#except for weddings and funerals which is presumably one of the reasons why my dad doesn't know if he was baptised

[bottomoftheriverbed]

Both sides of my family view religion as an incredibly personal thing so even if they're religious they tend not to talk about it a lot and church attendance is very much not mandatory and there is no greater example of this than the fact that we don't actually know whether or not my dad was baptised. He has an invitation to his uncle asking to be his godfather so we know what church he would have been baptised in (interestingly it's an anglican church in his mother's hometown rather than his local church - presumably a compromise between my (anglican) grandfather and my (baptist) great grandmother) but because his uncle hasn't signed it we're not actually a 100% sure he was in fact baptised.

[pkmntrainergreyze]

The Apocalypse Suite (Tyler Joseph x Reader)

a/n: My frens know I’m trash for The Umbrella Academy and I suggest you read it. Real amazing comic series and characters. I noticed not a lot of people write an imagine using TUA, so yeah, expect major similarities.

Although I tweaked the plot and characters a bit, there are still spoilers regarding the Apocalypse Suite (or the comics at least, maybe the netflix adaption is different) (best hope it won’t be death note v2).

So yeah, read The Umbrella Academy before it airs on Netflix.

(p.s: there are .cbr files you can download free on getcomics and you can open them with the comic reader app. you didn’t hear it from me)

Warning ⚠: The Umbrella Academy Spoilers (duh)

————–

Tyler sighed and leaned on the plane’s window. The greasy caramel haired boy gripped his small keyboard tight. The child’s goo eyes observed his adopted brothers and sisters fight against France’s morale skyscraper at 6:26 in the morning. He can’t deduce why they have missions everyday. His father— Monocle won’t tell.

The Eiffel Tower’s summit glowed green. Number 3 (Pete/Rumor) twisted reality with his lies so citizens will evacuate. Fortunately every lie he says come true.

Number 1 (Ryan/Moonboy) hollered in command and only Number 6 (Brendon/Panic!)’s stomach tentacles seem to follow his lead. Ryan has super strength and loves playing leader while Brendon had monsters frolicking under his skin that is sometimes under his control.

When the tower ascended, Number 2 ((Y/n)/Kraken) prepared the blades. She’s known to be a knife casting child that can hold her breath for a day— and a brat.

But she’s his first favorite “sibling”. She’s the only one that shared his interests and understood him, together with Number Five. They wrote songs together— hers mostly about cryotic messages on how to utterly destroy Hargreeves with humiliation and his about beliefs and religion. The three of them could make a great band.

Oh, and Tyler has a school boy crush on her.

And now Number 4 (Frank/Séance) floated, aiming to contact the dead engineer for assistance. He’s psychic for a reason.

All those abilities made them equal in strength, aside from Number 7. Unlike his siblings superpowers, he’s a talentless slob with mediocre piano skills babysitted on Hargreeves’s private plane.

Out of 43 children, he was the seventh chosen for the Umbrella Academy. Sir Hargreeves claimed his orphans are gifted with abilities the norm can only imagine, yet he doesn’t seem to exhibit the description.

“Dad— I mean, Sir Monocle, Sir? Why can’t I play with the others?”

“Well Number Seven… There’s just nothing SPECIAL about you”

Tyler bobbed his head.

“Oh”

Inside, Tyler rebuked. But if he dare defy his father, he’ll be a reject in the streets. So he bottled it in, and inquired another instead.

“Where’s J— Number Five, Sir? I don’t see him anywhere” He asked, praying the man won’t reply insultingly.

“The Future, I presume. Ran away from home, no doubt. I can’t be sure, nor be bothered”

Tyler gasped at this— but envied his foster brother. The Kraken and Number Five were his closest friends, and one of them banished without him? Other than that how could a man— a father say that so blandly?

Hargreeves looked down, his monocle glinted him blind.

“Why don’t you go and play your piano?”

TWENTY YEARs LATER

“Does anyone wish to say anything?”

(Y/n) sighed and leaned on the nearest tree. They lost Brendon a few years back— and now Monocle. She discovered it’s better crying over a dirty calamari than a tyrant’s death. She barely casted a gaze down her father’s corpse. She did not like dusting her superhero custome for any occasion.

It obviously took a lot of time and money  polishing this funeral. Hell, it seemed like a wedding.

Everyone took giant leaps to be there. Her brother Ryan literally landed from space, Pete appeared after signing divorce papers from some guy named Patrick, Frank probably floated across the American borders and the most shocking news is their long time missing brother Number 5 came back from the future.

