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linkade · 6 years

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When Kinkade and Lance start dating, K sometimes gets jealous/possessive. Not in a harmful way more like "L may not know you're flirting with him but I do and I'm here to remind you that he's MY boyfriend" way, with subtle actions. At one diplomatic event, an alien prince is being overly aggressive with his advances. Kinkade steps in to save his sharpshooter.

I hope this is at least a little bit of what you were asking for lol, I had a lot of fun writing this one! It’s a bit longer than I had originally intended but I still hope you guys like it!!

Also, my apologies if it isn’t as good as my usual stuff. School has me stressed out and it may hinder my writing capabilities.

Prompts: Still open!

Words: 1,020

Ryan thinks that Lance is perfect. Maybe he’s biased, maybe he’s not, but there’s simply no denying what he believes to be a fact. There’s not a thing about his boyfriend he’d change. So, there must be other’s who take a good long look at Lance and think the same thing. People would do it on Earth, so what made some backwater planet in the armpit of the universe any different?

Nothing. Nothing made it different, because some aliens are just as sleazy as humans. Ryan lays witness to this on one particularly bland diplomatic mission that both the MFE pilots and Voltron Paladins are forced to attend. Ryan isn’t a fan of these things in the first place, and would much rather be out on the field sniping shit next to his boyfriend. Not sitting at a table with nasty food watching Prince something-something give his man googly eyes.

But Ryan keeps his mouth shut, for the sake of not causing a scene and ruining this mission. He does, however, make sure to use excessive amounts of PDA (holding hands, pulling Lance close to him, kissing the top of his head), just to get the message clear. It doesn’t work. The prince has done nothing but ignore him the whole time. Luckily, verbal contact hasn’t been made between the two.

Currently, Allura and Veronica are the ones doing most of the talking, working out good trade routes and options between the planet and Earth. It’s going well, it really is. They’re making progress with the king. Everyone else is making small talk, including Lance, who’s debating on rather Vanilla or Chocolate ice cream is better with Keith. The Galran looks fondly exasperated at his friend, and that brings a small smile to Ryan’s face. He’s glad his boyfriend has friends that respect him.

However, Ryan’s semi-peaceful atmosphere is shattered when the Prince strolls over to their part of the table. “Hello, Red Paladin.” He cuts through Lance and Keith’s debate. Lance looks confused, Keith looks offended. And Ryan? Ryan is starting to get pissed already. Keith opens his mouth, but Shiro calls him over for something. Damn, what inconvenient timing. The Black Paladin leaves, whilst Lance hesitantly begins small talk with the Prince.

Ryan doesn’t want to say anything. He really doesn’t, because then he’d seem like the toxic boyfriend that doesn’t allow his partner to make friends. That’d be awful, and Lance deserved only the very best. So he sits beside his boyfriend and listens to the conversation intently, making sure the alien doesn’t cross the line. Which, to give him credit, he doesn’t, until he asks the question.

“So, Lance,” The fucker purrs. “Have you ever been intimate with a person?”

“I-what?” Lance falters, an embarrassed flush spreading across his face. Ryan sees red.

“Did you not understand? I was asking if you’ve ever pleasur-” Ryan stands, angrily. Everyone stops as they turn to look over at him, but by this point he really doesn’t give a shit.

“Can you please leave my boyfriend alone.” He says through gritted teeth. “Actually, kindly leave all of us alone, if you don’t mind.”

He looks taken aback. Lance looks mortified. “Babe,” His boyfriend hisses, “calm down!” But there’s not a fat chance that’ll be happening until either the prince leaves or Ryan and Lance take their leave for the night.

“Excuse me? ‘Boy’friend?”

“It means that he’s mine, and you can fuck off.” Ryan snaps. He doesn’t notice Lance stand up too, not until Lance is apologizing frantically to everyone and pulling the two of them out of the room, into an empty corridor. Ryan is fuming, but so is Lance.

“What is your problem?” He asks heatedly. Immediately, all of the anger dissipates from Ryan as quick as it came.

