#how would it be fair to them to tell them they're obligated to forgive the people who hurt them?? solely for the absolution of the ab//er

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

one of the dataminers thinks that this is the split between ban and don’t ban merula from the circle based on the dialogue bubbles that show up during the activity.

ban: talbott, ben, andre, tonks, charlie, corey, george (and probably fred too)

don’t ban: ismelda, beatrice, chiara, liz, barnaby diego, and jae

With how late to the party I am, this is long past the point of datamines, so I don't even really need to tag it as such. (You know it's odd to think about but one day that Tag will be totally retired. Kind of surreal, actually.)

I'm getting distracted. This should be fun, let me just go through these characters one at a time. Starting with those who voted to keep Merula -

Ismelda and Beatrice are two characters that I'll discuss more in separate Asks (and I already have) but in general, I fully understand and support their choosing to vote in Merula's favor. It's a risk, to be sure, but frankly it's kind of a risk either way.

Chiara is no surprise, and bless her heart for being exactly the sort of caring, merciful person I know she is. Oh Chiara, you rock, never change Moonlight Bae, never change. In all seriousness, Chiara is exactly the sort of person who would give second chances, overlook betrayal, and offer the benefit of the doubt. We all know why.

Likewise, I expected nothing less from Liz and I respect her all the more for it. Let me give a self-indulgent example. I once wrote a scene where the Circle of Khanna was discussing a rogue Lethifold that had attacked Luca, and Liz argued that it was simply trying to feed itself. Because that's her. That's who she is. She's empathetic and understands the perspective of other creatures. Including wild, ornery Merulas.

Jae is fairly straightforward. He's had dealings with the shadier folk in the Wizarding World, in Knockturn Alley and such. I'd reckon he's much more likely to give Merula a second chance for that reason. He knows how it feels to skirt close to that line, and if anyone could tell the difference between the morally gray and the truly wicked, Jae could. Merula's no Dark Witch, not really, and I bet Jae can tell.

Diego is no surprise either. He's one of the only people in The Circle who genuinely thought of Merula as a friend. Unless they included some dialogue indicating that he felt horribly betrayed by this, having Diego vote any other way would have been downright odd.

Finally, Barnaby. He's treated simply enough by the writers, but this is still the right move for him, it's in his character. Merula was his friend once, and in general, he's an open hearted and forgiving person. While he's not as gullible as he used to be, I can definitely see him choosing to spare Merula rather than cast her out.

As for those who voted to ban her?

As far as banning goes, Corey is no surprise. This is personal for them and Merula is the reason they came within an inch of death. (I mean, for all they know, right?) They endured a traumatic experience with R because of her, so fair enough.

Charlie and the Weasleys in general are kind of whatever. Not to be dismissive of them, but they're only here for obligation and fanservice. (Apart from Bill.) This story isn't about them. And being blood traitors who detest Slytherin, The Dark Arts, and betrayal in general, this is no surprise.

Now Talbott, that is interesting. I would have half expected him to appear in the former list. Like Chiara, he has his own experiences and reasons for having a unique perspective on lawbreaking. However, he's also got history with Merula. True, his TLSQs are optional, but I think we can still treat them as canon in this instance. Either Talbott spared Merula once before, and she just blew that second chance, or, he already chose not to trust her once before, and is making the same choice again. Either way, it does work.

Andre. Hmm. Not much to say about this one. He's had such little interaction with Merula at all, to a large extent. I'm sure at least a few of these character's votes were influenced by the writers needing this vote to result in a tie, and though it's a bit cynical, I expect Andre was one of the people who could have gone either way for that reason.

Ben. I've talked about this at length before (and likely will again) but our poor boy is spiraling right now. MC and Merula have been the only people he's trusted at all since the night Rowan died, and now he has reason to believe he can't trust either of them. That puts the fate of The Circle entirely in his own hands. The other members of the chain of command are no longer to be trusted. MC at the very least, cannot be impartial about R, and Merula? She's a damn traitor. Of course he wants her out.

Now, of all the votes, Tonks is the one who truly surprised me, and disappointed me at the same time. Because Merula was hoodwinked into an impossible situation, and it's all the work of her wicked aunt, a Dark Witch. I kind of feel like maybe, just maybe, Tonks should be able to sympathize here? The parallels between Verucca and Bellatrix feel like a fairly obvious comparison to make here, but Tonks seems to go in the opposite direction. It's as though she's thinking "I have an evil aunt as well, and I never joined her cult, so there's no excuse for Merula doing the same in her circumstances." Which is a valid take, the problem is just that the situations are completely different. Tonks had people to protect her and raise her right. Merula was at Verucca's mercy.

Most of these votes make sense. There are a few shockers, but by in large, I'm just reacting as a biased Merula stan.

[dkskaoaalal]

Yeah i tried again as soon as I sent that message and it loaded for me haha x]

And thank you. I'm serious.

I miss you. It feels like I'm never going to stop wanting you to feel the way i feel about you about me. I'm never going to forgive myself for not being able to believe that you loved me when you actually did. My stupid brain really did everything to convince me that you didn't want to really be with me, and it wasn't until after I totally blew my chance with you that I realized that, especially in the beginning, you did actually have feelings for me. I just so badly wish I could have believed that I was worthy of being loved when it was actually happening. I don't even believe I'm worth it now, but I feel this regret about the fact that I could have been happy but I wouldn't let my guard down. I just couldn't let myself believe that anyone, especially you, could actually want to be with me. And now I know that I'm not worth it, and that it's my own fault and that there's no going back. And I / definitely/ know that even if you gave me another chance, it would be because you feel sorry for me and not because you magically got feelings for me again. Like i want you to love me again, but I would just end up putting you through what I already did before and that's not fair to you. I don't know how to be someone who can be loved. It all just seems like it's out of obligation and I'll always tell myself that's the case, and if anyone actually genuinely wants to love me, I won't be able to believe it and ill ruin things by admitting that. No one wants to be with me, and even if they think they do, I'm never going to be able to not remind them that I'm not worthy of love and that they should just move on. And they will because it's true. Ill just keep going with it. "You hang out with me because you feel sorry for me." "Youre dating me because you feel sorry for me" "you're marrying me because you have to"

I cant just let someone have feelings for me. If they don't, they're right. If they do, they're not seeing everything that's wrong with me. And while I wish i could believe that i could be loved despite my faults, I just have this need to warn people. Hey, i know you think you love me, but I'm irritating and desperate and neurotic and i am who i am and I dont think you realize that yet, so you should stop loving me now because its what's best for each of us.