(It’s easy to spot who’s Number Five, considering he hadn’t aged a bit. He’s his seventy year old mind self trapped in his ten year old body)

Thank God the paparazzi met their dead end in front of the gates or else unanswerable questions will drill their heads to sleep.

But back to the present. Pogo, their talking caretaker chimpanzee’s question remained unanswered.

Ryan and Pete, the last of Hargreeves’s favorites inventions wore a grim expression. On the other hand Frank, Number Five, and (Y/n) displayed no sign of remorse. None of them dared to talk, not wanting to piss off one another.

Thankfully, Mrs Hargreeves took the spotlight. She wore a black trench coat to emphasize her husband’s death. She had puffy cheeks and looked like she cried before she arrived. The sight made Pete’s heart ache a bit. She was made to be the best mom. Equally a delicate and nice lady.

She began talking about how Gerard wasn’t the greatest father— and an even worse husband, in which everyone agreed fully. But when she spoke about him caring more about saving the world than personal relationship like a hero…

The Kraken called her words bullshit.

Pete and Ryan tried to warn Mrs Hargreeves, but it was too late.

If it’s barely a human being, how could it be a mother? It’s pathetic, a pathetic waste.

No one can make a mother out of parts and removable limbs. Why did everyone have to live their lives with everything plastered in man made inventions? No, they’re not superheros.

(Y/n) gripped her coat from behind and in one swift motion— she revealed her mother’s true nature.

They were all Sir Gerard-Fucking-Hargreeves’s lab rats.

Mrs Hargreeves’s body bared open organ systems and a stray heart. She cried, humiliated “I’m sorry…”

She sobbed “I shouldn’t have come”

Pete covered her with his jacket and cooed “It’s okay Mom”

Ryan grumbled in (Y/n)’s ear. This turmoil meant nothing in her head, and Mr Fly-Me-To-The-Moon can’t intimidate her.

“I’m warning you Kraken—”

“OR WHAT?!” She screamed and pushed his chest “YOU GONNA BEAT YOUR PROSTHETIC CHEST HARGREEVES CREATED?”

“EVERYTHING’S A LIE, COWBOY! HE LEFT US WITH NOTHING BUT A MAUSOLEUM FULL OF QUESTIONS AND A PIECE OF PLASTIC FOR A MOTHER”

She gazed at her mother’s synthetic black hair “Those tears aren’t even real”

Pete’s head snapped, bawling as he yelled “WELL THESE ARE”

(Y/n) flinched.

“Then too bad Tyler isn’t here” She mumbled. Pogo pressed a button and the casket lowered.

“He could play his piano…”

Not an hour had passed before Ryan and (Y/n) gripped each other’s throat in an almost ordinary fashion. This time, Moon had the upper hand. He pointed a ray gun against her temple, harnessing energy while his finger neared the trigger. And before (Y/n) could vision hanging out beside Bren’s pretty corpse, Number Five intervened.

“Maybe I wasn’t clear on what I saw back in the future!” He yelped.

“The world was destroyed just three days after Gerard’s death!”

Ryan froze.

Number Five looked down his watch “Time is running out”

Rumor scoffed at Moon “You haven’t changed a bit”

And when they thought everything is at peace, Pogo rode Séance’s shoulder as he flew, pointed at the carnival then screamed “Look!”

“The carnival! It’s on FIRE!”

It’s quite far from the mansion, but Ryan’s height and Frank’s psychic abilities let them saw the burning image. Moon’s face solidified. “The Niners” He muttered subconsciously

Séance groaned. Everyone except Number Five— who wasn’t there for the last two decades— hauled in a state of annoyance. Rumor shook his head, this again?

“The what?” Number Five asked.

“When we last fought Dr Nicholas Bourbaki he told us the next time we reform the Terminants will activate…”

Ryan looked down at the child.

“Which means Tyler is in the City”

Everyone headed back to the Mansion. One of the perks of being Sir Hargreeves’s children is the access to the televator— a teleporting elevator. They all thought of it the second they realized one of them is astray.

But Tyler isn’t the only prodigal sibling.

“Moon–” Pogo called out, noting (Y/n)’s lack of presence “The Kraken!”

“Let her get killed, cause according to the terminants…

We’re a team again”

Tyler sat in a taxi cab after rejecting an offer to hypothetically— destroy massive civilization by playing his piano, scavenging his keyboard bag for his pills. After all, how could his “adequate” piano skills help an apocalypse inducing orchestra?

