#have had one every day this month so far :’)
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I’ve been feeling some kinda way so now that I’m home and ready to write lemme just say.
no one really prepares you for how grieving a friendship or relationship feels and whilst I know how easy it is to fall into hurt and anger I’m just slowly realizing that as hard as making that decision for yourself is it’s not a bad thing and eventually you will be able to look back on the things that happened before everything took those turns and go there were good times and like reminisce in a way that isn’t inherently painful.
#I’ve been in a much better place and I’m far happier than I was#but catching up with my ex to get my stuff back and just chatting made me go#huh despite everything that happened that was shitty between us#you’re still a funny person and the three years we had whilst not always being good weren’t all awful#I’m glad you’re doing better for yourself now#which made me realize even what I’m in now will pass#and I will be able to look back on it one day and go yeah that wasn’t all bad#ooc.#sorry I’m in my feelings but the last two months have been hard#and I’m so happy to be writing with new people and finding joy in this hobby again#I’m not saying this applies to everyone and every end#but it’s good to know it’s not always gonna be pain
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do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING#absolutely unprompted#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?#is it year eight of having them? year nine?#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest#he sleeps on my ribs <3#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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💚
#RDO TOMORROW!!#(thats rostered day off for those who dont know. which i didnt before i got this job.#it means i work an extra half hour every day and that all adds up to a full day off during the week once a month.)#rdo's are my museum/zoo days!!#this is the first one i've had in months where i havent been sick. so i wanna try and do museum. zoo. and a little shopping-#if i can swing it#zoo's free for me cuz i'm a member- and i only really wanna see my favourite gentlemen wilbur and little john (giant tortoises).#museum pricey but i'm a student again!! so- discount 💞💞#i get to see my OTHER favourite gentleman there. he's a taxidermy horse. i have BIG FEELINGS about him.#then not far from that is the biggest book store in the city and i really wanna browse that for a while <3<3<3#i also wanna go back to the comic book store i found that renglund book at. see if theres anything else cool there ^^#i cant wait. its gonna be a good day even if I dont get to everything XD
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I’m so excited I’m like literally shaking
#so I work at like seasonal job multiple stores and shit some more far out and in the boonies than others#and like before I was at my current job I managed this shitshow camp store#literally was so horrible but only bcs my boss sucked and pushed all his responsibilities to me while I still had to do MY JOB#like darkest time of my life trying to keep that store from falling apart until eventually I was like fuck this#transferee to a different property in a different state and like stalked this lady who would come help us and she hired me as her assistant#like truly amazing I love her so much my boss is the fucking best#but now at my property we have a camp store with no manager being run to the ground#so they asked me to go manage it…#and lLIKEEEE ITS IN THE HIGH CIUNTRY#SOOO NO SERVICE LIVING IN A TENT SHARED SHOWER DORMS#IM SO EXCITEDDD#and also I’ll be at 9k feet elevation SO ILL SEE STARSS!#im at 5thoussnd feet rn and it’s just not the same#my shitty store was at 7 thousand but the year before I lived at 8 thousand feet and the stars are so magical#but everyone else I work with feels bad I ‘have to’ go up there and run the store for a few weeks#I’m like literally MY PLEASURE#working in a camp store is literally summer camp vibes#and I’m such a retail girl boss they didn’t even brief me they were like you know how to open and close a store#AND I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF INVOICESSS#that was my nightmare at the last place like they taught all the managers how to recieve and pay invoices but no one else really understood#sooo like a day before months end when invocies HAVE to be paid I’d get stacks from every store on property#and like just my store was already a lot to go through bcs we did groceries and gas and beer and retail merch#but lol I came to my current place and they have a whole office just for that lotta sweet lady’s in accounting I’m like damn??#they did me so dirty????#best part about being a warehouse girl with previous retail management experience is thissss#pray for me though I haven’t managed other humans in 2 years and they’re union employees so I just have to follow all the rules#love the union but I’m scared of breaking any labor laws since I’ve never managed humans in the state in living in#last state was horrible there was no lunch break laws
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i feel very disappointed and sad right now 😞
#my three cousins (that i took care of a lot when i was younger) and i were supposed to go to breakfast and shopping in a v pride friendly#town tomorrow and we’ve had this planned for over a week and i’ve been looking forward to it every day since#and i just texted them letting them know when i’ll be at their house in the morning to pick them up#and one of them goes what plans? as if she didn’t agree to the plans last week and tells me it’s her bfs birthday tomorrow and she’s going#to his party. lol#and her brother just flat out cancels as well#i was so excited to have a day with all of them and show them around during pride month because the usual pride is turned up to the max#right now so it’s really cute and fun esp because the brother and the cousin i haven’t mentioned so far are queer#i just feel very disappointed and sad and honestly frustrated that they cancelled at the last minute and that i had to reach out to them to#find out that they were cancelling bro. who does that#so we’re going to go to breakfast at another place (not the place i was planning or wanting to take them) and then the 1 cousin who didn’t#cancel on me and i are still going to go shopping where i wanted to take her#>:l & :(((((((( i’m disappointed ☹️#it will still be fun but :(#it’s not what i had planned or wanted and i looked forward to it for a long time and had my hopes up high 😞#and sorry not to be that guy but i wish i had a gay or queer older sibling/cousin when i was younger so i am trying to be that for them#knight rambles
