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bordemsgardem · 2 years

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literally just woke up and delirious, but I got gender thoughts that I wanna get outta my head- Usually I just go to my personal friends with these kind of long-form unplanned explanations on how I view myself as a person, buuut idk. Be warned that it's pretty all over the place? I've never prided myself on being concise lmao. Putting it under a read more, so if you wanna read you can! If you don't, then you can continue to scroll without much worry! <3

So I use nonbinary since it's the easiest to sort of fit myself into, but if I were to describe how I view myself using as many terms as I deem fit: transmasc agender drag queen/king I like presenting and portraying what I think is feminine, it's like a play to me! I remember wanting to be a drag queen but convincing myself that I couldn't because "I was already a woman", but that sentence never felt right to me. No matter how many times I was called a girl or she/her, I never felt like it fit me. Over the pandemic's quarantine times, I realized that I may have been trans, I tried wearing undershirts that flattened out my chest and started wearing my clothing in a way to try and make myself look more boyish, but even that didn't quite feel right either. I felt like I was trying to play the role of a man, which admittedly was also fun. Shoutout to drag kings btw, y'all the real ones- you don't know how many stubble tutorials I watched so I could get a lil beard going on- I look hot as fuck with a bit of stubble btw, that shit is cool as hell!!!! Anyways- as I grew up, I was never really forced to wear clothing I didn't want to wear. I wore everything from dresses to backwards caps and overalls to whatever the hell I just so happened to have on hand. And I am grateful that my parents raised me like that- But through it all, I am just their daughter to them- even if I'm wearing very masculine clothing and purposely speaking with my voice lowered so I can look manly- and I'm ok with that. I'm not gonna stop them. I'm just putting on a costume to them and that's accurate enough to say! They don't need to know that I don't feel any gender in terms of myself and who I am. I do use a lot of more masculine terms to refer to myself? Never sure why, but it fits I think. I'm just a guy, I'm a dude, I'm a bro, I'm a man- but in the way I am a wannabe surfer dude and that's how I talk- I love costume btw, you know that? I am a cosplayer after all. I wear a lot of my cosplay pieces as normal accessories in my everyday life when I'm out on the town. People fucking love it btw! And that makes me happy! I can be dressed up as a mushroom and not need to worry about being cringe in public- and that is what my own presentation of my gender is to me. I wouldn't call myself gender fluid, it definitely isn't that. I've tried demigender and various other labels, and it turns out that agender is the best. I don't feel one way or another when I'm at home. I'm just a person who exists, and that's great! How I dress tho? Oh that is fluid- it's like water- Honestly my ideal self is to have my physical body appear traditionally masculine, but my clothing to be traditionally feminine. I wanna look cool as fuck! I love that look! I want to look like that! But since I am just some petite lil guy now, I gotta use my costuming prowess to get the job done. I'll be the cute girl next door- the pretty anime boy from some show that aired in the 2000s. Do I want to be mothman? I'll be mothman! Am I feeling like Majima that day? Then I'm Majima. I'm gonna be a princess now! Fuck it! Who's going to stop me? My gender may not exist, but for the sake of the people I'm going to serve cunt! The compliments boost my self confidence and I feel great! TLDR: If I'm a girl, no I'm not but yes I am- if I'm a boy then no i'm not but yes I am- If I'm genderless? oh yea no yea no yea fr I am that no yea- But also look at me be hot as fuck in my baller fits-

#gobl's grumbles

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