“I…he was flirting with you, and…” All of the words Ryan previously wanted to say are gone, he has no idea where to even begin, because he’s totally made an ass of himself in front of everyone due to his display of possessiveness. Perhaps an apology would be a good place to start? “I’m sorry.” He mumbles, looking down guiltily.

Lance huffs, and grabs the other’s face to make him look directly into his eyes. He’s not angry anymore. At least he doesn'’t look angry. It’s hard to tell with him sometimes. “Were you jealous?” There’s a playful edge to his voice, and a tilt to his lips, which means that Lance definitely isn’t angry with him anymore. Another great thing about Lance? Once he’s angry it’s easy to appease him.

“Yes, I was.” He admits with no hesitancy. Communication is key to a good relationship. His mom always said that, so he’s sticking to it. Lance tilts his head.

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t like it when other people think of you like that. Because you’re per- you’re you, and…” And I sort of feel inadequate when other people flirt with you, because maybe one day someone better will come along and you’ll realize you don’t need me anymore. “And I want to be the only one that flirts with you.” He finishes off weakly. Maybe he needs a little more practice in the communications department before going in that deep.

Lance sighs dramatically before pulling Ryan down into a kiss. It shocks him at first, but he quickly melts into it. Lance was his first kiss, and will hopefully be his last, too. When they pull away, Ryan is much more at ease than he was before, which seemed to be Lance’s goal.

“You know you’re the only one I have my eyes on, right?” Hums his loving, caring, boyfriend. Ryan nods, his face tomato red.

“Good.” Lance grins, interlacing both of their hands. “I kinda wanna go back to the ship now, if that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah, same.”

The moment they get back to their shared bedroom, the two of them lay cuddled up on the double bed. Ryan lays directly on top of Lance, listening to the sound of his reassuring heartbeat.

#dofu-tofu #thanks for the prompt!#Linkade #Ryance #Lance McClain #ryan kinkade #Voltron

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serafxn-a · 6 years

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(( Hey guys. Mun here. I know, I know, I’ve been relatively quiet lately. For... a while now. I should probably give a life update. A bit more of a comprehensive one.

After a simultaneously wild and dull 10 years of my life beginning with university, which included a lot of online and a little offline drama, the end of a 7 year relationship that I’m still kind of reeling over several months onward, and a whole lot of paranoia and health problems both mental and physical... My life situation IRL took a drastic turn and almost brought my online presence to a screeching halt. Around May-June of this year, I moved back in with my parents, got a job at a major UK toy store chain, and have no longer been able to sustain my wild-ass 10am-5am living due to changes in schedule and having major responsibility for the first time in my life. One such responsibility being not keeping my parents awake til fuck knows in the morning, ahaha. And, y’know, actually getting decent sleep before work... (something I’m failing a little at right now,,,)

I’ve got mixed feelings about it, but overall... it’s actually been a pretty positive experience. Being definitively useful, wanted and moreover needed does a lot for one’s self-esteem. Knowing I’m good enough at doing something that people will take my advice, and that I will get called into work for more hours instead of having my hours cut, is kind of a good buzz, even if it’s taken a lot of getting used to and been stressful for my RP life. Not having any friends IRL sucks hard when I can’t talk to my online ones as much but... I’m trying to deal as best I can.

But right now, let’s forget all that. It’s time for me to be sappy, because it’s late at night, I’m sick, and it’s almost Thanksgiving. ))

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(( Now, I know I’m not American, so when it comes to Thanksgiving, I don’t go there. I might have humoured a “turkey” dinner of my own for a couple of years just so I wouldn’t be left out. Which I guess might be kinda sad but I prefer to think of it as an act of sentimentality.

And, what can I say? I’m a very sentimental person.

That sentimentality is what leads me to make this post. There’s so many important people I’ve met that I’m grateful for. I’d like to talk about some of them, because I don’t think I should be particularly shy about this. I might not get all of them, because I’m kinda scatterbrained (and at least as of making alterations to this part of the post mid-way through typing it it’s 11:30 and I have to get up at 8).

