#fucking BEAUTIFUL girl in my class she's so fucking pretty and so fucking kind ohmygod but SO straight but like

[titan-god-helios]

im so sad dude like why are none of the gay girls in my school who i actually don't completely despise talking to my type :(

[wrens-aviary]

Trust Me Chapter 2

Hello. Welcome to chapter 2. I hate making websites with html. School is not fun idk why I do this to myself. Sorry that’s unrelated. Here is the next chapter. I am making this like the same time as the movie.

Playlist for chapter 2: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_WXTMoBYYTO0edlpRY4Gr_EeEvnQ-RzS

I open my eyes and stare at the wood ceiling above me drenched in darkness. I’m not sure if I was really asleep or if my eyes were simply closed as my mind wandered. I am not home, but is there really a place for me to call home? Maybe this is the closest I have. The Couffaines seem nice, and Anarka knew my mom. They were friends. Mom. As I think of her my hand reaches to the chain around my neck. This ring is all I have of her. I’ll never take it off.

As I shift in the bed I feel quite... stale is the best word to describe it. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for two days. I didn’t have time to change after going to the hospital and after the plane ride and nap I just took I feel gross. I stand up and move toward the door unsure of the time. I quietly slide my door open and move toward the main deck needing to feel a little less caged.

I breath in deep. The air outside is cool and crisp. It must be late in the night as I can see the stars so clearly. Staring up into the sky I hear the soft strumming of a guitar. I move back toward the stairs and climb past the control deck to the upper deck. Luka is sitting in a chair on the other side of a ping pong (table tennis) table holding a guitar. He looks so peaceful. The music he plays sounds melancholic. It’s beautiful, just like him. What? nope? I didn’t just think that? 

“Did you sleep alright?” He asks without looking away from the water or stopping what he’s playing.

“Not sure,” I respond as I walk to the railing and lean over looking out at the water. The way it reflects the stars is mesmerizing. “Why is it so sad?” I question the tune he’s playing.

“I wouldn’t say its all sad.”

I look back at him and our eyes meet. He smiles softly as my expression remains still. After a moment I turn to look back at the water.

“There’s a girl,” he starts, “she is a friend of my sister, and I like her, but she’s in love with someone else and even if she doesn’t realize it yet I already know that she can’t let him go.”

“And she knows how you feel?”

“Yeah. She’s known for a while. She’s been saying recently she want’s to move on, but I know she’s not ready. I told her to think about things while she’s on her class trip in New York, and I’m afraid that when they get back tomorrow she’s going to tell me what I already know.”

I feel sorry for Luka but it sounds like its best for her to admit things now than string him along only to admit later that she can’t love him the way she loves this other boy. “I hope that she can be as honest about her feelings with you as you were with her. No matter what happens it would be best to make future decisions based on the truth. Even if she can’t let go now she may still want to try and move on with you, and at that point it becomes your decision although...” I pause questioning if I should share my own thoughts or if he’d rather not be swayed in this decision... “I would never want to waste my time loving someone who may never love me back,” I whisper the end, but I am sure he still heard me.

I turn away from the water and move toward the stairs and Luka, “You all wouldn’t happen to have a shower on this boat?” I question lightly hoping to ease the tension in the air.

“Yeah,” he smiles as he moves his guitar and stands from his chair. He’s taller than me. As I look up at him I can’t stop myself from thinking how pretty his eyes are. And in this moment... my stomach growls... yeah... it sounds like a whole ass whale just fucking signaled that I haven’t eaten in over 24 hours. As I look down in embarrassment hoping that my face isn’t completely red I hear him giggle softly. Holy shit. He just giggled and I think it was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

“Sorry, I was so nervous on the plane I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything so I’m a little hungry,” I explain smiling at him shyly. Honestly if that giggle hadn’t given me the strength to persevere I probably would have just curled up into a ball on the deck and died right there.

“How about I show you were the bathroom is and heat up some food while you  shower?” Wow he’s so thoughtful and amazing... AND IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE GET A GRIP GIRL HE LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU HE LIKES HIS SISTER’S FRIEND!

“Yeah, that would be really nice. Thank you so much Luka, but you really don’t need to make anything. If you show me where the kitchen is I can make something for myself after I shower. I wouldn’t want you to have to cook just for me.”

