#honestly “future corpse” and “hurt me” go hard af

[djemsostylist]

An Arthurian Film Adventure, Part 2: The Arthurs

How do you rank King Arthurs (Kings Arthur?)?  I mean, it certainly seems like the question of “What King Arthur is the Best King Arthur” is going to come down to pure nitpicking.  I mean, after all, the movies are about King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table.  Surely King Arthur would be the character we put the most care and concern into, right?  Surely Arthur, a Good King and Noble Knight who United a Kingdom would be an easy character to create, especially when the movie is literally about him?

WRONG.  So, so terribly wrong my friends.  King Arthur is, in fact, often the worst parts of the movies I watched, and ranking them was easy only in so much as he was literally only an actual character in like, two of them.  I mean, sure he ~existed in the others, but did he have a character?  I mean no.  I have ranked our King Arthurs below. (Under a cut for length)

1. Camelot (1967)

This King Arthur is the best King Arthur, and not just because he is played by Richard Harris.  Firstly, he is one of only two King Arthurs who actually does anything independently without being literally coached by Merlin or taking 60+ years.  Also, he actually has a character, which seems like it should be a foregone conclusion, but is really, really not.  When we meet Arthur in this movie, he is young and energetic and full of ideas for his kingdom.  He does listen to Merlin, but he has his own ideas and thoughts and feelings.  He’s full of a sort of boyish earnestness, and his excitement and enthusiasm are infectious.  In fact, it’s his enthusiasm, vision, and convictions which here allow Guinevere to fall in love with him as a person, not just as a King.  He is friendly and kind and outgoing, and his initial meeting with Lancelot is full of joy and happiness at meeting someone else who is as excited about his kingdom as he is.  

As we progress through the movie, we can see the toll kingship takes, and his interactions with both Mordred and Lancelot and Guinevere are full of melancholy regret over lives that might have been lived.  Mordred is mentally unstable, but Arthur is kind and loving, and it is clear that while he might regret the circumstances of Mordred’s birth, he in no way resents Mordred.  Even his treatment of Guinevere and Lancelot is kind and understanding.  They all love each other, and he is aware of their affection for each other, but he also trusts them completely.  There is this truly wonderful scene where you can see how much he cares for both of them, and how much the situation hurts him, both because he wants them to be happy, but also knows that there is no easy solution to their love for each other.  Even the song he sings with Guinevere in this scene is the two of them trying to find happiness amidst their grief, acknowledging their love and how much simpler things were in the past. 

The Arthur who condemns them to die is grief stricken and heart broken, a king whose kindness and belief in the kindness of others is what ultimately leads to his downfall.  This Arthur is one who it is easy to see as a High King.  He is kind, competent, and has a plan and vision for the kingdom and the ability to bring it about.  It’s truly a tragedy when everything falls apart.  

Attractiveness: This is the second hottest Arthur, because while young Marcus Aurelius could get it, that haircut is a choice I don’t approve of. 

2. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

While this King Arthur is Uther’s son and also the rightful king of England, he also grows up as a streetkid in a brothel, and speaks kind of like a chav.  However, despite the truly bizarre backstory, this Arthur really is very much like Camelot’s Arthur, or the Arthur of the tales.  He is kind and caring and charismatic, and he is also excellent at understanding people.  He inspires loyalty, and he is able to easily gather people to him.  Here, Arthur’s skills are shown through his relationship with his merry band of friends rather than Guinevere and Lancelot, and true, he isn’t actually a king until the last 35 seconds.  

But if this is an origin story only, I can see this Arthur becoming the Arthur of legends.  He is brave and a touch reckless, but he also values the lives of others above his own.  He cares for people, regardless of station, and he is good at making plans and creating his own future.  

Attractiveness: This is obviously the hottest Arthur, because Charlie Hunnam.  Also, he is weirdly only the 2nd blond Arthur.

3. Knights of the Round Table (1954)

So, this Arthur is fine in that he is a king who obviously people like, and he is kind and also does rule a kingdom so I guess he’s pretty good at his job.  Also, one time he gave Lancelot a “friendship” ring because he loved him so much, so that was pretty great.  

Other than that, this Arthur comes in third mostly because he is blandly boring enough not to be offensive, and he doesn’t do anything actively stupid.  Also, he is actually Arthur, so that alone earns him third place.  