First off: if you’re in the Sunny Day Café server? You fucking rock! Even if you don’t talk too much in there, your continued support of my first real attempt to run a relatively public RP server is really appreciated. In particular on this front I’d like to thank Rose (blogs: @kxndncss @grxxnheart @hopxlcss), Shad (blog: @flapsinhands) and Ozi (blog: @magicbyhalves) for helping me with moderating the place. I’ll be the first to admit that my moderation skills are a bit... well, 👋. I’m often not a good judge of situations, and find it difficult to trust my own judgements. It’s something I’m having to learn. So the help is really important to me.

Of course, these three (who I will dedicate more time to in this post later for sure) have also been really helpful with plot stuff. There’s a particular group of people who’ve been helpful with plot stuff, actually, aside from these three, and I’d like to mention them too.

Let’s start with Ziz! (blogs: @unseenbutnotgone @seenbutgone @unheardanduncaring @distastefulblossom @setebcs)

My memory is trash, but I think Ziz and I started talking over Wings wanting to get to know Fin back when he was Sleazy? Because he was getting involved with his son, and of course a good dad would want to make sure his son is in good company. He wasn’t, but Fin grew from that, and I’m thankful for that too, but also I’m thankful for what happened when Fin ended up applying this relearned kindness when Wings’ son was forcibly fused with a corrupt fragment of his.

And then it all went really gay from there, and now they’re married and have spread the gay even further. It’s not even over yet, there’s so much potential for Reset and Fin still and I’m eager to explore it and fit them into this intricate new world that I’ve never really touched on in RP before. And to write with someone as caring, empathetic, funny and smart as Ziz? I’m really honoured. They’re really inspiring to me and I adore RPing with them. They put so much work into their muses, visually and historically and meaningfully and I just... 💋👌 Mwah. Ziz as a writer, and an artist, and as a person too - I look up to them so damn much.

And I definitely cannot mention inspiring people without coming to talk about Rose. She and Ziz were ultimately the reason I started to invest so much in my Gasters, they’ve provided constant encouragement with my writing, I’ve been able to bounce ideas off of them not just for my stories but for theirs too. They’ve been emotionally supportive and emotionally constructive too, which is honestly fantastic. I know I’m someone who has a lot of growing to do. I appreciate that there’s people who’ll stick by me while I’m doing it and help me along.

Rose is such a pleasure to write with. Her prose is utterly gorgeous to read, it feels like seeing the individual threads coming together in a tapestry. Her talent for finding mood music is fantastic and something I honestly aspire to, because mood music for writing or setting a scene is so so important. Her characters are always really well researched and have so much depth to them, and it’s really great seeing her influences because damn she has good taste too. And what’s more, I honestly do look up to Rose, because while her life experiences may not be perfect she’s accomplished a lot of things I would love to accomplish myself. She’s really inspiring to me.

While these are the two folks I talk to most, particularly about RP stuff, there’s a whole gang of bastards I’m thankful for... I’ll have to bullet point these guys because there’s a good few blogs associated with them and I want to try and include all the active/main ones?

Rav - @imbreaking-sans @imdespondent-sans @mraudio-the-audacious

Bets - @fellythealphaskeleton @xa-eviterx

Situ - @shadowbirdsitu @sourtrout

Del - @skellie-bean @pocketpunk666

Collectively these are people I know I can come to when I need help with things, RP or otherwise, people I can vent to, people I can share experiences with, and people I can laugh with and listen to and just generally hang around and be myself with. Which is kind of really important, especially when I don’t entirely feel like I can be myself IRL still.

Rav honestly has such a good way with words, both when it comes to people and when it comes to prose, and seems wise way beyond her years at times. Her level-headedness has sometimes been a little intimidating to me, but possibly because it’d been a rare quality in people I’d known prior, and something I’m often lacking in myself. I look up to pretty much everyone for different reasons, or sometimes similar ones. Rav is one of these people I look up to, in part because of this level-headedness. (And also because holy shit she’s dealt with so much and still come out on top!!) She’s a lot of fun to write with and a very trustworthy person I’m honoured to call a friend.