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can dads please be normal about things for one fucking second
#like. he and his partner just spent a week biking in italy and having a fab time while i'm studying for ib finals at home and taking exams#supposedly the most stressful and busiest month in our lives so far#and now the entire day he's been getting on my ass about how the kitchen table (where i study) is messy and how the bathroom is untidy etc#like mister hello?? i'm trying to learn my entire high school's worth of material in one month and you can't move one notebook before eatin#and i'm honestly handling it well so far. getting everything done. not super stressed. working very very late but sleeping enough#while also taking care of a cat and a dog with no help every day#he's had literally zero work with my entire education and all the straight As (admittedly more cause i remember fast than due to hard work)#but by how he's talking you'd think i'm doing heroin under his roof every day and routinely setting our house on fire#*long sigh*#noodle rambles
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.
#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life#woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour#i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom#i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess#earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like#2 weeks straight#i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house#i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you#i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control#fucking sucks man#i hate ibs#in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work?#ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick.#it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school#while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick#but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then#but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off#and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh#this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person
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Missing people and regretting shit o'clock
#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it#i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn#why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up#i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him#i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up#just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended#guess i just can't be happy. i never could#i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together#not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future#which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility#or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically#while i seem to be the only one with that goal#idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now#and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess#disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change#deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim#mel talks#depressed bitch posting#i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation#it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before
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"We don't talk about Reina" rightfully bout to be the Tekken fandoms anthem 🫠
#✧･ﾟ:*𝐿𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝓈*:･ﾟ✧ - Random Thoughts#|| like.... the leak happened months ago#|| I have not seen one person happy about the idea of her since then#|| it's one thing to do the whole ''don't ask me for shit' thing for some stuff#|| but when it's something this genuinely majorly hated thus far by fans#|| you had months to scrap the character - you had months to say this can be a dlc character-#|| -so you can at least rework their story a little#|| I- ..mmphmhmh#|| every day I get closer to the edge that is ranting about how t.ekken treats it's fandom I swear
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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July 23
#1. the weather this month was horrible. how is it raining this much in the middle of summer? so annoying#2. July was a month full of having mehmaan or going to visit other peoples houses. I’m a pretty social person and I usually love spending#spending time with family but this was a bit too much#I made my version of knafeh after quite some time (without a recipe really) and it turned out good 😃#3. flowers my mum regretted buying cause after paying she saw other ones she liked more and which were cheaper lol#4. these beads I used last year to make necklace. wore it only a few times so decided to change it and make it into a phone chain. also#got this cute sticker from work. cute right. my inner child is really happy with the amount of cute stickers I can just use#5. every year there’s this group of Muslim youth from another city. and they organise a carnival type a thing for the kids in their city#2 years ago I volunteered there and decided to do it again this year. it’s not in my own city but our masjid is in that city. took my mum#+ little brother with so he could play. my aunt also came with her kids and it was a really nice day. the whole thing was organised and run#by Muslims and was free for all. i had a good time helping out and was asked if I wanna join the committee (?). I declined#bc it’s a little too far for me to be present throughout the year. I will continue to help on the day of in sha Allah. anyway they did do#catering for the volunteers and it was from one of my favourite restaurants in that city. I kinda know the owner so when I saw him when I#joked if my favourite cheesecake would also be provided today. he said unfortunately not but he’ll bring some just for me so he did 🥺#6. made a little heart w my baby bros hair#monthly recap
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omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !
#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk#just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that#pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍#my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close#so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit#so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship#and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃#and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭#i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO#i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far#im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪#literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo#ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY)#and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡#my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard#he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit#and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad.#ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS#and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao#but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months#and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again#i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫)#i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair#which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything#i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert)#and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it#and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more#bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well#its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha#so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!
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You guys want to know something?
My first post is almost a year old.
...I’m getting old./hj
#i mean old as in I'm starting to realize how much I've seen this fandom change#I also realize how I was part of an era that some that I've grown to know well have never been a part of#of course it wasn't mind blowing or anything#but it was still a good place to be#it was a small community that I was new to back in February#It was tightly knit and very compact#not only that but when I came into the mix they just accepted me without question#this fandom has morphed and changed so much and I'm glad I could be here for most of it#i love seeing new people arrive and creating what they love most out of Inscryption#no matter what it is#whether it's headcannons or art or fanfics or music it doesn't matter what#it makes them happy and they took inspiration from Inscryption or maybe some of us elder creators here on Tumblr#I know for a fact that I'm not the eldest one here far from it#but I'm certainly not new or young#more middle aged if you will#I've been here on the Inscryption Tumblr since February 9th of 2022 if not earlier than that#It has been ten whole months since then and I've loved being in this community every passing day#Of course I've had my ups and downs#But I've never left#And I hope it stays that way#oop me reminiscing#whoops#anyways#healer elowen#rant in tags
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had a dream about kissing a certain. gorgeous y3 man. and have been crying/pos over it all day (been awake for 1 hour) also y0 majima but thats not the point im finally getting my beautiful men in my dreams what caused this
i dont know but im en route to your position to steal your brain thats not FAIR
#snap chats#the only RGG dreams i have are of ryuji and aoki but i havent even had those in months#i dont even interact with aoki in my dreams like in one of them i was just in the airport with my dad and he was on the telly#and another i was at like. soem government dinner and he happened to be sitting diagonally from me but we didnt acknowledge each other#and my ryuji dreams like. i forget the first one but the second one i was looking for booze at the market#and then ryuji just approaches me and just asks to hang an shit so we bounce and i sit in his car right#utterly illegal it wasnt a pick up trucck or his motorcyle since he was wearing his tanktop and jeans but POINT IS#im envious. enraged even#i can draw and think of a character every day and every night and never dream about them#well. except aoki i guess😭#i feel like i had a really homosexual dream with daigo but i cant remember... i remember havin a gay ass hell dream once tho#i mean i do remember the pieces are coming back but i just dont know 100% if it was daigo- leaning more to it being daigo tho tbh#if you read this far no you didnt we never spoke of this
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i love little interactions in ffxiv so much!!