Attractiveness: I guess 4th place, in that he’s less attractive than Clive Owen here, but I think only because the actor who plays him usually has dark brown hair and when they dyed it blond for the role he ended up looking like a straight up corpse.  

3. Excalibur (1981)

Sigh.  Look, this gets 4th place ONLY because the other two are so terribly bad.  This Arthur here is mostly just supremely stupid.  He has the charisma of a rock, and also is just deeply, deeply stupid.  Like, when he pulls the sword from the stone, despite literally being at a meeting where people are actively trying to pull the sword to try and become king, he still does the whole “oop this seems like a useful sword” which is honestly just makes him seem extremely dumb.  His dumbness does not improve, I mean, he literally only makes peace because Excalibur uses some magical mind tricks on Uriens, and he literally marries Guinevere because he thinks she is pretty (which I know is sort of canonical re: Malory but also makes for a dumb story.)  His knights pretty much don’t respect him and he is mostly deeply forgettable.   

Attractiveness: Literally last place.  I cannot even.  All the makeup and costuming choices in this movie serve to make otherwise ordinary looking people look hideous.  This movie is literally so offensively ugly, I just.

4. First Knight (1994)

Okay, this movie is actually the worst thing, except that the 2004 movie exists.  In this, Arthur is like, in his mid sixties.  He has spent literally the past 50 years trying to unite England and has succeeded in uniting no one.  He has a tenuous hold on Camelot, which is just a tiny city.  He had like, maybe 15 knights of the Round Table, and they function as less of a fellowship then some sort of strange praetorian guard.  He has literally no friends and is halfway to death's door.  He marries Guinevere, the daughter of his friend, because he is old and sad and just doesn’t want to be alone anymore.  He does absolutely nothing of worth in this whole movie, and then he just dies in the end.  The only thing that keeps him from being dead last is the fact that he is Uther Pendragon’s son and an actual Briton and also has a Round Table in a city of Camelot.  That’s literally it. 

Attractiveness: I mean, it’s Sean Connery.  He reminds me a little of my grandfather, plus I literally hated this Arthur, so I didn’t find him attractive but. He ranks above Excalibur Arthur only because he doesn’t look like he got dressed in the leftovers from a donation box that was left in the rain, and also because his beard is acceptable and he sounds like Sean Connery. 

5. King Arthur (2004)

Okay, so the thing is, this isn’t King Arthur?  Like, at all?  It’s some roman dude named Arturius, and he mostly just like rides around doing Roman things?  I’ll be honest here, this movie was boring af so I sort of deeply tuned out in the last hour and a half, but considering he was a) not a king, b) not British, c) didn’t have a Round Table with Knights, and d) didn’t have Camelot, I’m gonna rank him as the worst Arthur since he wasn’t even Arthur at all.  

Attractiveness: I mean, they worked pretty hard not to make Clive Owen look like a lawyer here.  A for effort.  3rd hottest Arthur.  

6. Monty Python doesn’t rate, because it fucking sucks.

[dachi-chan25]

GoT S8 Episode 4 "I don't even care about the title of this" Recap

So here I am once again (I didn't do a Recap of the battle episode cuz frankly I'm not a huge fan of battle stuff, and it was very messy the way D&D executed it, there was not much stuff to analyze so yeah) and well the way some people talked about Jon yesterday really had me worried (and hey if you hate him now or don't believe in him it's fine, not your fault but the writers') but when I watched the episode I got a completely different impression (which is fine I mean sharing a ship doesn't mean we have to agree on every single thing) and I will talk about it.

Oh yeah I am not a fan of D, nor of aegony and I still believe in Pol! Jon and jonsa so if you are not intrested in reading about any of that this is not the Recap for ya.

.

.

Funeral & Feast

From the very beginning of the episode I was like 👀👀. We get a shot of Ser Jorah's corpse and D mourning him and then we get the exact same thing with Theon and Sansa (drawing this parallels between them is truly intresting) but we only get Jon's sad expression after we get Sansa sobbing which makes me think he was watching her (this is also supported by the fact that D was not in his direct line of vision and the fact he is not standing anywhere near her in that moment or afterwards).

Jon gives a pretty emotional speech about the fallen and the future generations, and the director made sure we get a shot of Sansa behind Jon as he talks about the future generations (aka children) when a more open shot would have made it more vague and meaning about everyone's children and not just Jon & Sansa's, I mean for me the foreshadowing was strong.