I think, if my memory serves me right, when I was really starting to talk to this group as a group - not as it is now, but as it had been, with a few different people there or not there - it was Bets I’d first encountered. And, well, I didn’t make the best first impression, I don’t think... but I like to think it got way better afterwards. Bets is honestly a really fun and wild character whilst simultaneously having that level-headedness I really admire in people? And like, she has wack plotlines (I’m looking at all the Felly stuff especially with fuckin BIRDSCAPE), but it’s so much fun to see them unfold and be a part of them! I consider her one of the comic masters of the group alongside Ziz, and though their styles are fairly different I have a high respect for both of them. And what’s more, I’ve always found Bets super easy to approach, which is invaluable to me as someone who is very shy and unsure of themselves.

While I say Bets was one of the first people in this group that I encountered, but as the group stands now it was actually Situ. Prickly and Fin had this thing going between them that grew into joke-flirting that became actual flirting, because when you do something like that it’s almost certainly going to stop being a joke if you keep doing it. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for it’s slow burn and these two delivered so wonderfully. Situ has always been super friendly, super eager and super full of enthusiasm! And while I regretfully haven’t always been able to match that, I have always had fun RPing with her. I love her art, her muse designs, and - honestly this might seem out of left field one day could you gimme a hand with my hair? Yours always looks so good!! ... Er, that aside, you’re another really approachable person who I appreciate a lot. (I also admire your muse dedication like holy shit how many blogs do I have now)

I absolutely have to open with the Del paragraph by stating she is fucking hilarious. There’s a reason she’s using the Jevil icon on Discord at the moment; she’s definitely our Joker. I’m legally obligated to state she’s full of beans (it’s funny because the beans are her muses), and I respect her so much for sticking with child muses and RPing them so well when it must be really damn difficult at times. There’s a lot of challenges that come with child muses for sure. Del is also a great listener, an enthusiastic plotter, and an incredibly sweet person. Fun fact: she sent me a plush jackalope a while back and he’s sat by my bedside ever since, receiving cuddles when I needed them most! Another fun fact: she’s usually the person who initiates the “hewwo??” in voice calls. Chaotic alignment as hell.

I’ve talked a lot about a particular group of friends but they aren’t really the only people I interact with... and while the people I interact with regularly has dwindled a little, there’s two people not in this specific group who are still super important to me, who I mentioned earlier, actually.

I’ll mention Shad first - blog linked further up - as someone who I’m really glad I grew closer to? We’d shared a few friend groups but it took a bit for us to really start interacting, and I’m so glad we did. She has a fucking killer sense of humour and it bleeds into her RPing in the best way. Being involved in her plots in any way is freaking awesome, and she’s been super great about getting involved in mine in a way that’s really fleshed them out and given them direction and form. Not to mention she was one of the reasons I got back into Guild Wars 2 and we have such a good time playing together and talking.

I think at least for now the last person and absofuckinlutely not least I’ll talk about is Ozi... whose friendship with me long pre-dates my current blogs, as we started RPing together in the League of Legends community. She’s a really positive influence in my life, and I’m honestly really grateful that she’s stuck by me through our changes in fandom. Seeing her grow and improve as an artist has been an absolute pleasure, and her writing has always delighted me. The development turns she takes are fantastic and really well thought out, and that she can work with so little and make so much is inspiring as all hell. (I’m mostly talking about the amount of work she managed to put into fleshing out Thresh back when we were in the LoL fandom but damn she’s doing such a good job with Shantae in this regard too?? Thresh was just a lot more... bare-bones. Ba dum tsch.)

It’s about now that I’ve run out of steam and it’s past my bed time but I would like to say that this list is by no means exhaustive. There’s a lot of people who have put me on the path I’m on today, some who I may not talk to as much, some I talk to more, some who I don’t talk to anymore at all. Maybe they left my life on a good note, maybe on a bad. But each and every person we meet leaves some kind of mark, however big, however small.

