#foreplay indeed fam

[romansleftshoulderpad]

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Another continuation of the WCBI AU! Just wanted to write a small one-shot of them being teenagers for once. :D

(Reading the Origins arc is not required to understand this fic outside of one or two sentences)

Words: 3,048

Warnings: NSFW mentions, copious amounts of making out, allusion to the crusades, mentions of neutering, killing mention (in the form of jokes)

Ships: Romantic Remile, Platonic NaRemile, platonic LAMP

Tags: @fandermom @patchworkofstars @poisonedapples @hogwarts-my-love @opaque-puppet @omni-hamiltrash @darling-elm @jynxlovesluck @madly-handsome @strickenwithclairvoyance @limitededitionsanderssidesblog @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @ab-artist  @sometimeswritingsometimesdying @because-were-fam-ily @gattonero17 @analogical-mess @joaniejustwokeup @whycantihavemorethan32characters

---

Remy walked into school with an old pair of fleece space pants he had stolen from Logan and a night mask with the words “Lights Out” painted on sitting on top of his head. He always claimed to participate in school dress-up days out of irony, but anyone who knew him well knew better.

He smiled as Emile stepped out of the car next to him, dressed head to toe in a Stitch onesie with matching blue Converse. His heart melted as he took in the sight of his boyfriend. “Aloha,” he teased, stepping closer and greeting his boyfriend with a gentle kiss.

“No PDA in the parking lot!” Narcissa yelled, interrupting their moment. Emile giggled as Remy kissing him again while flipping her off. “You two are disgusting.”

“Disgustingly cute maybe,” Remy said with a wink. He looked up and down at her Falling in Reverse pajamas. “Has anyone told you punk is dead?”

“Has anyone told you that I don’t give a shit?” she asked with a smile as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, showing off the multitude of piercings she wore. “Plus, Roman roped me into this whole thing. I’m sure he’s running late in an Olaf onesie somewhere.”

The trio walked through the school gate. “I’m sure he’s already in the chorus room,” Remy said. “God knows he loves to be early.”

Narcissa groaned. “Remember when he made us get up at six for a chorus concert?”

“I have never wanted to kill him more than I had at that moment.”

“I’m the only thing stopping you two from killing each other,” Narcissa bragged with a laugh.

“Only because you’re going to kill one of them first,” Emile laughed. “Now, of course, I’d never tell you to bring harm to Roman, I’d just like to suggest you keep my boyfriend alive.”

Narcissa laughed as she looked Remy up and down as if scanning him. She winked at Emile. “No promises.”

Emile pouted and Remy swooped in with a quick kiss. It was hardly a matter of seconds before they were back to making out. Narcissa took her water bottle out of her bag and poured some of the ice-cold contents on Remy’s head.

“YOU BITCH!” he screamed, jumping back as his white shirt became halfway soaked.

“We’re getting you neutered after school.”

“I should get going,” Emile laughed, mostly dry. “I’ll see you at lunch.” He blew a kiss towards Remy and skipped off towards the science building.

Narcissa took a sip of water with a smirk. “Ah. How refreshing.” Remy punched her in the arm.

+++

Virgil always loved to go all out for pajama day, so it was no surprise to see him in plaid pajamas with slippers and a bathrobe on. It was, however, surprising to see Logan sitting in a Batman onesie.

Virgil wolf-whistled as he sat down. “Didn’t take you for the vigilante type.”

“I’ll have you know, Bruce Wayne is a brilliant deceive.”

“And?”

Logan sighed, mumbling, “And my English teacher gives extra credit to anyone who participates.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Virgil laughed affectionately. “Princey will never let you live this down.”

Logan sighed, hitting his head against the desk. “I’m well aware.”

+++

Patton had grown used to eating lunches alone. He wasn’t particularly upset about it, in fact, he found the time alone to be peaceful. So it was quite a surprise when Emile grabbed his hand and ran with him to a crowded lunch table.

“I’m not letting my best friend eat alone on this momentous holiday,” he proclaimed.

“It’s... it’s not a holiday,” Patton stammered but no argument could stop Emile from sitting Patton down between himself and Roman.

“Are those Christmas Pajamas?” Logan asked, scanning him with knitted eyebrows.

“It’s never too early to celebrate Christmas!” Roman said, fully clad in a Pikachu onesie.

“Halloween was last week,” Virgil and Logan both argued.