The pyres are lit, and I guess this is where the rumours about WF burning started (gosh I am so glad they didn't had D burn it) .

Everyone is celebrating the victory in the Great Hall, everything starts on a serious note, until Gendry gets up the benches to go looking for Arya, and D calls on him. Ok serious talk, did any of y'all notice that look of worry that passes between Jon and Dadvos??? Like they were waiting for the worst, why in the Seven Hells would Jon expect the worst out of someone he supposedly loves and believes in? Cuz he does not. And yeah he is relieved but not relaxed when she names him Lord of Storms End (k seriously i thought d&d had completely forgot about the riverlands,stormlands, westerlands,the Reach, dorne, and everywhere else that was not "plot relevant" ) and the fact that no one even knew who was ruling there like? ??? Didn't Jon sent letters to every lord in season 4 or 5??? Like how do they not know this???

Back to Jon, he looks puzzled like he doesn't know what game she is playing. While she is patting herself in the back for getting rid of a man that had a better claim to the throne than her. Tyrion is a dumbass, cuz D can't name Gendry shit until she actually has the alliance of the stormlands but whatevs, she is not a politiciiian she is a kweeeen.

So yeah the mead and wine get passed around and everyone seems to be having a good time except for 1 person: D

Why is this? Well because she is not their hero, not really, and she knows, I mean she watched the NK walking through her flames, if not for ser Jorah she would be dead and that can't be cuz she is special she has to be cuz she is the last Targy except now she knows that is also not true, and we get her looking at Jon.

And Jon??? Well he doesn't give her the time of the day (again if he loved her so much he would be spending time with her, trying to include her in the conversation with him and his friends) cuz he is lauguing and drinking with Tormund and Sansa (honestly Sansa was so flirty with that "c'mon, do it in believe in you" like i have used that same line girl what), he turns around for a second and smiles at d (he is having a good time and why wouldn't he smile, she is not the one that made him smile he is smiling cuz he is happy and on his way to getting drunk) thing is Sansa catches him sharing a smile with D and her reaction is so out of proportion for a "sister" when she was all smiles and heart eyes not 2 seconds ago, her smile disappears and she leaves, what is Jon's reaction? He turns around and watches her leave super confused, D is smug until she realizes Jon didn't really pick her, she didn't won cuz he still is looking at Sansa and not back at her.

Things get crazy with Tormund and he shouts for anyone to hear that Jon is a "King" and then only then Jon turns to see D's reaction, and she gives him a forced smile that he returns because he doesn't want to antagonize her. By this point Jon is making 0 effort to resume their "relationship" but also doesn't want to be percived as her enemy.

And we get a terrifying look on D's face as she sees everyone around her celebrating without a care for her, their kween, cuz they would rather have Jon or Sansa, and she can't take it, so much she has to go.

Now we get a drinking game between Tyrion, Brienne, Jaime and Pod, is all cool until Tyrion mentions the fact Brienne is a virgin, she gets upset and leaves, Jaime goes for her and Tormund has the realization that he has no chance with Brienne. Now he goes to complain to the Hound who gives 0 fucks about his lonely soul, and suddenly everyone gets a sexual partner (everything is very heterosexual of course, we know the only gays in westeros are dead or in the Iron Islands) and we see Sansa watching (this is what she wants that she doesn't have, she doesn't want sex she wants romance but she can't have it with the one she wants) and she has a 1 on 1 with the Hound that I have already talked about.

Gendry finally finds Arya shooting arrows on her own, and tells her the good news, not only that but he proposes. And oh, I knew Arya wouldn't want to get married but this was hard to see, we still get a kiss so she loves him but that is not the life she wants for herself.

Aegonyyyy & "The Truth"

Jon is looking miserable in his room. I mean if anything has been consistent with Jon is the fact that he wants to deal with everything on his own, but the fact that he has to deal with this whole existential crisis and the up coming war must be exhausting. D enters his room unannounced (fooking rude, but I don't expect any better cuz she has never shown him respect at all, even Jon knocks when entering the office he shares with Sansa) he stumbles up (he is drunk totally unprepared for any conversation she wants to have) and gives her his condolences about Jorah (meaning this is the 1st conversation since the parentage reveal they have, and D is the one to iniciate it not Jon, again nothing about this makes me think he loves her) he doesn't hug her or approach her any further, as always D is the one forcing intimacy between them, honestly we get no real reaction from Jon when she tells him Jorah loved her but she couldn't love him cuz she loves Jon.