I’m grateful for all the people who’ve not only left kind marks on me, but stayed, too. ))

#{}{} OOC #long post ))#(( sorry if this came out dumb or if there's any missing or incorrect details ))#(( i'm sick and very tired which is not helping my usually poor memory in any way ))#(( but pls know that i love u ))

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gaiatheorist · 7 years

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Persistence.

It’s not hard to shorten that to ‘pest’, is it?

I thought we’d covered that particular issue with the ‘How to talk to a woman wearing headphones.’ fandango, but, it appears that it’s still rumbling away, a sub-current, re-surfacing on this flow of ‘stop complaining’, and ‘good-natured groping.’ (I think I just swallowed a bit of vomit typing that.) I’m genuinely hoping it’s a generational thing, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who’s the other side of 40 to me trotting out the “It’s flattering.” or “Just a bit of harmless fun.” excuses, there might be hope yet.

“No, thank you.”

“No.”

“Stop doing that.”

“Nominate your least favourite testicle.”

The ball, or in this case, the balls, are in the female court yet again. It’s ‘our’ job to repel unwanted advances, some of which honestly are repellent, because a very vocal minority of the population are still insisting they’re harmless. I’m looking at you, Petronella and Edwina, as much as I’m looking at the sleazy, mostly-older men who still believe that persistence pays. There’s my usual side-swipe here, about the type of woman that thrives on vanity-validation, producing pouting progeny who ‘need’ to be told they’re pretty. You know the type, they won’t leave the house without make-up, and sulk if people don’t compliment their hair-do. Wear make-up if you want, spend extortionate sums of money on hair appointments if you want, but, for the love of all the Gods, don’t instil-inflict that on your daughters, drip-feeding them the notion that their worth is measured by the validation of their physical attributes by others.

The recent articles in the news, about young women and girls feeling pressured by the perfection-perception on social media show me that, while the tea/consent videos are sort-of being taken on-board, there’s still confusion. If we have mothers teaching their daughters that they need to present themselves just-so, and possibly a generation of fathers and uncles teaching the boys to ‘keep trying’, we still have a problem. Yes, there does need to be a certain quantity of coupling-up, for the continuation of the species, but that’s not ‘everything.’ (I know, I’m ‘speaking as an outsider’ on that strand, and have managed to give myself an incomplete John Cooper Clarke ear-worm.)

Clarification on the ‘outsider’ status, because quite a few people have been questioning me on it lately, after an ill-advised social outing. I’m single, I’ve been ‘separated’ for a little over 18 months, I put that in quotation marks, because I was effectively single for most of the marriage. Brave face, stiff upper lip and all that, most people, when they find out that I’m no longer ‘with’ him, are shocked. “You always seemed so happy! Is there any chance you’ll get back together?” I wasn’t happy, HE was happy, so, so many tantrums from him, ending in him yelling that he wasn’t happy, as if it was my job to keep him happy, as well as everything else I did. No, there’s no chance of us getting back ‘together’, we weren’t really ‘together’ for most of the marriage, and now, I’d rather have nothing at all than not enough. I’m not ‘in’ a relationship, and I’m not looking for one, no matter how many dating agency adverts Facebook wants to throw at me.

I’m not registered with any dating agencies, and my social media accounts are ‘locked’, so I don’t have to deal with sliders. Two points to extract from that, the first being that I’m the one taking preventative action, in terms of locking down who can interact with me. The second point being that we women are aware that there are men who will use social media as a pick-up zone, the shit-lists and whisper-networks aren’t just a Hollywood/media thing. “Watch him, he does ‘that’.” messages are floating about behind the scenes all the time. We women moderate our own behaviours, and then quietly nudge other women away from men who have penchants for the ‘DM-slide.’ I wonder how long before that ends up ‘out’ in the dictionary. Why don’t we just ‘out’ the sliders? Well, that calls OUR behaviours into question, did you lead him on, were you flirt-chatting before he DM-ed you a photo of his favourite toy, what did you expect, having posted photographs that he found attractive? I’d surmise that the vast majority of my social media contacts aren’t fishing for partners, compliments, or affirmation, and ‘we’ have learned to moderate our output, because we know it will be us called to account for any unwanted interaction.