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#they are my fave stuff fr#this happens once in a while or quite a lot and every time means a lot to me ?? it is so nice#recently i went to the firmament bcs oh fetes starting really soon! but i was in a pf and it just filled up then so. whoops#but here's the thing: nowadays fetes aren't the most famous compared to the first few days (i was there for it!! wow!!)#so often the people who do it know each other! so it's really cool#anyways an fc mate was there. in my current fc i'm not super active yet have had a few cute interactions!#gna leave soon bcs making an fc w my trio of besties (we're all super cute girls. or not really bcs i'm complicated. but we are all GAY <3)#anyways uhm yeah fc mate there and they waved and i was about to leave and then realized they waved so i yeahd laliho-ed back#and we talked a little bit (a real lil bit) and the other guy next to them easternbowed to us as well!! really nice <3#weirdest interaction so far in game is one of the best summoners in ffxiv (better than me at my own main) came to me once#and we're now in friends list and haven't talked for months ever since they said i have the same name as their ex :)#and i said HELP and they didn't understand why. also they're the same nationality but not actually here so. big coincidence!
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i love that the last people heard the leftist coalition won the french legislative elections so they think we have a leftist government now lol
#and like i say: brf slt#i saw a tweet that said the french got a leftist government and now they get this ceremony the other day that's what inspired this lol#it's funny that that person thought the opening ceremony was planned in three weeks😭 there's a lot to say about that ceremony politically#and about the image it gives to france and by extension to macron especially when everything that's going on has been going on#the thing is. the 5th republic constitution basically enables dictator behavior. the 3rd and 4th were kind of unstable because they were#parliamentary in a way that made them change governments every five minutes especially the 4th republic it only lasted like 12 years not#great but that was also because of the war in algeria for independence maybe if we had given up sooner we would still be under the#4th republic lol. but anyway. de gaulle comes back writes a constitution and at first the president wasn't elected directly and was kind#of supposed to be above politics but now he's elected by everyone and the metaphor that people use often is he was supposed to be a#referee but now he's the captain of the team. but the thing is there's nothing anyone can do to him. like the national assembly can vote to#kick the gov out for politics but the president can only be dismissed by parliament 'in the event of a breach of his duties which is#manifestly incompatible with the exercise of his mandate' and like? sure ig? but it's not like the prime minister who's responsible#to the national assembly the president doesn't answer to anyone. it'll be a month in like 6 days and it's not like we don't have a#gov that situation would be preferable to the one we have rn macrons gov is still in place like they 'quit' but they're STILL HERE? so they#can't even be censored because they've already quit but also...they're still there and doing shit like they just caused a diplomatic crisis#with algeria to the point where the ambassador was called back lmao they were like oh no we need to stay to manage current affairs...#like oh i'm sure. and he literally said no one's won when like. no they won. like isn't that crazy lmao. if the far right had had a#relative majority he would have asked bardella to come to matignon on july 8. like since the left doesn't have an absolute majority would#the national assembly vote for them to be sent home as soon as they were nominated? idk maybe! but what he's doing is soooooo...he's like#hm no no one won (mind you he didn't get an absolute majority in 2022 either but it was a win then) so they need to form alliances and then#i'll listen but it's basically -> the left (sans lfi) needs to form an alliance with macronists and then macron can appoint a prime#minister who's on his side (lmao basically might as well keep attal he was in the socialist party when he was like 17 so he counts as a#leftist figure right) or macronists can form an alliance with the right and basically nothing changes. anyway the second scenario#is what's gonna happen most likely and it's gonna be even worse than it was before even when the left wins we lose lmao but it's like. him#literally denying the results of the election is driving me crazy. why doesn't anyone else see how crazy that is lol. at least if they go#with the alliance with the right maybe people will stop considering them CENTRISTS. but probably not#and also he's decided since it's the olympics we're doing a political truce🤗 and it's only giving what's literally HIS#ILLEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT more time to do things they shouldn't be doing because they were voted OUTTTTT#this is a guy who said he thinks french people need a king and there shouldn't be a two-term limit. like remember when i said he's always#three weeks away from declaring a third empire last month. his ass is never leaving he's gonna be doing a 1851 coup in 2027 (a? an)
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