#her perks would actually suck since her glasses get broken and she's like BLIND the whole time

[carrionsflower]

🍓 SANDRA UNDERWOOD — she's bloody, she's sweet!. (x by @timdownie) (kerry & leslie belong to @queennymeria) (x)

[meenasmoon]

Singing in the Moonlight Ch 11: It Was Always You

In which Johnny comes to some realizations....

It was warm, the kind of warm that made you want to lay there and soak up the feeling for days because as soon as you moved, it would fade and you’d never get quite the same feeling ever again. Johnny smiled and let out a happy little sigh that melded with the wind as it washed over him, ruffling his hair and pushing something to brush on his face. Out of the corner of his eye he saw white and silky soft flower petals brushed up against his face again.

He gradually became more aware of where he was, laying comfortably in a field of forever, happy little flowers dancing in the wind. He reached out to touch one, but his hand felt so uncoordinated and numb that all he could do was fumble with them.

Suddenly all thoughts of touching the flowers ceased and his hand was captured by another, eerily familiar hand. The skin was coarse and tough, but the way that the animal held his hand was the complete opposite, gentle and loving. He tightened his grip and suddenly a blurry form came into view above him.

Johnny blinked slowly, trying to regain focus. Suddenly the mammal leaned a little closer and he was staring into the face of his friend, Meena. She was smiling so radiantly and the longer Johnny stared up at her the happier he became. She was the source of that warmth that he had been basking in, and he didn’t even notice. His hand came up and he looked at it like it was acting without his permission. It cupped Meena’s cheek and she leaned into the touch with a happy giggle that made everything around her seem brighter.

Meena turned her head and placed a kiss on the hand that was cupping her cheek and now Johnny’s hand was blessed, it tingled mercilessly, spreading up his arm until it was a separate entity.

“Good morning sleepyhead.” Meena whispered and started to lean down, her lips coming closer and closer to his. Johnny felt the pull of anticipation and he tried with all of his might to lean up and meet her lips with his own.

Johnny opened his eyes reluctantly and found himself snuggled in blankets in the middle of his bed, the two spots that had been occupied by Meena and Ash now vacant.

Woke up sweating from a dream With a different kind of feeling, oh All day long my heart was beating Searching for the meaning, oh

Johnny groaned and rolled out from under his covers so that he was sitting on his bed staring at his feet as he tried to summon the will to get up and go search for his friends. It took him a few minutes before he was able to get up onto his feet, throw on a blanket as a cape and slide his slippers onto his feet. He shuffled out of his room and into the living room where he found Ash lounging on the couch, mindlessly watching a rerun of a Saturday cartoon that used to air when they were kids. The nostalgia of it all had obviously sucked Ash in and Johnny felt himself being drawn towards it as well.

Johnny plopped down on the sofa next to her and curled up so that the only part of him that wasn’t cocooned in the blanket was his head. He was a little pop of black in a sea of forest green comforter. Ash glanced over at him with and they exchanged exhausted head nods before turning back to the TV.

After a few minutes of mindless cartoons Ash nudged his blankets and gestured to the coffee cup that she had cradled close to her chest.

“Meena made coffee for us before she went to work. Pot’s still hot.” Johnny perked up and launched off of the couch and into a shuffle as he made his way towards his morning salvation. He grabbed his favorite baby blue mug that said: ‘I cannot brain today, I has the dumb.’ from the cupboard as he eyed the coffee pot like an animal in love. He giggled to himself for the millionth time as he read the message and then quickly began filling it with liquid gold.

He took a sip of the steaming black liquid and let out a moan of pleasure as the caffeine brought him back to life and the taste set him at ease. He glanced up at the clock on the microwave and nearly spit out his coffee when he saw that it was almost two in the afternoon. Johnny gaped at the clock and then his reflection in the glass of the microwave. He leveled his mirror self with a glare and pointed at him menacingly.

“Daan’t get used ter this ya blighter.” He scolded himself.