Flipping that to the ‘other’ side, a female acquaintance of my pizza-delivery-driver friend has nudged him that The Widow has a profile for engaging people for her own gratification, and then shit-posting them once she has what she wants. Lucky nearly-escape for him there, I managed to exert enough influence over him for him not to cross ‘that’ line, but, if she doesn’t find another plaything to replace him, there’s every chance she’ll expose their private messages. I’ve put him on do-not-engage orders, with a back-up plan for if the shit does hit the fan. The shit probably will hit the fan, and his wife might well take it as the final affront to her dignity, I have no control over what he’s already done, or what The Widow might do. I’m guessing that The Widow probably will cause a scene when he starts ignoring instead of engaging, she’s persistent.

The other ‘persistent’ I’m processing, and think I’ve managed to shut-down, actually is my own fault. I shouldn’t have gone to my brother’s wedding-thing, I shouldn’t have necked half a bottle of wine before I went out, and I absolutely should NOT have made clumsy advances towards a man I had a bit of a crush on when I was 17. I’d risk-assessed enough to pick a man who wouldn’t just accept the advance, take me out behind the club, and prop me against one of the bins. Unfortunately I’d picked a sensitive ‘thinker’, I do have a ‘type’. I don’t know how many Messenger messages I’ve had from him in the last two weeks, hundreds, at least. He accepted my apologies, he was flattered, but I was VERY drunk. Neither of us are very sociable/outgoing, and there is no way I would have behaved that way if I wasn’t introvert-inebriated. (Still had enough presence of mind to pick one that I knew would say ‘No.’) As it turns out, it wasn’t ‘No.’, it was ‘Not now.’, nothing’s ever straightforward with me. It’s made even less straightforward by the fact that he’s an old friend of my ex, and a close friend of my brother, I hadn’t really thought that angle through.

Hundreds of messages. Polite chat about what we were up to now, we probably haven’t seen each other in about 10 years. Deep, and insightful conversations about Catholicism, Capitalism, and other people’s obsessions with being part of a ‘couple’, both of us very clear that neither of us could tolerate the presence of another person for very long. It was new, and interesting, to have another person to bounce-off, even if he does put a space before a punctuation mark, and used the wrong ‘there’ more than once. ‘My own fault for engaging’, but I can’t be expected to live in a vacuum forever.

By the end of the first week, he’d offered me spare keys to his house, he works away most of the time, and my heating doesn’t work, my life would be much easier if I was a gold-digger. Did I want him to look at my heating, did I fancy going out for a drive the next time he was back home, would I be interested in going to my brother’s Christmas party with him, and numerous instructions that I ‘had to’ stay in touch with my family. No, no, no, and I don’t. The creepy-persistence all revolved around Christmas, what a laugh it was at his family Christmas get-together at his sister’s house, and how I ‘had to’ at least show my face at my brother’s party. He’d taken my response that I wasn’t doing anything ‘for Christmas’ to be an unmet need, a gap he could fill. I know he’s only trying to be kind (and get into my knickers), but Christmas shenanigans aren’t a ‘need’ for me. I went straight in with the ‘Christmas is bullshit’ angle. No, I didn’t want to ‘do’ anything for Christmas, because I just don’t ‘do’ Christmas, it’s not an event in my calendar. He countered with the ‘family’ angle, that my brother, and sister-in-law really missed me, and would love to have me for Christmas Eve party-night, ‘even if it’s only for an hour’, he’d even gone so far as to suggest who could give me a lift there and back. Persistent. “No, I’ve seen them once this year, that’ll do.”

“Oh, come on, they’d love to see you, you have to make an effort, they’re your family!”

“I don’t have to do anything, I’m not interested in being a charity case, passed around like the original spinster aunt.”