“I was kind of hungry anyways so it’s fine. How do feel about spaghetti?”

“Perfect,” I say smiling at him.

“Great!” He begins to move down towards the lower deck and I follow. We pass by a kitchen that I hadn’t noticed before and move back towards the rooms. Just past the rooms Luka slides open a door and turns on a light. It’s a small, but nice looking bathroom. I’m rather surprised how little clutter there is in the bathroom given the state of the rest of the boat. “There are clean towels under the sink and we all use the same shampoo and bodywash, you can use a small wash rag from under the sink for now and we’ll get you your own loofah tomorrow. There should be an unopened toothbrush in the cabinet above the sink as well. I’ll be in the kitchen whenever you finish.”

-in the shower-

As I wash up I can’t help but admire the soap the Couffaine’s use. Luka must always smell really nice. That may be the creepiest thing I’ve ever thought about another person ohmygod please I need to stop. I am only thinking these things because I’m trying to distract myself from the shit show that is my life in this moment. Yeah. That’s it. It’s not like I could actually like this guy. I barely know him he’s just being nice and I’m feeling lonely that’s it.

As soon as I step out of the shower and begin to dry off I realize I didn’t grab any clean clothes from my room.

“Crap,” not even a second later I hear a soft nock at the bathroom door. “Hello?”

“Hey y/n, I realized after I started cooking you may not have anything to change into so I grabbed one of my tee-shirts and some sweatpants for you if you want them.” 

Ohmygod is he a saint? wtf this boy is not even real I swear.

“Yeah, I’ll take you up on that,” I respond as I wrap my towel around me and slide the door open half way hiding most of my body behind it and leaning a bit to see Luka holding a small pile of neatly folded clothing... is he... blushing??? Wow that’s fucking adorable.

“Thank you Luka,” I say as I reach out to accept the clothing he’s offered to me. As he gives them to me our hands touch and I swear my entire being got a whole two degree’s warmer.

“I’ll go wait in the kitchen. The pasta’s done so I’ll just split it into two bowls.”

“Yeah I’ll be there in a minute. Thanks again Luka, for the clothes and for cooking, and everything else really. You’ve treated me really well since I got here. It means a lot to me,” I say as I look to the side of the doorway unable to keep eye contact with the boy. As I slowly look back to him I see him smiling at me. He really does have a sweet smile. “Anyways, I’m gonna change now,” I say as I realize that I’m standing before Luka still wrapped in a towel.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the kitchen,” he says as he turns around and I slide the door shut. Is my heart beating fast? I don’t know anymore. As I begin to pull on the clothes he handed me I feel much more comfortable. The tee-shirt is black, soft, and just a little baggy on me, and the sweatpants are the same. 

After towel drying my hair a bit I hang up the towel to dry and exit the bathroom turning the light off as I go. I walk toward the kitchen and find Luka sitting at a kitchen island with a bowl of spaghetti sitting before him. He seems to be writing in some sort of notebook as he waits.

“Hey,” I say as I slide onto the barstool next to him and look at the bowl in front of me. There’s still a bit of steam coming off of it.

“Hey, I hope the clothes aren’t too big,” he responds as he sits the notebook down on the counter. I only saw a bit of the inside, but it looked to be staff paper. He must compose a lot of music he was working in the back of the notebook.

As I look up from the notebook I meet his gaze and realize I hadn’t responded yet, “Oh yeah they’re great actually. I always prefer loungewear to be a bit big on me.” He nods in response and we both begin eating. It’s a comfortable quite as we sit there eating together. 

Before I know it I’ve finished my bowl and I feel quite full. I look up to see that Luka has also finished eating. He’s smiling at me.

“Thank you. It was really good,” I smile back at him.

“No problem. I’m usually hungry so if you ever want to eat with some company just text me.”

“Oh... I don’t have a phone,” I respond and he looks a tiny bit surprised. “My father didn’t like my mother and I having access to people other than him.” At my explanation Luka furrows his brows. He looks concerned. “He’s not a very good man. That’s why I’m here. My mother is dying, and if I stayed there he would have controlled me the same way he did her so she sent me away.” I reach up to stroke the ring on my necklace as I speak. “Apparently our mother’s were friends when they were younger. They were even in a band together.” I smile as I imagine how happy and free my mother must have felt back then.