“You tell him Mr. Manimal.” Ash’s sarcastic voice came from the entrance to the kitchen and this time Johnny actually spit out his hot coffee. It splattered all over their stove and a bit of the counter until the area in front of him looked like a caffeinated homicide.

Ash just laughed and tossed him the roll of paper towels, which Johnny happily accepted. He was still wiping up his mess when Ash hopped up on the counter and looked at him with a suspiciously innocent gaze.

“Meena’s pretty great for making coffee for us huh?” She asked, staring into her half-empty mug. Johnny hummed as he took another sip, this time he managed to swallow it all instead of painting the kitchen with it.

“Well of course Ash.” He said it like it was the most well-known fact in the universe, and truly he believed that it was, “It’s Meena. She’s always great loike that.” He stared down into his mug thoughtfully, a small smile blooming on his face. From her perch on the counter Ash watched him, a grin practically breaking her face in half.

“Thinkin’ abaht other people, doin’ stuff for us, takin’ care of me…” He looked up and found Ash regarding him with raised eyebrows so he quickly backtracked and glued his gaze back to his mug, “I mean us!”

“Yep. Gotta love her.” Ash prodded again and Johnny let out a happy little sigh.

“Yeah…”Johnny felt his cheeks flame up in embarrassment and he stumbled to deflect his statement to a more casual place, “I mean loike a friend. I love ‘er loike a friend. I’m not in love. Who’s in love?!?!”

Sky blue eyes*, I was so color blind We were just wasting time, uh uh babe For my whole life, we never crossed the line Only friends in my mind, but now I realize

He laughed nervously but Ash just stared at him with a severely unimpressed look, “Yeah…. sure.”

“Let’s just find sum breakfast.” He grumbled and stomped over to the fridge, frustrated with Ash for calling him out and with himself for being unable to sort through the confusing emotions tangling up in his brain. He was about to open the fridge when he noticed a sticky note had been pasted on it, perfectly at his eye level.

I made you guys breakfast. It’s warming in the oven. Enjoy!

-Meena

Johnny smiled and gingerly removed the sticky note so that he could place it into his pocket. He went over to the oven, once again just noticing that it had been set to warm. He opened it up and pulled out two plates piled high with warm pancakes. Ash quickly snatched hers from his hand and after drowning her pancakes in syrup she happily went back to the living room to enjoy her impromptu breakfast.

Johnny grabbed a fork, poured a reasonable amount of syrup over his own stack and followed Ash to the living room. He settled back in his spot and dug in.

A few minutes later his plate was clean and his stomach was pleasantly full of what had to be the best pancakes that he had ever tasted. Against his will, the cartoon faded into the background and he found himself lost in the tangle of emotions that he could never sort through, but after last night, there was a new path to follow.

It was always you Can't believe I could not see it all this time All this time

First he sorted through the images of his beginnings at Moon theatre, the anticipation and fear of failure coloring his audition but the confidence had overflowed once it was finished. And then he was trying to pass that on to the petrified elephant who was waiting to go next. Johnny never realized that his first meeting with Meena had been just then, but looking back now he saw his own perceptions of the shy young elephant. Her nervousness had been palpable and out of everyone in that competition he had chosen to reach out to her, to Meena.

Sure it had just been a simple  ‘Good luck aht there.’, but it had set a tone, it was the beginning and it only led to so much more.

It was always you Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied Satisfied It was always you, you No more guessing who Looking back now I know it was always you Always you

The theatre flood was something that Johnny still had nightmares about. Sure he had made it out okay but when that wall of water had come straight for him, fear like he had never known before, fear of his own mortality. All he could think about as the current dragged him was regaining some kind of control.

He hadn’t had control in his life since his mother died, and it had been building up until the moment that he was swept up in a punishing current. Johnny grabbed desperately at one of the chairs, using all of the strength in his body to hold on. He couldn’t see, his eyes burning as the water pushed at him mercilessly, but he could feel whatever was holding the chair down start to give. Suddenly he was flying backwards, the broken pieces of the chair clasped in his death grip.