He’s persistent, but I’m belligerent, his ‘normal’ is not my ‘normal’. He’s trying to ‘fix’ me, but the areas he’s chosen to focus on aren’t really where I’m broken. He’s dangled house-keys, and Sunday afternoon rides in his Porsche, I don’t half pick my targets, he reminds me of those bower-birds dropping courtship gifts. I’ve said no, thank you, I’ve said no, I’ve said that I don’t want to, but he’s old-school ‘keep trying’ mentality. I brutally shut him down yesterday, with a very long message detailing how I wasn’t ‘looking for’ anything from him, that his very fast offers of assistance were disconcerting, and that his repeated assertions that I ‘had to’ do Christmas, or family stuff were assumptive-offensive. “Only trying to help.”, now, where have I heard that before? “Worried about you being on your own.” mate, ‘on my own’ is my zone, it’s where I’m at my most functional, I am very bad at social stuff, so it’s easier just not-to.

The absolute irony of myself and my ‘spare Dad’ pizza-delivery driver friend both dealing with propositions at the same time was that I was fielding messages from Porsche-man with polite knock-backs at the same time as I was slagging him off to spare-Dad. I’m a bitch, deal with it. I’m also VERY careful always to make sure I’m replying to the right person before I hit ‘send.’ I was ‘letting him down gently’, spare-Dad has just panicked and run a mile about how The Widow could compromise him. I don’t know if that’s a communication-style thing, or just a ‘control’ thing, and I don’t know if it’s a male/female thing at all, I suspect not. The Widow and I both ‘came on strong’, and most men don’t know how to deal with that. Drunk-me had her ‘I want!’ head on, a man I’d wanted when I was 17, and an empty bed. I was persistent, and I sulked when I didn’t get what I thought I wanted. I’m not 17 any more. The Widow is continuing to be persistent, and that way lies ruin for my friend, if she doesn’t find another target before she realises he’s blanking her.

Persistence in the ‘dating game’, whatever that is, isn’t an attractive trait, and the old-norm of ‘keep trying, you will wear her down eventually’ has to be called into question, people shouldn’t have to progress through ‘No, thank you.’, to ‘No.’ and then to ‘No!’ That’s where ‘trying’ starts to overlap into something more unpleasant, and where the warning flags, and defensive mechanisms start to come out. The majority of repeat offenders are male, but me throwing my drunken self at Porsche-man, and The Widow pouncing on my pizza-guy’s every Fakebook post show that some women will do it, too. No means no, except when it means not-now, that’s a whole different web to be tangled in, but, like Robert the Bruce’s fabled spider, I tried, and tried again, my resilience appears to have overcome his persistence. I started it, it’s my own fault, I made the offer, and it’s taken two weeks for him to accept that it’s no longer an option. Should I have been more blunt? I was trying to spare his feelings, and not cause offence, but ended up telling him he was being ‘creepy.’

I imagine some women, offered the keys to a big house, and Sunday drives in a Porsche, might have leaped at the chance. I imagine some single, 40 year old women might have seen ‘a prize’ there, and, fearing being ‘left on the shelf’, accepted the offer, feeling that something is better than nothing. Most of my behaviours are atypical for females, I’ve had a lifetime of risk-assessing for potential harm, so I mostly just don’t acknowledge my gender. That particular man wanted to ‘help’ me, to ‘fix’ me, to ‘rescue’ me, very gallant of him, he is a genuinely lovely man, but I’m in no need of sweeping off my feet, I fall over often enough as it is. I’ve cut him off dead, and told him that nothing is going to happen between us, there was a niggling feeling that I was being insensitive, the girl-guilt trap, but, faced with his persistence for two weeks, and him trying to work-around my reasons for saying no, I didn’t feel like I had any other option.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”, before anything became any more complicated than it already was. It is ‘me’, but it’s also that headphones-man mentality that if you chip away at someone for long enough, they’ll acquiesce. We won’t. It’s irritating, and sometimes downright sleazy, sometimes it’s even worse than that. When persistence becomes pestering, we have a problem.

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