“And then Christmas!” Roman yelled.

“Forgetting something there, babe?”

“In this house, we don’t stan Thanksgiving,” Narcissa said, biting into a slice of pizza.

Logan looked at her for a long second before taking a sip of Virgil’s soda. “I will never understand today’s youth.”

“You’re seventeen. And a coke stealing thot.”

“I’m the thot here?” Logan asked, pointing at Emile and Remy. Emile was sitting on Remy’s lap, legs around his waist as they made out.

Roman gagged, covering Patton’s eyes with his hand. “That’s practically foreplay.”

“I’m calling the vet,” Narcissa said, her phone held to her ear. “Getting this horny bitch neutered.”

“Who wants my cousins dick?” Virgil teased. “EMILE PICANI, YOU PERV, PUT YOUR HAND DOWN!”

“You’re corrupting the innocent child,” Roman scolded.

“I’m fifteen.”

“Exactly. You are small like baby.”

“You’re only three years older than me.”

“Three cold and hardening years,” he said pressing a hand to his chest and moving his forearm to his forehead dramatically. “You’ll understand when you’re my age. You’re basically a sixth-grader.”

“I’m a tenth grader.”

“Being an asshole to Sophomores,” Logan laughed. “Another thing you’ll understand when you’re his age.”

“I thought Juniors are the ones who are supposed to be mean to Sophomores.”

“No, no, no,” Virgil said. “Juniors hate freshman.”

“This is exhausting,” Patton groaned.

“You know what’s not exhausting?” Narcissa asked, jumping up onto the bench. “Going to a party at my house.”

Patton, Logan, Roman, and Virgil all exchanged glances. Virgil pulled his bathrobe down over his arms as Patton ghosted his fingers over his eye.

“How many people?” Roman asked.

“Just us,” Narcissa said. “I’ll give rides to anyone who needs it.”

“My mom doesn’t let me ride with student drivers,” Patton said sadly.

Narcissa nudged his foot and winked. “She doesn’t need to know.”

“What’s your plan for dealing with He Who Shall Not Be Named and his dreidel?” Virgil asked.

“If anyone gets a boner I’m kicking them out,” she said. “And I mean anyone. Logan gets a boner? They’re out.”

“Dreidel,” Roman laughed. “I just got that.”

“My house, after school. I’ll get Dad to order some pizzas.”

“Pizza from Papa Draco,” Roman said.

“If you call him that tonight, I will kill you.”

“Logan, write my will.”

+++

Patton didn’t like lying to his mom. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie he was at a friend’s house after all, but he wasn’t truthful about the reasons why. He hated lying, but he didn’t want this to be the first trial of whether or not his powers work over the phone. He sat in the back of Narcissa’s car with Virgil while Logan sat in the front.

“So, Patton,” Narcissa said, “house rules are simple. Don’t swear too loudly and try not to spill anything on the carpet. Oh- especially nothing purple. Remy spilt grape juice once and he was banned for a month.”

“True story,” Virgil verified. “He wouldn’t stop pouting about it. You would have thought he was banned from seeing you or something.”

“Was this the legendary Draco party I keep hearing about but never get details on?” Logan asked.

“It’s one thing Remy and I have in common,” she teased. “What happens at our parties, stay at our parties.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No,” Narcissa said.

“Yes,” Virgil replied.

Patton felt a knot twist in his stomach and sink into him like an anchor. This was going to be a long night...

All three cars arrived at roughly the same time, allowing the group to follow Narcissa as she unlocked the front door. “Dad! I’m home!” she yelled. “And I even brought all my male whores with me!”

“Don’t get pregnant!” he yelled back from somewhere deep within the house. “Pizza’s on the stove!”

“Aww fuck yeah,” she said, grabbing a box. “Thot, Hoe, you grab the other two.”

Patton stood in mild surprise as Remy and Emile immediately followed suit. Then he remembered lunch and was less shocked. He followed everyone upstairs towards a door painted black.

Narcissa’s room was just about what Patton expected from a friend of Roman’s who wore all black and probably ten earrings at a time. The walls were painted black and dark blue. However what he did not expect was a large blue, pink, and white flag covering most of the wall above her bed. Patton smiled and Narcissa nudged his shoulder, “Got a demisexual one for Roman for Christmas. I can send you the link to the Etsy shop I use if you want some pride shit. You’d look cute with a rainbow lapel pin.”