He had enough. He thought being the lamest sibling in the Umbrella Academy will be the last line in his autobiography but it wasn’t. He also happened to cause another villain outbreak.

He can barely see the man in the driver seat, but if it weren’t hallucination then he paid a shadow.

He hoped the shadow, unicorn– whatever the hell is behind the wheel would drive faster so he could warn his family.

“Are you alright man? Y'know you look like—” The driver was cut off when a loud bang erupted.

“The carnival— It’s on fire!”

Tyler looked at the window. The carnival was indeed crackling in flames. He humphed. The rollercoaster looked way cooler morphing ashes.

“I bet it’s my family” He poured pills down his palm “change of plans”

“Drive me there” He glanced back at the amusement park. There are two groups of enemies on the loose.

But he prayed more that one of his siblings in particular will forgive him for what he had done in the past.

“And drive faster”

The Kraken flung another knife at the cloaked robot. The children on the ride’s boat ride hugged each other, chanting their quote on quote last words. Fuck them for thinking anyone else except Moon can’t save them.

God, (Y/n) hated these Niners. Next time Dr Nicholas design something it better look cooler and not look like wannabe cults. Oh wait— He’s dead! She forgot.

(Y/n) punched one down and roundhouse kicked the other. And as the others made their way another blade passed through their brains, splattering oil everywhere.

If only Number Five finished his check-up with Pogo earlier then he might’ve enjoyed fighting alongside her. They both missed each other’s company, most especially Five.

The woman was bleeding from her appendix down her right thigh— yet she determined the appropriate time vocalize they owe her a costume.

While she evacuated the three ungrateful souls, Tyler made his way south the carousel.

As he ran closer, the picture of Moon from afar about to punch a self-destructive robot went clearer.

“My God” He sprinted toward about to warn him “MOON!!”

Behind a trashcan ejected another enemy pointing a ray gun

“PATIENCE IS VIRTUE_! TARGET 00.07 ACQUIRED_!”

Tyler looked back, and saw approximately ten missiles ahead.

Ryan barely heard his scream however, someone else did.

“DAMNIT!”

(Y/n) pushed him down, with her on top. Her face contorted beyond pissed. They laid at the ground, both in pain. Tyler thanked God he stayed alive— but when he saw the look on the her face, he found out the half of the upcoming verbal abuse.

“What the hell are you doing here!” She screamed right at his face “You think you can show your face after all these years?!”

Tyler frowned.

“I… I wanted to help! There’s something I need to tell you, (Y/n)!”

Her chest tightened. It’s been a while since someone called her by her name.(Y/n) scoffed and laughed, repressing the warm feeling pooling inside her with the acidic truth.

“You left.”

He left when (Y/n) needed her the most. Being a teenager in Hargreeves’s manor was the saddest you could be. She shared chunks of her dreams with him— and he left to some pretentious academy because the person she hated the most told him so.

Another robot went boom after Ryan smashed it. Through the smoke he saw the illusion of The Pianist and Kraken together. (Y/n) covered him from Moon’s sight. She’d rather let him leave.

“The only thing you’re helping us is getting killed, and there’s nothing else I want to hear from you”

She towered above him.

“I… used to think I have a brother” At that time, Tyler felt tears roll against his warm cheeks. He avoided her gaze, but doing so does not make the situation easier, just made him seem more in denial.

“But I’ve got nobody”

That had to be the worst thing he heard all day. Much, much worse than hearing a proposal about universal destruction.

“Get lost” (Y/n) commanded.

He did, he scampered as fast as he could. She watch him crawl and trip out of her sight. She thought she might be masochistic for liking the sight of people leaving her… again… and again…

“Kraken” Ryan called out. And with that, (Y/n) Hargreeves transformed back to just Kraken.

“Thanks” She pertained to the broken robot that nearly killed her. Cause there’s no way she’s talking about it.

“Was that Tyler?” Pete asked. Frank wanted to ask the same question but he has to excuse his language to the children around him.

“Just a citizen” She gently grabbed one of the rescued injuired girls to the ambulance.

“No one SPECIAL”

———

a/n: I’ve been thinking about making this as a book, though I’m not sure everyone can understand my writing haha.

anyways, for the people who read the comics or at least saw the trailer: Who’s your favorite hero and enemy? 

Cause mine is the 100% best assassin Five, Klaus and Vanya (can’t choose, I just don’t like Luther, but Diego and Allison is pretty decent). Tho when it comes to enemies the best imo is Hazel and Cha Cha.

(… cause who needs drugs when you have cookies and guns?)