#fuck this pergola tho

[eternallyanxiousandstressed]

1BR Drunk Commentary: @beyondgoblincity Style

Warning: Spoilers for the 1BR movie!

1 minute in: "She's pregnant." Completely deadpanned by the way. ("It seems pertinent")

Says the name of the apartments or whatnot in a weird voice

"Spoooky" to the buzzing of the door opening

"HE'S NOT EVEN CUTE"

"I don't understand the point of a pergola. They don't even block anything."

"There's a lot of thoughts that go in up in here. I don't know what to tell you."

"Weeeeird panel... times three" (Two of them were filled in holes, not panels)

Dude in movie: 'Why did you come to LA?' My sister: "She came for the dick"

Lady in movie: 'Are you calling me a liar?' This dumbass: "I ain't calling you a truther!"

"I don't like this guy. I don't like any of these people. They all make me uncomfortable... MY POPCORN!"

Makes vomiting noises at the main girl talking to the guy she said wasn't cute

"She's kinda sweet but I bet she's the mastermind" (about this elder lady who sometimes speaks French)

*Starts rambling about lights being a requirement for bedrooms and living spaces*

"Well of course that's his name. Leeesteeerrrr."

"At least the fucking cat's okay!" (We watched the trailer. She knows what's coming.)

"I want my cat, I need to go get Pickles" *pauses the movie so she can go get her cat* "I want to get past this part. I'm gonna cry." *don't you want to hold your cat then?* "No cause I am afraid to get up." (she went to go grab Pickles, curled up on my bed with her, and very sadly said "okay we can go now")

"Eew, I just licked my bandaid"

"I feel like... they gonna do some kinky shit here"

"Mmmm, fake fire alarm, that's good. How you gonna know if there's a real fire? Hmmmm?"

*keeps licking her bandaid*

"Daaaamn, she's still pregnant through all of this? Fu-"

"This is a fucking cult. Fucking creepy ass shit."

"Daaaamn, you chopping those potatoes hella thick. The fuck? You ain't even peel them shits."

"If they don't want her to be a lesbian they sure as hell not doing a good job."

(The next time I want to see you is at your fucking funeral) "Broooo that was a metal fucking line. Holy shiiiiiiiiit. Damn, poor girl tho"

*Overall what did you think?* "That was actually pretty good. I actually ended up enjoying that quite a bit. It was *inssrt incoherent mumbling*"