One of the cornerstone's of a romantic relationship is the frist time someone declares their love, and usually when one half of the pairing doesn't say it back it screams trouble. A kiss does not equal love, and it's not a good thing to do when someone is pouring their feelings for you. Now Jon does seem more into the kiss but as the director's commented he remembers what she is (not who but what) and pulls back. Jon's expression is not good if they selling me a romance, he doesn't look tortured by his desire and love for his aunt, but disgusted and defeated like he thought this was over but apparently nope he still has to be like this.

D has never respected Jon or his feelings (like when s7 was airing I remember I said she reminded me of Tw1l1ght when she watched Jon sleep, and how little she respects his privacy) and this imbalance in their relationship is again present when she starts complaining about how people love him and not her (gee I wonder if that has anything to do with setting your dragons on them when you arrived) like really, not once she worried about his feelings about not being who he thought he was, the only thing she cares about is the IT and if he will get in the way. Jon is visibly annoyed while giving his back to her so she doesn't seem but the audience does. What's more she expects Jon to lie to his family isolating himself from them to make her happy (that's fucked up) I do believe Jon intended to tell them everything (he just doesn't know how, and is understandably afraid cuz he never felt truly a part of the pack, and now he thinks he really is not) now he sees D is not going to let go of him, of the North, he can't say anything (i mean he totally should tho, I know d&d are just doing this to hold onto pol!Jon and dark!dany for as long as they can before being all smug like bet you didn't see it coming, except i do, I see u villians. Jk maybe I am wrong xd) he still wants to say it, and D goes absolutely crazy saying the truth is gonna destroy them (why dear isn't that the name of your epic couple song?) And that she wants to live in her selfish ass fantasy while stating how threatened she feels by Sansa (by this point Jon knows she burned the Tarlys for not bending and Sansa is not bending, if she bent know d would surely find it suspicious) the ONLY way he can protect Sansa as long as D is still at WF (and maybe forever) is if he is in the middle, her feelings for him have to be enough to stop her from hurting Sansa, or at least that is how I see his PoV right now, better for Sansa to be alive and hate him than having D kill her.

********The Braime is scene was so good tho 😢😢😢😍😍😍

War Council & Stark Meeting

Or the moment most people wanted to throw Jon in the trash...

So they making stupid ass, basic plans to defeat chess master Cersei.

And there, told ya D wanted to burn shit down before Missandei. Jon gets her to listen (Tyrion is grateful af)and instead of burning shit down like idiots they will lay a siege. But then Sansa raises an important issue everyone should care about: The physical and mental recovery of their armies. But D is like crazy tbh, there is no better word and she still treats the Long night as Jon's war and the northern as Sansa's people, and my girl rightfully calls her out. Jon puts a stop to that and he was heavily critiziced for it, but like he did the right thing?? I mean i hated how hurt Sansa looked, but Jon is trying (still) real hard to protect her, but there is nothing he can do if Sansa keeps antagonizing D (did y'all see how out of proportion was her reaction to a valid question??) also I think Jon wants to get D as far away from his family (specially Sansa) as possible.

Onto the reunión it was pretty telling how Sansa and Jon were already fighting it out like they do, both lost in their little world til Arya is like guys pls stop. Arya served as an excellent contrast between what sisterly concern looks like and what Sansa is showing. Jon is desperate, he has to go with D, not only because his family will not be safe if Cersei is alive, but because D feels they owe her that, and D wants him by her side and that is the only way she won't accuse him or his family of plotting against her, by this point i don't think jon has any plan to separate himself from her, he will do what she wants for as long as she wants because she has the power to hurt the people he loves and he rather be unhappy than losing his family forever. So he makes Bran tell them and makes them swear they won't tell anyone (he is explicitly defying D's wishes here) why?? Well there could be many reasons, his last act of free will, or maybe he wants the Starks to hate him and get him out of the pack (he doesn't even consider himself a part of the pack, and from his PoV Sansa doesn't either, cuz he is an idiot just not in the way people think he is) for choosing his Targ family over them, I lean toward the later but who knows?? I just know something bad had to happen for Arya to leave like that with no intention of returning and Sansa not saying goodbye to Jon and just wistfully watch from the battlements.

Farewell Jon

Again people hated Jon for this. But imho Jon is clearly not well in that moment, he looks tired, depressed. And i doubt very much this is the last scene with Ghost he will have.

