#he keeps clay's old binders for years because he doesn't know what to do with them but he doesn't want to throw them away

[onewithblankets]

concept: both apollo and clay are transmasc and helped each other through transitioning from middle school to college to beyond that, started T around the same time, recorded progress videos together on day one, week one, then every month, then year. And then apollo has to record an update video by himself for the first time

[mademoiselless]

[3/10]

"Give her wings when she wants to fly"

Jaehyun really felt it. It was warm and it's spreading in his chest rapidly, almost suffocating him. The warmth was uncomfortable and irritating and his body isn't accustomed to that kind of feel. It was new. It was profound.

He ran as far as he could, out where he could breath. His heart was beating so fast as if he ran a mile or two. He feels so exhausted and tired as he reached and leaned himself to a nearest concrete. He breathes in heavy, thinking his lungs might collapse anytime and the current pang his feeling now in his chest is not really helping.

"What is happening?" He silently thought to himself. The question was still left hanging, seeking for answers that he might actually know himself but he's just afraid to discover.

A couple of minutes passed when he finally stabilized his breathing and realized where he was. Good thing it was the place where his feet brought him, in the proffesor's faculty where students seldomly go at that hour.

The spot was silent and the dark orange rays of the late afternoon sun that passes through the window across the hall calms him a bit as he recollects his thoughts. Jaehyun settles on the ground, leaning his back againts the cold wall as he thinks ; of course his mind was screaming about you.

He knows, he doesnt have the right to meddle with those kind of things, but the hell you were thinking of backing out? He knows it was your passion, your dream and it stirs his gut to know you're going to let go of it because he's an athlete himself. He knows the feeling of not pursuing something you want regardless of what's ceasing you. He doesn't know, he's not the nosy type of person after all, but he wants to pry himself into this matter. Jaehyun knows well that it's kind of absurb and you will surely hate him more, but he wants to try nonetheless.

His deep line of thoughts were interrupted when he heard one of the offices door, the loud creaking of it echoes through the empty hallway. He abruptly rose from his sit as his palms unexpectedly sweat the time he saw your figure, exiting one of the rooms. Like on a cue, he calls for your name but regrets it almost immediately as you turned and all the warm feeling in his chest were back in an instant.

He jogs towards you only to meet your the same stoic face that he sees everyday but secretly yearns to see hours ago. Despite the heavy pang he's feeling, he tried to regain his courage and will to express himself to you. He knows he should let this thing out of his chest before it consumes him, thoroughly.

Meanwhile, you were kind of surprised to see Jaehyun, who came out of nowhere yet again, standing before you in closest proximity he's ever been. It's already late in the afternoon and you thought maybe he's supposed to be practicing seeing now he's still on his jersey and basketball shorts. What's he doing here?A talk with one of the couches maybe? But why he had called and approached you?

The moment he's stood in front of you, the thing on his chest starts to pump, a little bit faster and all the courage and will were gone when he stared into your eyes unintentionally. Breath hitched and tongue tied, all of a sudden.

Both of you sweared internally that it was the longest 5 seconds of your lives. No words were found, only your eyes appear to be talking ; questions and thoughts were impended inside your minds, struggling to be spoken out.

"Hey." Jaehyun breaks the silence, finally.

"I know I really do annoy you a lot and you might be thinking that I'mjust playing around but can you hear me outjust this once?" He said in one go, almost choking on the last word. You only quirked your brows up signally him to continue.

"Don't give up."

You're not sure if you were hearing things or might just misheard him but it definitely hit something inside you. "I'm sorry?" You said with a questioning look. Jaehyun sensed the somewhat irk in the tone of your voice but for him, it's now or never.

"I-I know, I'm not in the position to say this or meddle with your personal stuff and business but... please dont give up on it." He has spoken, eyes still lingering to yours, feeling his sincerity on each and every word. You've also never missed that stutter and you couldn't actually believe it.

Jaehyun was actually ready to your snarky remarks, he's assumed you'll be pissed off at him for discovering your personal issues he's not supposed to know or give a fuck with and giving sudden uneccesary advise. He knows it was wrong but he despise the feeling of loss, be it passion, dream or perhaps love ; and for some reasons, the urge to spare you from it was strong. Time goes by and the tension between you was getting thick and you remaining motionless and silent seemed not a good sign to him. Finally tearing away his gaze, he walks off.

You tried to open your mouth to speak but unexpectedly no words came out as he passed by you. His faint scent in the air remains and it invaded your senses, calming you strangely. Truthfully, you were so tired of the pressure and confusion that you were not able to respond. You were somewhat annoyed of how the hell he knew about your varsity retirement— if that's what he's pertaining but a part of you is craving for someone who will tell you to keep up. You were alone to this, only having a few friends and your teammates but none of them actually supports you on what you love, of what makes you really happy. Dropping varsity was never your choice, it was your parents' and forever you will continue to live up on their dreams. Sure you love your course but it's not that easy to let go of something you have worked hard for, your dreams.

For a moment, you have actually thought if he's really sincere. Sincerity is a word that's very far to associate with Jaehyun but you can't help but to think of the possibilities and what if's. You wouldn't admit it to yourself but he's like practically the push you were waiting to help you manage your inner turmoil. Sighing deeply, you walk out of the empty hall alone with a choice of finally giving the boy some credit.

"Jung Jaehyun, thank you."

Next day came like nothing happened, apparently Jaehyun was still having this little crisis inside him. He's a bit anxious of seeing you today after what happened last time. Realizing you're still not around as the literature class was about to start, he thinks of maybe it's the time to get totally away from you and leave you alone. Maybe he was really just intrigue and curious about you. Plus, he kinda miss the "girls", that idea made him chuckle and shake his head, well old habits die hard.

"Sorry I'm late."

"That's a first for you Miss."

Jaehyun swears he felt something swell inside him the moment he saw you making your way to the seat beside him and he hates it. He hates that everytime you come around he feels lost. He hates that you make him speechless andva stuttering mess all of sudden. He hates the warm and strange he's feeling, the rapid beating in his chest, he hates it. He hates everything but you.

He remained silent in his seat for the whole 2 hours period, he didnt spare you a glance like the immature prick that he is thinking that it's for his own good. Jaehyun was checking the time every 5 minutes and curses, two hours seems like years for him.

Five minutes before dismissal he's already packing his stuff inside his backpack ready to chicken out anytime soon but not when you suddenly move closer towards his desk making him fidget in his seat. He finally threw you a glance having him no choice and saw you placing out some books in his desk and your old binder.

"What?" You asked him, quirking your brows before scribbling something on a piece of paper. He just stares at you in disbelief like you've grown an extra head.

"Partners right?" You mused.

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A/n: was actually writing this while listening to "Stolen Moments" by Causious Clay