I sigh as I lean back in my chair and place my hands down on the counter in front of me. Luka slowly moves his own hand over mine and holds it. We look at each other and as he smiles at me and squeezes my hand lightly he speaks, “I’m glad you’re here y/n, and I promise I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you’re happy here.”

“Thank you Luka.” I don’t know who this other guy that his crush likes is, but he must be a superhero or something because I don’t think any normal person could outshine Luka Couffaine.

After helping Luka clean up we head back toward our rooms.

“How about I take you out tomorrow to get anything you need?” Luka offers.

“I’d like that. Thank you Luka... I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” I say before sliding open my door and slipping into my room. Just before I close it I hear him respond with a soft goodnight.

As I lay in my bed and drift off to sleep I find myself thinking of the soft sad tune that Luka was playing earlier on the upper deck. It was beautiful, but I hope that it will change. Luka deserves to be happy and I want to hear him play a song that is warm and hopeful because that is how he makes me feel.

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

imagine spending all your time and energy fantasising and dreaming about going back to school after summer break and discovering their is a new girl ™️ in your class who thinks you look lonely because you’re the quiet kid ™️ and so she sits down next to you and you introduce her to your friends who are all talkative so you know they’ll keep her company and then she’s sitting next to you in maths class and she mutters “oh gosh darn it,” and you’re like “you good?” and she makes EYE CONTACT AHWFHOAWF like she LOOKS AT YOU AHIWFBWAB and then you really, truly realise oh shit she’s absolutely beautiful and i am most certainly going to fall in love with her but lets repress all emotions like always :) and so she’s like “i just can’t seem to figure out how to do question 17 of the practise exercises!” you swivel in your chair to face her and you’re like “well let me help you,” because you think are eternally screaming and are trying to come off as some form of cool but you have crippling anxiety- you hope that your maths skills can impress her because surely, that’s something that would definitely impress this ✨QUEEN✨ of a girl.  anyway being the A+ maths student you are, all those extension classes paid of because at this moment, you just helped this stunning girl. blah blah blah she’s like “aw thanks,” and you smile and are like “anytime,” because you’re not smooth. then you put on your todoroki kinnie playlist and repress all emotion. she sits with you and your friends at lunch break - they all seem to be getting along well surprisingly - but you know it’s only temporary and she’ll soon find out we’re weird and have  a secret society that’s like a frat boys but feminists and then she’ll leave and join the nice girls ™️ because that’s always what happens. the next day she sits opposite you which is shocking but because you’re bad with ✨feelings ™️✨ you know she’s really pretty and you’re gonna fall in love with her but are in denial and are a confused mess. anyway, you like talking to her which is weird cause you’re not much of a talker. she continued to sit with you and your friends the next day. and the day after. for the rest of the week. and the next. and then you realise this could quite frankly be permanent. now you’re thinking it might be okay to get attached. rather than view her as a straight girl you like but will ignore her existence but she’s straight and you’d never have a chance with her (basically what happened with sophie who this isn’t about), you begin to open up to her as a friend would. she now sees you’re not the quiet kid and you’re actually maybe on crack but also serious and witty at the same time and stress about everything but are also the comedian of the group who makes everyone’s day’s a little better but is also ignored completely. she realises you are for sure a very complicated person with too many layers to count. and she doesn’t plan on unravelling them. yet. she’s invited to your next group picnic where the whole gang’s together. she sees how you walk in front of the group on your own on the grass to the side of the footpath, like you’re the quiet kid nobody notices but also as though you’re the alpha male ™️ who is leading the way. everyone else is chatting and laughing and seem to be paired up. “is she- like-,” the new girl says to two of your friends in particular that i’m gonna keep anonymous (e and n). “she’s- we never know,” one girl in particular that i’m gonna keep anonymous (e) responds, shrugging. they yell your name and you turn around, screaming a “YEAHHHH??” with a smile on your face. fascinating, new girl thinks. you continue to make sure everyone is paying attention when crossing roads and give everyone the all clear at every crossing. you arrive at your group’s regular 🐞picnic destination🐞 you welcome new girl, it being her first time at an offical group gathering. she feels valid, but she just smiles and says thank you in reply. you then seperate the group in