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apollos-favourite-bastard · 8 years ago

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ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVAL ‘16

Amanda @butterflytattoohaz tagged me in this, and she’d probably fly here and murder me if I ignore her, so-

1. List of works published this year:

Guiding Light, Living in Wonderland, Baby You Got Me Sick, Buzzing Underneath, Ain’t Nothin’ but a Hound Dog, and my parts of A Very Narry Christmas (I’m not listing them all because I’m too lazy to link that much)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Honestly, it’s probably ANbaHD. I went into that story with a very focused mission, which was to create a character who struggled with mental illness, but who didn’t just get better because they fell in love. I wanted to tell a story about the very real and painful way people struggle with mental health issues, and how, sometimes, it can be one step forward and ten steps back. I feel like I accomplished that with this one, unlike some of my other works.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

My parts of AVNC, because I don’t like writing drabbles, and I feel like a lot of them were lacking in any real substance.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Okay, so- I’ve given this answer, and it hasn’t changed.

“I’m supposed to protect you!” Ashton chokes out.

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin, I can protect my own damn self!” Luke groans. “I don’t need you to do it for me!”

“But-” Ashton starts.

“No.” Luke says firmly, kneeling onto the bed in front of Ashton and taking his face in his hands. “I don’t need it. I get it. Sometimes, I seem like a damsel in distress. I know I’m silly and flirty and I wear knickers and paint my nails and tuck my dick into my ass and I’m a girly-fucking-girl. I’m a princess, and I love that. But I also learned a long time ago how to be my own knight in shining armor. I don’t need you to protect me. I just need you to be my Prince Charming. I just need you to love me.”

Everything about this tiny little part of this exchange is so important to me, because I think it’s a lesson that a lot of people need to learn. Luke is a character who struggles with his own anxiety as much as Niall or Ashton does in this fic. He has a lot of shame that he’s internalized over the years, and it’s taken him a long time to get to the point where he’s okay with being all of himself. And Ashton is a big part of his recovery from what the world has done to him, but, in the end, it really boils down to him choosing to stand up for himself. Luke is strong, and he made himself strong by choosing not to be weak, but that also doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still need someone who can handle him at his best and his worst.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Okay, so- It’s this one.

Jessica @missing-headache is- She’s the best of us. And I don’t just mean Narry writers (though she is that too) or anything so shallow as that. I mean humans. Jessica is just the purest soul on this planet. And the thing is, purity is a target. The world loves to try and make the pure, impure. It loves to try and darken the shine of those things that glow, because impurity cannot stand the sight of purity. The world has tried again and again to darken itself to bring Jessica to its level, but it can’t. Because, the most important thing about purity is that it can only be corrupted by itself.

Jessica is quite possibly the least confident person I’ve ever had the privilege to know. She can’t see her own worth, because the world can’t darken her, but it can darken the mirror through which she sees herself. The only thing Jessica has confidence in is her feelings, which- She feels everything with her whole heart. Everything she says, everything she thinks, is all so fucking tangible that it makes my heart clench. Every word she says to me, I take to heart, because I can’t not when it comes straight from hers.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

This whole year, honestly. Especially since summer. I lost inspiration to be a writer in July or so, and the only reason that I even finished ANbaHD is guilt. I didn’t want to leave it unfinished like so many other stories, because it held a special meaning.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Ashton in ANbaHD. Ashton wasn’t supposed to be a permanent fixture in ANbaHD, but I fell in love with him. He became this mirror for Niall’s character, but he was all himself at the same time. They were so similar, but so different, and the only reason either of them could really get better was because they knew that they’d each have the other if they stumbled. They may not be in love, but there’s so much love there that it puts most of the relationships to shame.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I feel like I didn’t really. If anything, I regressed a bit, towards the end.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’ve never been the kind of person who could set goals for that sort of thing. You can’t become something or someone just by wanting to be. I’m more the kind of person who’s just interested in seeing who I am, than wanting to be anything specific.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Kayla @narrymusings and Julia @lovehopetwistt are the only reasons I’ve made it this far. I would have quit earlier if it weren’t for them.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I always share little bits of my soul with my characters. It’s the only way that I know how to write.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I’m going to piggyback off of Amanda, and say ‘If you love it, if you enjoy it, never stop.’

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Just need to finish GR and the DtRH epilogue, and then I’m retiring, so- No.

14. Tag three (or as many) writers whose answers you’d love to read:

@narrymusings and @missing-headache are the ones I’m going to tag, because idk who’s done this and who hasn’t, but I’m pretty sure neither of them have?

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