He found himself in the lobby with the rest of the performers, animals that he had come to call friends, in the lobby. He looked around, trying to fight the feeling of despair that washed through him when he saw that the entrance was blocked at the water level was rising. Suddenly everyone else ducked underwater and swam towards the entrance, where the blockage was. Johnny ducked underwater as well, intent on helping, but then he saw what, or more accurately who, was blocking the entrance.

It was Meena. She was wedged in the ticket window, struggling frantically as the others tried to help pull her out, but the current was stronger than their combined efforts.

For a moment, their eyes connected and Johnny saw the panic was starting to take over. She had taken her last breath from her trunk and was holding it for all that she was worth. Suddenly his fear for his own life turned into fear for hers and his brain frantically started working on a way to get her out.

He gasped for breath, and searched around the room for something that he could use to help. Suddenly he saw them, two sturdy, black marble pillars. He swam towards them and grabbed on, sending a quick prayer to whoever was listening that pushing would do better than pulling. Then he braced himself against the pillar and shot towards Meena like a rocket.

It worked. Johnny tried to hold on to Meena, keep her safe, but once again the current won out and they were thrown in two different directions. Johnny hit the pavement hard, the impact knocking the breath out of his body. As the water washed over him he struggled to his feet and looked around the debris-strewn street.

Next to him, Ash was slowly getting up and a little ways off he saw Meena struggling to get to her feet. Then the theatre collapsed and they were covered in a layer of dust as everything that they worked for came crashing down around them. Johnny was filled with an uncomfortable mix of despair as he watched his one chance crumble like dust in the wind, and relief as he watched all of his new friends get to their feet, alive and well. With one last glance at Meena, he let the relief of their survival cushion him as he looked back over to the wreckage and despair hit him like a truck.

All my hidden desires Finally came alive, hmm No, I never told lies To you so why would I Start tonight

Somehow Meena got Buster back on board and they were rebuilding the theatre, preparing for their show. They had exchanged smiles as they worked but his thoughts were consumed with his performance. And when the time came for the show he poured his heart out on the stage and as he ounched that last note and jumped away from the piano he looked up in shock as the side of the stage where his friends were cheering him on.

Meena was there, smiling that sweet smile of hers as she clapped as hard as she could and cheered him on. She wasn’t the only one, but for some reason she stood out, her smile seemed brighter than everybody else’s. He smiled back and then he was swept up in a whirlwind of his first performance high and low, his father, everything.

And then Buster was leading Meena out onto the stage and every part of Johnny’s being was tense with anticipation. Her performance had blown him away and all he could do at the end was stare at her breathlessly. It took a push from Buster to propel him out onto the stage to accept their bows. He was so numb that all he could feel was her hand in his.

Sky blue eyes*, I was so color blind We were just wasting time, uh uh yeah For my whole life, we never crossed the line Only friends in my mind, but now I realize

In a blink a year passed by and they were preparing for their next show when Buster threw the curveball that had changed everything. He and Meena were going to do a duet.

Suddenly his life was changing in leaps and bounds.

He remembered going into Meena’s home exhausted and broken. The warmth of that home had reminded him what he had lost but at the same time he felt comfortable, healed. There he had slept better than he had in the entire year leading up to that point. He had remembered what home was there.

Then, he was being taken care of by his family when he was at his lowest point. When he thought that he was alone in this world everyone had rallied to give him reassurances and ultimately a new home. And in the center of it all, with nothing but generosity and the best smile in the world: Meena.

It was always you Can't believe I could not see it all this time All this time It was always you Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied Satisfied It was always you, you No more guessing who Looking back now I know it was always you Always you

And then he had the most confusing night of his life. He had taken Meena to the carnival to thank her for everything that she had done for him. It wasn’t nearly enough but she seemed to enjoy it. When he had picked her up she had been even more beautiful than she had ever been. He had felt compelled to run through the carnival like an idiot, trying to impress her with prizes and feats of strength. Then he had a chance to take their relationship to a new place but something in him had stopped her. He had gone home and stared at his ceiling trying to sort out what he was feeling and why he couldn’t decide what he wanted. He had ended the night in confusion, but now… now he was finally sorting it out.

