Nico who has been deified after his death. Nico who's sure, after all this time, he's finally managed to let go of his older sister's death, of course, it still hurts, and of course, he will never forget her, but that fiery hatred and overtaking sadness, has finally been put to rest.
Nico knows and understands that his sister chose to move on without him, and that's okay, no it's never gonna be okay but he's made his peace with that too, and now, that he's an inmortal himself he never expects to see Bianca again.
Nico lives easy. He works for his father, he sleeps for a couple decades at a time, sometimes he goes back to Camp, takes care of some kids during their quests here and there, but for the most part, he's a chain-free roaming God.
And then, one day at Camp Nico meets her, a tiny little girl, with how long he has lived, time has become almost impossible for Nico to really track down anymore, but he's sure this girl can't be more than 10.
And something about her eyes, her dark, void-like eyes, and her long black hair, and her proud stance. It really reminds him of somebody else.
The girl is all alone, no little brother or older sister of her own, no parents either, apparently, she's a child of Hekate, but that really doesn't matter.
Something about the girl's every move, about the way she approaches the darkness without fear, about the way she approaches him, like she's known him all his life, the way she uses her whole body when talking.
It reminds Nico of Bianca. This girl's soul is just like Bianca's.
And Nico supposes it's no longer a fatal flaw, but he still doesn't know how to let go.
Nico immediately claims her on the spot, lets her sleep on the Hades Cabin, helps her out with everything, takes care of her for years and years.
It's the first time in centuries, that Nico as a God feels connected to his mortal side.
When the little girl cuddles against him, because she's had yet another nightmare about manticores and huge robots, while Nico quietly tries to hug her, and reassure her she's going to be fine, he even starts thinking that maybe his family has grown, yet again.
And then, she's send off on a Quest, Nico loudly protests against it, because he knows how those end.
Because, he still remembers waking up screaming and trashing, in the middle of the night, inside the Hermes Cabin, surrounded by strangers and shadows, as he felt Bianca's soul perish away.
But it's no use, the Oracle of her time had already issued her prophecy, this new girl, Rachel having long since passed away, who Nico feels almost comfortable cursing in the spot, just like his father had done so many centuries ago.
The little girl leaves, and Nico now has nobody to swear to keep her protected. Nico knows it's useless to try to convince her to stay, but he still does, it doesn't work, it never has worked
But truth is, she doesn't even look scared.
She's excited, and ready, and determined, and Nico has to wonder if this is how Bianca looked like, during her last week on Earth, too.
The girl leaves and she doesn't come back.
Nico thinks, it should be easier by now. It isn't, it's never gonna be it
Hades catches Nico roaming mindlessly around Elysium, after noticing his absence from The House, for what's either days, or years.
Hades mournfully reassures Nico that Bianca is not there anymore. No, not this time, not last time, not next time either.
After that, Nico chooses to abandon Camp fully, once again, he doesn't come back for another few centuries, until Hermes asks him for help getting his children to satefy at Camp.
Nico swallows the bile, that he's sure a Godly body like his own, shouldn't be able to produce anymore, shakes Hermes's hands, and tells his cousin his children will make it through, just fine.
Nico rescues the kids, regretfully send them off to live all cramped up together at their Father's Cabin forever, but one of the boys of the bunch, just has such dark eyes, like a black hole consuming souls.
And he stands so proud, and Nico just knows once more, and all at once, because he would recognize Bianca's soul anywhere.
In life, in death, at the end of the world, in a Hekate's daughter, in an Hermes's son, it doesn't matter, the person standing in front of him, is simply Bianca in another skin.
Bianca, being a wild hero once more, and Nico has to wonder if she can see him as clearly as he can see her.
Bianca is the only one after all, who has known him all his life, Bianca knew his name before it was even his own. Nico was born knowing her.
If she can see him, or if she can't, Nico doesn't even know which one would hurt more.
Time passes, and if Nico let's the boy sleep at the Hades Cabin, because the nightmares about manticores, giant robots, and magic are too much to bear, and he can't even scream in peace inside the Hermes Cabin, well, that's only Nico's own business to know about.
Nico realizes, after a few ages of Godhood, that The Fates like repeating their own stories.
Nico knows he hates all of them, deeply and purposefully.
The Oracle comes up to the boy, Nico is sure she must be a new girl, but all the girls Apollo chooses all look the same, and she is the same, she gives the hero the prophecy that will bury him.
And, it doesn't even take Nico a glance to know, that this is where that boy's life thread is cut.
Nico wants to sneer, this would be Bianca's third death, and if a hero dies three times they get the special prize, and yet.
Nico begs the boy to not go, because they both know he's not gonna make it back.
Bianca never has. Bianca never does. This is Bianca's fate. She was already dead before the story even began.
But the boy doesn't even break eye contact with Nico, as he tells Nico that he's very kind, and that he loves him too, but no way.
He's gonna go, and so, the boy does.
The boy leaves and he doesn't come back, and Nico has to crawl at his Godly skin, and remember the sensations, of back when there was human flesh, and blood running through his veins.
And that's just the thing isn't it, that Bianca is never going to stay by his side, because she doesn't want to.
