for a moment then rolls his eyes and then smile, waving his hand in the air, - What I wanted to say is that I want you to relax and I don't know a better way than to drink. So let's go.

You know one that's better than drinking. But let's say he won't understand if you say it out loud.

Finally you just nod, exiting the room first.

This day is a fucking roller coaster.