half to plan the two supermarket trips so that half the group can go buy candy and drinks and chips and food we don’t need while the other half looks after phones and bags, etc. you ask who wants to go on the first trip with you and new girl says she will. you and your friends venture to the store. you enter the candy isle and once everyone’s busy choosing, you say you’re off to the fruit section if anyone wants to come. new girl looks to the others - n and c - mid conversation and says she’ll go with you so you won’t be alone. you two make it to the fruit section and spend the walk over laughing at yourself, explaining that you just like fruit and don’t know why everyone always laughs at you for being healthy 🤷‍♀️you then add in a sly i like your outfit, btw which makes her smile., but it’s true. it’s floral and she looks extremely pretty. she hesitates and then responds with “thanks,” and gives you a look like she’s asking if it’s a i like your style kind of scenario. you look away, pretending you don’t see it but you do and say “where do you think the others will be?” and bring up the story about how e ate a full box of ice cream sandwiches at the last picnic. fast forward, you’re all bonding having a good time at the picnic. you decide to take some group photos as always as a momentum. you take a whole bunch off photos of your friends with snapchat filters and L prompts for you, her and new girl to take a selfie, which you do. you tell everyone you’ll add the photos to the group story. then you remember new girl’s not in the story and ask if she has snapchat. she says yes and you scan her snapcode and it’s a mega score. you add her to the group chat and the story and take a photo of her when she’s not looking and send it to her. when she sees it she runs over saying “stop ittttt!” but in a cute kind of way. anyway fast forward you grow closer and you begin to trust her but your anxiety is telling you not to but you tell yourself to enjoy this while you have it. few months later you guys text like every day and you’re comfortable around her. and she’s part of the group and everything’s amazing and you can’t believe this is real. you did a group project together so things are clearly good if you’re trusting someone to keep your average up. one day you’re in class doing independent work. you’re listening to spotify and an add comes up for a new movie that’s coming out and you say something like “ohmygod i keep getting this one ad,” and new girl looks over and is like “omg yeah that movie, it looks good tho, have you seen the full trailer?” and you start bonding over this movie and you throw in the fact that you won’t end up seeing it most likely because  you never go to the cinemas with anyone and then she throws in a me too. wait we should go together! and you’re like “yes omg,,,” and then you discuss how you’ll have to plan out all the details or you’ll have an anxiety attack and won’t end up going, which she says is totally fine. later that week you’re planning out the details and once you both report back with the all clear from your parents she promptly says it’s a date. and you freeze up in full gay panic because you’ve secretly been falling in love but you’ve been repressing the feelings because you just adore her company and you’re happy if friends is all you’d ever be. WIAT THE FUCK THIS SONG CAME ON AND IT SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE THIS FANTASY AHEWFHAWHIF. anyway, you hesitate cause you’re *gay panicking* and know she’s just joking, then you respond with lol you’re trolling and when she doesn’t respond you type her name in ALL CAPS twice and say YOU CAN’T- NO COME BACK WAIT- you’re so confused but your heart is pounding with excitement, like maybe, she feels the same. there’s like this sliver of hope that’s masking your brain, even if you know it won’t be true. you face time her. she picks up, looking like she’s dying eternally. she laughs as you scream “Y/N YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” in like a friendly manner of course. and she laughs so much you’re like “ThiS iSn’T fUnNy!!” which makes her laugh more. you’re pretty sure she’s blushing as she covers her face with her hand. “you’re trolling, right?” silence. “do you want me to be?” you freeze. how the FUcK- i- howrespondtothat. you cover your face with your hand, breathe as she laughs and you say “are. you. trolling. please i’m going to die from heart failure, my brain’s about to explode!” when you get no response you smile and say, “it can be whatever you want it to be.” she smiles and blushes more, instinctively covering her face with her hands. “so it’s a date then?” she says. she’s still covering her face and you can see her shaking. you sigh, and then smile. “yes, it’s a date.” “cool.” “cool.” anyway i’ve already fantasised about the actual date and i’m getting too lazy to type the aftermath but fast forwards like a month later and you’re dating and you feel like you’re the happiest you’ll ever be and you want this to last forever. anyway this fantasy is your only source of serotonin and when you go back to school and this doesn’t happen, well, i don’t know, might as well die.

but yeah, who would do that.