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My brother called me to watch the next three episodes of IWTV with him and omgggg the JOY I feel at being able to experience this show again for the first time through him and hear his theories on where this is all leading… I’m so thrilled. He’s never watched the movie or read the books so he’s going into this totally blind. Some interesting ideas he has so far:
A) he’s so much more insightful than I was/am watching it. He’s picking up on SO MANY things that I didn’t pick up on until I rewatched (he’s even pointed out stuff I’ve never noticed— my favorite so far was in episode two where Daniel is served rabbit while Louis feasts upon the fox, symbolizing their predator/prey relationship — HOW THE FUCK DID I MISS THAT; AND HE GOT IT IMMEDIATELY. He also pointed out that in episode three at the poker game he calls all the white men by their names, no more “sirs” attached— AGAIN, HOW DID I MISS THAT??)
B) He thinks season one is going to end with Claudia’s death; he doesn’t know why or how but he thinks she’s going to die at the end of season one as the big cliffhanger and then season two will end with Louis killing Lestat (he’s thinking ahead to other seasons and how things will play out later!! His MIND!!) Which is so interesting bc as we know, it happens the other way around, but I love how close he’s getting without even realizing!!
C) He thinks Louis killed Lestat in the early 70’s and that’s what prompted him to seek out Daniel in the first place, as a way to justify his actions to someone and tell himself he was right. That’s why the modern Interview is more nuanced, Louis has more separation from the murder to understand where Lestat was coming from.
D) he thinks Louis WANTED to turn Daniel in the 70s and Daniel was against it (I brought up what we hear in the first episode where Daniel asks Louis for the Dark Gift and Louis rages at him, but my brother thinks that’s misconstrued somehow) and he’s reaching out again to set the record straight about his true feelings about Lestat and also breach that subject again
E) He REALLY likes the relationship between Louis and Daniel, he’s picked up on the importance of their relationship and expects it to develop well before I did. When I first watched the show I was a big fan of the movie, so I just assumed Daniel served only as the crux for Louis to tell his story to; I didn’t think the modern era stuff was all that important until we were well into the season because I assumed Daniel’s role in the show would be the same as it was in the movie: the audience sub-in. But my brother picked up on the nuance between the two immediately and honed in on it. He thinks they’re both of on a high-horse off and is waiting to see who will crack first.
F) He suspects NOTHING of Rashid, just thinks he’s a weird servant guy
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Waiting for Permission to Be Sick - Input Requested!
So, I got officially diagnosed with two chronic conditions last week. And the doctor explained to me the details of how these conditions affect my body, and what kinds of symptoms to look out for, and what I can expect life to look like going forward. And I got prescribed meds, and given detailed instructions for when to take them and any side effects I might experience and what to do to help myself feel better if I'm not feeling well, and all of that.
And I just. Haven't done it. I've started taking some of the meds, but not all of them, and like. There's no real reason for me not to? I'm just. Not doing it. Like I've looked up some products on Etsy to have like. Emergency medical info with me so that if I randomly black out or faint again in public, someone could see me and have info know what to do. And I've been looking at pins that say "I have an invisible disability" and aaaaaaaall sorts of stuff. Basically just window shopping for my chronic illness starter kit. But it's been over a week now and I haven't bought anything, and I seem to have convinced myself that I can't start taking my meds until I have all of my Items sorted out and prepared. And like -- there are some actual reasons for this, such as my schedule has been all over the place and my meds need to be taken at multiple times a day at certain intervals, and some with food and some without food, so I need to be able to have that stuff ready to go even when I'm out and about.
But I'm not. Actually doing the work to get everything sorted out and ready? I'm just window shopping. And today, I have been very tired all day because of the rain and because I did too much yesterday, and my head has been hurting because I'm still not over my concussion and I also probably did too much today, even though honestly all I did was go to one class and observe the whole time, and read a couple of emails. And I thought to myself, "well I guess I should take tylenol for my head, and I guess I can give myself permission to do that since my boyfriend is busy and can't tell me to take care of myself --- oh."
I have been waiting for someone to give me permission to identify as chronically ill! Even today I was like "I feel like I've managed to convince myself that I feel worse than I actually do, and I'm actually fine." Even though there would be no real reason for me to be doing that. And like. My head actually hurts! I really did and still do feel tired! And I've seen my test results, and I know that I have a chronic condition. It's been medically confirmed by a bunch of different tests, and multiple medical professionals have been like "yep you've got something wrong with you" (though using more professional and kind words, of course). All of this to say -- I have been waiting for someone to tell me that I am ill and it is chronic and that it is okay to spend money on taking care of myself and things that will make me feel better, even if it is only temporary like the excitement of buying a new pouch that says "This Bag Is Full of Drugs" specifically to keep my medical supplies in, or something to help keep me safe going forward like a medical alert key chain. The only question now is -- what do I do about this? How do I give myself permission to need help or extra accommodations or even just some medication when I never want to admit that I need or want help? I'm so used to being self-sufficient and doing everything by myself that I don't know how to be okay with more problems.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? What do you do? How do you learn to be okay with the fact that your body is not going to go back to the way it was before? I am only 22 and it's hard to accept that my life is not going to look the way I pictured it when I was 18.
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