Patton laughed, settling between her and Virgil as all of them took a seat around a circular purple rug on her wood floors. Emile passed around paper plates and they all started grabbing slices of pizza.

“Let’s play a game,” Remy suggested with a sly smirk. “Spin the bottle?”

“I think we’ve seen enough kissing for one lifetime,” Logan said. Roman stuck his finger down his throat and gagged.

“Good old fashioned game of truth or dare?” Virgil suggested. “Think of it as a housewarming for Patton.”

“Oh boy.”

“Oh boy, indeed,” Logan laughed, a sly grin growing upon his face. “I’ll go first-“

“Nope!” Remy yelled. “Roman! Truth or dare!”

“I was going to ask first!” Logan protested.

“House rules,” Remy said, “he who wears the leather jacket goes first!”

“He who shall go fuck himself,” Logan murmured earning a laugh from Virgil.

“Truth,” Roman said.

“Who was the last person you had a crush on?” Remy asked with an innocent smile but devil eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.

Roman glared daggers at him. “Jon Cozart. Patton, truth or dare?”

“That’s a lie!”

“Prove it,” he said through clenched teeth. “Patton, truth or dare.” Roman never took his eyes off of Remy and Narcissa.

“Uh, truth,” Patton mumbled weakly.

“I dare you to kick Remy’s ass.”

“He said ‘truth’, Roman,” Emile said sternly. 

“Fine. What’s your favorite color?”

Patton fidgeted with his sleeves. “Blue. Emile, truth or dare.”

“Dare,” Emile said, leaning into Remy’s side.

Patton swore under his breath as he tried to think of something but his mind was drawing a blank. Virgil tapped his knee, prompting Patton to lean into him. He whispered something causing both of them to laugh. “I dare you to stop making out with Remy for an hour.”

Emile rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone. “Once this timer is over I’m sucking his dick in front of every single one of you.”

Narcissa threw a pizza crust at him. “I’m neutering both of you.”

Roman rolled a water bottle towards him. “Since you wanna be so fucking thirsty.”

Emile gave a hand gesture that Patton was honestly surprised to see from his best friend. (How well did he actually know anyone here?) “Narcissa, truth or dare?”

She bit into a piece of pizza contemplatively. “Dare.”

“Exchange an article of clothing with someone of your choice.”

“Virgil, hand over your hoodie,” she demanded. As Virgil sighed and took off his jacket, she made quick work of taking off her bra from under her shirt. She threw it at Virgil and snatched his hoodie within the same second.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he said. “I’m not putting this on.”

“Virgil, truth or dare?” she asked.

“Tru-“

“I dare you to put the bra on.”

“I picked truth.”

“Hmmm, I don’t think you did,” Narcissa said with an innocent smile, pulling up the hood of Virgil’s jacket.

“Sounded like dare to me,” Remy said.

“He said dare,” Roman confirmed with a smirk.

“Princey,” Virgil said as he took off his shirt, “you are fucking dead to me.” Remy took careful note of the eyes raking over every inch of Virgil’s skin as he struggled with the bra.

“Do you need help?” Patton asked.

“No- No, I got- I can do this- I-“ Virgil sighed. “I need help.”

Patton rolled his eyes and did the clasp in one easy move, handing Virgil his shirt to put back on. “Not that hard.”

“Oh-Em-Gee, you know what this means?” Remy asked loudly with a look of false shock. Patton’s eyes went wide and his heart started racing. “Patton’s a fucking wizard.” He relaxed slightly but Narcissa made sure to take his hand where no one could see as she rubbed gentle circles against his skin.

“This wire is a bitch,” Virgil said.

“You’re a bitch,” Narcissa corrected.

And so the game continued into the night. Some small secrets revealed and many ridiculous dares completed. When an alarm went off on Emile’s phone everyone groaned loudly. He gave Remy a gentle peck on the cheek and they continued playing.

“Who wants to stay the night?” Narcissa asked with a yawn. Roman and Virgil both quickly volunteered while everyone else gave regretful glances. Patton sunk in on himself slightly.

“I, uh, need a ride home,” Patton said quietly.

“You live by Emile, right?” He nodded. “Cool, I can drive you.”

“If I may be at your mercy as well-“

“Yes, Logan, I’ll drive you home. If you don’t mind stopping by my place for a few minutes first. I need your input on something.”