Also Jon says he wishes he could go North is pretty sad?? If Jon loved d that much he would be sad about being at odds with his family but determined he is doing the right thing, he would be at least a little eager or something, not saying he wishes he could go up north and hide himself from everything. Also Tormund saying a part of the north will always be in Jon is foreshadowing that he will definitely come back.

Jon self deprecating "I hope it's a girl" when gilly tells him they want to name the baby after him. Jon is not alright.

He can't say goodbye to Ghost because this is not goodbye, this is not the last time they will see each other, and Jon can't bring himself to say goodbye (tbh he looked like the saddest boy ever, he didn't look like an uncaring ass to me) because ghost is his tie to his stark side, and he just can't part from that (also I am good with Jon not taking him to the South, like we don't wanna see my pure boy die)

Tyrion, she is in love with Jon u idiot.

So yeah D is with the dragons, and i don't know about y'all but Rhaegal is flying just fine (I think D didn't want Jon riding Rhaegal anymore to avoid more talk about how kingly he is).

So yeah Sansa is seeing this lizards fly, and Tyrion approaches her, she is not even trying to disguise how much she loathes the idea of D being kween, Tyrion is trying to work out why, it would certainly make things easier if the Lady of WF and the crown had a civil relationship. Sansa acts very snappy and brings up the good relationship the Warden of the North has with their kween (I want to slap Tyrion everytime he says "she is your kween too" to any other character) Tyrion very unsubtly says Jon is not coming back, and Sansa gets so emotional, she tells him she doesn't want Jon to go South.

Tyrion is baffled (cuz he is boo boo the fool) as to why Sansa is so against D, and even tells her how much more power she'll have if Jon is out of the picture. She doesn't want power tho she wants Jon. Sansa cleverly points out Tyrion is scared of D, and asks him why he thinks she would be a good kween (lmaooo this is what it looks like when u a brainwashed fool, Tyrion straight up says he believes in D as opposed to Jon saying they needed her armies) Tyrion says bs and Sansa says what if there was a better option. (This might save Jon's ass later tbh)

Welp that escalated fast

So now, we have the stupidest team ever traveling by boat to KL or dragonstone??? Somewhere in between maybe.

Varys and Tyrion are having a chat about Jon's parentage. Welp. Varys is Team Snow now I guess and Tyrion is still a fool. Honestly none of this bodes well for the D.

Now she is flying magestically with her 2 dragons when bam! Euron sinks her battleship and her battle dragon and her everything.

D, like the impulsive fool she is, charges against the Greyjoy fleet only to discover that they all have Scorpions, and she is risking it too much.

Everyone swims to the shore (honestly how Lucky they are that everyone knows how to swim) but Missandei is missing.

Cersei is the supreme bitch drinking wine and relishing in how unprepared D team is. Missandei is chained (😢) and very scared.

In WF, Sansa gets the news (who sent her this raven?? Varys is my bet) and Jaime overhears. Sansa says she wishes she could watch Cersei's execution (and this was pretty harsh but Cersei deserves Sansa's hate so..) Jaime gets unsettled and that paired up with that scene of the previously on where Cersei reveals she is pregnant plus all that stuff on 8x02 about him doing things for his family, I guess it's pretty clear he will try to save Cersei for the baby's sake not out of love but because the baby is innocent and is his, he already has fought D and knows his chances to survive again are scarce so he has to hurt Brienne now if he doesn't want her to follow him.

This shit is racist as hell but the writing is poor and everyone hated it so I guess it's something.

Now we get to the parley. And idk why Tyrion keeps trying (I mean i guess it's for the baby as well) is clear Cersei would rather die than leave the throne to d (which is just as well cuz d thinks the same).

They try to negotiate but both kweens are too selfish and entitled for it to really work. Missandei gets beheaded, but before she says Dracarys (how sad they don't let her say I love you to Greyworm one last time and instead is used as a permission for d to go bersek on innocent people that are not responsible for Cersei's actions) honestly is disappointing we don't get to see if D would have allowed her and GW to leave, it's sad she doesn't get her own story apart from D's handmaiden and that her own death is not about herself but to cause pain to a white woman (that already has a super racist storyline) and turn her full dark (I mean she has been making the descent on her own just fine whyyy u do this d&d).

That’s it, that’s my take. I am looking forward to next week.