As he replayed their night at the carnival again in his mind, things that he had been to thick to notice. Like the way she had dressed up for him, or the way she had hugged that plushie he won her. How could he have missed the way that she had looked at him on the ferris wheel that night?

How could have chickened out?

Woke up sweating from a dream With a different kind of feeling

They had always had a connection, and up until that fateful day in the hospital, it had always been strengthened by happy moments. When he had burst into that hospital, his emotions haywire with worry all he could think about was finding her. He had found her in that walkway, curled up and vulnerable and as long as he had her in his arms, everything would be okay. Holding her like that, letting her get it all out, and singing to her had been the hardest and most satisfying event of his life.

Almost immediately she had turned right around and rescued him from himself. When she and Ash had climbed into his bed and watched his video with him, he had felt so safe, so comfortable with them.They had helped heal him in a way that gave him back the happiness he once had when he thought about his mother.

A thousand new experiences that sent his emotions in all different directions. 

Every single one of them centered around Meena.

It was always you Even if I could not see it all this time All this time It was always you (always) Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied It was always you, you No more guessing who Looking back now I know it was always you, always you

Johnny blinked as he came out of his thoughts just in time to witness the season finale of whatever show Ash had been watching. He looked over at her in shock, his mouth agape. Ash looked at him in confusion and turned down the volume of the TV.

“Ash… Bloody ‘ell Ash.” He whispered, running his hands through his already messy hair as he leapt out of his blanket nest and began pacing in front of the TV. Ash let out a disgruntled snort and waved at him to move but he ignored her and continued to pace, running his hands through his hair and muttering to himself.

Suddenly he stopped and stared at Ash, his eyes wide and his pupils blown so that the warm brown of his irises was practically eclipse.

“’Oly shit Ash.” He mumbled and she grumpily crossed her arms over her chest.

“What? Spit it out!” She practically growled at him and took another sip of her coffee

“I-I’m in love wif Meena.” He said it like he was the most well kept secret in the world, like he was the first one to notice. Ash just raised her eyebrows at him and took another sip of her coffee.

“No duh.” She rolled her eyes and Johnny frowned, thinking that maybe she wasn’t taking him seriously.

“Ash seriously I… I’m in love wiff 'er.” He stepped right in front of her face, annoyingly close. Ash gave him a small smile and patted his cheek.

“Johnny, dude. I know. We all know. You are so late to the party.” She let out a little laugh as Johnny collapsed back into his blanket nest.

It was always you

“You seem kinda freaked out. You okay?” She said after she realized that he had been sitting there in silence for a few minutes.

“Well this is kinda a big deal!” He said hoarsely and Ash’s brow furrowed in concern. She turned off the TV and scooted over on the couch so that she was looking at him.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Johnny looked at her incredulously.

“Of course it is!” He jumped up and began pacing as he ranted, not really talking to Ash, rather he was voicing his fears out loud, “She’s my friend Ash. She’s wahn of my best friends.”

He sat back down on the couch and looked at Ash pleadingly, “I daan’t wanna screw that up. I can’t screw that up. I need ‘er in my life. I just… I just daan’t wanna anything ter change.”

He sighed heavily and Ash put an arm around his shoulders comfortingly, “Johnny. Listen to me okay?”

She waited until he nodded to her, the break giving him some time to breathe and calm down.

“You need to calm down. Meena doesn’t have to stop being your friend, your relationship can only get deeper and better from here on out. I promise you.” She smiled reassuringly at Johnny who gave her a nervous smile in return.

“Yeah… Yeah you’re right.” He smiled and jumped up with renewed excitement, his eyes bright like a little kid on Christmas. He grabbed Ash by her arms, startling her when he shook her slightly before releasing her and dancing around the room excitedly.

“I swear, I’m gonna ask Meena aht properly.” He stumbled towards his room but slipped a little in his haste to get there, “Right now!”

Ash just laughed and settled back into the couch, turning the TV back on as she called out to him, “Just promise me that you’ll let me know what happens.”

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