“Oh?” Emile asked curiously.

“You’re not getting anything out of me,” Remy stated.

Emile moved closer, putting his hand on Remy’s knee and slowly dragging his fingers towards his hip. “Anything?” Emile asked innocently, pressing his body against Remy’s.

Narcissa pointed at Remy’s dick. “If that gets hard I swear to fuck I’m banning you from my house again.”

“We’ll have more fun at my house anyway,” Remy said with a smirk.

Virgil put his hands over his ears. “LA LA LA I DON’T HEAR ANYTHING NOPE NOTHING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.”

“Oh please,” Remy groaned. “You’re not the only one here who has to deal with people in this room wanting to suck your cousin’s dick.”

“Patton,” Narcissa said. “Can you help me bring the boxes downstairs?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he uttered, grabbing two empty boxes into his arms. Once they were in the kitchen, Narcissa put the boxes on the stove and gently laid a hand on Patton’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “I saw Remy get under your skin a little- he doesn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure he doesn’t even know.”

“Remy’s... fine,” Patton said. “I’m just a little paranoid.”

“And that’s okay,” she said. “But I want you to know you’re safe here. Obviously, no one is going to ask you to disclose that information, but if you ever did, you’re one of us now and that means we’re going to support you. All of us.”

“How did you, you know, talk to them about it?” Patton asked shyly.

Narcissa smiled, soft and genuine. It was the first time Patton saw her as anything other than another scary upperclassman. “I know I give Remy a lot of shit but, if not for him and Roman, I don’t know if I ever would have come out. But they helped me,” she explained. “Remy’s easy. He makes it all seem so effortless, you know, using the right name and pronouns.”

“And Roman?” he asked nervously.

“Roman helped make me who I am. He’s the reason I stayed in chorus. He’s the reason I came out to my parents and why I get to be myself today.” Her smile grew a bit brighter. “I’d do anything for him.” She leaned in closer to him and whispered, “Plus, it was nice knowing Roman’s charm had no ulterior motivation.”

“Motivation?” Patton asked.

Narcissa grabbed the boxes from the stove and winked at Remy who stood at the base of the stairs. “I think that’s a story for another party,” she teased. “Preferably one with more alcohol.”

“Um, yeah,” Patton mumbled.

“Almost ready?” Remy called out.

“Emile’s a lucky guy,” was all she said. “Goodnight, Patton.”

Patton was faced with the familiar feeling of reading a new book, gears turning as the reader is faced with unfamiliar worlds and characters. Narcissa was something far greater than a new protagonist; she was something mysterious and fantastical, a great dragon hiding far from the edge of the kingdom.

He got into Remy’s car, sitting in the back with Logan. It was a silent drive, Remy preferring to have the radio off to stay focused on the road, with only the sound of the wind coming from the small way Emile’s window was cracked open and the gentle tapping of Logan’s fingers against his book bag. Patton held his bag to his chest, growing desperate to take off his binder. It was calming and peaceful, a state of tranquility men have killed to achieve.

When they pulled in to Emile’s driveway, Remy walked him to the front door. Patton and Logan watched in silence as the two lovers held hands tightly and pressed a gentle kiss to each other’s lips. It wasn’t as passionate and hungry as they usually were in public and Patton almost felt awful for looking, yet the tender moments of domesticity are what draw us in and capture our hearts. Patton couldn’t look away until they were once more two separate individuals.

“I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other,” Logan said stoically.

“That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

Logan let out a laugh, but no joy or humor, and twisted his face in such a way that was unreadable in the shadows of the car. “Friends,” Logan repeated. Patton felt a tug at his heart that he couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was he was feeling, he certainly wasn’t a fan. “It’s... nice, I suppose, all four of us being in the same room with no powers or arcane beings to worry about.”

“Oh! Speaking of, Morality-”

Logan pressed a finger to Patton’s lips to silence him. “I was just commenting on how nice this break is. Please do not disrupt that, this is not the time for us to be heroes.”

“Right,” Patton said. “Sorry, Logan.”

Remy and Emile met for one final kiss as Emile unlocked his front door with his free hand. They said their goodbyes and goodnight wishes as Emile disappeared behind the door.

“Do not apologize, Patton,” he instructed.

Remy got back into the car and the rest of the evening was silent, peaceful. The rest of the evening was what men kill for.